| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:10:48 AM | | Did you know she was with this guy? Why would you take the boys into this situation? You both sound like you are messed up. Funny we need to take a test to drive a car but anyone can be a parent? How does this happen? Perhaps you need to put your issues aside and consider your children first. Grow up! | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:22:08 AM | | i think it's great that your boys were upstanding and mature enough to realize the situation and have some integrity on it. i'm not sure what your boys were doing with you when you caught her, but oh well...they were going to find out eventually. they are at an age where they can look at a situation like this and will hopefully utilize it in a healthy way for what they want for themselves. seriously guys, it isn't as though these boys are 6 years old or anything. i also believe that there are 2 sides to every story and her version will no doubt greatly differ from yours. that being said, i think it's disgraceful that she didn't defend her boys to this man (assuming that you are telling the truth here). the best thing for all of you i believe is FAMILY counselling...her included so that things can come out in an honest fashion where everyone hears everything rather than second hand. if i were you, i would not trash talk your wife as she is still the mother of these boys. if the boys speak badly about her, let them vent, but discourage it, don't feed it. just say something like "your mother is going through a rough/bad patch and will come out of it. she just needs time" and don't go past that. these kids someday may not like a life choice that you make and could easily turn on you and take her side so tread carefully! good luck! | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:27:53 AM | Speaking of 17 and 18 year old boys. I want to know why these boys don't have their own dates to worry about and give a rip about their parents sex lives. After all they have obviously been taught how to treat women like gold by the master!
I know, I know, somebody should stop me! lol | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:28:38 AM | Grace Happens wrote:
Let's do fly to Vegas. And then let's fly up to Canada and check out the Mr. and Mrs. Smith show.
You're on. Just remind me to pack the popcorn, ok? You know how forgetful I can be. | |
|
| She cheated on the kids, too!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:32:33 AM | For the rocket scientist that said the kids wanted to go, hellooo, he is the parent which is why he says this is not an appropriate time for you to speak to your mother. Stay home. Pretty simple and that is the parent's job, to protect the children not use them as his posse.
9035768 your situation was totally different than this one and no one is saying to act like the kids are not part of the marriage, that is the whole point, without a marriage the family crumbles. What you are refusing to read from the original post is this man's attitude, that it was okay for his sons to act as if this woman was some sort of interloper in their home.
My X-husband has been horrible to me and my children but I still encourage them to take the high road and try to be decent people even when their father is not. And I am not talking about him being slightly hateful I am talking about him screaming obscenities at me through the bedroom door outside the rooms where my children should have been sleeping soundly.
Taking the boys with him to where he thought his wife was was not only unconscionable, it was flatout stupid because you do not know who owns guns and 17 and 18-year-old boys are not famous for making wise decisions when they are upset. This man is feeding off his son's hatred for their mother and that is pretty fuking sick.
I cannot keep my kids out of the middle of things because my X won't, but I can close the door and hang up the phone and that reduces his ability to make my children miserable. I don't rant and rave about what a jerk he is or encourage my children to hate him. He is a difficult man and they love him and need to learn how to deal with him when he is in one of his moods. At some point if they feel no contact is the best way to handle that I will support them but also encourage them to keep praying for him and to keep an open mind and heart.
The woman was selfish and stupid but not everyone has the same strength as others and we have no clue what the back story is in this situation. OP it is your job to get over it and suck it up for your children.
This may sound stupid but I think every perspective parent should be required to watch the movie Irreconcilable Differences. I had not even had kids yet and remember thinking wtf was her mother doing falling apart like that in front of her kid. And the way both of them treated her like she was a piece of furniture they were fighting over, so that the only real family she had was the maid? Quit feeling sorry for yourself and start being a dad, and I mean start, after 18 years if you didn't know better, you have never been a real parent to those boys which requires putting them before yourself. | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:33:59 AM |
i think it's great that your boys were upstanding and mature enough to realize the situation and have some integrity on it.
I think we found the perfect match for live wire. Someone who will make a great stepmommy and obviously has the same values as the daddy. I think Vicious should email the jerk...right now. Maybe they can all live happily ever after and they will delete their profiles. | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:39:43 AM | The boys were upstanding and mature???????????? ( gal scratches her head)
Well now that I think about it..they may be a tad bit more mature than the father!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:45:23 AM | If you have continued to read this thread, you will come to the conclusion that you haven't generated a lot of sympathy from the people who are replying. I don't know if you have a sand beach close to where you live but if you do, I want you to try the following exercise. Take a handful of dry sand and try to hold it in your fist. No matter how hard you clench your fist the sand will trickle between your fingers. Relationships are like the sand. If there is something to bind it together, a relationship is easy to hold cupped in your hand. Once the bond is gone, you cannot get it back the way it was.
At this point, you are angry and hurt. You do not to express your love for her as much as you want to punish her. Unless a person is a sado-masochist, that person is drawn to whomever gives them the most pleasure. Given the choice, would you prefer being with someone who is supportive of you or would you prefer being with someone who yells at you; is angry with you; considers you spoiled etc.
