| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:38:57 AM | "Don't ever talk down about women who take advantage of situations like this. Guys, it's your fault for ALLOWING them to do it and get away with it, period."
I call bs on this, if you make the choice to manipulate someone and take advantage of generosity and kindness then you deserve flak.
If in some way i helped someone out then that person turned into an asshole and tried to manipulate then they would get either a verbal or literal ass kicking. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:46:54 AM | now wait.....let me get this straight.........you went out? she didn't want a relationship?she gets drunk and calls?comes over and cuddles???.........cuddles???..........first I want to sayI do not "cuddle" with my male friends , unless he is a friend with benefits kinda friend...........how old is she???.........she sounds to immature for a relationship, if she doesn't want a relationship thats fine but "cuddling" with you is sending mixed signals, you need to tell her just that!!!......if she wants to date then fine but if you are just friends then no cuddling.....that just causes me to have hard feelings LOL....especially if they like the girl and its obvious that you like her, and Darlin' she may have been "used" in the past ,we have all been there and done that, but don't let her use you, and yes you can make 4 hour trip with friends male or female( no cuddling and sleep in different beds),Darlin you are handsome don't let her play you, the cuddling thing is what got me.........lol....I can not get over that.......do you "cuddle "with your male friends?  good luck handsome | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:53:47 AM | It depends on what you are looking for and are comfortable with. I have a lot of male friends that I do all sorts of non sexual things with. I do become a little more affectionate when drunk, but always stop at the cuddling stage. If she can do this when drunk, then I doubt she feels any sexual chemistry. She doesn't sound like a "player" as she has consistently told you how she feels.
The way I know they are genuine friends is that they are there for me, and visa versa, before during and after we have relationships with others. There is sexual chemistry with some of them.... but we both respect the reasons why it can't go any further.
Our friendship is too important to lose because of the misconception that males and females cannot be friends only, if they are attracted to each other.
If you can enjoy her company as friends then go for it, but she can't be jealous if you meet someone else whilst being friends.... it would no longer meet the criteria.
OBTW my male friends are neither gay nor unmasculine . | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 1:21:47 PM | If you would be content being friends with this fishie -- carry on. If you really do want more, get the heck out, because playing it her way is going to put you in a world of hurt.
Personally, the drinking thing would have me outta there in one minute, flat. But then, I'm the mother of an alcoholic. . . .
Good luck!
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:25:52 PM | yup....and I was out with other girls the night I got the drunk call....asking to hang out...she starts cuddling....i go for the kiss.....and get shot down.........tell me I wasn't reading that one wrong??
I don't know | |
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kayla.
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Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 31 | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:33:20 PM | | A sure-fire way to stop the madness is to put the moves on her bigtime--kiss her or attempt to. If she accepts, you're in! If she doesn't, she prolly won't want to hang out with you any more. Either way, your dilemma is solved. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:19:55 PM | I am a woman so I know what am I speaking about.
Just get her even more drunk!
Honest, if you hung in with her for a while (without investing anything emotionally!) you will have an opportunity to bed her. Play cool, reply to every other call from her, not to every single one! Pretend you are not interested. She will chase you then.
But that is valid if you want just to bed her, if you are after smth deeper I am afraid playing will not help. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:22:02 PM | | Forget about her man...mind games like that aren't worth it. Leave her be and find one new. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:22:25 PM | Text you after she's been out drinking.
Meaning she didn't score at the bar, so she tried old reliable. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:20:20 PM | hope you meant you've seen the light on the the mixed signal sending ditz, and not the previous poster....
hnh
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:23:01 PM | | She told you just friends, and told you that again when you tried to kiss her. It sounds like she was pretty clear with you verbally, and expects that when she said "just friends," she meant "REAL friends." I'm not sure why you're so confused here. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:30:36 PM | ahhhh drunk calls in the middle of the night to 'hang out'??? wanting to cuddle whenever we're alone???
those aren't mixed signs???
i'm probably the dumb one here for mixing crap up | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:39:04 PM |
ahhhh drunk calls in the middle of the night to 'hang out'??? wanting to cuddle whenever we're alone???
those aren't mixed signs???
i'm probably the dumb one here for mixing crap up
Okay, I can see that.
If she's told you a couple times, "just friends," then I'd assume that's what she means. Because either she does, or she's playing games and you're better off not dating her. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:45:00 PM | | Women who turn their male friends into cuddle partners - only when they want it - send very mixed messages and are very selfish! They are using men - without care for their feelings and desires! Best to move on from such a woman - they will only break your heart and 'cause strife! | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:51:52 PM | ugh she's doing THAT THING some girls do!!! some like to keep a potential mate on the backburner, well that just is what it is. If the dude wants to simmer, so be it. But some other girls LOVEEEEEEEE a boy to LOVEEEEEEEE them LOL, and take a perverse delight in being amazinggggg and charminggggg and look how fabulous I am and you can't have me isn't it horrible and don't you kind of want to kill yourself over me.......yah, they do that!!!
girls suck sometimes!!! | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:28:38 AM | Cut/Paste #2: Consider the source before taking anyone's advice.
Notice that when someone posts a question to men or women about their sex, the man or woman responding usually talks only about what they themselves think or would do.
Thus, a man/woman looking to attract a 20-25 yr old hot blond / hot doctor/lawyer/male model with no kids is not likely to get good advice from a 45 yr old 200lb divorced woman with two kids / 7-11 clerk living in mom's basement.
I guess the projections a 29 yro male will make are going to be different from a 43 yro(and damn proud of it too) woman. Weighing in incidentally at 55kg who owns her own home and has been a former business consultant for 10 years with a good bit of study behind her as well. Svj2 if you think you are up to a game of sit ups I am fairly confident I will match you easily boy. If you think you can go rounds with me on knowledge you are likely to lose too, probably a benefit of years? You probably weigh more than I do, and I doubt you own your own home outright as I do.
