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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 5:50:07 AM | Wow. I cannot believe you allowed your children to participate in this witch hunt. Yelling screaming outside the guys house? You made a complete a$$ out of yourself and dragged your kids down with you. What went wrong in your marriage was between you and your wife. No matter what she does, you should not be discussing details with her children, it was never about them. They wanted to beat him up and confront Mom and you held them back, you sound like father of the year.
Cheating is not gender specific, it is wrong no matter who does it, but this issue was not theirs and should not have been witnessed by them. Making their Mom look bad, causing a fight, yelling obscenities at her and him. She wouldn't come out and defend her kids? Her kids should never have been brought there in the first place. What kind of a sicko are you???
I would love to hear her side of the story, it sounds to me more like she 'escaped' not cheated. Friends were driving her to her lovers house, multiple people helped her get away from you? I'd be questioning MY behavior if I was you, these are not the actions of a woman or man treated well. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 6:29:55 AM | This may be one of the saddest and most dysfunctional stories I have ever heard. Your job as a parent is to protect your kids not drag them into your drama with your wife. Shame on you for doing that. And to allow them to pack her bags and call her friend is insane. Putting aside that your wife was wrong, I question your maturity as a man and as a parent.
As far as the age of the children......It doesnt matter......my daughter is 46 and I would not draw her into the dynamics of my relationshps.......thats for me to handle.
Would they have eventually found out? Probably.....but as a parent it was your job to assure them that no matter what the problems were between you and your wife that as parents you both love your children.
AS for PROPER HELP...............I would say you all need it at this point. Counseling for everyone in this situation is not even in question.
So are you feeling proud of yourself?? Your boys are NOT part of your good old boy network. If you need to vent about poor you and what your wife did to you find a good couselor.
The shame is the damage is already done. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 6:41:14 AM | Ah, Fluke Skywalker: "Best wishes to the wife and her new freedom. Hope she gets alimony, the double wide, the truck, the fising tackle, the wide screen TV, the lounge chair and refrigerator (the ones inside and the ones on the pourch), and takes him to the divorce court cleaner."
Loved that! I read the original post and thought, " Do I hear banjo music?"
How do we know the wife who was "treated like gold" and was dropped off at this house by a friend wasn't looking for somewhere safe, away from an abusive husband and two sons following in his footsteps? Maybe there was no women's shelter in the area. I'd say the OP is lucky he and "his boys" aren't sitting in jail somewhere. If she was with a man who lived with his mom and dad (and do we know they don't live with him?) why didn't they call the police? Maybe no one was at home that day. Bummer - all that show and wasted testosterone for nothing. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 8:27:56 AM | OP,
If you come back to read this, I am chiming in with those who are disappointed and shocked by your poor behavior. I am not a mother and question if I actually have maternal instincts. That was until I read your post. The second I realized you took your sons, of whom you are supposed to love and protect, with you to confront their mother and her lover, I felt the pangs of disgust.
For the sake of this convo, whatever her reason your wife chose to conduct her business away from the home, away from you and her children. You had a right to confront her, they did not. Also, it sounds to me like you have been manipulating them for some time to get them to choose a side in this brewing split.
At any rate, whether you were controlling or not, it sounds like your soon-to-be ex wife, has made her choice and doesn't need you to give her time to realize her mistake. Ugh. That smacks of arrogant prick. Although, cheating should never be condoned, it says a lot about your role as a husband as much as her integrity as a wife. As a father, you helped destroy the one female relationship that should always be constant in your children's lives. Oh yeah, allowing them to disrespect her by packing her things and telling her she can't return home is disgusting and you should have your a$$ whipped. You are bitter and angry probably because you lost control over the one woman you thought you would dominate forever. I feel for your two sons and hope they, like you, get the professional help they need. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 8:59:10 AM | I am so shocked at how many people cannot read the OP's ENTIRE post.
He said the kids wanted to find out, and they actually do have a right to know if their mother is cheating on their father. Why? Because they are a family, and for anyone who says "Shame on the Father for letting them get involved, they are so scarred" THEY ARE 17 and 18 for crap sakes, they are old enough to know what their mother is doing is wrong, and if she has been doing this before na dlieing to their own children, then that means the mother has involved her children in things far worse.
The mother brought this all in herself, and if she doesn't want to try and make it work, then that means it not only affects the fathers feelings, but the childrens as well because their mother is just as much as a role-model for her kids as the father, and if the mother is going around lieing and sleeping with another man, then that means the kids were BROUGHT UP RIGHT to know she is wrong, and she needs to be confronted about it.
