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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:36:32 AM | | Google toolbar has a spell checker, too. I added it accidently and was surprised to find the feature was included. | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:58:28 AM | Yes the whole spellcheck thing used too confuse the hell(not that thats hard) out of me when people banged on about it.I did try it once when writting a e-mail.When all these red quiggly lines started appearing,umm,thats not good.Ended up sitting there having a arguement with it over the spelling of certain words,sheesh,even i knew that wasn't right,or so i thought.Eventurally just said,F it,turned the thing off and never used it again.
Might have to have a bow peek at this Firefox thingy.Maybe its spellcheck can actually spell or make sense to a spelling niny like me. | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:52:52 AM |
Ended up sitting there having a arguement with it over the spelling of certain words
Yeah, I had the same problem with the Firefox spellcheck, it wasn't until I had a lengthy debate with it, using every shred of my literary genius in an attempt to convince the stupid thing that the word colour has a U in it, that I realised that the bl00dy thing only speaks American. Does anyone know how to naturalise a spellchecker?..cos I only speak 'Strain.
On the subject of spellchecking software, I myself have gone one step further and gotten myself an intellect editor and enhancer. It’s a clever device that converts the mindless drivel and stream of consciousness babble that swirls around in my brain into semi-literate written words. It does this by connecting my computer directly to my brain, which in my case is of course in my d!ck. So with the two sets of hardware connected up, and bearing in mind this insightful quote…..
4 pages of pissing
…..I switch on the intellectualiser, take a really mind blowing p!ss (preferably in all the wrong pockets) and voila an instant, semi-legible post. True, it’s only marginally more appealing than a bowl of instant porridge, but still a vast improvement on my un-aided writing, which would have looked like this:
On the, ERRRR, subbuhjeck of spellcheckigg soffware I miself habe gone one step furdeh 'n gotten myself an intelleck editor 'n enhasser. It’s a clebeh debice dat conbehts de minbbless dribel 'n stream of consciousness baggle dat swirls around in my brain into semi-litehate wrote words. GEE danks.It does dis by conneckigg my c'pootr direck to my brain, which in my case is of cusse in my**** So wid the, duh uhh, two sets of harware conneckid up, 'n bearigg in mind dis insiteful kote... [kote]4 pages of pissigg[/kote] ...I switch on de intelleckualiseh, take a real mind blowigg piss (prefehab in all the, uh, the wrong pockets) 'n boila an instant, uh, semi-legiggle post. True, uh uh uh, it’s ony marginal more appealigg dan a bowl of instant porrije, uh uh uh, but still a bast iprobemin on my un-aidid writigg, which wudd habe lookid like dis: | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:17:49 AM | yeh,I'm sure there's some of them thaar spell chekkers on my whizbang overdriven PC....
yet..somehow.. I still find more satisfaction hefting up the trusty Macquarie dictionary onto the table with a thump..and thumbing through it to find our correct spelling of words.. in B&W... 
and with the added bonus of checking out all the other words that catch your eye on the page and take you away into the meanings of a whole bunch of similarly grouped words...
only takes a minute.... sometimes... | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:34:50 AM |
the bl00dy thing only speaks American. Does anyone know how to naturalise a spellchecker?
I just installed firefox and there was a choice of a US or a British version on its homepage. I downloaded the British version and when I got it going it let me chose an Australian dictionary as some sort of add on. So the answer is probable to re install the program. | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:50:00 AM | ^^^ What fun is there in that? Isn't the point of installing things to then rage endless battles with them thereafter. I hardly ever have cause to indulge in hearty episodes of repeated swearing when I am not using the computer.
And I guess I don't have the Aussie version cos my spell check disapproves of 'programme'...you want it to be 'program' doncha ar$ewipe...well tough cos it's 'programme'...and 'utilise'...you so want 'utilize' to feel good about yourself doncha you smug b@stard, well it's not gonna happen....and take this...capitalise, specialise, initialise...and you've never even heard of 'dunny' have you, ya stupid c*ough*...
Oh...
