| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 11:16:55 AM | Your post has actually raised more than just the issue of insurance. You've been together for six years and you still consider yourself single.
About insurance:
a) You can have too much insurance and you can have the wrong type.
b) You need to have a separate policy for your daughter. Will $150k be sufficient to last her through college assuming that about $12k per year will be needed just to support her while she is with your sister?
c) I assume that you do contribute to the running of your household. Do you care enough about your girlfriend that you wouldn't want her in financial distress if you died. You should investigate a separate policy for her.
d) You need coverage for injury or ill health. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 11:34:48 AM | I don't think you are wrong to make your daughter the beneficiary, or even a grandparent of your daughter.
My ex hubby is my beneficiary, and I am his. But that is because we trust each other do use the money for what it is meant for, our children.
It sounds to me, from the other things you have mentioned in your post, that she is very controlling. I would seriously think about whether or not this relationship is worth saving.
I was in a controlling relationship, where he did the same things to me...got jealous of any time I didn't spend with him, including when I was taking care of BOTH our children. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 11:36:30 AM |
We have not reached a point in our relationship to where I feel confident that this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Leave her and stop wasting her time.
My aunt and uncle could not afford to get married for ten years because of the depression and they didn't shack up. They were married for over 60 years. My parents are still going strong after 50 years. I am humilated that I couldn't come anywhere near their commitment. It takes less than a second to make a decision. It takes the rest of your life to make it work.
If you don't have what it takes to make her happy for the rest of her life, move on so she can find the one that will. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 11:38:04 AM | Sorry Lois and OP,
I did miss the part about her policy. Many other red flags about this relationship still remain unanswered,and I still can't help feeling there is imbalance here. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 12:38:38 PM | Let me clarify something for all of you. I set this profile up her on POF shortly after I found out that when I lost my job back in 2005 and went into a state of depression she hooked up with a guy she met on the internet and met him at a hotel and had sex with him. Then she kept it from me for more than a year. Yes, I found out and was angry about it. That's why I set up this profile. It's been months since I've been here. Yes, I admit that what I said may have been wrong but it was my mindset at the time.
So it's Tit for Tat mentality. She screwed somebody so you get on a dating website and troll for women.
Oh but you're not looking for a relationship but if it happens then well......
Please, how passive aggresive can you be here?
You know you are looking to get layed plain and simple but if you say it outloud then you will be seen for the asshat that you are!
You are living with someone and trolling for the next best catch!
Maybe it's true, you actually do want to get caught, perhaps you are too much of a wimp to just move on and get a life so you have to make her do the dirty work of breaking up for you.
Karma. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 12:59:26 PM | | on her policy at work or whereever the insurance would be divided equally or as she specified to each at time of death.You can decide how much goes to who in precentage wise so if she has 2 kids and a mom on hers and she adds u during open enrollment then she can say something like 40/40/10/10 divided to all as specified.That is just an example so don't go by that directly.She can drop u or anyone at whatever time she wants but I think any changes outside the open period are pentalized.As for your insurance at the bank if it was on ur own account then why r u explaining it to her at all.If it is a joint account then discussing everything that was to be applied towards the account for payment should have been known ahead of time by both parties.I think if u have been together 6 yrs then that in itself yes long term and so she is not completely wrong in assuming u would include her on insurance.I know she wants her mom taken care of and her kids so there should be no problem with u wanting the same for ur child so it has to be something else that caused her to get upset like maybe she thought u were hiding things from her.If the account is in the negative then it is a reflection on her as well if both names are on it. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 1:27:45 PM | Reagrding whether I'd list my SO as a beneficiary, I surely would. Whether we're married or not means very little to me, as I don't live the in's and out's of this relationship weighing how I'd do things differently if we were married...I live as though we are.
OP: After 6 years, 3 of which you've lived together, your issue doesn't seem to be about the insurance, it seems to be about the fact that she wants to get married and you don't. Please, stop **** footin' around and end this thing...you're doing her no favors and you're hurting her. It isn't fair to stay with her until the next best thing comes along, and whether you care to view it in such a crass way or not, the reality is that you've admitted she isn't the one for you. Yet...you still live with her.
I have to say, I just don't understand how it is that you've been together 6 years, yet you still haven't made up your mind about her. 6 freakin years! I think it's more likely that you HAVE made up your mind, but just aren't willing to completely end it with her, for whatever reason. Her angst is probably based on the fact that you're riding the fence, and while it may be easier for you to remain in this limbo, it's hell for her. Things won't get better for her--which affects you and the relationship--until something shifts.
Next time around, perhaps you might want to consider that when you live together and openly discuss finances--or share them---these things will come up. While she may not have a right to know about how you handled your insurance, you changed that when you decided to discuss it with her. Maybe you shouldn't "go there" next time?
