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 commonsens_reloaded
Joined: 8/10/2011
Msg: 51
Open MarriagePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Yeah, I LOVE the ones who reply " I was in a open relationship for x amount of years"

Key word : WAS.

Now it's dead, a failure, lives with the do-dos, history, out the door, sleeping with the fishes.
How comes, that , according to them, the "perfect" setting could even die!?!

Couples who take on that avenues are using an easy CHEAT and are simply fooling themselves: it ALWAYS end up with the death of the couple, sooner or later! , might takes weeks, months or even years depending how of an ostrich the individuals are, but it will die.

Why?

Simply because they use external variables instead of facing reality of the situation, working harder to change themselves, changing their couple internal dynamics and/or creates new methodology within their couples.

When I see a "married" person who is in an open relationship, I just see an weak amoral fool that have no place anywhere near me.
 Wrenchturner
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 52
Open Marriage
Posted: 9/9/2011 3:58:47 AM
You cannot "talk" people into accepting an open marriage. Look for others in a similiar situation rather than searching with the general populice. Most people are conventional in their thinking, even in our so called permissive society. Seek out like minded individuals and don't even bother trying to persuade the hesitant or disinterested that being a third in an open marriage is a good idea.

Lets face it, unless they too are in an open relationship, it really ISN'T a great deal for the other party. They will never be the primary partner and no matter how inclusive you try to be with a sexual partner who is not your SO they will always be on the outside looking in on a pre-existing relationship. Most people who have no SO of their own are not going to be satisfied to play second fiddle for long, or at all and you can hardly blame them.
 friendofwomen570
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 53
Open Marriage
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:27:01 PM
I agree with you and applaud you for being there for her if she wants another man.

Why does everybody but their noses in someones business anyway? And why would your opinions have any effect on what he does? I have the same arrangement, and I will explain... My wife was being molested by her father when she was 12yo and had went to court and they let the **stard go home with three other sisters, and put her in a foster home. They sent her back home a few months later. Now she was 16yo when I went to visit her, as her cousin was going up there and I followed to be company on the trip, 256miles away. when we got there I saw how they were living and found the whole story, I sort of had a crush on her even though I was 21yo. Then I talked to the mother who asked me to get her out of the home and take her back to Long Island where I lived, and the mother said she would sign the permission form for her to marry her daughter, but the father would not sign, unless I got a moving truck to help them move. So I married her and moved the family, but still was being stalked by the father an animal in his world. We moved back to where the family lived in PA, and we still live here. We have been married for 32 years as swingers because of the insecurity of being co-dependant on me since her molestations, and she has PTSD from this and now has Bi-polar and has depression. We never had a teen life in dating and she dropped out of school when she got married, she has trouble when we have sexual relations because I think it's because she sees me as a implanted father figure that saved her from hell, so that how we got into swinging years ago. Now we are in an open marriage with safe sex with substitute partners so she wont have to replay her whole life over again. She tried to deal with her feelings but if you know anything about PTSD you would understand the situation we are dealing with, she goes to specialists for her recovery, but still has little recovery, I try not to force her to be obligated by marriage and deal with it with her our way. We have a 15yo daughter who knows her mothers problems and understands and also deals with it. We don't go looking for divorce or separation because we do love each other as a family, and as family we don't have intercourse like other family members wouldn't. We only work with what we were dealt with, and has not hurt us, but has helped her to have her desires of a woman who has needs like other woman, and a husband who doesn't leave her for her problems. She also has missed her childhood and proms and dates, and has a hole in her life and needs to have the space to find herself. She is confused and in a dark space, as she is trying to find out what she has been missing in her life. She had no choice to not get married but that is how life works sometimes, you just have to make lemonade when all you have is lemons. I have not been a good husband as I had issues as anyone else would in this situation, but if I did not intervene then what would her life be like then. If being married and having an open marriage is regarded as sinful, then what was the reason of God being absent in her life when all this was going on. I say incest was a worse sin and was not asked for in this sinful world. Maybe I was sent by God to pull her from the fire at the time, and this is what was planned for her life to be saved, who knows? Well this is enough of an explanation the did not need to be told, but I felt someone had to show people how different things happen to different people. So if you want to stone someone for what they do, make sure you are without sin, and judge not, and ye shall not be judged, this is between us and our God, and no man can be better then another to judge him. At least I don't beat up my wife, or stay out late with the boys. I am a good father and a good husband in the sense that she is taken care of. Even if I fell in love with another woman, or she fell in love with another man, I would still be in her life, and no-one can stop me, because our love for each other is a special memory that will never die, and that is another reason we are open marriage, is because she does not know what love is, and has a right to find it no matter how she does it. I don't intend on keeping any woman against her will if she decides to start a new life, because she has the fear of what would happen if I died and she would be alone because she is co-dependant on me, but that was not our fault. I am 57 and she is 52, so it may not be far off of me not being there to pick up the pieces, I just want her to be happy and content. I also ask God not to punish her for what she was dealt. And to forgive me for any harm I may have caused in my life and others.
 onehappyfellow
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 54
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Open Marriage
Posted: 5/10/2012 8:56:51 AM
Many variations possible that will not appeal or even be acceptable to all. Go with what works for you and hope if works out.

Variety IMO is a plus
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