| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:49:06 AM | Cheating is a huge no no for me.
Id never forgive.
Ever.
If your bored with your partner or even considering sleeping with someone else, I think you should leave them first.
I have never done it.
I will never do it.
And I expect the same in return.
I mean jesus christ is it really too much to ask of someone? Be faithful?
..I think not. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 10:49:15 AM | Then perhaps we've unearthed one of the biggest reasons there's so many unhappy & lonely singles on this site: intolerance.
Lying & cheating do break the trust, I agree. But how many of us can say we've never made a bad mistake/error in judgment before? I believe trust CAN be re-established again if both people want the relationship to survive. Its astonishing to me how many of you just say to walk away regardless of the situation. This person meant something to you before the mistake...youre saying if they own-up to it you don't give a crap and this person you loved is now crap? Im sorry, but if you are willing to give-up that easily then you never mustve truly loved him or her to begin with.
You want to know why marriages used to last & now they dont? Look at this level of intolerance and youll see why. Again, Im not trying to downplay that cheating isnt a horrible thing to do to someone. Im just saying that trust CAN be re-built from the ashes. Ive seen it done personally.
If you treat people as "disposible", that may be a contributing factor to cheating in the first place. But it definitely plays a role in why theres so many jaded & frustrated singles today. We ALL screw-up...some of us more than others. I know these words will fall on deaf ears, but a little compassion & effort to find out what led to the mistake can go a long way to making both partners smarter & stronger. As opposed to jaded & alone. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:24:43 AM |
This person meant something to you before the mistake...youre saying if they own-up to it you don't give a crap and this person you loved is now crap?
They did mean something and still mean something, but love and trust go hand in hand, and both get bruised when one is broken.
Also, what does it say about how they view me and our relationship if they're willing to betray it and hurt me?
I can't respect someone that doesn't honour the things relationships are built on, and while I may love them, If I can't respect them, and they obviously have zero respect for me or our relationship...well...it's just not worth repairing. I can find someone who will respect what's there. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:34:43 AM | It's not the cheating, it's the dishonesty.
There is a great deal I can tolerate if I'm told about it before hand.
If I'm not going to be the only one then tell me and I can accept it.
I'm not going to insist upon someone doing or being something they don't want to be.
It's much more important that a person is with me because they want to be with me rather than them putting on a false front.
Lying about it is worse than actually doing it.
I can tolerate the act.
Lying about it means I'm being taken for a fool and that's really insulting. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:40:59 AM |
On a scale of 0-10 (with 10 being the worst thing one could do to another), how bad are the following things perpetrated while married or in a long term exclusive relationship?
I'd give ALL of those things a "10". | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:00:36 PM | | I think if someone cheats on you they should be put to death and their head should be stuck on a pole in front of your house as a warning to others, but I guess I am pretty strict. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:18:12 PM | 1. Cheating (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)? 10, DONE, MOVE ON PILGRIM, PUT A FORK IN HER SHES DONE!
If you can't trust your wife or significant other of being faithful, its over, just like my ex in Santa Clarita, I am over her.
2. Lying (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship - I am not talking about white lies)? 10, ONCE A LIAR ALWAYS A LIAR, FROM SMALL THINGS TO BIG! ... just like my ex in Santa Clarita, I am over her.
3. Physical abuse (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)? 10, WHEN A WOMAN COMES AT YOU WITH ANYTHING, INSTANT DIVORCE, IF IT IS MEANT TO HARM YOU, NO EXCEPTIONS! If she can't comminicate, good or bad, in a mature level headed manner and flies into a rage and threatens you,.... I mean come on here?
4. Alcohol/drug abuse (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)? 10, SERIOUS RED FLAG IF DONE TO EXCESS REPEATEDLY AND WORSE WITH SOMEONE OTHER THEN YOU!
Sorry, if I seem harsh but these are extreme and painful things happening in your relationship, its not worth it, trust me and trust in yourself that you deserve better! | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:25:14 PM | Firstly, let me just say that I have never cheated and will never cheat.....I am a one woman man....Hell, who'd want more that one at a time. Those kinda things will kill ya.....way too much stress 
There is a but....
Man didn't evolve to be monogamous.
There was a time when man was so scarce, when different tribes met up they had massive orgies and gang bangs......actually saw this on the history channel or something.
Not only that but promiscuity and incest is wide spread amongst primates and it has been speculated that it is these instincts that lead to the rapid development of homo sapiens as a species.
