| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:19:00 PM | 1) 7,387...buh-bye
2) 1,286...buh-bye
3) 2,306...buh-bye
4) 7...not willing to admit addictions and seek/accept help? - buh-bye | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:45:26 PM | 1. Cheating 10: In my opinion if you are going to be in a relationship, be in that relationship. If you start looking elsewhere, end it and move on. Don't go behind their back just so you can go screw someone you really don't care that much about. It's really disheartening to see your girlfriend out of the blue bent over the couch having a quickie with someone who you thought was your friend while you were thought to be in the other room just because she wanted some dirty sex or something. It's the same for both genders and very hurtful if you truly believed that you two were in love.
2. Lying 10: No matter what you lie about, the truth of the matter will always catch up to you no matter how fast or far you run from it. And the longer you try to ignore it with your lies, especially those lies you tell yourself, you may end up feeling like you've been hit by a ton of bricks...
3. Physical Abuse 10: Uncalled for in any relationship. If you have to resort to physically hurting someone just because you can't take responsibility for your own words/actions... then you've already lost. Not only hurting the other person, but hurting yourself as well. There's an old saying "The female of the species is more deadlier than the male..." If you don't believe me go out and watch a female soccer game compared to a male soccer game or any other similar sports played by both genders.
4. Alcohol/Drug Abuse 10: Personally view such as a crutch to escape "problems" in life. Don't really blame anyone for wanting to escape. It goes hand-in-hand with lying about your own truths. Some day you will eventually have to face them and it will be more tramatic the longer you wait...
As for cheating in general, 49% of marriages have at least one spouse cheating at least once. It use to be something important done with someone you really cared about which usually meant your spouse. Yet now, so many people don't even know what they are looking for when they go out sleeping around all the time all the while wondering why the sex isn't really satisfying them as they seek more. To mean it's one of the most painful experiences to catch your significant other you truly believed loved you with someone else, especially someone they really don't care about and just wanting sex. You have many instances where someone will cheat instead of ending the relationship and moving to the next because they want to still have that house, the car, the money, or other material stuff they currently have. And if they left that, and the possibility the other relationship just turned out to be no more than sex, then they are out on their butts... | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:48:16 PM | Any of the above deserves a kick to the curb. If they've done all four...well..shame on you for not leaving much earlier.
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:16:45 AM | | Cheating in my 'not sure why just gonna give it' opinion means they're a user. User's rank way low on the decent people scale. OP, why not just let her put her bottle to your head pull the trigger. Sorry man. You have taken a direct hit, it happens. Deal with it, as in can't change what's done. And you will, sooner the better. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:53:10 AM | Re the Opost
1. Cheating:
a) Without a condom: 10
b) With a condom: 5
2. Lying: 9
3. Physical abuse: 10
4. Alcohol/drug abuse: I have no experience in/with that. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:19:43 AM | Well considering that you are on here for 'dating', I'd consider you cheating too since your divorce is not finalized. ;)
But to answer your questions...
1. Cheating-10
2. Lying- 9
3. Physical abuse-9.25
4. Alcohol/Drug abuse- 8.5
Yes all are reasons to leave. It's up to the individual person.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:39:49 AM |
Well considering that you are on here for 'dating', I'd consider you cheating too since your divorce is not finalized. ;)
May not be on here looking for another person at all. Given some are still in a relationship and looking, but some like me aren't. Take a look at my profile if you want to see, no pics and nothing much there but an enigma... intended to discourage any onlookers. After all these forums are nice to get a wide variety of perspective on what has worked for people and what hasn't.... advice that could be used to make a current relationship more successful. Some people may have went through a long time in relationships doing all sorts of stuff that messed them up and not even aware what they really were doing at the time as they might not have even been aware that it may have been "wrong" to do so... | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 5:43:50 AM |
Dear POFers:
Firstly, I am not writing this for self-pity or sympathy. A little about me, I am in the process of a divorce. During my 11 year marriage my spouse did the follwoing: During our early years my wife would get so drunk she occassionaly would atack me with knives, scissors, or fist. She finally stopped after about the 6th time it happened and did not repeat it. She constantly lied about various things from big things like cheating and taking money out of our line of credit to smaller less significant things. Lastly, she cheated with a guy she knew from high school over the course of about 3 months that she saw him (claims they only actually had sex 1 time though they went out on numerous dates - She was popping a lot of Xanax at the time and probably drinking on it).
mmm..sounds like the perfect women to me.....I would be thinking about hang'in on to that one..... ..passive relationships can be sooooo boring…. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 4:33:35 PM | My personal opinion on all 4 counts is a 10, to be followed by
"Don't let the door hit you on the a$$ on your way out!"
I suppose you might forgive #4, if you are an exceptionally patient &
tolerant individual, provide they quit immeadiately & permenantly.
Not sure if I am that patient 
Correction: I Am almost certain that I am not.
My advice to this person: Grow up! | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 4:40:15 PM |
mmm..sounds like the perfect women to me.....I would be thinking about hang'in on to that one..... ..passive relationships can be sooooo boring….
