| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:37:49 PM | to happygilmore2
im not suggesting that all single man should date single mothers at all, everyone has freedom of choice and shoulddate whomever they choose ... im merely suggesting that we should erase all the stereo types that single mothers have had placed on them...
And of course i havnt dated a single woman with kids , but how could i be far from right when i am indeed a single woman on the dating scene ???? how could i be far from right when i am living the experience ??? .... Its not all black and white ...
I would also like to address your about my comment about the "real man" tittle ok fair enough i could have chosen my words a little more carefully, i was just trying to point out that it takes someone really special to want to be a part of another mans children lives and i admire man for that , I do with that there were more men out ther that would i truely do and i do understand that there are some men that choose not to be that kind of guy i have no gripe to think anything other than they choose not to and that is fine so i do change my definition of a "real man" i do apologise ..
you also suggested that a real man wuold take responsibility for his own brood and or stand up for his convictions point well taken , but it does say a lot about men when there are so many single mothers out there that have children to fathers that run off and im not just talking about women that fall pregnant after flings as such im talking about men that run out of marriages when their wives concieve or have the child .. says a lot about the "real man" in society doesnt it ????
I just have one hypothetical question for you if thats alright..... lets just say that you met the woman of your dreams the one that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with , you had children down the track and unfortunately your marriage didnt work no matter how much intervention from marriage therapy and the like and you both decided to get a divorce... would you not want your ex wife to be happy at some point in her life ?? would you not want her to meet someone that would love her the way you once did reguardless of the children ???? | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:15:38 AM | My question on all of this is why is it soo many women don't know what birth control is or don't stay together. This an attack on American morals, not on single moms. I can't tell you how many Japanese women I met that were 30+ and didn't have any kids. And awesome chicks. It is rare, and I mean rare to find an American woman 30+ without kids.
And the few out there probally can't have kids, or just don't like sex.
Now for the other side, as this has been a real big attack on single moms, and I'm sorry for that as I'm the one that started it... but it's cool that this is a topic that soo many feel strongly about..
I also can't tell you how many women I've met with no kids, that flake, cheat.. whatever. It almost seems that it takes a kid in a chicks life to get her to settle down, and even consider just being with one dude at a time.
Okay now that was just a really negative women post. or negative on American women post.. but if you read my profile, I am very negative on American women. Would love to meet one that is halfway decent. and no I'm not lowering my expetations. If anything I've raised them over the years. After 6 years of a failed marrage I now refuse to support a worthless piece of ()(*) just so she can cheat on me then go after the money that was supporting her lazy bu*( while she sat at home kidless and did nothing.
Like I said. Rather be alone than with another crappy chick. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:23:54 AM | Yea it was a very unfiltered bitter post. Were there things I did wrong? Sure. Did we get married younger? Yes. But that also an American culture mark... and part of this whole reason soo many have kids so young here so young.
Then don't stay with whomever they had them with. And about 30ish look for the real relationship.
I do believe this is an American culture thing. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:09:25 AM | Really -- this is about dating people with children or not. More and more men are becoming the primary custodial parents these days. So, this issue is affecting both genders ... not just the males. Dating a person with children is a balanced decision and many factors go into it. There are reasonable issues to consider which factor into the decision making process. What is the imvolvement of the father/mother of the ex. How involved is he/she in the child/children's life ?? Is his/her involvement healthy or unhealthy ??? How involved is the custodial parent and what type of role model is that person. Are these respectful children with good manners or are we talking out of control children that run the house. Does this parent actually have the time to put into building a solid LTR. Has this person introduced a revolving door of men/women to their children. What is the parenting style and can you see yourself supporting that if you develop a LTR, can you see yourself blending your family into this mix or can you see yourself having biological children with this person and bringing them into an already set pattern of child rearing? There is an added deminsion of capatiblity issues that exist when children are present. The relationship between the parent/child is a good indicator of who the person is and how they handle life.
