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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/21/2008 9:47:23 PM | my "husband" when i was willing to take him back and give him another chance would e-mail me from his lover's bed. never having any intention of coming home to me and the babies. he would tell me how sorry he is and how much he misses me. then one or two days later schizo would run my face over the pavement abusing the hell out of me,
demeaning me in every way possible and putting down to levels that no human being would ever want to feel. i had been to abuse counselling SPARC. they had told me NOT to have any contact with him and that he is an abuser who wants to control and hurt me. I wanted to see some fairytail and believe the nice things he said. I couldn't accept the cruelty.
In counselling, the only way to heal from bad things and bad people is to get away.
You may never heal, but you don't need to repeat it. That empty hole may remain.
Time has a way of filling that hole in. I pray to God to remove my pain and suffering from this mean man and to deliver me into a lifelong love. I never used to cry. I would block my feelings deep inside. Crying is healthy also. | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:26:21 AM | we all say things we dont mean! there is someone out there for everyone!
i understand how u feel because iv had the same said to me i no it hurts but you just got to pick your self up because your beter than to let words get you down.
hold your head high just think it is his loss but you will be someone elses gain!!
keep smiling
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kgrl08
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Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 28 | |
| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/22/2008 12:38:12 PM | I had hurtful things said to me by ex b/f and hurtful things done to me by him also,he choked me one night when I caught him on phone with another woman,he also did not support me when my mom was dyin of cancer recently,he actually went and out and picked up another woman,and cheated on me while I ws living with him,so I moved out and she" the new nasty woman moved in"so Iam grieving and also dealin with a broken 2yr relationship,But I know this is not the way a decent good person would ever act,so Iam better off in long run | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:02:09 PM | Consider the source, and consider the situation. Things said in anger, things said by someone who didn't want you anymore, someone who was out to hurt you one more time.
I have been lucky (?) enough not to have had nasty breakups like that, but I did have a relevant situation with a few friends who would occasionally say negative, critical things to me. Since I didn't want the resolution to be arguments or loss of the friendship, nor did I feel it was wise to respond to the criticism directly and thus give it credence/attention, I eventually figured out what I had to do with these people was to remind myself, any time I found myself taken aback by something they said, to "put it through the [insert name] filter." That is, remember that someone who is dissatisfied with her life is likely to occasionally make envious, sniping remarks to me about my life. Remember that someone who is insecure is likely to perceive innocuous things as attacks and lash out at anyone nearby. That is, consider the source, and consider the situation.
In the end, as much as words can hurt you at the moment, you are the one who makes the decision to LET them keep on hurting. You can also make the decision NOT to.
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:53:20 PM | | You know Kellie, it seems pretty clear that this would have happened somewhere along the line. Yes, it was more than likely that at this point in time, the most hurtful time of your life losing your Mom (I have yet to face that agony but know it is not too far off.), and it still is an unfortunate reminder for you, considering the timing, that your former significant other lives in close proximity to you. With that as a given, I hope you take comfort in knowing that strangers to you share your difficulties with ourselves and are here for you. How do you get past it? Hmmm, I suppose there is no right answer. Maybe the quickest way is to share your feelings with us, try not to spend too much time alone and of course, to trust to the absolute fact that it WILL in fact pass. It will. | |
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kgrl08
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Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 31 | |
| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:22:30 PM | Wow,Sailpace,"The Kindness of strangers"your words brought much comfort to me,just dont and will probably never understand why this man was so cruel to me,I was guilty of one thing and that was fallin in love with a person,who I know now had no capacicty to Love,the new woman he is with,will find in time,its a pattern with him,and she,like me will be kicked to the curb,and though I tried to warn her,she refused to have any glimmer of heart or kindness to me,she has been suckered in by him,as I was also,Love is not restraining orders,or cops being called,thanks and bless u !! | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:44:23 PM | | if they really love you they will love everything about you. but if youy have some obnoxious habbits such as chewing liek a cow making loud noises or with your mouth open or talking with your mouth ful. Or doing something disgusting anyone will be turned off. Mind your manners! Anyway thsoe are my turn offs that and people who smell bad. And if a girl does not kiss me ont he first date that is a big turn off. | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:20:58 AM | Love is never having to say your sorry !
You can over come this and get past it just tell your self so.
It's sad and low when someone you were with for years had a child with
says mean and hurtful things .
This has happened to me and well I learned
that through counseling that it was not my fault that he was just an angery
person wanted to lash out at me cause I took a stand and said no more abuse
verable , mentaly or emotionly and physical .
