| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:38:29 PM | | i was just making a funny earlier but hey ladies you meet some bold women out there too.i went out with a school teacher one night and she was polite and professional till i parked to drop her off at her car then she jumped over the console,ripped my shirt open,caused me to knock a big knot on back of head when i hit the side window"startled me"...yea ok it scared the s### out of me"thought my a## was gone".embarresed her so bad she just got out of car and left...... | |
|
| |
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:44:16 PM |
I never heard the "I get in your car, you get in my pants" rule... I'll keep it in mind. Thanks for the heads-up.
I have never heard of it either but what I want to know is: does this rule work both ways? Gee, I haven't hitchhiked in years but sounds like it could be fun.  | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 12:23:30 AM | Nope, never happened to me. I think women should buy more dinners 
The odd thing is, they are not cheap about any of the date, its the best food, the best wine, and the best hotels in town...
Maybe stick to tea/coffee or one drink first time out even with people you know? | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:25:34 AM | Yes, it DOES happen a lot. As for the why, I have no idea. But statistically, yes, a lot.
This has happened to me now and then throughout my entire life, as well as to my friends and even female family members. The simple answer is to always be ready to run. Be ready, have a menthod of transportation and enough money in your hand to get out and get where you need to go. And since this does indeed happen, you might even put a few seconds of thought into it BEFORE any first date, especially a blind date.
If you're smart, it's simply an act of self preservation. And if it doesn't happen, then you had an otherwise good date!
Greetings from Gotham.
/I | |
|
| |
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:14:50 AM |
curveyprincess wrote:
This has happen to me like twice... I have went over and over each time, trying
to figure out what I said or did, that made any one of these men think I was
wanting to have sex with them on the first date... I have even watched what I
wear, to make sure its not something that sends the wrong signal to these men...
I just dont get this.... The odd thing is, they are not cheap about any of the date,
its the best food, the best wine, and the best hotels in town...
So the first date isn't going to a movie, or a walk in the park, or
chatting in a backyard, or something relatively innocuous like that,
but rather "the best food, the best wine, and the best hotels in town"?
On a first date? Well, there's your clue. Do I need to spell it out any
more than that? I mean I can. But hopefully it's now self-evident.
Apolinary | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:29:22 AM | | Maybe Apolinary has a point there. You should possibly consider going to the batting cages for a first date. That way if he pushes the boundaries, you're holding a bat. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:37:55 AM |
"So the first date isn't going to a movie, or a walk in the park, or
chatting in a backyard, or something relatively innocuous like that,
but rather "the best food, the best wine, and the best hotels in town"?
On a first date? Well, there's your clue. Do I need to spell it out any
more than that? I mean I can. But hopefully it's now self-evident."
Apolinary,
I agree a first meet should be something innocuous. In the OP's case, these were not first meetings, these were first dates with grown men one of whom she knew for a year and saw on a daily basis. As they planned together to extend the date to another activity, which in her understanding, did not include the need for a hotel, she should be reprimanded for accepting dinner with this man when he inexplicably and unexpectedly took this detour? No, I think not.
The men are the ones who offered the dinner, probably made the reservations, the man was the one who went through the expense of acquiring flowers...she should expect that he would expect sex after that? After knowing him a year but never dating him? That's totally ridiculous. Was it extravagant? Perhaps but that was his choice, his decision to spend his money that way. Any woman, and man for that matter, should be able to accept a dinner invitation from someone who appears to genuinely want to get to know them without being chauffered to a hotel afterward. To me, that behavior is crass and immature. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:45:39 AM | OP What I don't understand is what difference it makes what kind of restaurant they took you to, or how sucessful they were? I think you need to do an evaluation of your priorities.
SOME guys are jerks, even some sucessful guys.
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Why would some rich educated guy be interested in you? IF you can say it's because you have a lot going for you, and you have a lot in common, then this is your answer. IF you cannot say those things, then the other reason would be sex.
Sorry if that bursts your bubble. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:53:56 AM | Hi Cuveyprincess.
Well...I went into your profile, read some of the last things that you have commented on......I did NOT see or get and impression of anything remotely close to calling out for sex! I can honestly say, you do not seem to be sending any message out there that says "Come and get me boys!" But, having said this, reading about you and actually meeting a person (in life) are two different things. From what I read of topics you have responded to, you have been in some very difficult situations in past. (ie: the man that stripped to the buff in your living room).
