_JAFO_
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 51 | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:42:01 AM | My view is that should you and your girlfriend ever marry, because both of y0u have been married before and children on both sides that she should only get a childs part.
You can name anyone you want to be your beneficiary and you can also change it should you desire to; however, you are not married to her now and whatever you own before the marriage remains yours and whatever you accomplish after you say I do becomes mutual property. I went through the same thing where a boyfriend made me beneficiary over his insurance policy, but did it trying to catch me because he knew I was concerned about his health, leaving me with bills, and his children not having a relationship with him. I have since ended the relationship. Second and third marriages are always complex. I would advise you to speak to an attorney for guidance. I do believe accident insurance can be a waste unless you drive for a living. I would rather for myself have more life insurance in term life instead, never whole life. Good luck. Ask the Lord to lead, guide, and direct your path.
Carolyn | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 3:14:38 PM | To Eastern,
Correction. I've never been married. I just have a child through a previous relationship. | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 3:16:53 PM | To Beachlessblond,
Yes, I was unemployed in 2005 from my permanent job but I worked temp jobs and collected unemployment. When I took out the insurance policy late 2007 I was working a temp job that eventuaqlly went to perm. Being unemployed doesn't mean I wasn't bringing any money into the house. | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 4:14:00 PM | Should she be a beneficiary?
Depends,...if you were the one wanting her to get married or wanting to put her on your Insurance premium and she was the one showing signs of lack of commitment, I would see your concern. You mentioned she is "pressuring you to get married" yet you keep mentioning that "because your not married" and "If you were married you would do this or that". The only reason your not married is because you want it that way. She obviously considers you an important part of her life...She listed you on her Insurance Premium and would go as far as to marry you. You could always compromise and list both her and your daughter as beneficiary? Sounds to me she should be the one taking you off her Insurance Beneficiary and asking herself the same question. Your beneficiary is your choice but if your not serious enough about her by now, leave her to find someone who is. | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 4:29:42 PM | | My ex changed his beneficiary from his children to his GF then committed suicide. Because he was not married to his GF she could not have his body released from the medical examiners office for burial so my 21 year old daughter had to do it as his legal next of kin. The GF received his pension, annuity and life insurance (they paid even from a suicide) my 3 kids received nothing | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 9:34:49 PM | [qu0te]My ex changed his beneficiary from his children to his GF then committed suicide. Because he was not married to his GF she could not have his body released from the medical examiners office for burial so my 21 year old daughter had to do it as his legal next of kin. The GF received his pension, annuity and life insurance (they paid even from a suicide) my 3 kids received nothing
Where I am from, if a person commits suicide, no life insurance is paid, period. Also, next of kin always comes first. And unless you have been married to them for 10 years, you can't recieve any kind of benefits. But, if you are in that long of a relationship, and have shared your life together, your SO does deserve to be taken care of. And if you don't care anymore than that about them, I feel so sorry for them, and I hope I never find myself in this position. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2008 5:26:18 PM |
Stop me if I'm wrong but when did boyfriends and girlfriends start making each other beneficiaries? I thought that was something you waited to make a decision on after you got married. Then on top of that how many beneficiaries can one person name?
I actually have a former girlfriend as one of my beneficiaries. We are very good friends and truthfully should have just been friends and not lovers many years ago. I don't have kids, my parents have passed and it was between her and my siblings. I split it between one brother and her.
As far as the OP... for household peacefulness I would probably add the GF as the primary for the work policy and keep your daughter on the larger one. If she doesn't like it, tough. I think that is more than fair. Keep both because as you get older the one from the bank (or other places) will be much more expensive to get. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2008 6:22:15 PM | | When my late husband died...I had to change my life insurance to my son. I have several policies on me- with him on my main policy, my Dad is on one of them, and my sisters are on another. They know to put the money up for future grandkids- if there are any..and if not, then it will go to my son after a time. But when my late husband and I married, we were each others benefeciaries, plus I had 3 seperate policies for each of our boys so we would be sure they were taken care of..before the marriage- no..I wouldn't put him on mine and I didn't expect to be on his. I just assumed his policy had his sons names on there, then if anything happened to the boys it went to his parents. But it wasn't my place to say anything about his insurance at all... | |
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Posted: 4/26/2008 8:42:13 PM | sounds to me like you do not have much of a relationship. | |
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Posted: 4/26/2008 9:03:10 PM |
Ok, a few minutes later she asked me who the beneficiary was. I told her it was my daughter. She nearly lost it. Tears started to flow and she really got on my case. Come to find out, several years ago when we were talking about getting married she changed the paperwork on her job and made me one of her beneficiaires. Behind her sons and her mom, I'm third. I only have my daughter on mine and if she's not old enough when and if I die one of my sisters is gonna watch over the money until my daughter is of age. My girl told me that she feels like a fool because she just thought that since we've been together this long it was just understood that we would be each other's beneficiary.
Stop me if I'm wrong but when did boyfriends and girlfriends start making each other beneficiaries? I thought that was something you waited to make a decision on after you got married.