I hated it cause each time he
said mean or hurtful things to me they were put downs , and he wanted me to lower
my self esteam being under his rule of thumb and him calling the shots controling me
for the rest of my life and I said no more !
Left with my child and what I had on my back started over again .
It was the best move I could have made , cause there is no
one saying hurtful things to me or making me feel bad anymore.
I learned when they
do this that they are not happy with there own self
want you down to there level
well I refuse to do that.
If I can over come this ,
you will too when someone says hurtful things
just keep in mind it has not to do with you it's them,
pay no mind at all
to what an ex says walk away with your head up high
never allow anyone to step on your feelings & heart again.
Please know that not everyone is like this , there are good ones
out there in this singles dating world ,
be happy for all your accomplishments,
and with yourself pay no mind to petty stuff that exes, say.
REMEMBER YOU ARE SOMEONE
 Brenny  | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:46:33 AM | | Do a lot of self talking! When you feel lowest, just remember that your friends and family think you are all that, and so you are! I have had to do it myself, my ex was a control freak, and it got to the point where nothing I said or did was right and I really starting doubting myself, but you know what, I got rid of the SOB finally and in a very short time realized that he is the ***hole and while I have my quirks and such, I am me, and most everyone thinks I am great. Don't let one SOBs comments bring you down, he's not worth it! | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:47:36 AM | I guess the real question you need to ask yourself is, what was it about the relationship that made him say that? Did you do something that might have prompted it? Is it in his nature to say things like that without just cause?
I notice that some people say that " oh its his fault, just let it go don't let it get to you" but really if he is a rational guy and he says something like that, I'm not saying its your fault but really ask yourself first "what might I have done or said that would have him say that"? | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:07:34 PM | | Just remember that you need to make your words sweet because one day you may need to eat them. You will attract what you think about so stop feeling like it will happen again. I never said many things that I wanted to to my ex and I am glad now. It would have been over her head so what was the use. It is very clear after this much time apart that I was right in my thinking. Are your habits really that bad? Or is it part of who you are? Remember your a fool thinking you can change anyone, the only person you can work on is you. So be the best you can be and don't worry about stuff that has not happened yet. | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:15:12 PM | Saw this in another post - what is the worst thing ever said to you: It remains the same:-
'pity your ex didnt finish the job' how did I get past that, blocked and deleted the idiot.
How did I get past the vicious attack, I lived and remain a happy person. BIG GRIN | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:23:03 PM | This is how I think of myself. I'm a pain in the neck, but I love me anyway!
And guess what, the people who matter to me love me too!
Everyone has his or her "quirky habits” but you are the one that has to live with yourself! | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:59:42 PM | well, confidence is cultured over time. There is no quick fix or magic bullet to take the sting out of a hurtful remark.
I've experienced it, probably everyone has at some point, yes.
It's the old saying ...people that Love you the most sometimes hurt you the most.
and while it's true that it was probably said in haste or to purposely hurt
and while an ex is an ex is an ex.......
we are real, and have feelings, and sometimes that includes getting hurt.
ha...but I don't think you will hurt forever, so give it some time, and give yourself some self love.
hmmm...maybe we're all just temporarily lovable....that's a good one.
good luck
''''' Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:12:55 PM | Chioneso, don't let his comment define who you are. This is what my ex told me. He sais I was a "psycho" when he broke up with me (he was cheating and I confronted him). So yeah he wanted to put the blame on me. Called me a psycho. And so I descided to give him reasons to think of me as a psycho! I destroyed his crap, put it in a box and mailed it to him. Then I tried to find his car but he kept it hidden from me....So yeah, for a second I let it define me but just to get back at him. After that I felt so much better. Now I don't see myself as a psycho 100% of the time but I recognize that when someone is evil enough to try to destroy the core of the person you are, then you gotta fight back no matter what even if it takes becoming a psycho!    | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:57:11 AM | 2 sides to every story
when someone steals from you and attacks you what is a man to do?
Got rid of your truck and DOG?
I have never and will never cheat on a women!!!!
We were over in May when the first attack happened.
I was thier for her and her family even put her up in my house when her own family would not take her in.
like i said 2 sides!!!