Sometimes a person can send off mixed signals unintentionally and the result of this is can be awkward, to say the least. How you present yourself in life, (ie: body language, appearance, hair, makeup, way of speaking,,,etc) is something that is picked up by others even before we open our mouths. Unintentionally, you may be sending out vibes of "come and get me", when all you mean is to be friendly.
Ask some of your friends about this, or, if you can, try to remember any warning "speeches" given to in past by either your parents, friends etc. You have gotten off lucky so far....these men have not pushed past NO. But, what if one time, in future, someone has no boundaries? Be careful. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:58:43 AM | It shouldn't matter whose car you were in. Men who want sex on a first date are only interested in their own agenda. They don't even pay attention to what you say or do.
I'm not saying all men are the same, but it has been my experience that 99 % of the guys on dating sites are looking for sex. They play a game they call push and pull, but in my day it was called cat and mouse. They give you lots of attention until they get what they want, then they back off. They do this on and off game to keep you guessing about their real intentions or to keep you around until they need you again. Have you ever looked at the topics listed below an email note, on here, as to the top subjects that men like to talk about. Sex is high on the list. I think there are a lot of sexually frustrated men out there. Please don't blame yourself. Just do whatever you have to do to be safe. Some guys, even supposedly upstanding, nice guys don't like to take "no" for an answer. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:00:09 AM | Ladies, PLEASE, IF YOU ONLY "MET" THE GUY ONLINE, PLEASE DON'T GET IN HIS CAR ON THE FIRST DATE! .... AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THE SECOND.
I always say, he has to meet some of my friends face to face first. (Just a quick "hello"-not necessarily hang-out.) That way, if he shys away from that, the way I see it, could mean he is up to something.
Just my two cents.
Soleil
PS (I understand that the original poster didn't meet these two guys online, so I'd say she was okay to get in their cars if she really knew them in person first.) | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:57:30 AM | | OP, it seems a bit wierd to me. I'm a pretty confident guy and I wouldn't take a women to a hotel unless it was something we had discussed or if we really knew each other. If these are relatively newer dates it is not clear to me why these guys would go there. Unless it is something that they are use to. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:20:47 AM |
Please give me feedback!
Your complaint is one of the most common complaints women have about men: that they want sex much too early in a relationship.
When you first meet someone you really don't know what they want until you've talked for a while.
My advice is that your first date should always be a brief "meet and greet" in a coffee shop or something like a walk in the park. During this first meeting you need to communicate clearly to the man that you are not interested in sex right away and if that's what he is looking for, you are not the person for him. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:28:23 AM | | I agree, janet4ever. If I am so "stupid" as to allow a man to pick me up and take me on a first date, that implies we are having sex?? It p***es me off to see how quickly some of the WOMEN on this site are to blame a woman if anything unwanted happens with regards to sexual advances. Their profile was too sexy, they wore clothes that were too revealing on the date, said something provactive, let him pick her up at her house...blah blah blah. For all of the June Cleavers out there, put down the apron and pick up a book. When you do, you will learn what we thinking women have known for awhile.. unwanted sexual advances are NEVER something that is a woman's fault. No means no!!! I know what you are probably trying to say is that men are just stupid animals that don't know any better and women are incredibly more intelligent so they must take the responsibilty. But.... SHHH!!! That's all I am saying.....SHHH!!!! | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:57:49 AM | Apolinary, I don't give a shiznit how much a dinner or whatever costs, that doesn't give the guy the right to sex with his date. Do you SERIOUSLY think that way??
Do men automatically think that a woman's accepting a dinner means she is a whore? ? HUH?? Holy Crap!
Men who don't think this way, help me out here and say it ain't so!
If that's the case, I'll have to stop dating all together.
Soleil | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:06:02 AM |
Do men automatically think that a woman's accepting a dinner means she is a whore? ? HUH?? Holy Crap!
Men who don't think this way, help me out here and say it ain't so!
No. If a woman accepts a dinner invitation it does not automatically mean she's a whore. Some men (I said SOME, not all) will desire to have sex with a woman if they are attracted to her.