Try pointing your emotions in another context. If your wife had died, what would you do. You would be angry and hurt as well. You would miss her, grieve for her but over time you would heal. If I was in a similar situation, I would accept the situation for the way it is. Get your divorce and have the property settlement taken care of as quickly as possible. Take time to enjoy being on your own again. Take the opportunity to have a great time with your sons. Go to movies with them. Join a fitness club. Go to the library and read a few books. Take a trip to someplace hot in the winter. In a couple of years start dating again.
When I was growing up, I didn't "hate" many people. Those couple that I did, I would look at them and think "I'm going to have a longer and better life than you!" The best revenge is to be happy and successful. You should thank your wife for giving you chance to start again. In five years time will you be on a beach, laughing with your sexy new girlfriend or whining over a sink of dirty dishes on how "she done you wrong"?
Good Luck | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:47:46 AM | Just An Average Guy,
Making grocery list now darlin. Don't you think we ought to swing by and pick up some M-80s, so we can teach the OP how to use those for "fishin". I'm thinking that the OPs going to need more than a rod and reel here. I really think this guy's going to need our help, not just our voyeurism. Do you think those boys can drive a car? Driving lessons may be in order to, so they can get a date.
| |
|
nogo3
|
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 85 | |
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:54:30 AM | I don't think the OP is very smart, he comes on a dating site 5 days ago and posts a thread on a site where most of the women are anti men, now thats pretty fuking stupid.
and since he does not sound very intelligent and from what i know about how men are, i would have to think that she is shacking up with her boyfriend to get away from him and his fuked up kids.
 | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:01:19 AM | 4 pages and nothing from the OP since the first page. Too busy calling a counselor? At the beach seeing if the sand is running through his closed fist? Perhaps sitting down and discussing the situation in a mature and rational manner with his boys? NAH Not that one. He should have done that months ago.
Maybe answering all the mail he's getting from POF. | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:33:53 AM | First of all last I checked 16 and 17 are old enough to make their own decisions
Even though I do not agree with bringing the kids to the place that their mother
was cheating (her boyfriends home) I understand why he did it
He wanted them to see for themselves what was going on
Now the real point of my post is this
You act as if you are mad etc but everything you wrote is basically whining that
you want her back
She cheated on you. Period. Why would you want her back? And if you truly have done
everything you can to work things out then so be it but honestly it seems like you are
trying to dictate what she is to do even after she has made her choice.
File for separation give her space and sit back and relax.
You need to look at it objectively and stop worrying whether she will come to her senses
she might decide she does not want the situation and you should be thankful you found
out now while you are young enough to find a woman who still values marriage
Just my 2 cents | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:36:34 AM |
bottom line is, is she going to hit rock bottom and realize YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL ITS GONE??
She never will. My ex-wife abandoned me AND our son. Even when she had a chance to fix everything, she still decided to stay in the life she chose over us. | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:18:15 PM |
bottom line is, is she going to hit rock bottom and realize YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL ITS GONE??
She never will. My ex-wife abandoned me AND our son. Even when she had a chance to fix everything, she still decided to stay in the life she chose over us.
No offense indehills, but sometimes, and in particular with the OP's case, it is projecting what you want that person to have happen... Who says she will hit rock bottom? Who says she will ever look back and feel like she is missing anything at all?
I am sorry your wife abandoned YOU son (I have no respect for a woman who abandons her child)... However there are reasons for people leaving, and it isn't always apparent to the person that has been left.
It is a persons ego that is deeply injured when a person leaves. However it is a sense of ego comfort to believe they will hit rock bottom, then miss what they had...
We don't know the real story from the OPs thread, just like we don't know the real story from just one persons side.
You are correct, when people DO leave, and they chose to stay, that is a choice they have made... | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:27:58 PM | Unlike the 90% of you That think this O.P. is deplorablefor "what he did to his kids". Let me remind you. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING. She got what she deserved. I hope he takes her to the cleaners.
As for him rasing his kids to be Mysogynists. Yeah right. I think they got a good lesson in humility and not at their own expense. I think that after this they will actully love "RIGHTIOUS" women more than they will trollups, that cheat.
As for saying she should kick them out of her house for what "THEY DID"? Why on earth should she get e the house for leading a second life. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too, that is why she did not get a divorce when things went south. He is disabled, therefore, he is not the same man she married, oh pooh.. That is why you sign for a divorce if you can not hack it. Like I said , She wanted her cake and ate it too. She wanted to remain in the marriage but as an unloyal being. She had no right to do what she did.
He can not physically pack her stuff so his kids had to do it. besides they are ADULTS> It was not a 4 or five yoear old being told to play agame of "hiding momies stuf in bags and boxes" Could he have been a terrible father and role model since they were kids? Maybe but they are adults now and there is no excuse for cheating. She could have taken him to the cleaners, but instead, wantted it all. | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:38:35 PM |
Unlike the 90% of you That think this O.P. is deplorablefor "what he did to his kids". Let me remind you. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING. She got what she deserved. I hope he takes her to the cleaners.