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kgrl08
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Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 42 | |
| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:33:57 PM | The man I was with never told me he wanted to be with another woman ,my mom was dyin of cancer and I was so distraught,we had been together for a solid year,even had ring from him,Did I say hurtful things to him,yes,probably did,lashed out as I was so helpless over my moms disease,at a time when I needed consoling,a pat on back,a "there,there" he went out with other women,talked to them on the phone,etc,,,those are the times when u need a friend,not a person hurting you more with actions,words,most difficult time in my life,and I have learned from the experience,he often would say to me in anger to stop using my mom as excuse,well,thats a very mean,hurtful thing to say,and again,I had damn good reason for my actions,wonder why some are so cruel and choose to hate... | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:58:04 PM | | I think it's all down to time. It's a great healer. And then, when you've licked your wounds and heal yourself, get up and face the outside world again you find you'll be able to laugh sometimes and then more and more. Keep hold of the fact that it's a good feeling when your ex sees you getting on with your life irrespective of what they said. Eventually you'll be able to brush aside their comments as irrelevant because they are. We can't be liked by everyone all of the time. People accept and like you for who and what you are and if they don't, it's their loss. Not yours. | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:25:34 PM |
I was in a very bad relationship and towards the end one thing he said to me is this; 'All the things I once liked about you are the things I now hate'.
Part of me feels paranoid that this will be the same for everyone I get involved with, my quirky habits, ideas etc will eventually make them sick of me. I know that that may have been true for him, but it really cut me to the core and made me feel like I am only temporarily lovable.
Has anyone beein in a similar situation and how did you get past it? Is there any 'self talk' or anything to help me regain my confidence?
Since I quit trying to change/recue men like I did back when I was like early 20's I have had this experience as well.
I have come to the conclusion that if the man I am with doesn't like me for who and how I am he is not worth my time. Sometimes, this hurts when you really thought they liked you no matter what.
I have most likely 'ruined' many possible relationships by just being me from the start, I feel it is honest and wish more ppl would be that way. In fact I know I did that recently and it hurt to find out he was not that into me as I could have been with him, but we are better off.
My (and anyone else's) 'quirks' and what not are mine. I will chose when to change.
Realistically, nobody can make changes permanent unless they really want it. | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:25:59 PM | I agree with Bird.
People also say things in the heat of the moment.
As you said it was a bad realionship.
Its his problem let him deal with it.
Love you.
Love your friends.
Love your family
Be true to oneself,
No ones perfect
Those who really care and love us accept us as we are, as we do with them.
Those who dont arent worth knowing.
Dont Worry Be Happy     | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:32:46 PM | Dear Chioneso:
Don't worry about what your ex said to you so much. You are who you are.
No matter what, you cannot change who you are. It's his problem not yours.
Not everyone is going to do the same thing he did to you, or tell you the same
thing he told you. I use to think the same thing. Oh, just because he doesn't
like the way I drink my orange juice, this other one won't either. And that's
just not true. I had to feel and love myself, and embrace myself before any
man did. Go out there, have fun, and most of all be yourself, and the hell with
everyone else. Good Luck
Imhotep53 | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:33:02 PM | Consider the Source.
Your msg did not say how long you have been divorced and/or when the relationship ended. Yes...there are many counselors for you to discuss your issues with and if you are involved/participate in a church I am sure they would have support counselors for you to talk to. It just takes time to get thru the hurt emotions, don't be so hard on yourself, you will survive. | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:49:54 PM | People with low self esteem, belittle others to make themselves feel better.
He knew which button to push, to hurt you.
Don't give him that power to doubt yourself. Once you understand that premise, you'll feel better about yourself and your future. Someday you'll look back on that jerk and laugh at his imature ways, and wonder what you ever saw in him in the first place.
We've all been there, and you'll put it past you as well as we did!
Your going to be just fine! | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:10:02 PM | OP, think about what you can do to overcome that mean and hurtful statement, and remember "what goes around, comes around".
Before my ex and I were divorced, at one point, at the end of an argument, he said, in his most nasty voice, "You're going to be 50 and alone!" Meaning no one would want me when I reached that mark. (I am a year older than him.)
Well, guess what? Who has a wonderful man in her life,made lots and lots of new friends, has adventures to look forward to and has met challenges, and guess who is living all by himself in his little apartment doing the same thing day in and day out. Yep - he is 50 and alone!
Turn those hurtful words around, and watch what happens to your ex. They will come back to him. | |
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| Hurtful things said by exes, how do you get past it...
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:22:32 PM | | OP: I didn't read all of the advice given to you, but from your initial post it crossed my mind to recommend getting a copy of a book: "REBUILDING" by Bruce Fisher, basically the divorce handbook. "All the things I liked about you are the things I hate now" is a common issue. How you deal with it is another. You have the RIGHT to be you (actually much more than a 'right' to it...none can do it better!), it's more a matter of finding comfort and fit with who you are. In the mean time, focus on rebuilding your esteem and knowing that your value is not in what some might think of you, but in who you ARE. | |
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