The kids are grown adults, and they know what's wronng, yet a 30 somthing years old woman doesn't? What's wrong with all of you?!?!?!
I say, I feel proud for this man's kids to be able to confront their mother and help defend their father. If the family has all tried to work this out, and it's a family situation where the father and kids (once again, 17 and 18, not 5 and 6), are able to confront the person who is creating a bad and negative atmosphere for the family.
That women broke not only her vows to her husband, but lied and shamed her children.
And to top it off, the man she is having an affair with came out and started threatening HER kids in their own home.....................once again, it's unbelievable how many people on this site cannot read. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:15:22 AM |
He said the kids wanted to find out, and they actually do
have a right to know if their mother is cheating on their father.
Why? Because they are a family, and for anyone who says "Shame on
the Father for letting them get involved, they are so scarred"
THEY ARE 17 and 18 for crap sakes, they are old enough to know
what their mother is doing is wrong, and if she has been doing
this before na dlieing to their own children, then that means the
mother has involved her children in things far worse. ?
Are you a parent? The children and yes, 17/18 yr olds are still
children deserved to hear this from their mother, not from this man
trespassing onto private property and providing entertainment for the
night for all the neighbors. Cheating is wrong, however, she was
not banging her new lover in front of the children, therefore, this
does not constitute her as a bad parent. He bringing the children
to the lovers house to confront not only the lover but the mother
makes HIM a bad parent.
The mother brought this all in herself, and if she doesn't
want to try and make it work, then that means it not only affects
the fathers feelings, but the childrens as well because their
mother is just as much as a role-model for her kids as the father,
and if the mother is going around lieing and sleeping with
another man, then that means the kids were BROUGHT UP RIGHT to
know she is wrong, and she needs to be confronted about it.
If cheating makes a bad parent, then what can we say about this
loser who chastises his wife for cheating but yet he is on a dating
website? the pot calling the kettle black if ya ask me.
The kids are grown adults, and they know what's wronng,
yet a 30 somthing years old woman doesn't? What's wrong with all
of you?!?!?!
I must ask what is wrong with you? The kids are NOT grown adults, if
they were would they still be living with daddy? I do not think so.
I say, I feel proud for this man's kids to be able to
confront their mother and help defend their father. If the family
has all tried to work this out, and it's a family situation where
the father and kids (once again, 17 and 18, not 5 and 6), are
able to confront the person who is creating a bad and negative
atmosphere for the family.
I can only pray you do not have children and if you do not, I can only
pray you are sterile.
That women broke not only her vows to her husband, but
lied and shamed her children.
Cheating on a man does not make a woman a bad mother, try that one
in family court, it won't work. There are always two sides to every
story. If a man is that neglectful and uncaring about his children,
that he would place them into a possible dangerous situation as he
did (the lover could have came out shooting) logical thinking would
lead one to believe he was equally as neglectful and uncaring of
his wife. Cheating on a spouse is wrong, but this does not make
a cheater a bad parent, unless of course they were allowing this
behavior to occurr in front of the children. She was not with this
man in her home however, the father trespassed onto private property
and basically didn't care what happened to his kids. They could have
all ended up jail, the 18 yr old and daddy in jail and the 17 year old
in juvie. He is NOT father of the year and you applauding him
makes me nauseous.
And to top it off, the man she is having an affair with
came out and started threatening HER kids in their own home........
.............once again, it's unbelievable how many people on
this site cannot read.
It's unbelievable to me how you find this behavior acceptable. As I
said earlier, I pray you do not have kids. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:16:57 AM | Glassdream: you accuse us women of not reading the whole post, so I went back and guess what, it got worse towards the bottom:
This man is unfit, and unwell, and he involves young adults in stuff that he has no business involving children in. Then he says: THEY TREATED HER LIKE GOLD DUST, what does that mean exactly, how did her children manage that?
No sorry - confirmed it for me, the man is not right, it smacks of controlling the wife and the children. She will always be their mother - no matter what he says or does.
AND NO WHERE DOES IT SAY: the children found her having relations with another man, it says she was at someone's house, along with his parents, maybe there is friendship going on there, maybe they are keeping her safe from the husband, and who was the friend who helped her get away, so we have four people for a start who are supporting this woman from the man, and they are not shouting in the streets any of them.