Man, I feel for her! She added you years ago when y'all were talking marriage, but you never married. And now, years later, you still aren't going to. I bet she feels like total crap right now. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 2:01:38 PM | I think your 100% correct making your daughter the beneficiary. You did what any caring father would do. Think of it this way: if you were to pass on-who would have custody of your daughter? I highly doubt it would be her, seeing that you are not married, and related family would have first choice of raising her. If you make her the beneficiary, it would be used to support her and her kids- and your daughter would be left with nothing. No father, no college fund, no support for her care and well being. Your child comes first.
If you were married, I still would carry a seperate policy for your daughter, but have one for the wife also-especially if you end up having kids together.
My exhusband cared for my oldest as his own, plus we had three kids together. He got a large insurance policy on himself through work, and named his parents as the sole beneficiary. When I asked him why, and how he expected the kids and I to survive if anything happened (I was, and had been a stay at home mom for a long while), he told me flat out I'd have to get a job to support the kids, and that he had no plans on having the kids and I "benefit " from his death. He said his parents deserved that money, because they would have lost a son. I pointed out that the kids and I would have been losing a husband and father-he just said "so what". It's not even the fact that he could have cared less what happened to me really- but he could have cared less about his own biological kids. And that was just wrong. Please keep your little girl as beneficiary. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:12:28 PM | I think the proper thing is to wait until marriage. You are still third in line. If she felt comfortable doing that, that was her call. Without discussion, she couldn't really expect you to do the same thing out of the blue. My insurance thing was always kind of a sticking point. Bascially, if I had of died, I had a few policies my ex and her boys would have gotten everything, which was fine. But then if she had of passed, the house would have been paied off andwent to me, but anything else would have went to the boys. She never had any policies with me as a beneficiary. Plus, if I were to start dating again, half the house value would go to the boys.
So the ghist was, if I died first, she was set. If she died first, I was screwed.
Good times.
I wouldn't drop it, might as well keep the insurance going. Ever think about disability insurance? My neighbor had a big operation, and was off way longer than expected ( like almost a year) had to give back his truck since he couldn't afford the payments. If he had of had disability, they would have been making his truck payments for him. There's also another type, where if you are diagnosed with certain types of "terminal" diseases, you get $50,000 like that, to help take care of bills, take a trip or whatver. Say you get cancer, you get the money. Even if you get better, you don' t have to repay it.
It's pretty cheap as well. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:47:10 PM | | I lost my husband 2 years ago. I have a daughter who is 18. She is on everything. Even if I met someone and we got married, I would not take her off of any insurnce or money that I have. My husband was married before and him and I before we got married divided everything up for his 3 daughters. When we finally married, anything that came into "our marriage" we put in each other's name. But what he had when he was married from his former wife, the kids got it. (His wife died). I think that is only fair. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:13:10 PM | | F ucking cut her loose. You do not deserve her. If you don't care anymore about her than this, move on. This has really made me angry. AFTER 6 f ucking years you don't know what you want?????? She deserves nothing? I am so glad I see all this crap in the forums, because it tells me so much about how pathetic people are. How uncaring and undeserving they are. I would have kicked your ass to the curb a looooong time ago. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:23:45 PM | | NC....I think you better either shit or get off the pot...You can't have it both ways. I agree with you 100% about having your daughter on the insurance policy. But, if you honestly don't know in 6 yrs whether you want to spend the rest of your life with her or not, that isn't fair to this woman at all. Why do men pull this shit! You either care about someone deeply and make the commitment our just get out and let her move on with her life! | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:23:53 PM | She is your common-law wife, depending on the state you are in. Put her third on the policy (or fourth since she has two boys) behind your daughter, your sister (the guardian after your death) and then her.
You guys moved in together to take care of each other, support each other, etc. What's the big deal about not wanting to take care of her after your death? I completely understand you are trying to protect your daughter first, in life and death. I'm just not sure why you wouldnt want to care for someone you supposedly love enough to live with, after you die? | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:27:35 PM | myladyshayanne.........I just read your posting and it is hard for me to imagine being married to a man who would want his parents to benefit more from his death than his own children. It nearly brought tears to my eyes and I will only say that I would hardly qualify your ex-husband as a humane and caring member of the human race.
You derserve much better than the likes of him. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:27:48 PM | The point is all mute if you don't die in an accident as you stated it is an accidental policy...
Maybe you might want to get some regular life insurance if your that concerned about your daughter being taken care of...