So basically, being monogamous goes against our very nature.
Those that say it's all about trust and respect are victims of millenia of 'civilized' brain washing doctrines......myself included. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:04:39 PM | don't you think this is kind of a flawed thread for a dating site forum OP?
The people who think:
"cheating's not a big deal, not if they don't find out or on vacation. Sure I might take her back if she was really hot, or he was really rich and important..what about the kids, got to think about the kids as well."
^
It's not like they are going to chime in and broadcast on their profile their likelihood to cheat or forgive cheating. No one really likes it done to them but it's not like you can't screw around on some people and they won't take you back. or that i dunno a quarter of the population will do that if they can.. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:50:51 PM | MrGoodMan wrte: "Man didn't evolve to be monogamous.
There was a time when man was so scarce, when different tribes met up they had massive orgies and gang bangs......actually saw this on the history channel or something.
Not only that but promiscuity and incest is wide spread amongst primates and it has been speculated that it is these instincts that lead to the rapid development of homo sapiens as a species.
So basically, being monogamous goes against our very nature."
Yes, but this is 2008. We know better now. Our brains are larger, and I.Q's are soaring. And , this is just my opinion, a Neanderthals "nature" a coupla million years ago, has nothing to do with why my ex cheated on me in 2005. He can speak, knows right from wrong, and clearly made that choice.
Not bashing you here, but I've heard that comment before. And it still rubs me the wrong way. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:17:38 PM | Cheating 10 ++++++++
Lying depending on the lie 6-10
abuse 6 if 1st time 10 if it continues
alcohol and drug abuse if they want help no issue if they refuse help and or using it as an excuse 8
Best of luck to everyone  | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:43:59 PM | Obviously I can only speak from my own experience, but to all those who are saying that "he made the decision to cheat on me" I offer you a counterpoint.
Was this person really thinking logically when they cheated? I dont think when someone lies or cheats its done so with the idea in mind that youre hurting someone else. Most of the time its acting out of an emotional response, whether it be to find comfort or solace or whatever. Its after the fact that you realize "Oh, hell...I really messed up". So while you can say we're more evolved now and should be able to intellectualize things, thats really a moot point when emotions come into the mix. Sometimes in an emotional state all logic is thrown out the window. Not by choice or out of malice, but it just happens.
Ive been on both sides of this fence, so to me to rate anything as a 10+++++ as some people are doing is just very sad to read. Physical abuse is the only thing Id put at a 10, because youre talking about life & death there. But the other things simply need to be placed within their own context. And its only by doing that where you can place a rating number as to whether its a dealbreaker or not. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/26/2008 10:00:48 PM | No. Your not old fashioned. ........Run like hell.
find someone that is going to respect you.
Love, honour, fidelity and everything that seems "old fashioned", is still the glue in a marriage or long term relationship. if there is no glue, how does it stand a chance.
Being normal is not a good thing any more. Acting normal is lying, cheating and the rest of it... look around, its everywhere.
It is easier for a man to kill the light inside himself, than to defeat the darkness all around him....... Don't kill the light inside yourself. Stand up against the darkness all around you!! The darkness is all that challenges your moral standards. DO NOT LOWER YOUR MORALS AND STANDARDS... FIND SOMEONE WHO IS STANDING ON THE SAME GROUND AS YOU.
Good luck with your journey and stay on the path that reflects your life. Not the life of a person that doesn't even have control over themself. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:51:21 AM | Cheating: 10
lying: 9
physical abuse: 10
R-OH/drug abuse: 9
Get rid of her. A lot of these ppl online have become immune to these situations, so you prolly won't get great advice. BTW, glad to see I'm not the only one who is appalled. Oh, yeah, they (meaning the wayward spouse) always somehow manage to twist it around to make it seem to be *your* fault. They're rationalizing and minimizing for their own peace of mind. Don't buy it. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:59:07 AM | This is a subject I only see black and white on, or so my friends say,
cheating 10,
Lying 10,
Physical abuse 10
Alcohol/drug abuse 10
You make a commitment to someone especially if you have married them then as far as I am concerned you don't go elsewhere.
Lying, you should always be honest with your partner even if they ask you does my bum look big in these trousers, honesty works for me, if my arse looks big, tell me....