So let me get this straight, she's mad at you because you decided to make your daughter the beneficiary of the insurance instead of her being at the top of the list while she wasn't willing to put you at the top of her list when naming her insurance beneficiaries. I completely agree that such legal matters should wait until marriage paperwork is signed. Something could always happen out of the blue and you two end up splitting up tomorrow. So best to wait as you said...
Basically she's trying to expect you to do for her what she's unwilling to do for you (putting you first on insurance). It's impossible for anyone to expect more love, trust, respect, etc. than they are willing to give and have the realtion turn out well. She's setting herself up with unrealistic expectations and setting up the relationship for failure by doing so... | |
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Posted: 4/26/2008 11:45:22 PM |
Should she feel like a fool for listing me and me not listing her since I didn't ask nor did I know she had me on her paperwork?
Not for listing you, that was a thoughtful thing to do- but for listing you and NOT TELLING YOU.
Help me out here! What do you guys think?
I think that down the road you're going to split- not necessarily over this, but because you don't communicate well with each other. You've both made assumptions and you've made decisions based on those assumptions, when a 5 minute conversation could have cleared all this up. | |
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Posted: 4/27/2008 12:06:04 AM | Ok I'm sorry but I have to say this... Why are you with this woman?
First of all you are not married to her so she has NO right to expect to be your beneficiary. ESPECIALLY when you have a child. Your child should be your first concern. And if she chose to make you the bennie on hers that was her choice and frankly something that she should have discussed with you. To answer your question about how many you can have... you can have a few but it is usually set up by survivorship. Example: I don't have children and I am not married so my bennie on everything I have... life ins, 401k is my nephew who is also my god child. If God forbid anything happens to him then my sister is listed next. When I was married tho ofcourse my husband was my first on all policies. But I would NEVER list someone that I was not married to as my beneficiary. And for her to lose it like she did is an act of selfishness when common sense should tell her that your daughter is the #1 priority. It also shows a lack of self esteem as maybe in her mind she feels that you should do this to prove to her that she is important in your life.
Second of all I have seen some of the other things you have written out here regarding some of her other behaviors. Why would you want to be with someone that stalks your every move? Or has cheated on you? Or again... shows such selfishness towards your daughter? Her all around behavior should tell you that listing her on your life insurance policy is the least of your concerns.
I don't mean to be harsh but seriously.... | |
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Posted: 4/27/2008 1:12:06 AM | | Keep it in your daughters name. Get a will set up as well, because even though you are not married, even though it is stated to go to your daughter, doesn't mean that it can't be challenged? do it now.. what the heck is she crying about? Aren't you worth more than the insurance titlement? *eyesroll*.. Honestly, I would flick her if that is what she is about? | |
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Posted: 4/27/2008 6:22:51 AM | I'm know you want relationship advice but my concern is the insurance product your purchased. Accidental death and dismemberment only pays if the cause of your death is accidental. It is not a life insurance policy that replaces your income in the event of your demise. People spend thousands of dollars on this type of product because it is cheaper than term or whole life insurance-- but AD&D should be a rider on a life insurance policy, not the core policy.
You would have to die as the result of an accident; plane crash, car crash, etc., for the benefit to be paid to your daughter.
Do you remember the series of lifestyle questions they asked when you applied for this policy:
"Have you rode a motorcycle, jetskii, operated a non-commercial airplane, bungie jumped..." If you answered no to those questions and the result of your death is from a motorcyle, jetskii, etc-- THEY WON'T PAY THE BENEFIT.
I hope you re-evaluate the efficacy of this insurance policy first.
FYI-- I'm a licensed agent.
I can recommend several companies with affordable term products products:
Old Mutual (offers return of premium when you outlive your insurance term)
HSBC (offers $500k without a medical exam)
Primerica (offers plain vanilla term and separate savings building account)
Now on to the relationship issues:
She is out of her place with emotionally manipulating you about your decisions for your daughter's future. Period. Boyfriends/girlfriends should not be eachother's beneficiaries. This is what marriage is for. For her to list you without you knowing was dangerously presumptuous to her own family's estate. Financial decisions such as these are for married couples to decide. Until you are legally married, I would not base your investments on a relationship. But as soon as you have applied for a marriage license and set the date, your next step is seeking financial counseling. I highly recommend Primerica Financial Services. | |
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Posted: 4/27/2008 3:35:27 PM | "Let me clarify something for all of you. I set this profile up her on POF shortly after I found out that when I lost my job back in 2005...."
NCsingledad
Joined: 6/13/2007
I'm confused,did you set your profile up in 2005 or 2007 as per the copy and paste above? | |
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| Insurance Beneficiary
Posted: 4/27/2008 4:04:11 PM | NC - you can list as many people (even charities) as a beneficiary. Also, whether you are married or not, it's always important to have a will made out. If you've got a significant amount of dough (assets over $1,000,000), then I'd recommend a trust over a will.
If you've been with this woman for 6 years, and living with her for 3, why haven't the two of you married? I think it goes beyond the insurance policies. I suspect that she feel like the relationship is just h0-humming along, without a real committment.