My ex husband made is very difficult for my children and myself for 12 years after divorce. He did this to make my life such a living mess to deal with that dating would be pointless. I am a mature level-headed person -- but -- the ex wasn't and took his bitterness to the extreme. To the point, I couldn't consider dating as it wouldn't be fair to the individual. I was the stability in my children's lives and thought it best just to rear my children without bringing a well intended male into the mix that my children would openly reject and dis-trust. I understood this rejection would have nothing with the individual I wanted to date but the pain inside of my children from visitation. I didn't believe it would be fair to put another person through the bitter antics of the ex. Now, that things have finally calmed down I realize there are still many issues connected with finding a LTR. My child living at home factors into the relationship decision process as does the situation of the male. Does he have children ... if so ... what age ??? How would that effect the relationship ??? Is he a great parent with his children ??? After we've both spend the time with our own child/children what part of us is left for the other. Some individuals require more attention than others. How much can we give each other and is it enough ??? What role would I want him to play in the life of my child and what role would I be willing to play in the life of his ??? What role would he be comfortable with?? Many things have to factored into the decision prior to starting a relationship. A lot of people have successful marriages with children already in the picture. Is it doable -- certainly -- does it take more effort --- most definitely --- | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:33:25 AM | You know what OP, you had me until I read this:
"My question on all of this is why is it soo many women don't know what birth control is or don't stay together. This an attack on American morals, not on single moms. I can't tell you how many Japanese women I met that were 30+ and didn't have any kids. And awesome chicks. It is rare, and I mean rare to find an American woman 30+ without kids.
And the few out there probally can't have kids, or just don't like sex.
That is an assinine statement. I am 33, I don't have kids but I am physically able to have kids and I don't have any sexual hangups. I just happen to be sexually responsible and know what I want and won't settle for anything less.
My mother was a single mother but she was married and my father abandoned us. Legal recourse was of no help to her. It took her three years to divorce him because he could not be found. So the alimony and child support judgments weren't worth the paper they were printed on. My mother worked hard to provide for the two of us and I got babysitting jobs from 10 years old and found real work as soon as I was legally able. As a result, I have more SS benefits in my account then my mother does and she's less than a decade away from collecting.
There are a myriad of reasons why women become single mothers. Who are you (all of you) to judge them based on decisions you know nothing about. So what OP, you met one horrible woman who admitted she was careless during her 'clubbin'' years. You should be ashamed for painting all women with (and without) children with the same broad brush. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:48:14 AM | | It's an American, Canadian and British thing. Women in other countries learn to take responsibility for their actions a lot more. Anyway, what's wrong with dating 18-25 year olds? Younger women are a lot crazier and a heck of a lot more fun. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:25:56 PM | Most single-self supporting custodial parents are taking responsibility for their actions. I have read this thread and haven't seen one compliant about the parent not caring for the child as defined by law. I have read several threads were the women, I understand this is true for some men, are paying their bills, raising the children without the benefit of child support. Where is the biological father in this case and what country/law/ culture would praise him for taking care of his responsibilities??? I fall into the catagory of the single self-supporting parent raising 2 children from a past marriage without the help of child support. Is he court ordered to pay it -- of course he is --- has he been jailed for non-payment -- of course he has -- does he live up to his responsibility -- of course he doesn't ... does he owe lots in unpaid child support payments -- of course he does --- does he have money for attorney's and not his child support -- of course he does --- does he take vacations -- of course he does -- does he have money to make the payments -- of course he does and then some -- is he the only father in the US like this --- of course -- he isn't. Be real -- I read somewhere that over 1/2 of the children in the US are being raised in single-parent homes. Someone has been responsible ... I have also read that about 1/2 of these single parents do not recieve support payments court ordered or not. We also get less of a tax break than a married family who has 2 incomes to pull off the same feat.
Again, I also know men that without a court ordered support child agreements they pay support and some of them hardly ever see child/children and weren't married to the woman. Divorced that do the same. Point is -- who is being responsible for these children. In my case, I'm the only one paying the bills and have been the parent 24/7 for years. It's not fun raising the last name of the person that has been abusive to myself and my children but by gosh someone's got to take responsibility. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:29:18 PM |
It's an American, Canadian and British thing. Women in other countries learn to take responsibility for their actions a lot more. Anyway, what's wrong with dating 18-25 year olds? Younger women are a lot crazier and a heck of a lot more fun.
I want to say I completely love this statement. Across the board. Laughing hard on it.
So Europe is the same way eh?
And yes, I'm painting with a large brush. I'd say my brush is about 80% true. Looking for that 20%. And of that 20% they still have to be interested in me also. That the fun part.
And I agree on the plight of a single mom.. and all that. I am looking at it though from a way different perspective. Should it be my fault that some girl and her whatever didn't work out? I will say American legal system is setup for this though. Also seen the other side of it with guys I know were paying child support precourt that then get the state coming after them... as mom can get food stamps, health care... bla bla bla... and they come after dad for that. And he was already giving her half if not more of his paycheck. But he was doing cash like a dumb ass, so she saying she never got a cent.