Funny thing is - we all respond on the basis of what we think ourselves...duh.
This whole concept of a woman having to throw herself at the feet of a man at the first snap of his ugly fingers - you can keep it. Some of us have integrity, some class, patience and just a bit of intelligence to not rush into something like a fool.
Thanks for the frozen chook Kyn! | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:30:29 AM | Modern Gent you are her cuddle b!tch. She already has some guy that fcuks raw, but then he kicks her out of bed. She's using you for the cuddles she really wants from him. She'll never see you as a sexual being. You are like a brother to her.
You should dump her. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:31:56 AM | Here is what you need to do to forever ingrain into her mind that she should never act like this again.
Step 1: Call a friend and give him her number to call her when you give him the signal. Make sure it is a friend that she does not know. We'll say the signal is you calling him.
Step 2: His job is to then call her cell phone and say something along the lines of "I just got a call that your Mom/Dad/brother/sister/pet poodle was in a bad accident and you need to go to X hospital at once."
Step 3: Tell the girl that you are going to take her to a mall that is about 1-2 hours away for a day of shopping because you think she is such a great friend. Bring a digital camera with you.
Step 4: Drive to the mall, but park a good distance away from the entrance to the mall. Make sure you park in a straight shot from the doors. Walk in together.
Step 5: Once you get a little into the mall, say that you forgot something in your car and tell her to wait right there for you. Proceed to walk out to your can.
Step 6: Call your friend and tell him it's go time. Start your engine.
Step 7: Pull out your digital camera and zoom in on the door to the mall. Wait for her to run with that horrified look out of the doors.
Step 8: Take a few choice pictures, roll down your window, and pull out. Make it so that you can hear her screams of desperation.
Step 9: Drive home, all the while ignoring your cell phone.
Step 10: Go home and print the pictures out. It won't take her too long to figure out it wasn't for real. Proceed to post the pictures anywhere you can online. Make sure to email her one with an attachment saying "That'll teach you to string me on in the friends zone."
Step 11: Deny that it ever happened if your mutual friends call you. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:33:31 AM | Just for OP...and not some other idiot here...
This is Me.....56 years old, overweight, divorced, one adult offspring, superviser at a job (not 7-11) and live in my own home that aforesaid idiots apartment could fit into my living room.
This is My Feelings on the Subject....the cuddle part is what stops me. Otherwise, I'd say hang with her and see if your friends and her mix. Then, see if her friends and you mix. Then see if everyone mixes...sort of. Like someone else said...she may lead you to the right one....one of her friends.
One of my guy friends asked me to spend the night...just to cuddle! I declined and told him why. We'd really go to bed just to cuddle...then morning would come around. I'd roll over, encounter that pointy thingy and have to fix it. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:58:57 AM | While we are at it asking the ladies... here's a scenerio would like some advice/perspective from you ladies =)
First scenerio: A woman is good friend with a guy for a while. She has been belittled by most people in her life up to this point. She comes crying to a friend. A friend does what any friend would do, encourage their friend that they are not as worthless as they think they are. Saying that what the friend has said has touched them so deep in a good way that they are without words.... didn't know anyone could care so much. Both friends are the kind that speak up about absolutely anything, especially if there is something they don't like so no secrets. There has been no arguments of any kind. Then one day she does a complete 180 writes an email saying how it hurt so much that anyone could know her on such a personal level, that she wished that she couldn't feel emotion,etc... , suddenly all the encouragement she recieved is being viewed as negative. Trying to ask her anything about it just keeps getting the same response of how she never asked for help to begin with...
Obviously when someone just keeps repeating the same line like that, they are lying to try and cover up what really is going on. Now I think it was her being guarded emotionally for a while. She really wanted to feel alot of love from someone and be able to feel love like that for them. Then one day she did let down her guard and realized that the person really did love her more than anyone she has known, and also realizing that she loved them back. Yet I think fears of past failed relationships that left her alone got the best of her so she ended up trying to retreat and safeguard herself from possible emotional hurt. Now I may be wrong ladies, but from your perspective how likely is it that I am close to what might have happened? And if it be the case what happened and you were the woman in the situation, how would you have the guy try to fix it? All I can think is giving her time and space to come to terms, been emailing one letter a week so not to seem like it's crowding her as it seems like it would make her retreat furthur to contact her a bunch more.... | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:00:53 AM | Perhaps you should be very open and honest with her. Tell her that you like her and would like to "date" each other to see where it goes. Perhaps you should also tell her that you do not want to just be her "snuggle" bunny when she decides she doesn't want to be alone or is lonesome. You are the only one who can control that situation by not agreeing for her to come over for only that reason. If you can accept the fact that the two of you can just date, then do it. But, there is no rule in the dating book that says you have to invite her to your home.
I would ask to be introduced to and participate in some fun activities with her friends, such as when they all go out for the evening. If you like, do introduce her to your friends and she how she responds to them and them to her. Sometimes your friends may see characteristics in her that you had not seen. This may open your eyes a bit more into the type of person she is.
Good luck... | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:04:58 AM | When her lips move, she says "just friends."
There's your answer.
Maybe in the meantime, she likes to be a tease and have your attention. More? Not happening. | |
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| be smart
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:52:00 AM | i didnt read all answers but this is from old fart who knows women.
guy,she can say anything she wants and you dont have to listen as women always play games. your objective is to bed her as my understanding not much love involved. play her game,it means you have to invest in second bedroom--after all she is your friend,right? and you care,right? i see she gets drunk and it means your chances are 100% as drunk women belong to any man who is around. she probably,just probably, dont like you much but couldnt meet the guy she want.
play her game!!!!!! | |
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