What people like this poster doesn't understand is that most of us are not defending what she did; the point is, as you say, "what he did to his kids." Maybe she got what she deserved, maybe she didn't, but the kids SHOULD NOT have been involved. This should have been left between the husband and the wife. Even grown offspring should never be put in the position of siding with one parent or the other. Parents who allow, or drag, their children into situations like these do not have the best interests of the kids at heart--they have their own selfish interests at heart.
Those boys are not adults. They are not emotionally mature or stable enough to deal with this; hell, the father is NOT emotionally mature or stable enough to deal with this. If he is the one setting the example and being the role model, I fear for his sons ever being mature or stable.
Also, we don't know the whole story; we are hearing ONE version from a very biased reporter. | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:49:15 PM | I dont feel anyone defended the wife or cheating. It was about the husband dragging the boys into the mess, instead of protecting them as best he could,and explaining it was to be an issue between him and his wife, and that they were loved by both parents.
He used those boy as emotional blackmail against his wife...........as if to say ...its us or him..a parent does everything they can to protect their children from whatever, and howver they can. He projected his bitterness on to them. Does a loving mature parent do that? | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:50:39 PM |
She wanted to have her cake and eat it too, that is why she did not get a divorce when things went south. He is disabled, therefore, he is not the same man she married, oh pooh..
I do not recall the OPs back injury being cited as an issue causing the wife's alleged infidelity.
I don't think ANYONE here came out in support of cheating, "having their cake and eating it too" .
And some of us took the wording/phrasing of the OT as sounding like the woman might have been taking the only route open to her for escaping a war zone cleverly disguised as a family.
I think that after this they will actully love "RIGHTIOUS" women more than they will trollups
I personally think they've already learned that women are objects/property, regardless of whether they are "righteous".
Cindy O | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:51:50 PM | | Hmmm! I wonder what the response would be if the man had cheated? It amazes me how biased women are when it comes to cheating. | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:56:49 PM | | Why did you take the kids? Don't you feel they are going threw enough, without going to the guys home? It seems, shes made a choice. And, yes...I know how it must hurt. But, also...if your so crazy about her...then...why are you here? ( on a site/a dating site)? | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:57:21 PM | | I'd like to say read my lips but I cant lol so Follow my typing,,,,IT IS NOT ABOUT THE CHEATING.......................I didnt see anyone in this thread condone cheating..........It's about the BOYS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:02:12 PM | Whoever said that this is between just him and his wife couldnt be more wrong.
When a parent is being unfaithful, they arent just being unfaithful to the spouse, they are being unfaithful to the family as a whole. The wife is at fault here, not the husband.
His children are 17 and 18......one of which is an ADULT and the other is almost there. They arent little kids, they know how the world works. I seriously doubt they are "emotionally scarred". I'll tell you who is going to be emotionally scarred here...the OP.
I think the point of his original post was that his kids had his back and were extremely disappointed in their mother. In a situation where he feels abandoned and worthless, he feels better knowing his kids havent turned on him also.
I'm quite surprised that so many people jumped on his case. His kids had every right to know what was going on, and if they want to approach her, they have every right to. It sure as hell beats the "He said she said" result they'll get once the divorce sets in.
So much judging. Its really uncalled for. She cheated on him. He shouldnt have to beg for her forgiveness, and he shouldnt have to tell his kids he did anything wrong. | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:04:32 PM | been thru it myself along time ago..leave her to her friends sake..you as a husband did what you suppose to do...and good thing the boys see the truth of it all..and they got to make there own decission | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:10:57 PM | What I want to know is if your married what are you doing on here????? This is for people who are single. We also only know one side of the story. She might need some time to think by herself to see what it is she really wants. You need to do the same thing. Was the marriage really that good? Was she really that happy? Was she her own person or did she wait on you men hand and foot. She was the only woman in the family. Did you all really treat her like gold or maybe you took advantage of her or took her for granted and no one listened to what she wanted or felt. Before you condemn her really think about what it's been like in the 19 years.
I can't judge cause I only know the little bit that was said here and only your side. | |
|
| Kids packed her bags!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:12:50 PM | Hmmm! I wonder what the response would be if the man had cheated? It amazes me how biased women are when it comes to cheating.
The ISSUE here is not the cheating...it's the man's involving their teenage sons in trying to stage a real life episode of the Jerry Springer show .
Would you be OK with it if a woman took her teenage sons( or daughters) to Daddy's girlfriends house to have a confrontation and "prove" that Daddy was a lying cheating rat b*stard,and create a scene in the process, and putting the kids at risk of getting involved in a brawl that could have gotten someone hurt, killed or laible to criminal prosecution?
This thread is NOT about cheating, It's about REPREHENSIBLE ACTIONS on the part of a jealous,immature parent,involving his teenagers in marital issues that should have been between he and his wife.
I think most of us here agree that cheating is wrong, but we also feel that involving the whole family in a public scene that could have had HORRENDOUS consequences is abysmally STUPID.
If the guy is this damn bad a parent, one has to wonder if his skills at being a good husband don't ALSO suck. Doesn't EXCUSE the wife cheating but might EXPLAIN it, no?
Cindy O | |
|
Home
login 
