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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:32:18 PM | In my opening post I wrote:
I hear and read in the over 45 forums, people saying that casual sex within the first few dates is "what nature intended" and it's expected. I hear others saying that sex is special and should be held in high regard and postponed until in a committed relationship.
There are some, who are first in line to condemn someone, for making a one-time error in judgement. Because, we are human and can make a less than good decision for ourselves, does not mean we are promiscuous by nature.
Friendlylady said it best for me:
For me, there is no upside or pro for promiscuity.It's demeaning, it's dangerous and it's not the same as making love to someone you really care about.
And, others have pointed out the deadly dangers.
If the only way I can keep a man interested in me, as a person, is to have sex with him within the first date or two, when I have no sexual history or proof that he has a clean bill of sexual health, then I guess I shall remain single. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:46:36 PM | | Even "proof" of a clean bill of health is not a guarantee. Takes repeated tests over months under "sterile" conditions to verify someone is NOT HIV positive. The "sterile" condition pretty well means abstinence from sex with someone else. Safest is probably to have a first affair with some guy who have been faithfully married for 20 years or so AND whose wife has also been faithful for that time as well. Finding some situation like that in this day and age is, I think, pretty unlikely. Perhaps only widowers coming out of their grief. Even then, you can never really know or be absolutely safe. Its just comes down to assessing the risk and accepting it, in the end. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:28:54 PM | ..
Even "proof" of a clean bill of health is not a guarantee. Takes repeated tests over months under "sterile" conditions to verify someone is NOT HIV positive. The "sterile" condition pretty well means abstinence from sex with someone else. Safest is probably to have a first affair with some guy who have been faithfully married for 20 years or so AND whose wife has also been faithful for that time as well.
. .Or somebody that hasn't been in a relationship at all since....when was Jean Chretien Prime Minister of Canada?
...maeflowers | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:39:35 PM |
...when was Jean Chretian Prime Minister of Canada?
2001! I got a letter from him once but he's not dateable 'cause he's married. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:45:40 AM |
he's not dateable 'cause he's married.
EEewwwwww.
But, even if he is married, he could be open to dates......No need to limit yourself. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:45:19 AM | Is that stupid chicken still screaming about the sky falling again?
Let's discuss the pros and cons of the sky falling.
I have soap boxes you can stand on and big pedestals for you to perch on. You will be carried in on a high horse, and have many peeps with their throats open for you to drop your pearls of wisdom in.
And when all those peeps grow up, they too will become chickens that can scream about the sky falling. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:04:45 AM | Is that stupid chicken still screaming about the sky falling again?
Let's discuss the pros and cons of the sky falling.
No need to hi-jack this thread. You have offered your opinions about the topic in Msg. 7, Msg 25, and Msg 45 . and they have been noted by the OP and others.
If you think this topic is not a valid topic for discussion, what is your purpose for continuing to post in this forum?
I have soap boxes you can stand on and big pedestals for you to perch on. You will be carried in on a high horse, and have peeps with their throats open for you to drop your pearls of wisdom in.
It could be construed by this OP (myself) that you are purposely and personally insulting and bashing me.
To all others, I appreciate your input and constructive opinions and debating of the topic. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:27:13 AM | The sky is falling? Really? Who knew?
I would like to think we are "all" allowed to be our independant selves with independant thoughts. And I think it is awesome that we are "all" able to share our different thoughts. While they may not be "others", they can and certainly are, ours! We must be respectful of that.
OT: Promiscuity? In this day and age? Keeping in mind the physical repercussions of this issue, what about the "mental" damage? I know of lady friends who "put out" so to speak on the first date all the time. They are disappointed and disullusioned (sp) about the outcome. Dating in this era is difficult at best. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:16:39 AM |
It could be construed by this OP (myself) that you are purposely and personally insulting and bashing me.
To all others, I appreciate your input and constructive opinions and debating of the topic.
I guess you don't appreciate opinions that are different than your own. Funny how quickly the 'bash' label is used when there is an unwanted opinion.
I never said the topic was invalid, I said dumb. I love contributing to dumb subjects sometimes as I am an expert on dumb and I need to keep up with current trends.
I could see having this conversation with a 10 year old and might briefly cover STDs but I don't see how it's a conversation for dating over 45.
How are you going to bring that up on a date?
She says, "Hi nice to meet you, I liked what I saw in your profile. By the way how do you feel about promiscuity? Can you pass the sugar please?"