Sounds like to me she was running away from something, and the husband bought it all to the public place, involving his children and everyone in the street and NONE OF IT CAUSED BY HIM, nah! not buying any of it.
He still comes out of this being the bad parent of the two, and he needs help.
HANG ON HERE A MINUTE - she is thirty and has an 18 yr old son? Is that a typo? Tht would make her pregnant at 11 and a mother at 12. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:26:12 AM |
Forgot to say that about 2 months ago my boys ask me if mom was having an affair, I told them that I dont know for sure,THEY THEN TOLD ME, IF SHE WAS ,WE WANT TO CONFRONT HER ON THE SPOT..., she is known for lying sorry for not saying this in the post...
I have to agree with treeinthewind here--you had NO business involving your sons in this whole sordid mess--made more sordid now.
Regardless of what your sons wanted, you are the father (I would say that you are the adult, but your actions are not those of a mature person)--YOU could have told them that you would handle it. Instead, you take a coward's way out and exposed them to a situation to which they should have not been exposed.
Flatly stated, you wanted them on your side and now they are.
No one won in this situation, and more's the pity about that. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:28:56 AM |
He said the kids wanted to find out, and they actually do have a right to know
That's debatable. Personally I think it wasn't any of the son's business, even if THEY were sleeping with her too.
BUT, the OP had no damn business whatsover enlisting these teenage boys to be his *@#!! goon squad. His back injury wouldn't even be relevant except one wonders, were he physically able, just how many people and in what order he planned to assault? Or was HE afraid of getting a beatdown at the hands of the wife's new guy?( do I hear chickens cackling?)
I'll say one thing for the OP, and I might even send him (dead) flowers; except I really don't subscribe to the "competition for the best( whatever the hell THAT means) men" theory.
But one wonders how many new female PoF members have read this forum, come to the unfair conclusion that the OP is indicative of the quality of male membership and have written PoF off as a legitimate personals site??
Just a thought that crossed my mind and stopped to graze...
Cindy O | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:29:15 AM | And what is even sadder, the banner "Kids packed her bags!!" is outright bragging.
Sad and sick.
Edit: I looked at the OP's profile and saw that he is in Canada. Stereotypically, I assumed that he was in the deep south--shame on me!
But it goes to show, stupidity is alive and well everywhere. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:31:27 AM | | I know they are 17 and 18, but they should still not have been involved. They do NOT need to be taught to hate their own mother - it's just not going to be good for their own well-being, no matter what their mother did or didn't do. They should not have been involved in the confrontation, period. Even if they wanted to come. It was up to you to say no. It sounds like she needed to get out of this situation, so hunting her down like this is unnecessary, and she should still try to have a relationship with her own sons even if she needed to get out of the marriage. 17 and 18 boys might look like men, but they are still boys. Try to think of their ultimate well-being when you make decisions. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:35:10 AM | GlassDream,
Not only did I read the entire OP but the entire thread and its subsequent posts from the original poster.
"He said the kids wanted to find out, and they actually do have a right to know if their mother is cheating on their father."
So because they wanted it, the father obliges? I don't think so. Just because it's a desire doesn't mean they should get their way, especially since it's not in their best interest. Besides, there is a time and a place for that. The time and place was not, however, on the lawn of her supposed lover. Any parent that would do such a thing, does not have the child's best interest at heart and is behaving selfishly.
"The mother brought this all in herself ...What's wrong with all of you?!?!?!"
What the hell is wrong with you? The woman cheated on your spouse. She left her husband, not her children. By bringing the sons into it, the father instigated an already charged situation. Furthermore, he mentioned he brought them, not only because they wanted to know, but because he had a bad back. Which indicates, he planned on letting them do his fighting for him. Then, he had the audacity to castigate the mother for not coming to the aid of the children that wouldn't have been there if it were not for him! He manipulated them all and when it didn't work, he turned to this thread to seek sympathy for his position and b!tched out when he realized he wasn't going to get it.
"And to top it off, the man she is having an affair with came out and started threatening HER kids in their own home.....................once again, it's unbelievable how many people on this site cannot read."
