| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:33:18 PM | Yes.
What would it be like with out some hurt? Where is the experience? The struggle? Love , as a part of life.... mirrors life. The balance I've read about here. Hurt is intwined with love as life is to death. I think we live and grow in love .... as in life.... and we falter.... in love.... as in life.
Sometimes hurt in one's heart can be exquisite. Love is an Experience.... all of it.
Live To The Point Of Tears.
Camus. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:46:17 PM | you know how you are with family? the closer you are with them, the more fights, trails, pain your going to get into. Well the same things falls with close friends, relationships, etc.
People get into these situations because they care about each other, which is why I say it's the people that are closer to you are the ones that are going to hurt you more. You know what they say about, keep your enemies close, but keep your friends closer. Trust me when you're really close with someone you really care about, eventually it'll hurt when crap hits the roof. But if you care, you will endure.
Love hurts | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:56:52 PM | only the attachment to romantic delusional love hurts.
True love only gives joy and demands nothing in return, not even pain. What hurts is the attachment to love, not love in itself....in other words, it is the person giving and receiving love that hurts because of his/her own illusions about it.
Love is energy that heals. We ourselves create the feelings, the reaction to the energy.
Love that causes pain instead of joy is not true love, in my opinion. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:05:48 PM | Last time I heard some wedding vows, it went something like..
'For better....for WORSE'
'For richer...for POORER'
'In SICKNESS and in health'...................
As one poster suggested.... LOVE is an ACTION.....it is a VERB.... it is MORE than mere 'feeling'.......It is a CONSCIOUS ACT of how one chooses to treat another when conditions, whether internal or external, are not at their happiest. It's always easy to FEEL the EFFECTS of love when things are at their happiest. It is only the wise person who knows how to give or receive love when things are at their worst....
The REAL reason you think love 'hurts' is because one, the other, or both people had an ILLUSION of what love is to begin with......not what love REALLY is...... So you are, in fact, NOT being hurt by LOVE itself.....you are hurt by your own illusion of what love truly is.......
Hopefully there will come a time for you to know the real meaning...
peace | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:09:13 PM | | you got a point there Bloom. I like what you written. Love shouldn't be painful. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/3/2008 12:21:03 AM | When my Grandmother died a few years ago it was hugely painful. We shared a relationship, and a love for which I have no illusions. A woman I loved Truly. While love may not be the direct source of said pain/hurt , pain/hurt was only possible and made all the more acute by a deep seated love. In this instance love and pain form a symbiotic union, as do both pain / loss, and love / loss.
If a Thing , needs another Thing to exist.... You don't get one with out the other. This may sound simplistic, but I read the original post. I think the author has a grasp on what "real life love" is, and asked a simple question. " If it doesn't hurt at some point is it not real love?"
I've found love, real love, brings some measure of hurt.
I took the question to be more .... existential in nature.
Yes, like talking in the mirror.
Possibly my mistake. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:31:46 AM | | Imo L does not have to hurt to be real. But it is definitely one of the potential side effects. In breakups -- when there is no hurt there was no real L. One thing about it there's an inherent risk that must be taken when seeking the "one." That being failure, sometimes hurtful. Potential success makes such leaps of faith a fair enough price to pay imo. L hurts, L flourishes, L smiles, L frowns...You name it, L has been there. (boycotting the word herein) | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:42:52 AM | Re the Opost
The Love must hurt to be real and other wisdomoids such as "work must be hard and sweaty to be real" are remnants of certain "ideologies" that are IMO flawed and were marketed/propagated to "sweeten" pills that were hard to swallow. If it hurts, it ain't real love or real work, it is mazochism/sadism of sorts. "Opium" for the masses to paraphrase Karl, lol! | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:16:37 AM | Naw. Lack of love hurts.
When my son, calling me from jail, where he was because he had beaten his girlfriend, said: "But, Mom, I love her." I said, "No. You don't hurt what you love. Not on purpose anyway." "But she loves me. . . " "Nope. You don't love what hurts you on purpose."
It's the *not on purpose* that hurts. But that isn't love. It's something else. And the end of love can and usually does hurt -- death, disinterest, betrayal of trust.
For the rest, refer to Bloom's post, above.
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:03:46 AM | (except maybe lust, but that's another whole subject.... :).
