| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:43:01 PM | "Also, women tend to make their relationships out to be 100 times more magical than it really is. They cry for a guy that cheated on them or treated them poorly, missing the fantasy and not the reality."
mthomjmark,
That is a very dead on truth for many of us women. I've said time and time again how I miss my last BF even though he turned into a huge manipulator. I follow it up with, "No, I don't miss him; I miss who I thought he was".
Very good comment.
Liz | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/19/2008 8:40:24 PM | "Also, women tend to make their relationships out to be 100 times more magical than it really is. They cry for a guy that cheated on them or treated them poorly, missing the fantasy and not the reality."
mthomjmark,
That is a very dead on truth for many of us women. I've said time and time again how I miss my last BF even though he turned into a huge manipulator. I follow it up with, "No, I don't miss him; I miss who I thought he was".
Very good comment.
Liz
************
Thanks Liz; It shows a lot of character to say what you did. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/19/2008 8:54:25 PM |
"No, I don't miss him; I miss who I thought he was".
Right on the mark with that comment. Applies to both genders at times.
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:08:21 AM | | oh boy do i know how u feel. Lose contact for now if he calls u i just wouldnt answer it hes probably doing it because he knows it hurts you my ex placed pictures on his facebook of his new girl and him he was on top of her in the pictures licking her kneck or something and other pictures that just killed me not to mention only after 2 weeks of being broken up out of a 2 and a half year relationship with a 1 and a half year old daughter. things like that hurt like hell not talking to him after a while started helping it was really hard at first the first night i moved out i ended up calling him and talking on the phone with him and that made it harder when i actually felt good about not talking to him he called me at 3 in the morning telling me he thought he mighta made a mistake so of course i went there the next day when dropping off our daughter which i usually dont go to do cuz i was trying to keep distance from him but i went there i ended up back at square on i feel good not talking to him but when i do talk to him im right back at square one again and its really hard if you can you should just not talk to him since i have a kid with my ex its hard not to alot of times because of her | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/21/2008 5:08:04 AM | | Katie, if it hurts that much and he knows it, there's only one explanation: it's being done on purpose to hurt you. My advice is roughly the same as everyone else's. The best "revenge" you can gain is by moving on to someone else. Ignore his calls and e-mails, hard as it may be, and start looking towards a new guy. I mean it, pump up your profile and actively start looking. Even if the new relationship doesn't work out, it's better than sitting there crying over that guy who didn't even value you as a friend enough to abide by your wishes in airing his personal (dating) life. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:41:13 AM | "...he likes to tell me who he is dating, etc. I have told him repeatedly that I'd rather not hear about that, but he does it anyways.... Well last night he called and told me he's seeing someone now. He said, "I know you don't want to know."
OP: Your Ex is obviously torturing you! What a sick, twisted thing to do! Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this?!
Change your number/contact info & sever all ties with him immediately & NEVER-EVER talk to him again! | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:11:54 AM | | I think a good rule of thumb about staying friends with exes is whether you're okay hearing about people they're dating. If not, best not to be friends. Eventually, they will move on and possibly even get married--you cannot avoid that reality. It sounds to me like you are still hanging on to the relationship (and still being intimate with him) under the guise of "he's not ready yet." And he is at very least being insensitive to your feelings, if not playing with them. If it were me, I'd walk away and not look back. If it is meant to be, he will come back. But maybe you will have moved on at that point. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:49:13 AM | Actually, we just saw each other once this last year. He moved away, and while we have talked, we didn't see each other at all. That was a month ago. He never pressured me to see him or really tried to see me. I went to see him on a whim, and he and I did have a good time. But it's obvious that it didn't mean the same thing to him that it did to me.
I told him not to contact me again, since all he was doing was hurting me by telling me about someone new. He got upset, but I know he won't call me again. So there's nothing else I can do but try to forget and move on. I am still upset that he would not stop telling me about his love life when I asked him not to. I just don't think he understood why it hurt me or didn't care. It's a moot point now.