*cough*
...are you all still here...  | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:53:59 AM | ^^^Cool, thanks for that. Coincidentally, not five minutes ago a little box popped up telling me there's a new version of Firefox available to be installed, looks like I'll be able to communicate properly with my fellow Australians very soon. [whispers] even though I'm really a pom
EDIT:
Isn't the point of installing things to then rage endless battles with them thereafter
Hadn't thought about that, cos I do so enjoy my verbal abuse sessions with my computer programmes, it stops me from taking my pent up rage out on the kids.
Perhaps someone needs to put together a POFiser, a programme that edits all the symbols into those lovely words that we like to use to abuse all the fvcking @rsewipes that write so much bullsh!t without being sprung by the mods and having our 'expletives deleted'...where the fook is he by the way? | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:19:23 AM |
You already have Firefox on your computer...you just need to get with the programme and use it.
How do you know?...have you been snooping while im asleep again?
God, am I the only one who uses internet explorer?......I feel so outdated now! | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:54:56 AM | | Nope Hilly I still use and funnily enough have no issues with it, but then again thats the problem with computers and the internet, 90% of the time its the users that are broken. | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/12/2009 11:47:51 PM | I dont mind a few badly spelt words, but what i can't stand is when people abbriviate everything!!
"hi hru 2dy?" grr it angers me hahaha It is definatly a pet hate! Even with a SMS, stop being a tight ass and send the 2 pages instead of the one, at least that way i will understand what you are saying!!
Oh and when people write "I Heart Things" ... because apparently its quicker?!?! ITS AN EXTRA LETTER! Love = 4 letters, Heart = 5 letters
/end vent.  | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 9/12/2009 11:51:38 PM |
but then again thats the problem with computers and the internet, 90% of the
time its the users that are broken.
Can't count the times I've been guilty as charged.  | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:23:48 PM | I lifted this poem from the internet somewhere, I thought it might weed out the snobs from the slobs. Personally I can barely pronounce the word thlob after trying to get my tongue around it, I think I'll stick to Dr Seuss.
If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!! | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:04:54 AM | ^^^That is great. 
What the hell is a Terpsichore?
I think Foeffer should be spelt Feoffer
Oh God I am the only one on here that has read the whole thing aren’t I?
There really isn’t any hope; I will be on here for life.
I better get some cats and be done with it.
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:28:54 AM | I wonder if one reads that wordy post with an accent?...
then tries to repeat the "proper" word sounds without an accent?...
mmm?.... | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:21:49 AM |
Oh God I am the only one on here that has read the whole thing aren’t I?
No.
Not at all. On the contrary.
I read it two times, that's twice, one less than thrice.
One was fun, so why not double? Go for a couple?
Right through too, two to the end complete.
Though I thought wriggle and writhe deserved a place?
Not to mention queue and cue.
And where were hue and hew? Or who?
Which brings up sew, and sow, and so on...
And others, like done and bone and gone.
Bright, height and bite too, all out of sight.
No sign of signature reign, rain or rein
Neither work nor jerk, or lurk either.
Testing testing...
Two is more fun than one!
But three is a deformity.
meh! English rulz! | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 2:32:34 AM | | Don't cancel the cats - properly treated, they make great headwear for the colder months.... | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 3:00:16 AM | Thanks Julian!
After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud.
I can see why the French guy had trouble of course, but on the other hand English has borrowed so many French words you'd think he would have found some quite familiar?
For instance...
enamour
chaise
corps
viscount
bouquet
chalice
joust
tour
mirage
I haven't even pulled all the French words out of that poem either... but just out of interest I stripped out all the words that look to be foreign in origin. I haven't researched or verified! I'm just going on appearance, so no one should rely on this for their thesis.
Some of these look to be ancient borrowings from Greek, Roman (Latin) and Norse (Scandanavian/Viking) and have been thoroughly anglicised, but others are obviously more recent.
diet, retain, plague, plaque, oven, receipt, devoid
Typhoid, measles, aisles, Exiles, similes,
Scholar, and cigar, Solar, mica, anemone
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel
Scene, ballet,
wallet, mallet, chalet.