He says, "Well, truthfully I want to screw every hot woman in this room, would you pass the cream? Maybe help me cream later?"
........
Sorry you don't like my opinion that this is a fairly juvenile subject in a forum that's supposed to be about dating issues relating to people over 45 but there it is, an opinion about the subject matter.
But I do see how anyone that likes being promiscuous could construe this whole thread as bashing them. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:14:35 AM |
They are disappointed and disullusioned (sp) about the outcome.
Evidently, a lot of the men are equally disappointed by the results achieved by these women, otherwise, they would be back for more, don't you think? | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:27:39 AM |
Evidently, a lot of the men are equally disappointed by the results achieved by these women, otherwise, they would be back for more, don't you think?
Hmmm did you really say that Mr. R? Takes two to tango the last time I noticed. Then again, it has been a bit!  So "promiscuity" with great sex is acceptable as opposed to "promiscuity" with bad sex? Will wonders never cease as Momma used to say! | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:38:42 AM | | One outcome is just more likely than another. Nothing at all to do with the moral or social issues. People tend to by the type of beer they find most enjoyable, not the brand they find least or not enjoyable. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:01:54 AM | So if the guy doesn't come back for seconds, it's because she was a lousy lover?
I don't think so...........fact is that there have always been people of both sexes who see it as a game, as conquest, as being sly enough to get it and not get "trapped" into a relationship........scoring..........notches on a bed post......the excitement for them is not going back........they want another conquest........even when those people find good sex and get married, they still cheat on their spouses and risk losing good sex for another feeling of "I did it! I got her/him!" | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:42:23 AM | Hardly means "she" was a lousy lover. In my experience, there is a range of fit between men and women, some partners just fit better in all kinds of ways during a sexual encounter. Once you know about this, you tend to look for it in new partners, and when you don't find it, you keep on looking. Nothing to do with whether he or she is a good lover. Its just "chemistry" in the actual sense of the word, or other things like smell, taste, physical size and shape, preferences, response, expression, timing, whatever.
Yes, there are players out for notches, but that also has nothing to do with what I am talking about. Everyone has their own flavour, and as I don't like chocolate pecan ice cream cones, there are also flavours of female who do not appeal to my taste, even although they are fine, intelligent, attractive and otherwise excellent people. That is, after all, why we see such a spectrum of couples. There is someone for everyone, but you have to seek before you will find. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:55:28 AM | People sometimes, at some point in their lives, get addicted to sex (I mean, really, it does feel kinda good) and it does, indeed, become a lot like adding notches to a bedpost. But unlike the other addictions: booze, narcotics, gambling, building model train layouts in the basement, etc., it does involve another person directly in a very intimate way – and, if done with any pleasure in mind, it does link directly to the other person’s emotions. This is the ‘con’ of promiscuity – not what you do to yourself, as we are all ultimately responsible for ourselves, but what you do to the other person. The only ‘pro’ that I can think of is accumulating those bed post notches and ‘getting it’ regularly (till you get caught, of course). To each their own, as always, but I’ve never been comfortable with the ‘pro’, myself.
cdn guy | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:31:50 AM | I'll follow 'cdn's line . . rather than try to re-define Promiscuity.....
I've always been a 'toucher' . . when I'm attracted to someone, I want to put my arm around them .. give them a hug .. Dance and even Tickle them..!
I'm just naturally very affectionate..!
So, when I met my 2nd wife, we discovered that we were very much the same !!
Which led to an extended Honeymoon !!
We were Both 'Addicted to Sex' .. mostly because we were both in very unsatisfying
relationships..and enjoyed pleasing each other !
I'd prefer being 'Sexually Charged' with One Partner .. rather than 'Promiscuous' with Several..!!
. .     . . | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/7/2008 12:40:34 PM | I see there are a lot of Cons on here, and undoubtedly I agree with most or all of them.
On the bright side, one of the pros of promiscuity.....
burns a lot of calories or so I'm told. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/7/2008 12:52:23 PM | | So does walking a few miles a day, Ageless Wonder.....and you might drop dead from a heart attack, but it won't be a slow, ugly death from AIDS..... | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/7/2008 3:36:08 PM | Being with someone for a while before having sex doesnt mean you wont catch something !
The worst thing I ever caught was from a regular girlfriend.