Miltary was full of same type of thing... wives run up every inch of credit when their husband catches em cheating, so they will have a huge chunk as the free ride is over. (my own did this also) I pay it out. Then still get to go to court and fight state to not have to pay her the rest of my life. Woulda been ugly if we had the said kids this whole post was about.
Know another that got out 5 years from retirement just so she couldn't have it.
This all said. Most of what I saw was in military... and realized since being back in st louis that there are as many leech guys here as chicks. so yea. they all just suck.
But anyway... flame war asside.
Think there have been some good posts on this from every side. Disagree that it doesn't matter. But also don't think it should be a make it or break it for someone either. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:18:39 AM | | Seriously, there's so much variety out there. If you don't want to date a woman with kids, you can just simply say NO :) Let some other sucker deal with the drama. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:31:51 PM | As a single mom, I have three beautiful kids.Granted the relationship with their father failed, not only to his , but my demise too.As it takes two, to make things work.
For me , I'm here to meet different people, the rest not so sure.I do know I have taken the lifes lessons and learned. And really focused in what life has to offer.Live it to the fullest, as you only restrict yourself.
Its not an easy road but I made it this far. I'm not looking for a replacement.But some one to share life with and enjoy all the riches it has.Understand our actions speak louder than words.For myself I always have three sets eyes watching, and learning.Personally I find this exciting, as they are the next generation, the future.And I will always have a part of it.I will know to I made a difference,by being me.Honest , integrity, respect, loving, laughing, and most of all unconditionally.
So really passing judgement unfortunately, not cool. But it is your choice, just remember consequences. At least I know I can look in the mirror now and forever , and be complete.I'm truely happy with myself .The question is are you?
We were born to unconditionally love, and in the end that is all we want in return.
So really does it matter , if you turely love the person. All the negativity will not matter.     | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:46:06 PM |
So really passing judgement unfortunately, not cool. But it is your choice, just remember consequences. At least I know I can look in the mirror now and forever , and be complete.I'm truely happy with myself .The question is are you?
Passing judgement? Not where this started. What did I do wrong to not be able to look in the mirror? Say that I had mixed feelings about dating women that expect me to help raise some other dudes kids?
So really does it matter , if you turely love the person. All the negativity will not matter.
True... but we don't start loving the chick. And I fell for the girl with 2 kids. And she still kept looking to find a guy with more money to take care of her and her kids.
Was ready to look past it with/for her.
Funny how to fall for someone can also mean to be duped. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:49:54 PM | Best to avoid women with kids as most will expect you be a meal ticket for her and the kids.
Date younger ladies 18-25 is good bet. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:22:24 PM | Really , then awesome, but not everyone is looking for a meal ticket.
Some off us can handle our own,are looking for ourselves.
I truely believe what goes around come around.....
Just be tru e to you, that what matters! | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/26/2008 12:13:40 AM | Date whomever you like.....date women with or without hair...?...with or without siblings...?....with or without a car...?...with or without lip-stick...?...with or without cowboy boots...?...with or without teeth...?...with or without a job...?...with or without eye-brows....? with or without with or without...
I mean wtf?...which part of the list do you fill...the 'with' or the 'without'...?
date who ya wanna....it's kinda easy , and you can do it without having to insult a large part of the female population with simple-minded babble...
Best to avoid women with kids as most will expect you be a meal ticket for her and the kids. ^^^^like that guy.....
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:31:07 AM | Unfortunately it's a fact that women who have kids can't give large chunks of their time to dating. Why? Cos they tend to be the main carer (Dads tend only to be around at weekends).
If you want a lot of time from a woman, then don't go near the mothers!!!! | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:13:26 PM | Kusho50,
I would have to say that you are in the minority...since you don't have children. Like a few posters have stated the decision is yours and you should date who you are attracted to or want to date.
Age is just a number...as you have shown us!
My 2 cents on the clubbin thing...I think its a just a matter of what you are looking in women or have you fallen victim to the mindset that you could have changed her mind. She doesn't sound like she was looking for something long-term with you. Judging by her actions, would you trust her to raise your kids say you two had gotten married and it didn't work? She doesn't sound self-sufficient.
Exactly, how many Japanese women are on this planet????