I've been reading a lot of posts around the forum about how people define lust and consider it okay as long as its for their partner. This is not neccasarily true. The thing about lust is that it is selfish in and of itself which is the heart behind why its a sin. When you are showing someone how much you care for them this is giving and is not defined as lust. Lust can lead to many other things, usually bad because it is for only yourself. Lust is usually the last sin commited in a relationship and it is usually not with your partner. Bloom and Wooby got it right, great posts!! | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:14:05 AM | love hurts?
not as I know it...... it's all peoples versions and misconceptions that get them into crazy type relationships ( making bad choices) that hurts, because lessons have to be learned ( the hard way).
dysfunctional love abounds.... its everywhere.... unless your healthy in your emotional state with good self esteem you will not recognize it or be able to enjoy it... and fall into dysfunctional relationships with dysfunctional people.
real love is love that doesn't hurt... its an action something you do or give for someone... someone worthy.... not a feeling ( of lust with nothing else going for it but attraction).
Love is an action and unless you can give it, you sure won't get it...
you'll get what you give... in this case... some type of dysfunctional pain filled crazy experience you equate as love ( due to your issues ).
I do not know love to hurt...
people can disappoint us, let us down but when there is real love in the relationship, it's just normal stuff and life goes on... the relationship survives the blow and becomes stronger. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:39:57 AM | You make a lot of good points in your topic Vdistortion.
For love itself should not hurt, and indeed it never has hurt me in this life.
However, the aftermath, or wreckage often hurts....and can hurt a lot, if you are engaged fully in love.
If you can walk away and feel little or nothing, then it probably was not love...it was a form of attachment or unfulfilled need.
Our minds and our hearts (soul) are not one and the same unit. So while we can explain things like why love ends, or sometimes hurts, with our words and minds..our heart and soul can hurt for a while, and indeed cause the witholding of wanting to trust and love again. But yet, if one longs to love again, you must be ready to trust again. That is not saying to give your trust away haphazardly...but to believe in reality, and not in fairy tales. There is a chance.....a very good chance that you may hurt again.
In some ways, it is very frustrating...and perhaps impossible to use words to try to describe the feeling of Love. Yet, at least on forums like these....words are all we have.
I believe that all of the words in the world can not describe why we love, and why we sometimes hurt in love.
Peace
Akimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:22:18 PM | | I certainly don't think that love in and of itself need be painful to be real. Rather, its the willingness to open yourself up and be vulnerable, to truly let someone into your heart. In that vulnerability and openness there lies the potential for betrayal and hurt, but if you are afraid of that possibility and don't open up, then no, you can't really know true love. Love is not about pain and hurt, but trust, with the understanding that whenever we do trust, there is always the chance we will be betrayed and hurt. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:35:49 PM | | If you truly love someone it doesn't hurt. Because true love is unselfish and unconditional. Being "in love" is actually a selfish feeling. Most relationships start out this way as the grow to know the other person the true love starts to grow. If people are expecting to feel "in love " all the time well that disappears and quite often people don't hang around for the true love to grow. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:32:46 PM | | I have only been in love one time in my life and it did hurt when he passed away. Not sure I ever want to be in real love again because I would be afraid of going through that again. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/5/2008 1:18:20 AM | | When I first read ur thread title I instantly thought of a particular piece of a story and I would like to share it with u if I may.It's called "the rabbit and the skin horse",What is real asked the rabbit one day as they were lying side by side.Is it having things that buzz inside you and a stickout handle?Real isn't how your made said the skin horse,real is when a child loves you for a long,long time not just to play with but to really love,then you become real.Does it hurt?, asked the rabbit.Sometimes said the skin horse but he was always truthful.When you are real you don't mind being hurt.Does it happen all at once like being wound up, the rabbit asked,or bit by bit?It doesn't happen all at once,the skin horse said,you become.It takes a long time that's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easy or have sharp edges or have to be carefully kept.Generally by the time you are real most of your hair has been loved off,your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby but these things don't matter at all because once you are real you can't be ugly except to people who don't understand.Once you are real you can't become unreal again,it lasts for always. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:04:37 AM | That was a Great Story Spearhead!
