| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:49:02 AM | Awesome answer Plumb5150! That hit the target! Touche!
Actually, my last b/f when he was drunk, told me he's had women with nicer boobs than mine. No biggie, because when he was sober, he couldn't remember that comment.
We all have insecurities, and we just have to let it slide sometimes. It's not worth the aggravation or energy. If he continues, after you've spoken to him about it( if you do),
then just dump him, and chalk it up to another Learning Curve!
Lots of fish in the sea! | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:29:58 AM |
I posted this statement a couple of days ago on your thread. Another difference besides what's mentioned above, is that your brother's SO is commenting about random men. This OP's SO commented about an ex. Wonder what opinions would be like on your thread, it she was talking about an ex rather than, random men, George Clooney, hot firemen, etc. You might get more of the "kick her to the curb" comments.
davidsauvignon,
Perhaps. Although I'm not sure exactly why that would matter. Certainly, context is important, but the statement is still the statement. The implied comparison is still there in both. I do agree that "not being over an ex" is different than "commenting on random people/stars", but I still think the act of talking about it in front of or too an SO still stems from the same sort of insecure feelings and shows a similar lack of respect.
Also, my pointing out that a poster had made two opposing comments on a similar topic was certainly not meant as an indictment of that poster. I hope it wasn't taken that way. Just thought it was interesting. | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:29:55 AM | | Agree wit others... talk to him about it, cause he may not realize how its making you feel... based on his reaction, body language, myb even tone of voice, you will know if you should stay or RUN RUN AWAY! But, if this really bugs you, then just leave cuz it will just eat away at you. | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:31:07 PM | I'd see that as being a bit of a red flag. It's just an inappropriate thing to say to someone that you are "dating". I don't know why he felt the need to make such a comment...
I had about 5 dates with someone and the last date he was joking around about being single and a great guy... so why not set him up with my hot friends...because he was a good catch. He was trying to come across as funny... but it turned me off to the point where I don't want to go out with him again.
Why do people say things like that? Hard to say... insecurity, naivity... or just plain rudeness! Whatever the reason- it's a good thing to mention to someone if you want to get dumped! | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:39:23 PM | | slice him in 2 halves and move on. Or confront him if he's worth it. Personally, I'd go with the slice and leave. | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:53:19 PM | | Hmmm...that's not good. I think I would ask him what or why he said it and if his answer still sucks kick him to the curb. If he likes the ex so much, he should go back to her & leave you be. | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:19:45 AM |
I had about 5 dates with someone and the last date he was joking around about being single and a great guy... so why not set him up with my hot friends...because he was a good catch. He was trying to come across as funny... but it turned me off to the point where I don't want to go out with him again. This sounds very David DeAngelo-esque. It's hard to believe guys still buy his material. Negative psychology doesn't work on normal women, and women who are generally viewed to be very attractive are pretty familiar with all these sorts of upside-down approaches. I agree with the naive or rude assessment; not necessarily the insecure one (that's a maybe); it's definitely a signal of a guy who isn't emotionally available, that's for sure. | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:46:30 AM | | I agree with some of the others. He isn't over his Ex. Or he is trying to validate himself in your eyes by making you think you have yourself a great catch! Either way who needs that. You are obviously more secure with who you are than he is with himself. You are a very attractive woman, don't be hard on yourself! | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:59:57 AM | Quite frankly I wouldn't care why this guy was spewing this horse shit. If it was me he'd be gone.
This "relationship" is exactly two dates long. This is the time that you are supposed to have your "party manners" going (in fact I recommend it for the entire relationship, but that's another post). He's supposed to be telling YOU how hot you are, not reminiscing about his ex-.
@Bikeman -- I've never heard of David DeAngelo, but any guy who recommends having men put their dates down is two bricks short of a load.
If this is how he's acting after the first two dates, I can't imagine how he'd act once he thinks he's "caught" you. | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:12:15 AM |
@Bikeman -- I've never heard of David DeAngelo, but any guy who recommends having men put their dates down is two bricks short of a load. He's an internet dating-guru/charlatan who targets clueless men to buy his pickup material. I stumbled into his website a few years ago via a Googled link, and signed up for his free e-mails for shits and giggles. He recommends to guys if they want to pick up physically attractive women, act in ways different than the way "nice" guys act when they approach her; instead of complimenting her, the guy busts on her, somehow the woman finds this approach refreshing and intriguing. | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:13:42 PM | Bottom line, the guy doesn't communicate well. First, he allows himself to call you and have a chat while drunk. [They need a little waving red flag icon for this.] Then he brings the ex into the conversation with his comments in response to a normal conversation about past relationships. [Another one of those little waving red flags here.]
So, let's review -- he doesn't communicate appropriately, and he talks about the ex. Not a great combination for long term happiness. Remember, too, that communication is one of the most important ingredients for the foundation of a relationship. Respect is one of the others, and true respect (I think) means that you speak in such a way as to be mindful of the feelings of others. His remarks were ill advised, at best, and certainly insensitive. If he meant to give you a backhanded compliment, let him learn how to give a real compliment.
Good luck. | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:21:39 PM | Tacky for the dude to be raving on his ex at all with you. Next time you see him, tell him you really don't care to hear about his ex any more. If he wants to talk about her, he needs to start paying you by the hour for therapy.
And yeah. If he was saying she was hot AND talking about her body, then yeah, don't expect him to be happy staying with yours. You could be just the rebound girl. | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:47:41 PM | | A long time ago, I met a jerk that tried to make me feel insecure by telling me all about his last two girlfriends implants, (being a super lean runner, the mother of two, I've kind of deflated, and was only ever small to begin with.) It had the strangest effect on me...one that I still haven't figured out yet. I almost felt sort of weirdly grateful for his attention after that...like he was better than me or something, needless to say that when we did become intimate(which I allowed to happen WAY too early) it was a disaster...I felt so self concious I couldn't relax and enjoy myself AT ALL...NEVER AGAIN will I let anybody make me feel that way. They mention how good looking their ex is to me, and I'm as good as on my next date!!! | |
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| He told me his ex gf was hot.
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:51:14 AM | ^^ I would love to hear from someone that tried that tactic... Bikeman? Can't relate any experiences about using PUA tactics. I feel like I'm quite disciplined mentally when I talk to women and I'm that not employing vintage PUA tactics. Not that I don't have testosterone flowing through my bloodstream, but I try to ignore that when I'm approaching a woman I find attractive. I talk to her like I talk to any other stranger--with dignity and respect in an intelligent manner. Then I look for openings she creates, and then cleverly sprinkle in some mild testosterone-driven charm to continue to develop rapport. If after awhile she doesn't give me an opening and I'm not bored with the conversation, I'll provide a mild opening to see if she'll respond. If noone give the other person an opening after that, or there's no rapport, the conversation ends. This ain't rocket science.
DDA teaches guys to imitate a natural pickup artist. That seems sort of oxymoronic, imitating a natural. | |
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