| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:36:16 PM | Sorry but to deny yourself and another person no sex until MARRIAGE is like going swimming with no water. I would run. Would not even waste my time.
AHHH... religions....the power to control the sheep....to suck up the money and build a biggest and best house for the creator. A place to spend 100's of thousand if not millions of dollars for a place of brick or wood. Alot of money to waste on looking good and not helping others that could use some help.
So anyone says that "I can't because my religion says so" you are just a sheep that is blind and follow whatever someone else tells you insead of learning what this universe is all about and what the Creator gives us each day.
But that is YOUR choice and that is OK...mine is to live and love not be told how sorry I am and I am going to hell. To those I'll see you on the other side. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:36:52 PM | I don't see a conflict in not having sex out side of marriage when you already have kids.
Not a double standard, just a change in standards due to a change in beliefs perhaps. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:42:33 PM | | I can't really speak from experience {never been married,} but I think you should do whatever you want. The right guy will think you're worth waiting for, and such a rule may indeed weed out the people who only want a physical relationship with you. Pretty much anyone who's answering this topic with "I wouldn't waste my time on you" is a good example of this. You don't think it'd be worth it? Fine, somebody else will. I'm assuming this is about your beliefs, since you already have kids. And why let random people you don't know change your beliefs. Do whatever you want! | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:00:33 AM |
I am a single mother, not a virgin, but for emotional and religious reasons I have decided to go for no sex outside of marriage. Basically anything past 'first base' is not an option. I had one guy who told me that was 'stupid' since I was not a virgin and had been married before.
how are you going for no sex outside of marriage, when you've already had sex outside of marriage?? | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:49:24 AM | If I took drugs in 1980, would you ask me why I don't take them now? If I voted democrat in last election does that mean I cant vote republican? If I used to recycle does that mean I still have to do it. People are not monuments cut in stone, their ideas and beliefs evolve.
how are you going for no sex outside of marriage, when you've already had sex outside of marriage?? - If you think about what you just posted it is not actually logical.
If I did some pro-bono work does that mean I have to work for free all my life? If I did a bit of tax evasion once does it mean I should do my best to never pay tax again? Of course not. So if I have had sex does it mean I must continue to have sex regardless of the context? of course not. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:17:53 AM | Hi Chioneso
From your last post it is clear to me that you are a well considered person and think a good deal about your actions.
I agree with you in that we evolve, sometimes whether or not we are aware of it. The very act of posting and reading in these forums show we are willing to be persuaded, come a good and sound argument.
Like you I have come out of a marriage and mine was a long one. However the process of disentangling ourselves was so painful and so fraught in the legal process that personally I would not take the risk of discovering that I would not be sexually compatible with my new husband on the wedding night. And you would be right to guess that sexual satisfaction and compatibility is important to me. It might be that it is not as important to you and your future partner. We are not all the same and have different wants and needs at different stations in our lives.
I feel sure you would come to a decision appropriate to your 'evolution' at that point in time and wish you the best. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:58:18 AM | There is no way I would marry someone I have not had sex with. Sex is too important to a strong relationship to find out after you get married that you are not compatible.
I also would not marry someone with who did not share my sexual taste, etc.
If you want to wait that is your perogative but I would be concerned about a man that shares your viewpoint. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:06:42 AM | Here's a question for the OP ~
Would you be ok w/ NO physical contact of any sort until marriage? No kissing, no hugging, no warm embraces....no 'first base"?
If your answer is yes, then you are at least internally consistent & I can't find logical fault w/ that.
If your answer is "No, I want a full relationship leading up to marriage, just no sex until then."...then I'd question why you think some intimacies are natural, but want the right to decline others. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:09:20 AM | What I think is that you should prepare to be single a very long, long, time.
Theres few men who would put up with that. I'm not sure that even the few who would put up with that would even be a match for you. Its not even the fact that you would like to remain celibate, moreso the fact that you state this very clearly right from the get go. The vast majority of men out there would read this as a major red flag - not the fact that you want to remain celibate, but make it a point to have any possible prospects know this right from the start. It really would put off any decent man, even the ones with the very best of intentions believe me. Actually to me, not being overly critical here, but your profile does not shed the best light on you, if I were to be completely blunt sounds to me like your the emotionally unstable type. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:54:16 AM | I think that requirement is absolutely ridiculous, even for a young woman who has some fairy tale notion that saving her virginity for marriage is un realistic.