Yes, it'll hurt
When two souls become one
any degree of seperation causes pain
as you try to come together
and you get pulled in another direction
you look back to see if they're by your side
and the world has pulled them somewhere also
Old feelings of insecurity
like receptor cells open
and say feed me . . . .
they're off not thinking about you
when the thruth is you're
first on my mind
and close as my heartbeat
The pain should maybe remind us of
just how important the person is in our lives
remembering the last conversation, song, and kiss shared together
without associating those feelings with doubt
not letting the pain, insecurity, and wondering
overcome the fragile thing called love
that we feel as soon as we make connection again | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:13:46 AM | | that is the sadiest thread i have heared this far.who told you love has to hurt to be real,what kind of guys are you dating.love is kind,its when you need somebody there there,its comfort,its forgiving ,its loyality,its a shouldr to cry on,its cuddling,its real passion,its saying i am sorrey.its not drama,cheating,hurting fellings,its not the upper hand,its not talking about other girls,its not playing emotional games,its not controling ,dameening.so you have never seen or felt real love sooner or later you will to help you out change the type of man you date .i hope you do fall in love for real because you sound very passionate person,i wish more poeple would examine if they were in love or is it just convenece.love is when you see that old couple in the park feeding the birds and you see them married for a ton of years and there walking holding hands.if a man cant give that to you then its not love call it what you want but thats not love.i hope all your dreams and wishes come true for you today and i hope true love hits you like a giant linebacker because you will not nkow whats coming.you may not nkow football are the analige i just used but thats the impact of love bye. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:18:35 AM | I guess John Mellenkamp thought that when he wrote "hurts so good"... 
.. but are you saying we should seek to hurt in order to find love?
Wow... that's deep.
I actually believe that's too deep. I think if you want to have someone in your life, then you know that already and you miss them when they're not there.
Kind of a neurotic thought here, I believe... | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:32:34 AM | | I don't necessarily believe that love equals pain. Nothing (and no one) in this world is perfect. We're going to make mistakes and those mistakes are going to hurt others sometimes. I do believe it is our capacity to forgive or just overlook transgressions that make love real. I didn't always believe this way, and if I had I would have avoided more mistakes and pain than true love ever brought me. I think this is part of what corny movie lines like "You make me want to be a better person" are about. Because when you are in a truly loving relationship I believe you do become a better person through making/keeping commitments/promises, willingly making compromises/sacrifices or being the recipient of someone else's consideration, giving and receiving compassion/forgiveness/patience. Yes, love can be painful, but it also is very rewarding and I believe the good outweighs the bad. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:16:00 PM | ty eyestothesky and I enjoyed ur post as well.There are some pretty smart folks on here and artistic also.I just hope I can hold my own in their company.This is a great thread though,makes one think maybe about how they wish to experience love or some may reflect back on a love lost but either way I think it will help. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:26:05 PM | AliBabble
People practice short-term relief because they are "desperate." Why not deal with what ever is making you feel desperate so that you can just be loving without the misery of make-up sex which is not very loving but definitely very manipulating. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:35:01 PM |
So i guess my question is do you think that way? That if it doesnt hurt at some point is it not real love? Why does something so powerful, something that we all long for, something so mind blowing have to hurt to be real?
In my experience, it hurts soooo bad it causes physical pain. No joke! I strongly believe real love hurts. I've said it to someone i didnt mean it to recently and i broke up with her after 4 months and not a single tingle has been felt. But getting out of a 4.5 year long relationship has caused some SERIOUS heart ache, mind you its just in the chest lol. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:55:18 PM | | There is only pain and disappointment if you look at the person as if they are God. If you look up to the heavens, and know that there is something more powerful and greater in control, then you will never hurt. You will have faith that everything happens for a reason, therefore getting rid of blame. You will know that all things must pass, getting rid of fear. You can see and appreciate all of the creation, including one another. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:45:11 PM | | I would say definitely YES!!! I'm a 59 yo male who totally fell in love with a 42 yo lady who won my heart. I wrote her poems and pampered her beyond belief. As our relationship deepened the age difference became more a problem for me than her. I realized I wasn't being fair to her and eventually the age difference would be an issue for me. That doesn't mean that the feelings I have have lessened, they only grow stronger because she means that much to me. Down the road of life I hope she finds that special one @ her own age to make her happy. | |
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