And to those who say I remember it as more magical than it was. I really don't. I remember that we had some very good times and then he became very depressed. It was very good at one time with him, but I can't keep someone from being depressed with his life. So I'm not remembering it different than it was. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:59:51 AM | He is just being a bas**rd, and make sure he knows it too.
He is sure of you enough to know that he was going to hurt you. Change your number and move that will teach the idiot not to play with your emotions, nasty man Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/21/2008 11:10:33 AM | I'm sorry you are going through this... you tried to be friends with this guy, but if he truly respected you as a person and as a friend, he would have listened to you the FIRST time you told him to stop telling you about his exes. He is only doing it to get a rise out of you, maybe this is his way of gaging your feelings for him - he wants to keep you on the back burner. Or perhaps he is really that stupid and doesn't realize he's hurting you by doing this, but my guess is its just to get a rise out of you for his own satisfaction. A true friend would not treat you this way!
I think you were absolutely right to tell him not to contact you. My ex and I are trying to salvage a friendship after a HUGE blow up 2 nights ago, and oddly enough the blow up was about disrespect (and a misunderstanding). There HAS to be a mutual respect between 2 people to be friends, especially if its an ex. He is not respecting you - I say sever all ties to him. Eventually he will realize what a prick he was being. And you deserve so much better!! | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/22/2008 4:19:59 AM | | you were right! he doesnt respct you. you asked him to not tell you about him seeing someone and he does it anyways! plus how can you truely be friends with someone who you feel so strong for. i would have let him go. ive been through it and trust me i didnt heal till i let him go! good luck! i also agree with mthomjmark! he states the whole truth and nothing but the truth. he is toturing you., friends dont do that to friends. plus why put yourself to feell used when he does move on to someone else. you only put yourself through this and it wont be better till you tell him goodbye! good luck! | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:32:52 PM |
My ex bf and I have been friends for almost a year since we broke up. I keep him at a distance really because he likes to tell me who he is dating, etc. I have told him repeatedly that I'd rather not hear about that, but he does it anyways. About a month ago, I went to see him. It was amazing to see him, and we had an absolutely great time. I spent the night and came back home. He told me so many times how great it was to see me. I knew that we would not get back together, though. First of all, we don't even live in the same city anymore. But he just wasn't in the right place in his life. Well last night he called and told me he's seeing someone now. He said, "I know you don't want to know." I told him that it was hurtful to tell me when I have begged him to not tell me about his personal life. I got upset and started crying. I told him to just not call me since he apparently doesn't realize how much this hurts me. He said that he didn't think I'd be hurt by this and react this way. How did he think I would react to the news of him seeing someone else when he knows I still care about him?
Was I right to just tell him never to call me again and to just leave me alone? I feel I have to do this, or he will just keep hurting me. He acted like I was just getting upset for no reason, but I have repeatedly asked him to stop telling me about other women. I told him, if we are going to be friends, let's just leave the personal dating stuff out of this. Why would he do this to me, knowing it would hurt me?
First off what do you mean exactly that he wasn't in the "right place" at that time in his life. Is this coming from what you said or what he said?
From personal experience I have a female friend I really love. We have grown close a bit more than friends. I've mentioned to her that I like her more than a friend, yet she always seems to be running after other guys just for the mere fact that they are foreign. Then she comes back my way when things don't work out, knowing that I love her more than just a friend. Maybe she just gets a kick out of toying with me who knows, or has some ego trip about someone she has on the line. Yet I don't believe she will ever be mature enough to actually be serious relationship material of any kind any time soon.
So my advice to you is either try to really progress the relationship, letting him know you want more.... if it doesn't work out might be best just to cut him loose because it's going to do more damage to you by keeping on waiting for the other to finally "come around". You'll be waiting there for a long time. There's the saying that "nice guys finish last..." well should be more like "nice people finish last..." because it applies to both genders. They will spend all their time running around for someone else until they finally realize that the very person they were seeking was in front of them the whole time. Then come to you after you moved on and it's too late. Trust me I know from experience... | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:03:55 PM | I can relate- I live in a different town from my ex and slept with him one night when I was home. (it was great) I started fantasizing about getting back together with him, but after that all he would talk to me about was his various fetishes and trying to get me to have phone sex with him.