You have already had sex and are more mature so what is the point in the no premarital sex rule?
Someone with that sort of rule makes me run for the hills becasue she is using sex as a tool to get something, in this case, marriage. What are your "rules" for sex frequency after you hook some guy into marriage, once per week, once per month or birthday and Christmas only. Would you buy a car before test driving it?
Do you even like sex for yourself?
I say you should have less rules and put out more, you might even have fun. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:05:11 AM | Yeah, there are very few women in this world who could probably say that to someone and have their man be faithful. Adrianna Lima comes to mind, as she is a virgin with your same stipulations. So are you a supermodel too? | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 1:49:55 PM | My thought would be that sex is a very big part of a romantic relationship with someone. It's importance determined by the importance of sex to a person, but it seems to be always important to some extent. Thus, you are leaving a large or atleast sizeable portion of your relationship as an unknown till you have commited to a person. I find this unacceptable as it opens up sources of friction in the future and may undermine the longivity of the relationship, which is supposed to be permanent with marriage.
Note: I don't accept that good sex is automatic with someone you love and have made assumptions concerning such in my analysis. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:21:15 PM | Sex is really important to me, and I wouldn't be willing to date someone who wasn't going to have it with me, let alone marry someone I hadn't slept with.
But that's me. And you obviously have different needs. If you're honoring your own needs, and this is important to you, then you should have every right to decide for yourself what does and doesn't work for you. It'll narrow your dating pool, sure, but narrowing to more highly compatible people is not a bad thing. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:44:28 PM | Quite a thorough answer to address most of the replies I got (for which I am very grateful, regardless of the opinopn expressed)
Here's a question for the OP ~
Would you be ok w/ NO physical contact of any sort until marriage? No kissing, no hugging, no warm embraces....no 'first base"? My religious interpretation means that SEXUAL contact is not on the plate. The contact I would have with a friend/sibling e.g. would be the same level of physical contact.
I think that requirement is absolutely ridiculous Everyone is entitled to an opinion, I may also find your views 'ridiculous' people are allowed to hold different views.
fairy tale notion To some religious beliefs are 'fairy tale notions' but to others their convictions are the foundations on which they build their lives.
so what is the point in the no premarital sex rule? As I said before, it is in order to satisfy biblical commandments against fornication. Also emotional entanglements with men who are not life partners.
using sex as a tool to get something, in this case, marriage. That is an illogical conclusion. Marriage would be a result of mutual compatability in important viewpoints as well as personality and other things in common. Sex would be a celebration of the married state rather than a recreational tool.
What are your "rules" for sex frequency after you hook some guy into marriage, once per week, once per month or birthday and Christmas only. Would you buy a car before test driving it?
Do you even like sex for yourself?
I believe sex is for marriage. Once you are married anything goes. The Song of Solomon (a book in the bible) is actually very erotic and the whole book is a poem about married love and sex. I am a very tactile/sensual person and enjoy all kinds of sex.
Theres few men who would put up with that. I'm not sure that even the few who would put up with that would even be a match for you.
From this thread that is abundantly clear.
Its not even the fact that you would like to remain celibate, moreso the fact that you state this very clearly right from the get go. The vast majority of men out there would read this as a major red flag - not the fact that you want to remain celibate, but make it a point to have any possible prospects know this right from the start. It really would put off any decent man, even the ones with the very best of intentions believe me.
Well, I am quite a straight forward person. This sort of site works by playing the numbers game and I do not want to waste anyone's time. In the same way I would not like to find out someone is a smoker after a few dates I would not spring this major thing on someone as it would be unfair. I think they should decide at the outset if they are prepared at the outset to have a relationship without sex.