To top it all off, GlassDream, the man came out to defend his home from three people who had no business being there. It was HIS home, not theirs. Again, they were the ones looking for a scene and a fight. They got what they deserved but by the mother's non-appearance, they didn't humiliate her enough so they went home and threw a grown woman, who gave birth to them, out of her own home. It appears to me, you are the one who cannot read. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:36:58 AM | glassdream~~~~~~~~~~~~~I realize you are young............and although I have never been through an event like happend with the OP and his "children" ( first of all I would never have been married to a man that was that insensitive to his children) I stand by my statement that it is the parents responsibility with his wife and to not bring his children into the mix at any age.
The father was using emotional blackmail against the mother as if to say.....look what YOU did to your children, now you have to make a decision him or your kids.
The first time they brooched the subject with the father he should have made it clear to them that if there was a problem in the marriage, it was between the adults involved. It's time enough to sit down and talk to your children when decisions have been made to leave or stay together. And in that conversation, to let them know that no matter what problems the parents may have the children are in no way responsible and are loved by both parents.
One does not pass the bitterness and anger they feel toward a spouse, onto their children.
You have a long way to go in this world..........one never knows what kind of situation they may find themselves in in the future. I would hope that when and if you have children you will do all that you can to show them love. The world is cruel enough without a parent doing to his children what this man did. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:38:54 AM | This is a serious matter between you and your wife. Those kids should never have been involved in the "show down" or for that matter the intimate details of your marital woes. Your wife is unfaithful to you and only you. If she is a lousy mother to boot, that is a different matter.
Right now, those boys are the one's you should be concerned about as clearly they have demonstrated their loyalty to you and how much they care about your feelings. They need to work through their own feelings about their mother as a mother...not as your unfaithful wife.
You should focus on getting the boys into some family counseling to work out their feelings towards their mother and you should get into counseling of your own. Whether your "wife" is willing to participate at this point is irrelevant. Clearly, she has her own issues to deal with.
I wish you much luck with this matter and will ask that you sit your boys down and make it clear to them that the infidelity is about you and your wife, do not pour your hurt emotions into them...it is not their fault/burden to carry . Their mother leaving and not responding to them is about her "issues/selfishness" at the moment, not about them. Reassure them that your love for them is firm and that you are still very much a cohesive family with or without their mom's involvement. Create a vision of a positive future for them...take the focus away from you and your wife.
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:46:18 AM | Wow. What a man. Having your kids fight your battles for you is the epitome of manliness.
I'm impressed and jealous all at the same time.
/sarcasm off
You're a tool. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:46:34 AM | Gwendolyn:
<div class="quote">Edit: I looked at the OP's profile and saw that he is in Canada. Stereotypically, I assumed that he was in the deep south--shame on me!
So all the dumbasses live in the "south"? I take offense to that statement. Do not sum we southerners up as a whole as such. I am from the south but live in the north and there is one particular county here where I live where everyone looks alike! Just think, they aren't southern.
There is dysfunction in all countries as well as states. For the record, where I"m from in the south it is ILLEGAL to attempt to marry a family member but yet in New York State it's legal to marry your first cousin. Oh my, and just think, New York State is not the south.
Im sure this particular man who started this thread is an outcast in Canada. I personally will not sum Canadians up as the same as this man. Canada is a fine country with many fine people, minus this guy.
By the way Gwendolyn, I noticed you are from Missouri, isn't that where the men are men and the cows are nervous? | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:50:03 AM | You know what I do when ever I'm married to a guy that treats me like gold for 19 years?
I have an affair. Yeah boy, nothing better to spice up the ol marriage and the get those ungrateful-almost- adult- kids- that- want- to- get- their- own- lives attention. Attention!! Did I say the "A" word?
Atta boy OP, way to use your children as "friends".
Yeah I'd come right back out of shame. A full house of it even.
Hey, as part of your "proper help plan", maybe you could get a licensed professional (allegedly) to sew a scarlet letter "A" on all her clothes. That'll show her.
I wouldn't worry about her coming back. You're obviously getting on with your life, as is evidenced by your published profile on a dating website. Welcome my fellow fisherman. May I recommend that you get a profile review on the forums. For one thing you don't have any pictures of you standing in the yard with your boys yelling at your wife. I suggest that you go back and re-stage the whole thing for a photographer. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:53:01 AM | maybe I'm a bit biased when it comes to "Cheaters", because I have been cheated on more times than I can count on one hand.
As for anyone who is going to assume I was neglectful or not understanding enough, I cannot disagree more because I did everything I possibly could for every girl I got involved with. Why? Because anyone who I am with, could potentially be someone I spend the rest of my life with, yet I don't put that pressure on the person I am involved with because realistically anything could happen and it could end.
