| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 5:20:52 PM | i think if you ALL meet together all the insecurities will disappear, and ur gf will realize u can be JUST FRIENDS with other women...simply hug on ur woman in front of ur friend, ur woman will feel secure and see ur just friends....case closed
if ur gf is still tripping, then maybe she either has
1-cheaters guilt
2-insecurity
3- or a reason to not trust u
we women have that 6th sense...we can sense crap, so as long as ur not dishing any crap out, u'll be fine | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 5:53:57 PM | | this is nonsense literally.You are on here creating all this drama and then professing it is her with issues.Why r u such good friends with a female anyway,r u bi or something?Didn't u have any male friends u had from college that u kept in touch with?I haven't looked at ur profile but from the two post of urs I am thinking not that old.You have another woman in ur home that is closer to u emotionally then the one u r sleeping with.Granted she is in a window on a screen but nonetheless she is there and has been since before u became involved with this new fling or old according to ur age.U apparently trust this other woman,the one in the screen,and value her opinion or else u wouldn't still be friends so this begs the question why haven't u ever made a move on her?U could have before u got involved with this lady and all her baggage according to u.Does this old friend from college know some dark secret about u and that is why ya never gave it a go?In every possible way u try so hard to validate ur motives for this dinner,why? | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:01:36 PM | Blah? Yadda-Yadda?
Uh..........sounds like one of you is a little Kooky in the Cocoa-Puffs, and the other just don't see the forest for the trees.
Take your pick.
The height of a mans respect in a relationship would be to willingly (to me only, in my opine) go without a so-called "Female" anything, much less friend, to make sure the gal I AM hooked up with, feels #1. After all, that would be stepping up to the plate and saying, "You and ONLY you baby!". Respect to another is not just a word, it is a lifestyle.
Of course, you will regret it later, during the divorce.
Well, maybe she will rank #3, because she won't be as good as Cinemax, and a Double Meat Cheeseburger, respectively. (Ouch, had to work that back in there, thanks!)
My advice (and age old): Shit or get off the pot, ain't nobody gonna wait around too long. And most women find this little joke less funny as time goes on.
In other words, take your pick, and make the pick. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:12:58 PM | How would you feel if the situation were the other way round?? I mean if your girlfriend plans to go on holiday with you and she wants to meet an old friend of hers??
Perhaps asking this question yourself ,you will find an answer on how she feels and what is the best to do..
regards
mariacba | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:15:07 PM | The older one gets, the more friends one has of both sexes. Any romantic relationship I may have will have to take into account that I have both female male friends and I will expect a partner to have both male and female friends, too. I expect to continue to stay connected to my friends with or without a partner.
Also, for a close relationship to last a long time, both partners need to have a life outside of the romance. Otherwise, there is not much to talk about!
If you partner has a problem with your seeing an old friend, you both need to get to the nitty gritty of the problem--both hers and yours. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:22:10 PM | I read the entire thread, and it makes me dizzy with how you must keep explaining this ex female friend. The question I must be asking, what is the purpose of meeting this old friend with her husband & family?
Are you planning to re-introduce your current family with this former friend and do things together? If its to say Hi to this old female friend, to get your current woman jealous or show how she might be prettier than your current love, is this something you want to cause a fight? I get the impression you don't want to spend 6 days with your "girl" and you need a way out to be entertained by a casual acquaintance.
I think you're going to do what you want to, and you're seeking advice to justify your actions, and what I'm reading is saying something opposite in what you want to do. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:22:52 PM | It seems to me that Singledad here is following all of the proper protocol, and still getting the shit kicked out of him.
I am not here to argue, or defend whether he may have feelings for his 'old' girlfriend or not still. My guess is, he probably does. Friend -like feelings. It does happen where people still stay in contact with one another, even if the relationship has ended years ago. It doesn't automaticlally mean that he wants to sleep with her, or get back together with her.
So, he plans a dinner, and ALL are invited, the ex girlfriend, her husband, his current gal.