Actually to me, not being overly critical here, but your profile does not shed the best light on you, if I were to be completely blunt sounds to me like your the emotionally unstable type. Well, like I said, I am quite straight forward; I am a bit nerdy, bookish, trekkie, my dear friends know me to be rather eccentric at times but I have never been called emotionally unstable. I am not attractive to you in my profile which is statistically the most obvious outcome in any case. As I said in the profile I am not here to 'hunt for dates' I am just sort of observing.
It is very clear from this thread that to mainstream sensitivities premarital celibacy is abhorrent. There are dozens of sites which cater for Christians who follow what the bible says and respect the warning against extra marital sex. When I look for a partner I will go there. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:34:43 PM |
It will honor and please God.
OH! Someone who knows what god is thinking.
Did he happen to tell you what the next lottery numbers were while he was letting you in on his thoughts?
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:41:00 PM | I'm not sure if you can take internet opinions with anymore than a grain of salt. All you get on forums is people that have an opinion on the matter for the most part, such as myself. I doubt if most people have strong feelings rejecting celibacy compared to how many support it via religion.
I would reject it on before mentioned rational grounds not out of any abhorrence. Now, if sexual issues were a significantly low priority in characteristics for a mate then I would likely be in favor since sex can complicate and emotionally mask the reality of a relationship. Things can get very confusing very quickly because of sex. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:46:47 PM |
Well, I am quite a straight forward person. This sort of site works by playing the numbers game and I do not want to waste anyone's time. In the same way I would not like to find out someone is a smoker after a few dates I would not spring this major thing on someone as it would be unfair. I think they should decide at the outset if they are prepared at the outset to have a relationship without sex.
OP, I'm totally with you on this one. We clearly have different views of sex and religion, but one of the things I honor in a partner is up-frontness on these issues. If there are clear and obvious incompatibilities, isn't it better to know that from the get-go so you can search for someone more compatible? I think it really cuts down on potential hurt all the way around.
Kudos to you for knowing what you want and being able to say so, and best of luck in your search. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 3:43:04 AM |
OH! Someone who knows what god is thinking.
Did he happen to tell you what the next lottery numbers were while he was letting you in on his thoughts?
Millions of Christians believe God's clear and revealed will is available in the bible for anyone who is interested. In the issue of sex outside of marriage the bible is clear that to honour and please God a Christian will not do this. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 4:19:07 AM | I am a big believer and a practioner of being true to ones self, ones beliefs and values and respect a person when they our true to themselves. However I have also had enouph experience to know that adapting ones own values and beliefs to allow your partneer to do the same is at the very foundation of a relationship.
If she likes pie and I don't and everything else about us meshes I might just take up pie eating! | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:47:41 AM | My housemate is a widow and also what I consider very religious. She is devout, I guess the term is.
She has decided also to wait until marriage to have sex. She also knows that limits who she can or will date...but to her that is a good thing. She wants to be with someone who puts God first in their life and who is waiting until marriage because they believe that is the Bibilical thing to do.
Obviously she has been married before, but what does that have to do with her beliefs? Just because she is not a virgin doesn't mean she is obligated to have sex before marriage...
She is on POF but not active here. She is more active on bigchurch (I think that's the name of it) and eharmony. And actually....at this point she's just checking out the dating pool, not dating. (too fresh a widow still to date)
I think what it comes down to is being true to your beliefs - for ALL of us. If that means no sex w/strangers, then that's your belief. If it's no sex til marriage, that's a different one. If it's no sex w/animals, that is yet another one. LOL
It's been hard fo rmy housemate to accept that I am dating while still separated, not yet divorced. It's been hard for her to accept that I am fine w/having sex before marriage - in fact I sure as hell want to and may not ever remarry. LOL But she keeps her mouth shut and tries to respect that I have different beliefs than her. And in the same way, I dont' tell her that she should relax her standards. We are both allowed to believe what we choose to and we respect our rights to do that.
for you, OPie, the same is definitely true. You want to date a man who respects your beliefs and doesn't try to change you or your mind...and yes, that likely means going to a place like bigchurch or another christian dating site...or looking at guys in your church who are not married. But that's fine. Go to where your fish are swimming...
Kaylie | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:04:10 AM |
I had one guy who told me that was 'stupid' since I was not a virgin and had been married before.
He is right.
Why the need to be judgmental for this person's personal choice? | |
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