| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:36:58 PM | | Any 1 of these items are sufficent for leaving a relationship, why be there is all I am asking. If someone lies, cheats, is abusive and addicted, theres no future. Get yourself free and find someone else, women do it all the time why not men? This is a train wreck heading in your direction why sit on the tracks? She needs professional help, which you cannot give her other then paying for it. After 11 years enough is enough, kick that woman to the curb, make the sign of the cross and back away quickly. In a few years she will either straighten herself out or go deeper into this lifestyle. As I see it you have 3 choices, 1) she can go into therapy and rehab and clean up, 2) you can grab your passport and head for the hills, 3) or you both can continue down into the abyss. At this point option #2 is the best bet, why spend another day in this mess! | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:42:34 PM | | I would recommend that you check out a local chapter of Al-Anon for the spouse, family, or friends of a substance abuser. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:33:32 PM | First let me own right up to NOT reading the whole thread. From what I saw glancing through it, let me say that there are postings here from members whose wisdom, experience and values I stand utterly in awe of. I mean no disrespect to anyone who has posted information or an opinion.
Having said all that, MY point is; Sweetheart, what do YOU want to do? I realize this is a HUGE situation, but what are YOUR moral compass and YOUR values map telling you to do? This is NOT a decision to be based on information gleaned from a "man in the street" survey...however thoughtful and well intentioned those men( and women) might be. This is YOUR life, your future, your kids lives and their futures. We will leave your wife's life and future for HER to steer.
If you choose to stay in the marriage to save your kids from being victims of a broken home. that is commendable and I for one will not say you are wrong.
But, if you feel that your best course is to divorce, then I won't say you are wrong there, either. Some of your wife's behaviors are just plain WRONG and beyond explanation or excuse. However, if you do in fact have any kind of supporting information, proof/documentation of the physical abuse and her drug/alcohol behaviors, PLEASE! try to get custody of the children, for their safety.
Again, These forums can be a tremendous source of wisdom and insight, from people who care. If you MUST have input from others, please talk to trained counselors/therapists , and/or your duly ordained spiritual advisor.
Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.
Cindy O | |
|
| |
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:53:30 PM | 1. Cheating --- 10 and Absolutely.
2. Lying ---6 or 7, and it depends on the lie. "No honey, that doesn't make your ass look fat" would be one I could live with. "No honey, I didn't spend the grocery money on crack" would be one I couldn't live with.
3. Physical abuse --- 10. ONCE and I'm outta there. No second chances.
4. Alcohol/drug abuse --- 10 and this is not something I'm willing to live with or allow my kids to live with. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:55:44 PM | Cheating 1
Lying 10
Physical Abuse 10
Alcohol Abuse 10
I personlly believe all are deal breakers except cheating.........after all, we are all human. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:21:33 PM | | To be concise, this is a subjective area and its best to ask yourself how you would feel the tables were turned. If it is unacceptable for you, you should assume the same. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:37:38 PM | A big fat 10 to all the above!
A marriage should be based on friendship, love and trust. That's not being old fashioned...just "is" the way it should be. Once the trust is gone, everything else fades away eventually. Bottom line is treat your partner the way you want to be treated.
It is sad and scary to end a relationship, but good for you for having the courage and intelligence to realize that you deserve more than that. One man's trash is another man's treasure...or at least til she screws around on him.
Good luck. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:45:27 PM | I'm sure this post is either complete BS or somebody is taking a survey for a term paper.
No abuse should be acceptable in any relationship. If people cared more about themselves they would not be cheating, lying or beating anyone. I get upset when I realize how many children were conceived and born into such dysfunctional homes. How do the partners even live with themselves after that? How cruel for your children to suffer because you have low self esteem or are not sensible enough to know right from wrong.
| |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:18:28 PM | Harleykat somehow cranked open my head and wrote exactly what I was going to say...
As a side note: What usually starts as 'white lies' often leads to "i'm just going to my mom's" (which actually means "I'm going to the cute bartender's house to do things that I haven't done with you in months but I'll never tell"... ) | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:52:08 PM | 1. Cheating..only bad IF u get caught...
2. Lying..see #1
3.Physical abuse...10..leave right away..regardless of the consequences.
4. Alco/drugs..5...there's alot of prof. help out there..use it..leave only if they dont 'kick the habit'.. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:07:41 PM | I dont think you can put a generalized "number" on how something is going to affect a relationship. Physical abuse is the only exception to this, as there's just no reason for that ever. But the rest of it is subjective.
Ill probably get blasted for this, but I dont think cheating or lying should be an instantaneous reason to leave someone. For every person that cheats, there is a reason for it. Was he/she driven to it? Whats their mental and family background? What kind of relationship history did they have before you? There's so many things that can drive someone to lying and cheating that its impossible to put a number on it.
Yes, Im going to own up to the fact that I cheated on my ex-wife. To explain it all here would require a book, but the fact is that I didnt get to that point all by myself. I was enduring mental abuse from her, felt alone, someone came along at the right time and it just happened. Does this make it right? No, and Im not going to try and justify that it was. But my ex never let me hear the end of it. In her view, I cheated...end of story. She wasnt interested in the 2 years of her hell I went through before I got to that point, and still to this day believes Im lower than dirt because of it.