I have a feeling, if he said he just wanted to meet alone with his ex...all women responding would be saying......"If you really were aboveboard, you would invite the husband and your girlfriend along as well"
Either way, it seems you can't win here, and you 'do' seem to have a jealous girlfriend...or, perhaps she will just feel 'uncomfortable' with the dinner meeting. So, it's your decision to think on. Go ahead with the dinner?, or consider your current girlfriends feelings. See.... you may have to just stick to emailing your old friend if it becomes a major issue.
good luck
`````````'Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:27:15 PM | ^Wow I think Kingdong could be my future ex husband. Wonder if I have to take his name?
So ncsingleman why you gotta call the female friend ...old?
You say you haven't seen this friend in like seven years tell your girlfriend that maybe she got real fat or somethin'! That'll change her toon..ha!
is this an old ex of yours?" She automatically assumes that any girl I talk about I use to date or wanted to date. I never get the benefit of the doubt that maybe a guy and a girl can actually be friends without having sex. Well it just so happens that the only women men can be friends with are closely related. And even then sometimes their girl cousin looks hot!
But back to you ...yes you should be allowed to have friends and it sounds like you been puter buddies for 20 years? Holy crap!
I don't see why you can't all have a nice dinner together. You and OLD female friend can talk about OLD times leaving your respective S/O's feeling left out and pouty faced. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:38:44 PM | Thanks Indigo, I still do the old ways..........HOWEVER:
It comes down to TWO people big man: You and Your Gal.
Advice: Talk it out. Guaranteed to get you that answer you were striving to reach.
(With your old lady) Keep talking until you get it settled, and it no longer bothers her, AND you.
NOTE TO MEN: Gee, with Oprah and Dr. Phil, not to mention Maury, etc., does ANY MAN not understand that there are a few women out there that DO WONDER whether you are a complete man-whore or not? Then WHY would you not talk to YOUR WIFE/GF about this? Seriously, I don't get it.
Your answer is NOT here, your answer is at home, pissed because of another female.
Negotiation: Makes for a successful life, in every aspect of it.
Note to Women: Indigo included, I am the best ex-husband you will ever have, as Las Vegas does fast and cheap weddings, and you won't even have to remember my last name. In fact, I just divorced you Indigo, that is how good I am............remember a pre-nup next time. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:49:49 PM | NC,
Now you're making this into a different story. Didn't you say you met this chick about 20 years ago and spent a little bit of time with her not as a g/f, but it developed into a email penpal? Does her husband know about your email penpal relationship? Could the husband honestly read your emails and not get upset over them? And you don't seem to be putting yourself in your g/f's place. Why in the world do you want to see this other woman if it's gonna make your g/f get upset? If it was me and I was emailing back and forth with some dude I met briefly 20 years ago and yet continued with a penpal relationship I surely wouldn't want the man I'm involved with feeling insecure about it. If it made my partner uncomfortable I wouldn't push for a meeting. I mean it's different if you went to college together and spent a considerable amount of time being friends in real life vs an email penpal. There's something a little more emotional when you're emailing back and forth constantly and spilling your guts out over intimate feelings and issues. And I don't think it's your g/f that's trying to dictate how you both should spend your time together but it should be something you both want to do. It's a little different when it's family and you have to make an apperance and you don't want to go but you know you have to. I mean it's making scarifices on both parts. Is this the hill you want to die on? I don't think it's worth making my partner feel insecure about some guy I'm emailing with. It's not as though you grew up together, went to college together or hell spent years physically seeing each other. This is an email penpal that you've seen probably 3 times your entire life. To me it's not worth the can of worms you're gonna open and I certainly wouldn't die on that hill for someone who's married and has her own seperate life. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:52:56 PM | with all due respect 1missblueeyes-
you must be pretty damn amazing to make up for all the interesting, unique, amazing women out there your boyfriend missing out on being friends with he's on your leash.
i'd never give up all of my male friends (some of them i've been friends with for 15 years) while in a relationship. any man (or, in your case, woman) who demands that i close off my entire life to be with them is insecure. that's a dealbreaker. loyalty isn't about suffocation and possession, it's about love for and trust in your partner. if you're that scared he's going to cheat, either he's a loser or you've got baggage. time to cut one or the other loose. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:01:57 PM | OP wrote:
***** Why do some women feel their man should know or want to hang out with any other woman but them? I'm not looking to slip away with this girl. Especially since she's bringing her husband and family down but just catch up. *****
I don't think it has anything to do with you talking to other women. I think it has a lot to do with how secure she's feeling in your relationship. Normally when a woman starts to question things it's because she's feeling insecure for some reason.