So from that, me trying everything I could, and yet they are still selfish enough to go out and do sexual things with other people behind my back, is flat out wrong. Hell, what I would give for them to tell me:"By the way, I am probably going to cheat on you" or "Hey, I don't feel the same for you anymore, I want to be with other people," what I would have given for that honesty, then I would have gladly walked away without feeling violated.
But no, I never had that coutesy. Instead, I find out the girl I am with, is not only seeing someone else, but more tha likely has for more than a handful of months, which not only violates me emotionally and mentally, but violates me physicaly because I do not know if the people she slept with are clean, and if she is spreading somthing on to me where I did nothing wrong to deserve it.
Once again, I apologise if I sound harsh, but I really don't have any sympathy for anyone who cheats and lies about it.
If the mother had come clean about it in the begenning, then it would be a different story, but she didn't. If she doesn't want to be faithful to her husband, then she could have ended it with him, left him, gotten a divorce, anything to make it clear she doesn't want to be with him...............but she didn't.
So I don't get why so many people are defending her behavior.
Alright, I'll play Devil's Advocate on myself and say: We all don't know the WHOLE story, and sure, it's possible he might have been a neglectful husband, or didn't treat her right, but who are we to assume anything.
All I know, is if she didn't want to be faithful and loyal to him, then she could have left rather than cheat and lie. If she was feeling depressed or feeling neglected form her husband.....once again, she could have left, or talked about with him, but honestly those are details we don't know.
The bottom line is, she was lieing and cheating.
Once again, I apologise if I sounded offensive to anyone, but I really have no sympathy for liars and cheaters because it has happened to me too many times than I would like to remember. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:58:11 AM | Grace Happens said:
You know what I do when ever I'm married to a guy that treats me like gold for 19 years?
I have an affair. Yeah boy, nothing better to spice up the ol marriage and the get those ungrateful-almost- adult- kids- that- want- to- get- their- own- lives attention. Attention!! Did I say the "A" word?
Atta boy OP, way to use your children as "friends".
Yeah I'd come right back out of shame. A full house of it even.
Hey, as part of your "proper help plan", maybe you could get a licensed professional (allegedly) to sew a scarlet letter "A" on all her clothes. That'll show her.
I wouldn't worry about her coming back. You're obviously getting on with your life, as is evidenced by your published profile on a dating website. Welcome my fellow fisherman. May I recommend that you get a profile review on the forums. For one thing you don't have any pictures of you standing in the yard with your boys yelling at your wife. I suggest that you go back and re-stage the whole thing for a photographer.
You're awesome, and I think I love you. Let's fly to Vegas. Get married by Elvis. Lose our shirts playing roulette (pun intended). | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:59:54 AM | We are NOT defending her behavior. We are chastisizing him for his!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look at the title of his thread for cripes sakes..................and in his second post he says "we" had suspected something. Which means he brought those kids into this mess instead of sitting down and confronting or having a discussion with his wife which would have been the mature adult thing to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So he takes them into an unknow situation to confront her because he was too much of a coward to do it himself. And like I said.......he used his kids for emotional blackmail against her.
I personally dont care if they had a knock down drag out fight , just dont do it in front of those boys. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:02:41 AM | | What we have here is a perfect Jerry Springer show. I'm not sure but I may have seen a similar one on there. I suggest you call Jerry, they'll pay you some money for the show and then take the money and spend it on counseling for the entire family....Jerry...Jerry...Jerry ! ! ! | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:04:41 AM | @ galonthemt: alright, that's a fair point.
Not that you're done penalising him for his obvious mistake, then how about making it fair and actually offering him advice.
Yes it's helpful to correct somthing people see as a Mistake, but he's also trying to get help as well, and this is all counterproductive until you can atleast address the issue he is looking for help on.
Like I said, what he has done was debatable, but atleast if everyone can give some advice to the situation after they are done correcting what he has done.
That's the point I am getting at. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:04:53 AM | just an average guy
You're awesome, and I think I love you. Let's fly to Vegas. Get married by Elvis. Lose our shirts playing roulette (pun intended).
Let's do fly to Vegas. And then let's fly up to Canada and check out the Mr. and Mrs. Smith show. | |
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| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:08:02 AM | glassdream
I told him in a previous post that now that the damage is done that he needs to get counseling for all involved.
Thats the best advise I have to offer........he didnt ask us for advise before he did all this damage now did he? | |
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