It never actually occurs to her that the men didn't come back for a second date because she insulted him quite enough on the first date. It never occurs to her that he may have had sex with her looking for some connection that didn't pan out.

That seems part of it. Another part of this calculated decision seems to be that since older men have been burned or are bitter or whatever and don't want to get involved in a relationship, we should go ahead and just have sex without a relationship because we can't expect one from them anyway, and at least we will get sex if nothing else. And then another part of the equation is that if we forge ahead, get sexually involved, maybe we will get lucky and the man will want a relationship, down the line.

Who needs a man? Nobody. Who needs a woman? Nobody. You pursue such pairings for the pleasures and benefits of it all. You do it because you are selfish. You do it to make yourself happier. You do it to make life more interesting and creative.

men need sex to feel loved women need to feel loved to have sex."

So knowing that set of facts why would anyone enter into a relationship that they well know would make them unhappy?

All of these discussions appear to degenerate down to the question, from the women's point of view, as to whether men have "honourable intentions", regardless of the forum topic. This appears to me to be an indication of a fundamental mistrust between the sexes, and I don't, quite frankly, see how if you go into relationships with such a basis how you can ever succeed.

Who needs a man? Nobody. Who needs a woman? Nobody. You pursue such pairings for the pleasures and benefits of it all. You do it because you are selfish. You do it to make yourself happier. You do it to make life more interesting and creative.

however, it seems that what this means is that one is to make a calculated decision about becoming intimate with someone. Part of that decision seems to be based on, now that we are older and less attractive, we should not expect to be loved and valued as we might have been when younger and more attractive. That seems part of it. Another part of this calculated decision seems to be that since older men have been burned or are bitter or whatever and don't want to get involved in a relationship, we should go ahead and just have sex without a relationship because we can't expect one from them anyway, and at least we will get sex if nothing else.

This is not the type of experience I have with men who contact me on line. Most are within what I consider to be the appropriate age range, in their 50's. They do not ask for a phone number up front or early on. They are not older men who seem to want to rush into marriage. They do not make any kind of sexual comments at all, even after emailing for some time. They seem to be sincere and real. If I get any kind of vibe at any time that they are not, I don't correspond with them. I have not found the one I'm looking for, but I have corresponded with many very decent and respectful men.

I am just saying, I have not reached the point, or felt the need to, to feel or believe all is lost.

"my legs stay crossed until I get a ring on my finger, Mr Man!"


Must be difficult to pee like that,,,

It never actually occurs to her that the men didn't come back for a second date because she insulted him quite enough on the first date

That seems part of it. Another part of this calculated decision seems to be that since older men have been burned or are bitter or whatever and don't want to get involved in a relationship, we should go ahead and just have sex without a relationship because we can't expect one from them anyway, and at least we will get sex if nothing else. And then another part of the equation is that if we forge ahead, get sexually involved, maybe we will get lucky and the man will want a relationship, down the line.
********************************************************************************************************************

Oh boy what a can or worms this is.. There is a saying my mother taught me as a young child. "think big and you will be big" "think small and you will be small.."

Don't settle for less than you want no matter what your age is..

Who needs a man with such baggage? You really think he will be an added bonus in your life? I suggest you think again

This appears to me to be an indication of a fundamental mistrust between the sexes,

Its like people are terrified of their own emotions and doubtful of their own mastery of their lives

men need sex to feel loved women need to feel loved to have sex." It's a very old story that us hairless Apes have been playing out for millions of years.

I suspect that for men, sex is a sign of acceptance of a relationship. Lack of sex is a sign of non-acceptance.

I also don't understand why people look at potential relationships in terms of being unhappy.

To be able to get into one, you surely would have some interest in the person, and relationships are what you make of them.

Its like people are terrified of their own emotions and doubtful of their own mastery of their lives. Any time I have been unhappy in a relationship its still been me who decided to stay there. It was me that managed to get out as well.

It doesn't OCCUR to him that she may be having sex with him because she thinks it will secure a relationship.

Wow is that what she is thinking? I certainly would not be thinking that..

Does everyone you meet become a candidate for a relationship?

So in your way of thinking we are too ignore red flags should they fly?

In context, yes. Does not mean it will happen that way.

I wouldnt sleep with a man I insulted, but if a man were to feel he has been insulted and yet not tell the woman and then sleep with her..

Okay so why do you think it does not happen that way? Have you thought about that?

Huge numbers of reasons. She is married, she has a B/F. She is a lesbian. She prefers guys who wear suits. She just doesn't like my face. She has bigger fish to fry. She finds me too old. She finds me too young. She finds me too tall. She finds me too short. She is into leather. ......