My advice to women is that the first "meet and greet" with a man should be a simple coffee date or a walk in the park. During this first meeting you should communicate clearly to the man what your expectations are. If you don't want to have sex until the 8th date, then you need to communicate that to the man. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:41:59 AM | Modern love is automatic?
First date sex is not unheard of, or so I hear. Neither is date fraud. There ought to be laws against both.
> I just dont understand, if its SEX they want, why dont they just go pay for it...
Doesn't dinner count as "paying"? (j/k, sorta - see that other thread)
> There are women that live for that... I am just not one of them!
Just like some women "date to eat"...
Y'all should come with detailed spec labels backed by government regulations and money-back guarantees. It would make dating safer and more enjoyable for all of us.
| |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:44:25 AM | | Or people could just be honest about their intentions even if they don't know what they are exactly yet. I'll take most of the ladies advice on this thread; no getting into cars on the first (even second) date until you know the guy a bit better. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:56:12 AM |
I think it could be the fact that you were in their cars on the first dates that could give the impression that you were ready to be sexual with them.
Are you effing kidding me?... Seriously?... Getting in someone's car on a first date means you want to have sex with them???... you've got to be joking. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 12:01:14 PM | Maybe because you are beyond the getting to know process with these guys and you said they asked you out repeatedly before you agreed to go to dinner, that they had already done like 3 or more months worth of dating stuff in terms of getting to know you and making an effort.
Still a bit retarded to just whisk you off like it was a well-planned weekend that you actually knew about. Rather than waste any time thinking about this because I don't think you sent any mixed signals, just see it as an enjoyable meal and forget the part where it ended badly. They did you a favor really, by showing you early that their character is lacking because their assumption was very inconsiderate. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 12:04:47 PM |
Or people could just be honest about their intentions even if they don't know what they are exactly yet.
My advice to women is to be very clear in your communication to men. If you don't want to have sex and it looks like he might want to, you should make it clear to him what your intentions are. If sex is what he's after, he can then choose to end the date early. You can also choose to end the date early if things are bot going the way you want. | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 12:16:51 PM |
I think it could be the fact that you were in their cars on the first dates that could give the impression that you were ready to be sexual with them.
Are you effing kidding me?... Seriously?... Getting in someone's car on a first date means you want to have sex with them???... you've got to be joking.
TheOnly1,
Sadly, they are not kidding. These days, online dating has screwed everything up so badly you can no longer take part in normal courting rituals, such as:
Scenario 1: Accepting dinner dates that include anything more than a $5 coffee -- not dinner but you should learn enough in the 30-minute 'meeting' (not a date) to know if you actually want to go on a dinner date but if you do, you still can't accept anything exceeding a $5 value or you should expect to pay your own way and/or be required to supply your own condoms when the requisite sex comes due at the end of the evening. (see thread as proof)
Scenario 2: Allow dates to offer you a ride -- this means you are willing to blow your date because you opened the door and sat in his car. (see thread as proof)
Scenario 3: Allow dates to pick you up from home -- this means you are desperate and willing to be subjected to scenarios 1 or 2 or both AND/OR if you invite them to come in for a nightcap before driving home, you are covertly offering sex and shouldn't be surprised when he strips naked in your living room, despite previous conversations to the contrary. (see thread as proof)
Scenario 4: Allow dates to know your real name -- this means you are willing to be subjected to any combination of scenarios 1, 2 and 3.
Scenario 5: Give dates your phone number -- this means you are willing to be called for phone sex before, after and possibly during any potential date. (see thread as proof)
Catch-All Scenario 6: Do, say, or buy anything that can be construed as a precursor to sex like being on a dating site. (this thread IS proof)
 | |
|
| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 12:49:36 PM | Curveyprincess,
I have to agree with Apolinary in Msg. 32 on this one. I would also add that the fact that you knew these men for a while before the first date, they might have felt you led them on.
I agree with some of the other posters here that regardless how much money is spent a man shouldn't expect sex. HOWEVER, a woman is being very nieve if she expects any man not to expect sex after a dinner like what you described. I wouldn't expect to have sex on the first date. But I know many would.
Perhaps in the future you should always go dutch on the first few dates. This way there is less chance of the men you go out with seeing the wrong signals.
Or, you are either going out on a LOT of dates and just had your share of bad apples....or you are attracted to very confident men. Which is fine......however, even that has a price. | |
|
Home
login 
