| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:31:35 AM | Oh that would be a HUGE red flag. The ONLY way I would meet someone off of here now is if Welder new about it AND went with me. It's pretty much a case of if you wan't to be my friend, you have to be his too.
If I ever caught Welder meeting girls on here in person....out the front door his ass could go...
~Welder's girl~ | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 3:56:54 AM | I have no idea...
As far as I'm concerned, ANY internet dating site is mostly a "here today, gone tomorrow" scenario, and meeting someone here is mostly for the purpose of an escape, or deviation from your current routine...I would think that as long as things didn't get into clandestine activities in real life ...whomever you choose to hang out with here, shouldn't jeapordize a relationship...
But that's only MY view... | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 3:56:58 AM | | My b/f and I are having a party tomorrow at his house, and I've invited a man who contacted me on POF. We have gotten to know each other as friends and I have set him up with a girlfriend of mine as his date. He knows that I have no romantic interest in any man but my S/O and respects that. My S/O also knows that he can trust me not to betray him. If you are going to cheat, it doesn't matter whether you are online or in TRW. If that isn't the type of person you are, then you won't be tempted. I trust my partner and he trusts me enough to allow each other to be ourselves | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 4:38:55 AM |
If you are dating someone intimately, and you found that they were chit chatting up the opposite sex, then meeting them in real life, would you be ok with it, if your mate was assuring you that they were just "friends", or is that a red flag?
No, I would not be okay with it at all and I certainly wouldn't conversely do that to my intimate partner. Time to cut that one loose and move on. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 4:47:18 AM | People involved in a relationship have been meeting others in the real world and been having affairs for many years before the existence of the internet. Things don't change just because of technology. If it's going to happen, it will have happened. If you are insecure about it now, you would probably be insecure about it, even if they weren't on here. Why the internet creates some weird double-standard, doesn't make a lot of sense. If someone was tempted to use the internet to cheat, wouldn't they be tempted in the real world?
I'd have no problems if a gf wanted to meet a friend she made over the internet. I'd find it a "red flag" if a gf found it to be intolerable for me to meet a friend from the internet.
I don't think a healthy relationship is one in which you focus on the other person to the point of excluding everyone else from your social life. With the exception of family and my male friends, that's exactly what my last ex wanted me to do. She was convinced that I was going to cheat on her with a friend of 17 years.
Trust is an elusive quality to find these days. Part of the reason why I gave up looking for "long term". | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 5:54:13 AM | You make good points, sbnt, and if the issue was only making friends - in that context alone, I would have no problem personally. However, let's say the other person was keeping their options open just in case while involved in an intimate relationship with someone else. Something the concerned partner can do nothing about anyway beyond focusing on building the relationship (rather than what the partner may or may not be doing) or walking away from it. Changes the whole concept of looking for friends via the internet. Really, the OP's concerns need to be discussed with the partner as only the partner can speak to intent and such.
Trust is an elusive quality to find these days. Part of the reason why I gave up looking for "long term".
Yes, that it is and it further appears that the dominant focus these days is more "what's in it for me" for a start and too much focus on what the other person might be doing behind the scenes or what is wrong with a person rather than what is right with a person. A topic for another thread so please forgive the slight deviation off topic. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 6:04:24 AM | If you are meeting them in real life on your own, then yes it would be a red flag.
But personally, on line, just chatting, no I don't.
This is the first forum I have ever been on, and it is a learning experience for me. I enjoy hearing the different views, and helping some when I can. Plus I live in a small town, so it is a way of relating on those days when I can't go out.
To me, it is sort of like penpals used to be. And, if I had been corresponding with someone for 1 year, then yes, even if I was in a relationship, I would meet them, with my s/o.
That being said, you have opened my eyes, on how someone like me could be misconstrued on a site like this. If any of you know of other sites where I wouldn't be misconstrued, please, would you message me and relay them. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 6:15:50 AM |
And, if I had been corresponding with someone for 1 year, then yes, even if I was in a relationship, I would meet them, with my s/o.
Nothing wrong with that and the key phrase there is meeting the person with your S/O. I have the impression that there is more to the OP's concerns than what has been shared though. Regardless of whether it's valid concerns of the OP or OP's own insecurities, still more behind the initial question, IMO. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 6:49:58 AM | I did think this was fine when I answered this on another post, but now I feel that it still is==circumstances pending...definately use your noggan and do not meet someone that you have not typed many words too. And if possible, bring your spouse with you. I say 'if possible' because some of us are in a long distance relationship and do not see spouse much. If your spouse is home why would you meet another solo. And if your reason for meeting someone is for the potential of something better to naw on, then why are you in your current relationship.
If you have trust in a relationship, then your partner will trust you and that you are strickly meeting as friends for friendship..Yes, a dating site indeed, but not all on here are seeking a lover. This is also a place to meet friends. I think majority of people are meeting you with the intention of more to come however, so best to meet with your partner. I have chatted with people who say friends, but this is because they are looking to become friends first and then if it works out more in the future. If you are chatting with someone, let them know what it is your looking for. I ask people question as well and if their profile is not clear then get them to clarify. Know what they are seeking before you meet. If you are not meeting with your partner do not go out dancing or to some night club. Make sure that you meet at a respectable place :) And discuss this with your partner...if they are not okay with it, then make the sacrifice in your relationship not to meet others solo, or not to meet them at all. If my partner did not want me to meet anyone on here, or if they wanted me to take my profile off of here then I would. I used to think this was ridicolous, but now I see it is all about sacrifices and commitment. If my B/F did not feel comfortable with me meeting others than I would not feel comfortable either. I would prefer to meet someone with him present, but I would meet without him present as well. Be cautious and bear in mind that even what was said to you may have been said in vain. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 8:02:35 AM | Part of me wants to say yes, but if my fiance was meeting "just friends" girls on a dating site, I'd be cracking skulls!
But really, no. If they want "just friends", what's wrong with same gender friends, and why try to find friends on a dating site at all? Sounds like this guy probably isn't known for his fidelity. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:30:29 AM | If you're in a relationship -- definitely not.
Once you agree you're "dating" that person, and the relationship becomes intimate, you should deltete your profile or at least hide it.
It removes temptation, and allows you to concentrate on your significant other without the distractions of emails and IM's and requests for dates.
If the relationship goes bust -- you can always reinstate your profile and go back to business as normal. But till then -- and especially once it becomes sexual and it's mutally satisfactory for both -- then hide or delete.
Like the fantasyartist implies: you're waiting for an anvil to drop on your head if you do otherwise. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:35:06 AM | And hey, if you're intimate with someone, and still have your profile up -- then you're just wanting to be able to eat your cake and have it too: you're hoping for the next big thing to come along: more handsome, better car/more money/cuter looks/sexier body/someone who lives closer, etc.
People who do this are playing with fire. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:39:21 AM | | Danger, Danger, Danger; Every day I see posts and hear stories of people in relationships that meet people online for "friendship" and they eventually have an affair and say,"I didnt' mean for it to happen". For me, this is a deal breaker. Unless I go with them to meet this "friend", then no it's NOT ok. Good luck. | |
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