I questioned my ex when I started to see that he was acting different and he was upset by that. But, he WAS acting different because he'd been in contact with his ex and seeing her behind my back.
You said you were emailing this person... did your gf know about it, or did she believe you just got in contact with her recently. Were all cards on the table from the get-go?
It really doesn't matter how long you've known the other girl. Fact is you are going on a wonderful trip with your new girl and going to take one of those days to spend it with someone else. Even if I had a friend where I'd be vacationing, on a first trip with my new guy there would be no way I'd take away from that. Instead, I'd plan a trip down the road and go see friends. If it's a romantic vacation you're looking for, there really shouldn't be anyone else you're visiting unless it was family so you could introduce her.
What bothered me was you were comparing the amount of years you know the friend as opposed to the amount of time you've known the girlfriend. Who is the priority?
I think if you'd been smart, you might have talked to your girlfriend before you made plans with the old friend. Instead, you made the plans and then consulted with the girlfriend. I'm sure she's feeling insecure and maybe she has good reason to.
Sharzi | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:19:09 PM |
I'm gonna be with my girl for 6 days straight but the idea that I want to spend an afternoon or dinner with a girl that  I'm known more than 3 times longer than my current girl bothers her.
You may not see any issue with this get together, but your comparison of how much longer you've known this woman (ouch), your girlfriend has every reason to feel uncomfortable about it, especially if you've made this comment to her face. I'm far from the jealous type but that would hurt. Would that mean she hasn't earned the right to feel more special than an old acquaintance?
Based on how important this meeting seems to be to you and you only, my first thought would be how left out your GF is going to feel (and rightly so) when you open the door and first greet this woman you haven't seen in 20 years. Sure you're going to be on vacation for 6 days, but I have a feeling this is going to put a damper on it all. You mentioned it's your first vacation so it's likely the first time your GF has ever gone away anywhere with you too. If your GF really means a lot to you, make this time count. And forget about the meeting with the old friend. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:27:37 PM | | My first thought would be how left out your GF is going to feel (and rightly so) when you open the door and first greet this woman you haven't seen in 7 years. (correction). Sure you're going to be on vacation for 6 days, but I have a feeling this is going to put a damper on it all. You mentioned it's your first vacation so it's likely the first time your GF has ever gone away anywhere with you too. If your GF really means a lot to you, make this time count. And forget about the meeting with the old friend. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:44:02 PM | | She has the right to be curious. It's natural. A guy has every right to be friends with a female, just as a girl has a right to be friends with a guy. You known this girl WAY before you known your current girlfriend.... if anything was going to happen, it would of happened along time ago. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 3:57:17 AM | | People, let me say this. Catching up doesn't mean sleeping together. An old friend is just that. An old friend. We've never dated. I met her through other family friends of mine. Yes, we email each other and that's it. What's wrong with two couples getting together for dinner so that two of them can catch up on old times. Based on some of the reactions here why would you ever let your mate go to a high school reunion. Those are old friends. Sole of which she probably hasn't seen since graduation. And you know there's gonna be an old BF or an old GF that's gonna be there. I haven't seen this girl but once in 20 years and it would be nice to see her, meet her husband finally, be intriduced to her kids that she's told me about. And the same on my side let her meet the girl I've told her about, meet my daughter. Catch up on how each other's families are doing. If I have to limit my friends simply because my girl doesn't know them then maybe this is the wrong person to be with. But I don't see how taking one afternoon while we're on vacation to meet with an old friend and her family is gonna put that much of a wedge between me andf my girl. If she can't understand that then she's the one with the problem. If the situation were reversed and she wanted to meet with an old friend of hers the first thing I'm not gonna do is get the thought in my head that they dated or had some romantic feelings towards each other because that would bother me to no end. I'd go and be as cordial as I could. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 4:39:59 AM | In my opinion you should be respecting your gf and focusing on her and your relationship rather than focusing on another woman. It's called loyalty. A man should be spending quality time with his gf or wife not other women and women should be focusing on their man and not hanging out with other men. When a man and woman are in a relationship it isn't necessary for either to have friends who are members of the opposite sex.