I ended up passing blood and being taken to hospital !
Yet from one night stands I never caught anything.....................
Some diseases women dont even know they have until their ovaries burst and it kills them. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/8/2008 4:51:09 PM |
So does walking a few miles a day, Ageless Wonder.....and you might drop dead from a heart attack, but it won't be a slow, ugly death from AIDS.....
g/f I do hope you know I was joking, although not a very good joke. STD's including AIDS is nothing to joke about!  | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:02:39 PM | "Hardly means "she" was a lousy lover. In my experience, there is a range of fit between men and women, some partners just fit better in all kinds of ways during a sexual encounter. Once you know about this, you tend to look for it in new partners, and when you don't find it, you keep on looking. Nothing to do with whether he or she is a good lover. Its just "chemistry" in the actual sense of the word, or other things like smell, taste, physical size and shape, preferences, response, expression, timing, whatever.
Yes, there are players out for notches, but that also has nothing to do with what I am talking about. Everyone has their own flavour, and as I don't like chocolate pecan ice cream cones, there are also flavours of female who do not appeal to my taste, even although they are fine, intelligent, attractive and otherwise excellent people. That is, after all, why we see such a spectrum of couples. There is someone for everyone, but you have to seek before you will find."
So.. let me see if I got this one straight.. you're making sexual comparisons as a way of finding the "right" one to then "make" a possible relationship with? Trying on different slippers so-to-speak.. to find your sexually compatibale Cinderella? With the "happily everafter" never entering into the picture.. at all.. not even a tad beforehand.
Okay.. just sounds like another game of leap frog to me. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:12:22 AM |
With the "happily everafter" never entering into the picture.. at all.. not even a tad beforehand.
Sigh! As always, redarcangel, you respond to my comments using oversimplification, tangential subjects, and pejorative trivialization. That being said, I do suppose that you can do the
everafter part with someone who you do not find sexually appealing. Goodness knows, these forums are filled with submissions by women who lament just having done that, although, strangely, I don't see a lot of males stating that they spent decades in lousy sexual relationships. There are those males and females who lament "no sex" decades, however.
In any event, I really fail to see how to get to
happily everafter if you don't enjoy sex with your partner. Perhaps you would like to try to enlighten me on that subject if you can bring yourself to address the matter directly, without exuding your own mis-informed biases, and attempting to branch off on some tangential morally evaluative discussion.
I think that anyone going into a sexual relationship has at least some level of anticipation that it will work out to something happily ever after. Its the fact that it does not always go that way that is the cause for anxiety. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:56:45 AM |
Because some people can't think of anything else to discuss but sex.
No actually, discussing sex is weird, and immature. Men who want to discuss sex disgust me. It just violates all of my personal boundaries. And it's very unmanly. If a man has nothing more to talk about than sex, then he has nothing much going on in his life. He must be very bored. It's a huge turn off. And usually when a man is obsessed with and wants to talk about sex, it's because that man or boy isn't getting any sex.
It gives them someone to look down their nose at. I'd rather not 'look down my nose'. This sounds very cliche.
...it is judgmental. Saying that one prefers not to discuss sex isn't being judgmental, it's merely stating your personal boundaries and preferences. If 2 people have nothing else going in than sex, then sooner or later (usually sooner), the relationship is over and they realize that is all they had was sex in common. Not very stable.
<img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
I never said the topic was invalid, I said dumb. I love contributing to dumb subjects sometimes as I am an expert on dumb and I need to keep up with current trends.
I bet this guy isn't getting any. (SEx that is). | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:24:05 PM | Oh how I wish I could be promiscuous ... there are some nights I would just love to go out and pick up some random man.... The reality is that it would not be satisfying. There just would not be that connection that I truly want.
But it is the fantasy! | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:35:51 PM | Yes.....the fantasy is alluring but the reality just is not......
I too long, at times, for those days when you did not have to think or worry as much about STD's, long term commitments, mental stimulation and all those things we so much consider now, instead of just enjoy the person and act itself.
It worked then for the short span, but seldom for the long haul. That first time that you awakened with that person next to you, and you have nothing in common to say or do but to have sex again and then hope that they leave, becomes the beginning of the end of the "pro" side, and the birth of the "con".
Maybe that is what maturity and experience does for us........the person means more than the act, and finding the "one" that can give you both, is your goal and not just the pleasure of that single night.
Just my opinion.......  | |
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