Many people share this view when it comes to cheating. But after being through it, I can tell you that a person typically doesnt cheat, lie, or drink excessively for no reason. Something is wrong in the relationship, or with them. And chances are its been building for a long time. If you, as their partner, choose not to recognize the signs and not attempt to fix whats wrong, then you shouldnt be suprised when that person sort of snaps. As emotional creatures, we can be driven to doing things simply out of the need for comfort.
So, while the OP had a specific situation, so too do all of us. And for that reason, I think those of you who are saying "10--leave right away" should at least consider that before passing such quick judgment. Im not advocating lying, cheating, or alchohol abuse...but just because someone makes a poor judgment or two doesnt make them a bad person. More often than not, theyre just very mislead. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:30:20 PM | i'd say it's probably the end of the relationship for me if I got caught doing it to someone, unless maybe if I earned a lot of money, had a lot of power. It seems like guys who fall into this category don't often lose their wives over a little ass on the side. I think if we had kids together, she might also be inclined to stay with me and probably make my life hell for the next few months until trust was built back up.
As for cheating on me, I don't care what the circumstance for her, even if I really wanted to stay with her I don't think I could handle it. It would haunt me.
Maybe if I had been cheating like crazy I'd feel there was some kind of sick balance and would feel too bad to dump her for doing the same. That's a big maybe, I'd probably still dump her anyway. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:34:49 PM | You cheat, we're done, i'm/you're gone. End of story.
If you don't love someone, you don't be with them. If you do love them, you respect them enough not to bang other people. That's all there is to it. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:38:42 PM | CHEATERS means there is something wrong......
either you or him....
and then the STORM begins.... END of the story..
you move on or dwell with it and feel mesirable...
you learned from it..and become stronger...
or you dwell with the past and rewind everything over and over again...
bottom line is...YOU are the one making what u want youself to be.
blah...i know
 | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:41:59 PM |
Something is wrong in the relationship, or with them
I guess in some ways the previous post already hit the nail on the head but here's my 2 cents...
At the end of the day, we are 100% responsible for our actions. We can blame others all we want but we have free will to do or not to do. If you have tried honestly talking to your SO and expressed your concerns to the best of your ability then it is up to you to decide how to act. My last relationship had some incredibly crappy moments (some of the worst I've ever experienced) but at no time did I consider cheating a viable option. Even when I was sure my ex was disrespecting me and acting in ways that were entirely contrary to the idea of a relationship, the thought of cheating never crossed my mind. That was my choice. I chose to stay in that bad situation. I chose to endure the feelings that I felt, to hold out for 'better times' and I chose to turn a blind eye to the red flags that were so obvious. Those were my choices and I must deal with the consequences of them. I don't blame myself in any way for my ex's infidelity. Just as I made a choice to try and talk through the bad times, she made the choice to not respond and confront me with any issues that she may have had.
I get that people can be miserable in relationships. I think I can safely say that 99% of the people on this site have experienced some sort of trauma in a relationship. I can also say that 100% of the people here made the choice to endure, for better or worse.
While I agree that there are no "bad people" only "bad choices" there comes a time when we can't blame others for the decisions we make.
| |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:59:17 PM | 1= a 10 and unforgivable
2= a 9 and no trust no relationship
3= a 10 and gone when the morning comes
4= a 8 and depends on if they get help with their addiction. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:43:42 PM | first of all cheating on your partner is the worst thing u can do.
but honestly in answer to your strange question of rating evrythings u said in order from 1 to 10 i would rate all of them 10 as reason enough to leave a relationship.one would think that drug or alchohol abuse might be the only thing thats not done against theyre partner but actually its still something that the partner has to suffer.cause when the partner abuses alchohol or drugs they make the other one suffer the effects of it too. | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:50:10 PM | 1. 10!
2. depends on the lie
3. 10! if he beats you GET OUT
4. 10! leave
I would not give a person anything passed a 2nd chance if they cheated on me
however, I would ask questions: "Why did you cheat on me?" and what exactly can we do to fix this problem? stuff like that | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:51:13 PM | well there all reasons to leave a relationship, and one can lead to another .
1. Cheating (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)? 10 definate yes
2. Lying (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship - I am not talking about white lies)? 9 definate yes
3. Physical abuse (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)? 10 yes
4. Alcohol/drug abuse (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)? only if they refused to give it up, 8 yes | |
|
| |
| |
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:47:36 AM | [10] Cheating is an automatic break up. The trust is gone, and can never get that back.
[6] Lying, depends on what the lie is about. But if it's serious, it would put doubts in the mind. Lies kind of stack on each other, so they grow over time.
[9] Abuse, mental or physical, is wrong. I don't care if you are male or female (domestic abuse numbers show just as many women abuse men as vice versa), abuse, physical or mental, is wrong. It's something that if minor could be forgiven, but more than once, it's over.
[9] Substance abuse is just one symptom of other issues. If the person isn't going to get help for it, then it's over. Even with that, depends on the substance of choice that they use, some are more drastically serious than others (heroine worse than pot). But if they aren't in treatment, it's over. | |
|
TLC_
|
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 99 | |
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:19:12 AM | how bad.... its down there in the sewer with the caca....
it is something that anyone who is worth anything would never do!!!! | |
|
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:37:23 AM |
During our early years my wife would get so drunk she occassionaly would atack me with knives, sci
pretty much quit reading there. Move along little doggies- | |
|
Home
login 