I do agree that it should be your GF that isthe concern but on the other hand thier has been post on this site about men that dont want thier GF to have this same kind of freindship and all the women t5hink its ok to have men as friends to do the same with as you are with your lady friend. This is a dam if you do and dam if you dont and the women have the upper hand. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 6:13:59 AM | ncsingledad wrote:
****** What's wrong with two couples getting together for dinner so that two of them can catch up on old times. Based on some of the reactions here why would you ever let your mate go to a high school reunion. ******
It isn't that you wanted to catch up with an old friend, it's more that you didn't ask your gf about it first. Does your gf know you correspond with this friend? Did she know it all along? If so, it would have been very nice if you'd simply said, "You know, as long as we're going to be there, I've been telling my friend how crazy I am about you and I'd love you to meet her." Then give your gf the choice. But you didn't want to give her a choice... you decided for her. And if she didn't know you had this friend and had been talking to her all along, even worse.
I don't mind if I'm seeing someone and he has female friends. My last boyfriend had tons of them. What I'd mind is not being told there is a female friend and finding out later. My ex was talking to a woman he had been seeing who was married. He moved on because she wouldn't leave her husband, but he continued to talk to her.... something I didn't know. That was wrong, and there's always a reason someone hides what they're doing.
In your case, you haven't said if your gf knew about your friend and that you were keeping in touch. If she didn't, she is probably feeling like there was something to hide and that's the reason she's leery.
Sharzi | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:09:31 AM |
Me and my girlfriend are planning a trip to the beach for us and our kids this summer. .....Maybe you should change that to 'us, the kids, an old flame,
her husband and their kids.'
I want to spend a little bit of time with her. I'm gonna be with my girl for 6 days straight but the idea that I want to spend an afternoon or dinner with a girl that I'm known more than 3 times longer than my current girl bothers her. .....I'm sure this whole thing bothers your friends husband in much the same way as it bothers your girl......why make people uncomfortable?
If you have planned a rare vacation with the one you love then why throw a kerosine on the barbie?
Would I like to spend OUR vacation catching up with YOUR old flames .....pencil me in for a big NO! | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:16:55 AM | I don't understand why you are here. Please don't tell me you came on this dating site for advice on how to handle this situation. lol
There is nothing wrong with having female platonic friends. However, I see no problem with your S.O. asking a lil' history on this "friend" of yours. Most people would ask, as they are now in your life and usually one cares to know a lil' about who and what transpired in our S.O.'s past. That's not to say, you are going to DRILL them.
I'm not a control freak when I have a man in my life, so this is not something I typically deal with. However, I want him to be open about everything and anything, and no hidden agendas. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:17:13 AM | | seriously, how lame can you be to email a woman for 20 years?? and on top of that, only seen her once in those 20 years?? i bet you play 'world of warcraft' too, don't you? | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:30:58 AM | Okay, if I'm getting this straight....
1.) You're in a relationship with a girl
2.) You two are going on vacation together
3.) You have a friend you've known for 20 years, who happens to be female. There's no mention that this female is an ex-girlfriend or old flame, so I'm going to assume you guys were just great pals who kept in touch. (and yes, people, it IS possible to have long-standing friendships with people of the opposite sex without there being any romantic or sexual history!)
4.) You want the four of you to get together (you, your gf, the female friend and her husband) one day while on your vacation to have lunch/dinner/catchup/whatever
5.) your girlfriend throws some kind of hissy fit because the person you want to get together with is female. Never mind the fact that it will be all four of you. Never mind the fact that, from what you've said, your relationship with this woman has always been strictly platonic, with no romantic or sexual history.
6.)But your girl seems to have this idea that if you are in a relationship, you can't have any friends of the opposite sex. Even platonic ones. That somehow it's disrespectful to the relationship, that you have some ulterior motive and it's you're going to run away and have some kind of lovefest.
Am i correct?
Geez Louise, are there still women out there who are this insecure?
There's nothing wrong with you keeping in contact with a female friend via e-mail. There's nothing wrong with trying to get together face-to-face with this person after all this time. I don't sense that it's some kind of dishonesty or ulterior motive with you.
OP, if it was me, I'd have no problems with it whatsoever. I don't know why she's giving you such a hard time. I have friends going back 20 years or more who are guys, and I've dated men who have had female friends. And every once in a while they may blow into town and want to get together. And I've never had a problem with that, as long as my man told me upfront. It's called TRUST, and it seems like your girl is strongly lacking it.