As an example, my ex-bf doesn't have children and he just made 36 (I think). We are still friends and talk regularly. We dated for almost 4 years and he has told me dating a woman with kids isn't a problem besides it provides insight into how she is with kids. He never felt like second place with me and you have to get creative when its playtime and the kids are around. It was a distant relationship but it worked while it lasted. That's another discussion...
Funny though, your dilemma is women with kids, mine is divorced men,I find it hard to find men who aren't divorced w/ or w/out kids, separated, married, etc. I use to always say I wouldn't talk to a divorced man, then when I did give one a chance, he lied and is still married. That's another debate.
I was in a relationship when I got pregnant with my girls, but chose not to get married (knowing it would only lead to divorce and me probably paying him b/c he couldn't keep a job). It took some time but I made my mind up and left the relationship, especially when I realized I didn't love him, never did, and was just going through the motions for the kids. I was working and taking care of them by myself anyway, he was dead weight. We all aren't bad and I was young (21) and he was in his early 30s. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/27/2008 1:17:58 PM | Kusho, I don't think you have mixed feelings at all about dating women with kids. It just looks like an excuse to purge your bitterness about the one woman that hurt you badly.
I hope you find what you're looking for. Is that a 100% guaranteed faithful, interesting, intelligent woman you don't have to share with anyone?
Yeah, she exists. You'll find her and you'll trust her and you'll have baby kushos and you'll live happily ever after in your tamper-proof world.
good luck with that one
English Single Mum
(aka sexually irresponsible parasite looking to bleed dry and mock some poor unsuspecting mug who wanted no more than to love and support her and her litter of ungrateful **stards) | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:10:50 PM |
(aka sexually irresponsible parasite looking to bleed dry and mock some poor unsuspecting mug who wanted no more than to love and support her and her litter of ungrateful **stards)
ROFLMAO. Wow a girl with a sence of humor.
Thanks to both last two posts. Both very good. Tamer-proof eh? Curious if you saying this as a myth... but you know. ;)
Oh and on the how many Japanese women are out there? Not enough in St. Louis. That for certian. I'm come to see that St. Louis people mostly just suck. Not just the women. Or any such stereotype.
Maybe long term answer is to fully get fluent and move back to Japan. But that a hard nut to crack also.
Need a job for a visa. Need a visa for a job... Loop to infinenty and square and you can see the delema.
I honestly think mostly I wanted to vent about crappy women I had met and the stereotypes I have been seeing that are seeming to hold true. Also think more of the girls on dating sites like this have kids... as easier way to meet people when you don't have as much free time.
But then meet people in a bar... and stateside bars it assumed right from the start that if you going to talk that right from the start you just trying to hook up.
Anyway. I just love to point out the dilemas. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/28/2008 2:53:46 AM | kusho,
I myself prefer to date a woman that has kids. I do not have any kids of my own but I think it makes the woman more responsible because she has kids. Another reason is I love kids and seeing their faces on Christmas when they are opening gifts, playing catch with them, Taking them to baseball games and amusement parks etc. It is just a great feeling when you see that smile on their faces. When I am dating a woman that has kids and if our relationship becomes serious, I will treat those kids like they are my own although I will not discipline them because they are not my kids. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:47:56 PM | ^^ There he is ladies. The nice guy you search for who understands that you are a package deal.
Your inbox should fill up sir, if anyone here writes anything near the truth.
This is meant to be not a slight. If people mean what they write, someone is about to get alot of mail. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:51:01 PM | | I would date a girl with or without children but saying that I would be upfront and say I do not want anymore children | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/29/2008 3:13:05 PM | I'm 44, divorced with no kids...so I seem to attract quite a few single moms. I think it's because they won't have to worry about another's children / ex-wife with me.
Most of the single women in my area with no kids have the same thing going on (just like the childless men their age, IMO): they are all about the traveling, big house and money thing. They are the ones that usually list the minimum salaries, not the single moms! My last relationship was my first with a woman with kids, and I was scared of the kids - or rather, the responsibility. I came out of that relationship loving those kids to death. I've found single moms to be much more forgiving of my faults than the "upwardly mobile, goal-oriented" childless women my age, but I'm not wanting to stereotype at all. It's just my experience so far. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:06:31 PM |
I've found single moms to be much more forgiving of my faults than the "upwardly mobile, goal-oriented" childless women my age, but I'm not wanting to stereotype at all. It's just my experience so far.
I could see that. Haven't run into that type... but probally still off their radar. :) (Not rich by any shape or means) | |
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