You know what they say: crazy in the head, wild in bed... | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 5:00:35 PM | 1. Cheating ... depending on surrounding circumstances ... 9
2. Lying .... depending on how often & about what ... 7-9
3. Physical abuse .... unacceptable .... 10
4. Alcohol abuse ... depending on individual and the effects of alcohol ... 7
drug abuse ....... marijuana ...4, any chemicals ... 8-10 | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:03:55 PM | Very true, if all your after is sex...just goto a bar and wait till closing. Someone will be drunk enough to take home or take you home.
If your in a relationship...be true to the person your involved with. If your eyes and mind wonder alot...break it off. Why lie and stuff just get out of it and go see others. AFTER your out. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:10:51 PM | Rating negatives on a scale of 1-10?!
**** that! Yes, there are degrees of bad... but hurt is hurt.
I don't tolerate cheating, lying, or physical abuse. If there's a drug/alcohol problem, treatment needs to be found or I walk.
When it comes to long term relationships it is more or less the same. Lying might get a little more flexibility, depending on what it is that was lied about....
Marriage... well-- I would hope that I married someone enough like me that this wouldn't be an issue. If it became an issue, I would probably remove myself from that too. Life is too short to spend it with people that take advantage of your trust. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:29:56 PM | Cheating= 10
Lying= depends on the lie and the reason for the lie, but pretty serious unless it's a white lie
abuse of any sort (whether it be physical, psychological, emotional, financial)= 10
Alcohol/drug abuse= it would really depend how bad it is and whether or not they're willing to get help for it and all that. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:37:17 PM | | I don't understand cheating....if you don't want to be with a partner, then you should just get out of the relationship. As simple as that. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:38:58 PM | What do you consider a white lie?
And why is it that it is acceptable to lie about little things?
If relationships are built on trust, and you can't trust someone to tell you the truth about something small.... I don't know... I think I'd be more likely to forgive a large lie... as long as it wasn't, "I'm cheating on you." ... Mostly because I can at least understand why someone would WANT to lie about something big.
I don't know though... could just be how I'm thinking right this second. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:40:12 PM | I think all are 10 and worth leaving for that reason alone. I have absolutely no tolerance for any abuse. Lying and cheating go hand in hand to me.
Pretty simple... | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 8:12:12 PM | Your soon-to-be-ex sounds a lot like my second ex-wife, who I left & divorced, which has put me in a much happier place. I hope you get there soon.
All four of your questions were why I left.
1) 10 Cheating, in what is supposed to be a monogamous(unless otherwise stated by both parties, which I never understood), is not acceptable. If your not happy with who you're with, change it.
2)10 Lying begats mistrust, and your basically f**ked where you stand. How can you do anything in your life, if there's no trust with whom your with?
3) 10 Physical abuse is not to be tolorated by either sex, whatsover!!! Coming at you in a drunken rage with scissors, knives, whatever, is unacceptable.(my ex had the nerve to get made at me for the bruises on her forearms from me blocking her trying to take a swing at me with a steak knife)
4)4-5 Alcohol/drug abuse, they are unfortunate things that happen to people, but they can be treated. Severe abuse, leading to black-outs,"I don't remeber doing that" are serious signs that someone need professional help. They are a disease, which can be treated, and over-come. I wouldn't specifically say a marriage breaker, but definitely a marriage strainer.
It's such a shame these things happen in a marriage. Every so often, couples should stop, before things get to bad, and remind themselves, and each other why the are together in the first place. No one I ever know married someone they weren't in love with & crazy about. Maybe, if more people did that, they'd have a better chance to re-fall in love with each other, and we could put divorce lawyers out of business. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 8:42:40 PM | Cheating is so disrespectful. How could you love someone and cheat on them?
It is all about mutual respect.
I read a book on manipulation once. If your partner has done the above and succeeded in making you feel guilty for her actions, she is, among other things, a master manipulator. In time, you will feel much better without her. Maybe sooner than you think.
~~~~~~~~~
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:07:52 PM | On these rankings of moral offensiveness to me:
1) Cheating (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)?
10 - Grounds for automatic end to relationship
2. Lying (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship - I am not talking about white lies)?
Depends on what the lying is and what it is about. Can range from 1-10.
3. Physical abuse (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)?
10 - Automatic grounds for ending a relationship
4. Alcohol/drug abuse (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)?
Depends a lot on the circumstances, but 8-9. Enough to justly end a relationship. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:17:13 PM |
I don't understand cheating....if you don't want to be with a partner, then you should just get out of the relationship. As simple as that.
Seems to be that people cheat on someone instead of leaving because there is like a house for them to stay in, money, someone steadily there for sexual relations instead of constantly going through games with different people... basically material stuff that they still want to hang onto. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:36:03 PM | I make it quite clear to a man what will happen to him if I catch him cheating. They will probably be eating meals through a straw the rest of their life.
If white lies aren't considered, then all other three are also 10's and deserve a punch to the neck and slammed door in the face. If we put up with this kind of crap it will continue happening. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/20/2008 5:17:07 AM | | If you are involved with a person lost in addiction you will eventually experience all those problems. It is impossible to have a relationship with them. They are not capable. | |
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