| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:29:21 AM | Wow, I didn't realize there were new answers to my post...I put it up so long ago..
I just happened across it today..alot has happend since I first put it up! so I will post an update...after about another month of not knowing where in the world things were headed, I did decide to just ask..and the answer was a bit shocking and not thought of by myself or anyone who had responded.. although in retrospect, it made PERFECT sense..I am a nurse and it was pretty textbook..
He told me he's bipolar...which perfectly explained the ups and downs, calling three times a day and then disappearing for for several.. from treating me like his golf partner to discussing our future..all over the place and I just didn't see the big picture.
As many pointed out I wasn't ready to be in a relationship and I had to face that fact.
We are still friends, and I still adore him...I just don't look to a future..and I don't have any expectations of him...
I am continuing to meet new men and have been a little discouraged more than once by the whole "online dating world"...but I am gettng better at picking myself up and dusting myself off and at realizing I don't actually need a man...I'd like on in my life , but I am managing pretty well on my own..
And I remain cautiously optimistic, that eventually it will happen.
Thanks to everyone for their input! | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:28:18 AM | | If it matters so much to you you should ask him... Not all people express how/if they like someone so overtly that it's unmistakable. I know this because I've been on the other side of that situation. Things that I think show my affection for someone, have no meaning to another, and much like the situation you are in now... things tend to blow up later. At least then you'll have your answer if you ask. | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:59:27 PM | | just ask him, guys like it when your direct. we hate all the beating around the bush. ask him in person and in a place that is comfortable for the both of you. you will be glad you did. | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:01:54 PM | | My first thought was ,he is married.Then as I read on ,I seen bipolar.Yup that may explain it.I have been looking for awhile now and have met many nice people.There were a couple I found myself very comfortable with,but it just wasn't there.You know, butterfly's and can't wait to be with them again.So,I have,like you.Learned how to pick myself up and dust off.JUST HANG IN THERE.Thats what I am doing as I too don't like being alone.I am not going to settle for anyone ,and I know Iwill find her.So good luck and "YOU GO GIRL"With your looks and determination He show up sooner than you think | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:38:37 AM | Hi Robin, It's really straight forward, let him do all the chasing, let him instigate every meeting. The fact that he has shown willingness to want to carry on dating you proves he likes you. If a man doesnt want to be around a woman, believe me he wont!
He may have other issues he has to sort out before becoming more attached or other commitments. Patience is a virtue! Hope it works out for you x | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:53:47 AM | Ok- firstly I think you need to work out what is happening with yourself.
What is it that attracts you to this person, and is it the same thing that attracted you to your ex? Is it because he gives you attention, is it because you want him so bad it hurts. Could it be that he is recreating something that you adored in your previous partner?
Ask him what HE finds attractive about YOU, and if he thinks that is enough to sustain a relationship for HIM and make it grow. Personally I can't see much point in double dating to "keep him on his toes." | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:36:37 PM | Robin -- AKA -- OP -- you know, it's a Tough Call. I've always been the type to lay my cards on the table (early on) -- for the limited number of women who think like me -- this works GREAT! Having said that, I need to caveat that with the following condition - I think that if a person is really into you, then for the most part, then will appreciate your candidness. There have been some women on here who have laid it all out on the table from the get go -- the problem is, they just weren't what I was looking for. It's a delicate balance -- trying to demonstrate Interest while not appearing Desperate. From what I understand from your post -- this guy is being somewhat aloof with his feelings towards you -- I would suggest that you demonstrate the same behavior back toward him -- often times, people can't see what they're doing until they have it done to them in return. Above all -- remember that the 'Dating Ritual" is a dance -- a give and take -- someone chooses to lead, and it's up to the other to follow. The best way to find out if a person (who refuses to follow) wants to continue the dance is to stop leading them -- if they don't notice the change in your behavior, then there's your answer -- it's time for you to move on!  | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/6/2008 3:03:15 PM |
Well, okay nix that idea... I definately don't want him to think I am a "weirdo"...that's why I haven't asked him outright...I don't want appear needy or desperate...
I don't think I am either of those, but it's just frustrating to have NO idea what he's really thinking!
Sorry but I'm going to have to disagree with this one OP. You sound like the type of woman who has had a man to support her all her life, so as soon as your marriage is over, you're rushing around squeezing as many dates in as possible to find the next one. Being alone is obviously something you can't handle, but just remember that your guy will probably be a little more cautious about getting into a relationship, because he'll be looking for a woman that isn't going to be completely dependant on him. | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:17:56 PM | | just ask him hon, just ask him. Some guys have a hard time talking to women about serious issues. | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:34:30 PM | Oh my......ok listen ...some guys have a hard time talking to women about sewrious issues and some dont, I even seen a man posting that he has now idea of why you was attracted to the man in the first place....first of all ...why is it so difficult for all of us to understand that "attraction is not a matter of choice" let me repeat that......
"attraction is not a matter of choice" thats why it is a attraction ....do you not think that if we could just write down a list of what we want we would not be able to make the process easier....give it a try make a list of what you think you want and then make a list of what you could get along with...notice I dont use the word settle for because in most cases what we think we want is not really what we seek at all.... I ask the op to provide a short list of what see feels she is seeking in a mate....and let's see if we can work on it with her.....perhaps we can make some discoveries.... | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 9/15/2008 1:10:49 PM | Well, I had to look, didn't I. After a year and 1/2, how much advice do you really need? For that matter, how much would you want? But, I had to look. I think you're an intelligent lady and you've re-learned those necesary skills required to servive emotionally in this single world of ours. After all, if we learn nothing the first time around other than what we don't want, isn't that enough to help us find what we do want? That's something solid to travel with. Relax, take your time, you'll be fine and maybe happier in the long run that you didn't make hasty choices.
Regards,
Q,.  | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 9/15/2008 2:43:10 PM | has he spent any 'real amount' of $$$ on you yet?? phone calls are one thing..and the company function..(prolly free or paid by you)..is another..
It's only been 2 months..and you're coming out of a messy divorce..dont force it..just let it evolve naturally..your feelings may be a bit ahead of his..which is fine..whats the big rush anyways?/ You have alot on your plate at the moment..and he is being a really good friend..just relax and let it be..trust me...if he starts to spend some big $$ or wants to 'stay over'..then you'll know its for real.. | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 9/15/2008 2:45:39 PM | | oops..thanks for the update...but my advice would stand given similar circumstances and not knowing about the bi-polar thingy.. | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:15:12 PM | Every other man I have met online has made it clear, they like me..they want to see me again, they are attracted to me...all except him. And of course, he's the one I am always hoping will call...
really? EVERY man you have met likes you and wants to see you again? aren't you Miss Popularity? | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:37:38 PM | This is great advice; follow it! Believethehype is right.
Take all the time you need to figure yourself out as a single person and not one of a couple. You'll bring so much more to the table - and you already seem to be bringing a lot - when you've got your head straight after the divorce. Hang in there, girlfriend! | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:51:59 PM |
really? EVERY man you have met likes you and wants to see you again? aren't you Miss Popularity? Ooopsy, sour grapes. Think I'll just go over to my date's house and violate his privacy/trust by rifling through his mail, checking out his fridge, then accuse him of lying to me when I find insulin.  | |
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| I can't figure him out...Help??
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:55:09 PM | | If you like this guy, communicate with him, ask for clarification, express your feeling, do not hide your emotion or thoughts, be open, transparent and ask the same of him. | |
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