I tried several times to engage him in some other kind of conversation, to no avail. I have no idea if he was doing it to hurt me, or if his brain has turned to mush from doing nothing but watching internet porn and he can't even hold a normal conversation anymore.
Either way, no reason to keep talking to him, done! No more contact. It's definitely for the best! | |
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kgrl08
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Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 39 | |
| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:15:48 PM | | I really Liked the posting and can relate to that"I Miss What I Thought he Could Be" I was hurt physically,mentally,emotionally by my ex,at the same time I lost my mother to cancer,It has been a difficult time,all I needed was alittle support and he could not be there for me,it has gotten so ugly,restraining orders on each other,his due to fact he has moved in skanky woman with him,guess she likes abuse,and she the one he cheated on me with too,Iam sure she thinks he the best,I did too at one time when I met him,then change and then the hurt,mean and cruel things done to me,there is a song "Better as a memory than as your man" and Iam tryin so hard to move away from the pain,wounds left by this man and also grieve for my mother,Iam in healing stage and very hard for me to even think about dating again asI have so much guard up around me,hope that Love does come my way again,But it will take me time... | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:28:03 PM | | Mark Funky Mark is absolutely right! The ex is tormenting you. He obviously still cares about you, but does not have the guts to be honest. I would dump the ex, because he is not your friend. He is a sore ex-boyfriend. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:06:12 PM | | The guy is doing it because he is trying to hurt you. You said you've told him time and again, yet he continues. Cut the ties. He's an ass and is trying to get even at you for some perceived notion of revenge. Take some time for yourself, then go out there (putting that whole mess behind you) and meet a few guys that aren't asses that will respect you. Plain and simple. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:32:40 PM | the same thing happened to me but with my husband,he cheated on me we found out about it(the kids and I) and kicked him out for three weeks. Then i felt so lonely and insecure that I took him back .He became an animal,he was an alcoholic to begin with but he drank every night 7 days a week and called me everything under the sun,and still kept on cheating with her . I kept catching him talking to her on the phone at 3am in the garage in his bathroom with the door locked or from work .Then one day i asked him if he still spoke to her and he said every day and night , That was it i woke up told him i was done kicked him out and called a lawyer that day. I haven't regretted it yet I should have done it years ago. EVery thing is getting better with time and now when i step back and look at the real picture of what i put up with i'm ashamed for letting him get away with that . No ***hole is worth that . So my advice is step back and think about everything he is doing to you and ask yourself do you really want to keep living like that .Trust me I'm not and you won't be either .
You did the right thing ,Have nothing to do with him . Absoulutely not even one phone call .Just pretend like you never knew him because you probably never did. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 5/27/2008 2:30:19 PM | | sweety your far better cutting all ties and moving on. i know myself how hard it is when an ex seems to have no idea what hurt he's doing by discussing his ex at great lenght. i eventually moved on and 'lost his number' . sometimes it's the only way. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:08:04 PM | | i'm sorry that's a tough one. you obviously still care about him and he obvoiusly doesn't feel the same and is not sensitive enough to help the situation or one could surmise he does it purposely. moving on would be best. good luck ! | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:18:04 PM | | He's stroking his own ego at your expense. Good for you for telling him not to contact you again. You don't need that poison in your life. It will be easier not to "spend the night" again if you two stay out of contact too, so I think it's a good thing for everyone. | |
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kgrl08
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Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 47 | |
| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:40:52 PM | | I probably do still care,I spent 2yrs with this man,then to lose my mother,and he not be there for me,I so wanted to hold onto something familiar,even at the expense of it bein bad for me,and to have him drop me for another,it was low blow,and I so needed him to comfort me,and I guess he was not able to do that,losing my mom,I had no control,just wanted to hold onto this man for a familiar thing left in my life,its been so hard,if only we could have communicated,but its over and I must go on,my heart breaks still... | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:30:45 PM | | when you broke up with him, that should have been the end of it. no more communication, no more visiting. nothing. over. done. finito. 86'd. | |
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