Viscous, mould
pronunciation, croquet, clamour, enamour
rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
devour, clangour, aunt,
Font, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, Query, fury
bosom, transom, victual, zephyr, heifer.
senate and sedate;
Scenic, Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, ache, moustache, leopard, precise,
police, Camel, disciple, label.
canal, plait, chaos,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
succour, Psalm, malaria.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
alien, Dandelion, battalion.
ally, whey, aver, leisure, skein, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
preface, Phlegm, phlegmatic, target, gin,
scour, Hyphen, nephew
Monkey, cork, Psyche, paling, abyss, solace
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Add in tsunami and Japanese is represented, then perhaps throw in a volcano (from Latin - vulcanus) spewing lava (Hawiian - Pacific) onto the village (French) and burning (Norse/OE) up the houses (OE/Germanic) and it becomes clear, English is a very cosmopolitan (Greek - 'cosmos') language (O.French). | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 3:40:12 AM | I'm glad they found out about ADHD after my lot got through school....
and after reading the modern studies.. I think we all were.....
I was regularly tossed out of my gr4 class for having non acceptable handwriting at copybook time.... then got the cane for being stood outside the room, if the headmaster walked by.....
it was tough work trying to be good at literary stuff..... when whacking was involved...
reading however didn't get you caned... until "the tropic of cancer", the clockwork orange, and ..errr..playboys came along.....
though they could never get me for escaping into the likes of Moorcock and Vonnegut..Heinlien and Clark...Rand and Dostyovski... oh,and Marvel comics.... Capt Goodvibes, et al...
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 3:43:26 AM | I think terpiscore or is that teri.. or damn , however it's spelt is something to with poetry or music and them sort of things . Languages are fascinating and english most of all , though not so much fun to speak as others [yeah yeah .. but I had to teach them so ..?].. English is fascinating due to England's raping and general pillaging throughout history [I think it was to make up for being tiny ]..but the not so much fun bit is due to the stiff upper lip philosophy it embraces , so you can't do a gallic shrug in English or randomly wave your arms around to make apoint as in Italian . | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 4:04:39 AM | having worked for a long winter in a south London Pub... that happened to be an irish sorta place.. and on the way up from the channel... I witnessed a lot of different englishes being spoken.....
I was often jibed with "what's a****ey like you doing across the river, then?".... much to my amusement... I'd spent the previous 9 mths on the continent and nth africa....
I can't have sounded too aussie....
though ... the actual real english types who drank there were the dullest, least animated lot I've encountered.... sorry...
all the other english speakers that graced the place.. even those from the sub continent. were SO animated and full of expression and emotion it was a true education.... and a delight to witness.... geez.. even the french tourists ordering coffee? in the pub... speaking english, tried harder to be understood....
aren't you supposed to wave your arms around with aplomb, roll the eyes..flutter even.. and use various extreme facial expressions to communicate?....
as well as speak.... | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 6:26:07 AM | I drop my consonants...all over the floor. My clothes are covered in punctuation marks. Yesterday I got fined for alliterating in the street.
I am a literacy slob. | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:38:24 AM |
I am a literacy slob.
I'll say you are, I've seen those sentence fragments lying all over the place, and you really should clean those dangling participles off the ceiling....it's no wonder you're always misplacing your modifiers.
Still, at least you're not as bad as me I'm an oxymoron when it comes to literature. | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 8:28:03 AM |
I'll say you are, I've seen those sentence fragments lying all over the place, and you really should clean those dangling participles off the ceiling....it's no wonder you're always misplacing your modifiers. ... I should have noun that would be mentioned, although it's usually the piles of dirty words on the gerund that people notice most. I'm a total idiom...probably just need a good latin root. | |
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| Are you a literacy snob?
Posted: 10/2/2009 8:44:05 AM | | With all these perfective progressive infinitives and subjunctive past participles floating around, I'm surprised if anyone knows what root form to take... | |
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