| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:45:24 AM | Re the Opost:
What do I think? What is my reaction?
1. It is a free world
2. I would run like Forrest, for many reasons.
3. This will indeed weed out ONS and players but may attract men who are no good in the sack, and after the marriage ceremony, surprises may arise! But then w all live with the consquences of our beliefs and choices. But we do not live in a vacuum!
Best of luck. Will be needed, IMO | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:27:42 AM | | I believe it's a personal choice and for the reasons you indicated it's what's best for yourself. Stick with your own personal values, beliefs, and morals. My best friend since I was a child is a virgin and in her 20s and she's waiting until marriage. So it's not uncommon to wait until marriage and I respect her decision as it's what she feels is best for herself based upon her religious beliefs and upbringing. The guy who called you "stupid" is obviously shallow and rude. There are men out there with the same perspective as you who prefer to wait until marriage. Are there social activities at your place of worship (church)? You may find like minded men there. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:46:07 AM | | OP, once married, will you also honor "God's will" by never using any form of birth control? I am just wondering if you are a fair weathered friend of "God" when it suits your needs, or will you continue to follow "his word" after marriage? | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:10:02 AM | msg 10
God, this makes me feel old... I don't even know what "first base" is...
First base is another name for letting the guy do anything he wants - Honest, trust me. Would a guy ever lie to you about something as imporant as this? | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:23:22 PM | | Pfft, forget it. There's no way I'd go into a marriage not knowing if me and my guy are sexually compatible or not. Imagine going into your wedding bed and finding out your husband only gets off on getting shat on. What a ****ing nightmare that'd be. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:45:40 PM | I see no reason to admire or to denigrate you...do what you want with your body but understand it will be "slim pickings" for you.
Don't assume though that you'll necessarily be compatible - maybe he's a nutcase and will want sex every night once you're married. Or maybe YOU will and he won't because he's the male counterpart of "frigid". Guess you won't know that until it's too late - oops - until you're married. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:57:43 PM | What do I think? I think the OP is going to be single for a long time! I don't argue with the way anyone wants to live their life; if it works for them, more power to them no matter how absurd I might find it, even if that includes retroactive virginity. I once dated a woman who was OK with intercourse (already had a child), even anal sex, but wouldn't engage in oral sex, giving or receiving, since she was saving that for marriage!  
The vast majority of men and women today will not even consider marriage unless they are sure of their partner's compatibility, and that includes the bedroom too. I don't see how such an important part of building a happy life together is something anyone could enter into blindly, but then again, if it works for them, that's their decision. Just don't expect it to work for me. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:36:18 PM | poster 83, if the guy "is a nutcase and will want sex every night after he is married" I really DOUBT he would be able to be patient enough to hold out beforehand.
Janet4ever had great advice...if OP does not do it her way, she will not be happy with herself and be resentful....... OP, you have the right to make this decision for yourself.
I can't believe I am saying this!!!!! But if it makes you happy then that is the path you must follow. Telling a guy upfront is the only way to go.
And poster 81, first base is basically only kissing!!!!! Now, who wants to explain the infield fly rule? | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:37:54 PM | | OP, stick to your beliefs and your principles. Many in this world will not agree with you, and you may face a lot of jeering and be very misunderstood in the process. But I'm of the "you'll weed out those incompatible with you" camp. Just because your dating pool of available men will shrink does not mean that you won't find someone who shares the same values and beliefs that you do. In fact, by eliminating those who don't understand and share your beliefs, you'll stop wasting time and be more likely to be ready for relationship when you do find the right person. Always be true to who you are. One word of advice, though, if you're going to continue dating from a pool/population who in general does NOT share your beliefs, be very ready to articulate your stance and your reasons to your potential partners, so that there is never an element of deceit in how you're approaching dating/relationships. I'm not saying that you need to share your entire philosophy of sex and marriage and morality on the first meeting, but certainly don't wait too long to do so, either. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:05:03 AM | You're not alone. There's a whole movement of women who have been there, done that, and burned the t-shirt. Read Dawn Eden's "The Thrill of the Chaste".
There's nothing like a little chastity for separating the sheep from the goats in about ten seconds flat. You stop wasting your time with guys who just want to get laid, that's for sure. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:07:44 AM |
Pfft, forget it. There's no way I'd go into a marriage not knowing if me and my guy are sexually compatible or not.