I'm not saying you should completely disregard her feelings, and have this "too bad I'm doing it anyway" attitude. But I think you two need to sit down and talk about why she's so upset about it. You need to reassure her that you care about her and only her in that way, and that she needs to trust you. | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:17:58 AM | If you haven't had sex with the "met once in 20 years" female friend, personally I see no problem with the idea of a "double date".
However, I'm not dating the OP. Relationships often involve compromises. Though I sort of agree with the sentiment that the OP's girlfriend's opinion ought to weigh more than the opinion of a "met once in 20 years" opposite sex friend. And her opinion ought to outweigh any sort of burning yen to physically reacquaint oneself with a long-lost friend.
Some people are more like "social butterflies", others are more private. The OP's gf strikes me as a private person; I can relate to that sentiment since I'm more of that ilk than I am of the "social butterfly" ilk.
If the OP's girlfriend is adamant against the double date, and you find her opinion non-plussing to the point of being a dealbreaker, then break up with her. You have now learned that you shouldn't date women who share her opinion regarding this matter. Otherwise, a catch phrase I remember from the movie "White Men Can't Jump" is in order:
Listen To The Woman | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:38:05 AM | Ok, I emailed her and told her we would be in their area in June so maybe her and her "husband" could drive down and have dinner with us the last night we're gonna be on vacation.
Especially since she's bringing her husband and family down but just catch up.
Folks, he said it TWICE that her SO is coming also.
Although, OP this:
I'm gonna be with my girl for 6 days straight but the idea that I want to spend an afternoon or dinner with a girl that I'm known more than 3 times longer than my current girl bothers her.
That could be miscontrused as you saying that you will be hanging out with this other girl without your SO.
I think she has a self esteem issue. If you flat out told her that it was going to be 4 of you and she still had that reaction and is upset about the prospect, then she has an issue.
Now, I'm not going to deny the fact that their aren't some girls that I don't like Welder being around (even if they haven't dated). These are the girls that are always trying to start drama or that try to break up relationships. I can already see it...they go out to lunch, I am aware of it and two days later I'm hearing from other folks that they are sleeping together because that is what SHE told them. And it could be the most untrue thing in the world....then I'm gonna have to deal with the 'what ifs' and dealing with people who now would think that my ol' man is a cheating **stard.
Thanks...I think I'll pass on that little slice of drama.
But if you have laid it out for her in the way you said you did, then she needs to get over it.
~Welder's Girl~
EDIT: And to those who think e-mailing someone for 20 years is just unbelieveable....I met a guy when I was like 12 on a religious chat room. He was 14 at the time. We e-mailed until I was 18 and could fly out to Las Vegas and meet him. I stayed a week. No sex. Nothing romantic. I haven't seen him in 7 years. So, I've known him for 13 + years and have only seen him once in that time. We e-mail about 4 times a year and talk on the phone at Christmas time. The only other time we have talked on the phone more than once a year was when my daughter was born and I called to tell him.
And I tell you what...If I ever go back out to Vegas, you can damn well believe that I would want to have dinner with him and his SO to catch up. If Welder is that insecure as to tell me 'was he an ex of yours' especially when he knows about us keeping in contact to a small degree...it would be a MAJOR issue for ME. #1 it tells me that he doesn't trust me. #2. It tells me that he thinks I am a liar. #3 It tells me that he is insecure despite all of my ways of trying to help him feel secure in our relationship.
I say that the OP is having his words shoved down his throat here. If they've been together long enough to take a combined family vacation, then they have been together long enough for her to either trust him or not. If she trusts him then this wouldn't be an issue. If she doesn't trust him (whether or not by fault of his own)...THEN WHY THE HELL IS SHE STILL WITH HIM?
Yeah....that's it and that's all POF'ers | |
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| Dinner With An Old (Female) Friend
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:42:00 AM | ^^^^ I kindly pointed that out around the bottom of the first page and he clarified it.
People just want to read and believe what they prefer to read and believe. *shrugs shoulders* There are other threads which raised some questions earlier...it appears it's not a healthy relationship anyway you slice it. | |
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