One thing about the beneficiary. When your circumstances change, make sure you take care of the beneficiary. When my ex husband remarried, he and the 2nd wife were married for 7 years. They divorced. He had a heart attack @ 39 years of age, died in Las Vegas. Guess who got the money? His 2nd ex wife. He never got around to changing his policies. I can only imagine that his Mother was really ticked off. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2008 7:31:30 PM | If you have a child then that child should be your first benificiary- no questions asked! You are a parent- it's your job to take care of your children until their old enough to take care of themselves, whether your here on earth or not.
That being said, if you are in a committed relationship and that other person counts on your income to live and to continue to live a decent life when you are gone, then how about taking out another basic term life insurance policy????
And by the way, she should do the same!!! Then- everyone will be happy | |
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Posted: 5/13/2008 2:36:55 PM | NCSingledad - Within this thread is the exact reason I take your complaints with a grain of salt. You seem to put your own "twist" to happenings and then when questioned, you aren't tracking your "tales" very well.
In Message 11 you say (emphasis added):
<div class='quote'> As far as being on POF it's just for the forums. See, my girl has this habit of following my internet activity and if I had a question that I'd like to ask in an open forum she'd always find where I've been and come post a bunch of stuff. I've been literally banned from several sites because of her . I'm not here looking for women. Just for the forums. Thank God we now have separate laptops so it's tougher for her to track where I've been simply because she can't see my internet history anymore.
Then when questioned about your remark you state (emphasis added) in Message 16:
<div class='quote'> Not that I've been banned but when I post anything on a site most of the people wait for her reply and don't take anything I say seriously . I'm looked at as a joke because of her.
You clearly slant your descriptions to favor your appearing to be the victim of this terrible woman. Then it appears from your own quotes when you aren't taken "seriously" you move on to another site.
Listen, you need to get out of this relationship. Why in the hell do you stay? Obviously you are GAINING something from the relationship with this woman. You state you have full custody of your daughter...is it possible that the gf serves in a "wifely" capacity to you and a "motherly" capacity to your daughter?
This isn't about the insurance, it's about your constant need to validate that she is wrong. Are you still trying to punish her for her affair? After all, YOU are the one that states here constantly...and I'm sure to her...that you and she are only DATING....that you have no intention of marrying her at this time.
Don't you want to get out of this misery if she's so terrible? Don't you want better for your daughter? Don't your gf and her boys deserve better? The answer to all of the above is "YES". Let her go.
Rose Mary | |
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Posted: 5/15/2008 4:41:18 PM | If your living with this woman and left all of a 150,000 life insurance policy to your daughter I think your priorities are really screwed up.
Just think if you died, who would raise your minor ( underage) daughter ?
If I were her, I'd leave you for that........ for good.
As far as her sons on her insurance policy, she is as screwed up as you are in this... maybe you 2 deserve each other. | |
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Posted: 5/15/2008 6:09:12 PM | You two still playing house? After reading post after post by you, it is clear that you are the youngest child in your house.
Personally there is no way I would live with a man 3+ years that I wasn't married to.
You need to marry her and treat her like a proper wife, or let her go so she can find someone that will.
Yes she should be on your policy. You should both also have wills listing the other as the person that will take care of the children in case of one of your deaths.
However you just see her as a girlfriend. She wants a real family. Seems from what you have wrote, she is tired of playing house with you. Let her go, so she can find a real man, and have the real family she wants. I am sure you can find someone else to play with.
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Posted: 5/15/2008 8:50:41 PM | | OP: I think you're being dishonest with yourself and your girlfriend. You DO know that she's not the one for you. You just need to gather up some fortitude and admit it. You've got big red flashing warning signs telling you this, but you're ignoring them. She sounds like she's manipulative, has lots of unexpressed expectations, and expects you to think about things exactly the same way she does. Those three things are absolute poison for a healthy relationship. She's not going to change, either, so don't expect her to. It will never, ever get better. | |
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Posted: 5/15/2008 9:53:52 PM | This is the same guy that texted his ex-wife, and girlfriend, a happy mother's day, before he said anything to her. And posted a thread trying to get sympathy, because she was upset about it. Also the guy that does not consider her, or her children as part of his family. His parents do not consider her, or her children as part of the family. This has got to be one of the most disrespectful relationships I have ever heard of, and if I were her, I would tell you to kiss my a ss, and  | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 2:52:43 AM | | Yes, after reading even more of his posts since this one I now understand why he doesn't have her on the policy. He doesn't love her or even care about her. Any anger or upsets she seems to express are related to insensitive and downright direspectful treatment of her. If his actions upset her he tries to twist it every time to make it look like she's the bad person instead of him.... even though he's the one creating all of the mental abuse. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2008 4:02:49 PM | | Sounds like a failure to communicate here? Is this an iosolted situation of not communicating about a big issue? Discussing everthing is vital to a relationship whether you are boyfriend/girlfriend or married. It all is part of making the relationship work. | |
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