Physical abuse, having grown up with it, and witnessing a lot of my mums beating, I can safely say doesn't matter if it is the woman or the man doing the attacking it's wrong,
Alcohol/drug abuse I don't know about the drug abuse but the alcohol having once again grown up with a alcoholic grandmother I have seen first hand what it did to the family, and no matter how much I loved my Gran she taught me a valuable lesson, people who have a drink problem with, just don't get involved plain and simple. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:30:53 AM |
1. Cheating (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)?
10 and yes
2. Lying (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship - I am not talking about white lies)?
10 and yes as cheats and liars go hand in hand.
3. Physical abuse (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)?
10 and again yes
4. Alcohol/drug abuse (please rate at 0-10 and note if that in itself is grounds for leaving the relationship)?
10 and again yes... | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:16:00 AM | | I have to say one thing to cover all your questions, good bye! Each one of those situations is reason enough to walk! You deserve better! | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:22:43 AM | | uhhhh,,,,common sense and ones own dignity....should tell you that all of these are "bad"....without having to ask them to be rated...on a 0-10 scale...!! | |
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oneson
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Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 119 | |
| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:14:22 AM | | I guess it depends on your morals and values. When you are in a committed relationship it is just that a commitment, if you value that relationship trying to work things out before you stray would be the best answer.If she is downplaying the affair,then she is not really into saving your relationship. it sounds like you have some trust issues with her word(pills and booze No Good) it is always easier to blame others when we mess up , but in the end we are all accountable for the decissions we make...all your points are very important , they all rate a 10 | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner? Probably worse than on you..
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:31:56 AM | Bigthunder, i empathize...and can identify (too well)
after 22 years...etc...on my birthday...with a mutual friend which she'd had a quick fling with 17 years ago (i forgave..ONCE)..
my tale can pretty well mirror much of the rest.
In my experience, i tend to believe cheating (eventually karma rules..) is more harmful to the cheater.
Dignity, self respect, honor, trust...when they are gone... tend to leave the cheater morally and spiritually bankrupt.
Honor, like virginity, when gone, can nigh be regained (sheepgut surgeries notwithstanding).
The cheated, provided given the personal issues and pain are acknowledged, dealt with, and put to pasture...
gain in the currency of character.
In my heart, i'd prefer to remain semper fidelis, with my self respect and honor intact.
Forgiveness, though proferred, is of no value if not asked...and genuine.
She has yet to forgive self...or accept mine.
Nevertheless, 3 years after the deja-pooh, it is over...i am still standing, and she, sadly, is down.
...just another view on an age-old issue.... | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:46:44 AM | All score a 10.
All are unacceptable.
At the slightest hint someone told or were to show me they didn't think very much of me or thought I was there as a punchbag for their problems with life or put me down in front of others or assaulted me in any way I would be gone.
OP the answer you're trying to get is 'how much abuse should you put up with before you finally leave'. The answer is simple.
None.
If I take to attacking my partner, they should leave.
If I drink and take drugs and go out of control behaviourally, they should leave.
If I am unfaithful to the relationship, I have left it, and so should they.
If you go for counselling or clear your emotional baggage out of your system you will come to realise that all of these behaviours are unacceptable.
You should not have to 'tolerate' any form of abuse from anyone so saying 'how much should you put up with?' is completely the wrong question. You are taking responsibility for someone else's behaviour. Look at it another way - how much of this kind of abuse would you put up with from colleagues at work?
Imagine you've got a job with an employer and you go into work one day and they tell you they've employed someone else to do your job for a little while, just for fun.
What on Earth makes you think you should put up with it from a partner?
They should treat you better than your work colleagues, not worse.
Anything on your list should score a 10 on day 1.
End of. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:29:04 PM | All of they above is what you dont want and ruins relationships... Nobody wants what you described. Unless there just crazy. You should break up with them for certain. Any females or males that do it and you stay with them after they do one of them 2 you. You deserve every bit you get.  | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:42:31 PM | | Its indescribably hurtful,Yes I have been there,10 months later still healing and a little wary.When you trust has been shattered, it takes time to regain it. Dont do it. | |
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| How bad is cheating on your partner?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:56:58 PM | All of those things are a 10 horrible. Yes, cheating is still considered a very bad thing. I don't even want to be with a girl if she is one that has cheated on her boyfriends in the past. I guess I could deal with it if it is a revenge cheat. For example, I know a girl who for whatever reason, many exs cheated on her and she cheated back once.
It's sad though where I live, men and woman, a lot of them cheat. | |
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