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:10:18 AM | first of all, i think this woman should move out. what is she, the maid? second, accidental insurance is a poor choice. what if your death is not an accident, do you expect your live in girlfriend to care for "your" child? get term insurance.
next, people who marry and live together take care of one another. she is playing wife to you and you are looking for other women. if you had other reasons for not marrying, but still cared for one another, you would sit and discuss this entire range of issues. how much does she contribute to this household? you? she cares about your future, but you don't care about hers? right now does she act as a mother to your child, as in fact they are living together? where would your child want to be, if you died? with her or your sister? if your sister, then term goes to the daughter. if to her, then she becomes the guardian and your money may be overlooked by an executor. if you don't care about her future, then ok--she can take a term policy on you. although given your attitude towards her, i'd pray she doesn't have you assassinated and collect asap! well, kidding but maybe she should move out and find a man who will commit or at least have some space to think out her life. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 2:17:31 AM | | My gut feeling, based on what you've said is that you're much better off with a cute little puppy. Demanding, whining women make me itch. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 3:41:40 AM | | Oh geeze. Hanging around for 6 years hoping that she'll change all the things that drive you nuts is craziness, man! Keep the insurance and drop the woman. You're never going to marry her because she's never going to change so quit wasting both your time. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 4:45:52 AM | In your first post, OP, you mentioned you were unemployed
in Nov, Dec, of 2007. In a later post you said you lost your job in 2005. If you were
without income for like two years, I assume this woman helped with the bills. You don't tell us how deeply involved you are with her financially. Do you own property together? Credit cards? After 6 years, this should be a committed relationship. It's lasted longer than some marriages. If you have created debts together, I think you should consider leaving her something. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:02:53 AM | | I always add in my SO if I am living with them. We are not just roommates. We have shared financial obligations and if I were to pass away I would not want to leave him hanging wondering how he was going to pay the rent/mortgage or where he was going to live next week. I would not want the creditors coming after him and destroying his credit because my income no longer existed in his financial plans. The moment you have any type of financial commitment to a persons way of life then you should be willing to protect their interests with your insurance policies as well as your own children. If you do not feel you have any obligation to her even though you've lived together for 3 years then I agree with all of the others and you need to do the right thing and let her go. How you can live with someone for 3 years and still not be sure you want to spend the rest of your life with them just baffles me. It sounds like maybe you're just using her financially. | |
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_JAFO_
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 46 | |
| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:13:34 AM | I view an insurance policy beneficiary as the low man on the totem pole as far as assets from the deceased go. Most people wouldn't have that big of a policy. Perhaps a 100-200K?
I don't have kids, so my view is from a different vantage point.
If the kids are grown, and you've raised them to be responsible adults they can make it on their own without an insurance policy windfall.
The longtime S/O should get the insurance policy if he's a joint owner in assets.
As for me, not having children, my assets go straight to my EX S/O rather than siblings or family members. In my way of thinking, blood does not make for an entitlement.
By their deeds shall they be judged.  | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:16:02 AM | Your SO sounds manipulative and something of a control freak. I'd seriously consider the future of this relationship.
It is appropriate to have your daughter as primary beneficiary. An SO could be a beneficiary in some cases - such as when you are in a commited long term relationship and do not intend to marry - but your own children should have top priority at least until they're self-supporting. She could be a contingent beneficiary until then, perhaps, if that seems appropriate to you. (I'm assuming that she's able to support herself and is not dependent on you.) | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:20:54 AM |
Should I drop the extra insurance simply because I'm now being covered by my job? My job my pay abotu $50k whereas this policy through my bank would be $150k going directly to my daughter?
Be very, very careful about changing things to suit your girlfriend. If you put her name on certain things and you break up, it's only possible to remove her name if SHE agrees to it. I say keep things are they are. She should back off and you should be careful. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:33:21 AM | | Keep the insurance, get rid of the girl. If this is the same one you've talked about on other forums, I'd run. No offense, but she sounds like an insecure nutjob. | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:54:40 AM | | you know what , step moms typically screw step kids.. they want to look after their own babies, its just an internal glitch.... i'm the product of divorce and remarriages with all kinds of half siblings and step siblings.. and there is no shortage of cash.. but there are big money issues. and i've been making this observation from a pretty young age... make you daughter the bennificary... i just experienced another sibling screwing.. my step dad just past away.. all cash went to my mom.. we are talking big big dollars.. all cash was to go to her ... after her death to be split by 5 siblings... now it works this way.. any remaining after the moms death is split in half i get half, the remaining half is to be split by four... you get it four step kids here...works out for me but i'm not really impressed.. on the other side,, so on my dads side its just as equally screwed except i get screwed by the step mom... any ways i do not care because i make my own cash.. i do not need theirs........but ya leave it all to your kid and straight to your kid.. if you even have any to leave...what the hell anyways is your girlfriend not capable of supporting her self.... i spend all mine and i do not have life insurance... never have..... | |
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