There's a little thing called "communication". You do it with stuff like words. Some people find it too difficult but others manage.
My prospective mate isn't a car to take for a test drive. He's a human being deserving of being treated like a person, not like a consumer good I'm considering purchasing. And I expect the same respect in return. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:09:13 AM |
OP, once married, will you also honor "God's will" by never using any form of birth control?
You only have a shallow concept of faith and sexuality. There's a great sermon on the Mars Hill Church web site. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:11:01 AM |
do what you want with your body but understand it will be "slim pickings" for you.
Yeah, no users who treat you like an old jockstrap. What a pitiful life, not to be dating any of them! | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:12:39 AM |
if the guy "is a nutcase and will want sex every night after he is married" I really DOUBT he would be able to be patient enough to hold out beforehand.
I'm a nutcase that wants sex every night after I'm married. I've been holding out for nearly a decade now. It's this thing called "self control". I think it's a major asset in all areas of life. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:13:38 AM |
In fact, by eliminating those who don't understand and share your beliefs, you'll stop wasting time and be more likely to be ready for relationship when you do find the right person.
BINGO! | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:25:31 AM | There's no way I'd go into a marriage not knowing if me and my guy are sexually compatible or not. Imagine going into your wedding bed and finding out your husband only gets off on getting shat on. What a ****ing nightmare that'd be.
Excuse my impertinence, but don't most people only get married when they have good communication in their relationship? Even without having actually had sex with your partner, you'd know about any "surprises" like that well in advance to make an at least somewhat-informed decision. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:36:06 AM | define what sexual encounters are first off ? there is more than one defintion i would say for starters.
1)masterbation
2)oral for all partners
3)intercourse
4)frindship sexual encounters
I'm technecly still married to my soon to be ex-wife, but we haven't seen each other in over 3 and a half years and we have both had seuxal encounters with other people.
To me marrage is just another set of goverment knowing who you ae living with, which is fine in its own way if you're into that type of stuff. It is also in a way the whole "god" issue for some of us which is fine in its own way as well,different level of being in realationship with something we have little knowledge about yet, just a 6th sense of life as we know it. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:18:20 PM | | OP good for you! Do what you want and don't let anyone change your mind. I'm somewhat the same, I'm a single mother (but was married to my son's father) and I thought that I wanted to wait until I was married again but I agree with others, I'd want to make sure that we got along in that area before we got married. I've only ever been with my ex and I'm proud of it, but I'd have to be in a committed relationship before having sex. I do get a lot of crap for it but I don't care. I've seen so many men and women hurt by people us just told them what they wanted to hear to get them in bed only to never talk to them again. Call me guarded or what ever but if someone is really into me then they're going to wait until I'm ready. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:59:29 PM | OP.....we all have choices....so you choose what works for you & don't worry about what others think.....you do not have to justify yourself to anyone.....if someone doesn't like or can't accept your desires than you know they are not for you....its part of the selection process.....not everybody is compatible for everybody....so by setting your boundaries & defining your standards you have determined the type of relationship you would like to have......nothing wrong with that.....
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:08:07 AM | | OP, this thread is evidence that if this is something you are serious about, you should endeavor to date Christians only. It will have to be a shared value. I would encourage you in it, and I've made the same commitment myself. But you know what, it's not easy. And as I'm sure you've noticed people are quick to judge, criticize and condemn for something that really they can't understand. Be patient and pray about it. And I wish you the best in everything. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:12:05 AM |
My prospective mate isn't a car to take for a test drive. He's a human being deserving of being treated like a person, not like a consumer good I'm considering purchasing
Uh - isn't that EXACTLY what dating is? If people are looking for something long-term or forever, dating IS the act of trying them out. You try them out to see how they might fit in your life, in social situations, with family, around your kids. You try them out to get a picture of their core values and beliefs and communication skills.
As for the OP - while sex is NOT everything... it certainly IS something. Its an important part of a close intimate relationship and I could never make a (marriage) committment without seeing how compatable we would be sexually. I think a lot of people think that 'love' will be enough and don't discuss their sexual wants/needs/fantasies, and that leads to resentment (and affairs) if one person has a very different view of sex than the other. | |
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