| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:02:43 PM |
I have to agree with Apolinary in Msg. 32 on this one. I would also add that the fact that you knew these men for a while before the first date, they might have felt you led them on.
I have to disagree with this. Even having several email exchanges does not give a person a clue into knowing them. I don't know most of the women on here. And even if I had reason to think some would even have a remote clue to having an idea about me I'd still have to meet them to confirm any prior thought. So either the guy was thinking what he wanted to, or the two had sexual conversation before the met. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:04:28 PM | | Of course it happens ,... all the time.. men will try to see how far they can go... Personally I think it is very brave of them to actually drive you there... Don't blame yourself.. we can sexual beings too But the power is all in our hands.. We can say yes... or we can say no... Each guy I have met has asked in one way or another... "just checking" they say... The dance of dating never changes.... but we can control what we do.. Don't be too offended , it is just their nature.... good luck | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:30:04 PM | I'm old school and was taught to respect women.
I think Most men try reading body language, the extent that a woman flirts and innuendo's made, into consideration, as to his ultimate decision on what his next move will be. I'm not condoning his actions, only giving you some signals that you can examine, to ascertain if you did anything to cause him to think you wanted to have sex the first date or if he was simply a jerk.
I am not saying you did or said anything... if this has happened several times, perhaps you should look back on everything you said, did or implied. If you dissect the date and you did nothing, you were simply dating a jerk.
I regret that women are treated this way by some men, as it reflects on an entire gender. Good luck in your future endeavors in the dating world.
It is not always what we say or do, but how we are perceived by people.
Men are from Pluto and Women are from Jupiter.... | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:37:23 PM | Sweetie, YOU didn't do anything to cause those jerks to expect sex. Some people are so full of themselves they just assume others would be "honored" to have sex with them.
I am beginning to develop a theory after my nearly two months back on POF. Every man I have met and/or talked to here has a horror story about some woman trying to rip his clothes off when they first meet...showing up naked at his home on the first date....having him pick her up at her house only to greet him at the door naked as jay-bird...you name it. My theory is that there are just some real horn-dogs out there (both male and female), and some think of having sex as nothing more serious than shaking hands. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending upon your perspective  ) we sometimes run into those types of people. Just dust yourself off and loudly exclaim "NEXT!" Don't over-analyze it....you did nothing wrong.
Happy Fishing!
Rose Mary | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:54:48 PM | Hey curvey, don't get all bent out of shape over what happened, what you have discribed is pretty standard among high wage earners or high rollers. some times they pick the wrong women to date and the result is what you went through, it happens pretty regular on high levels of dating because they don't stick to their own kind.
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:56:32 PM | ncrosebud....
Every man I have met and/or talked to here has a horror story about some woman trying to rip his clothes off when they first meet...showing up naked at his home on the first date....having him pick her up at her house only to greet him at the door naked as jay-bird...you name it. My theory is that there are just some real horn-dogs out there (both male and female), and some think of having sex as nothing more serious than shaking hands.
Yes, some men and some women are guilty of the same behavior. There are times when I have interpreted a woman's behavior or flirting as nothing more than being flirty. I've later been asked, why I didn't act on their hints. D amnn, it's difficult dating, for both genders.
Bottom line, is that women, ultimately have the last say in what happens. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:09:21 PM | I got what Apolinary was saying in the initial response. Not that Curv intentional gave the wrong signals and that it is a reflection on some men that if they pay X amount, then they consider entitlement to sex.
No saying that anyone was right or wrong, but suggesting perhaps a different approach as many outlined in later posts as good guidelines. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:13:05 PM | "[b[Golconda" wrote (message 40) ...
When you first meet someone you really don't know what they want until you've talked for a while.
My advice is that your first date should always be a brief "meet and greet" in a coffee shop or something like a walk in the park. During this first meeting you need to communicate clearly to the man that you are not interested in sex right away and if that's what he is looking for, you are not the person for him. Good advice ...
But the OP already knew both of these men for some time. It was by far not a "meet and greet" situation. And no matter how well we know a man, it's never appropriate for a man to assume that sex is going to be involved at the close of a date whether one eats at Burger King or the most expensive restaurant in town ...  | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:35:15 PM | The real problem is he did nott spend enough time with you before hand, on average it takes about 7-10 hours of attraction and comfort building to get the sexy times rolling. this can be on one day or spread out over weeks.
and thats if his game is good, if he was just being a chump (and thats what it looks like with the dinner-hotel thing) he had no change for a same night lay | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:46:06 PM |
The real problem is he did nott spend enough time with you before hand, on average it takes about 7-10 hours of attraction and comfort building to get the sexy times rolling. this can be on one day or spread out over weeks.
I disagree with this. First off, the OP doesn't suggest that enough time was not spent between the two before they went to the hotel. The OP seems to have had more of an issue with the guy not following prearrangement script rather than the idea of sex. If the two really knew each other I don't believe there would be any discussion of him taking her to the hotel. Also I don't believe going to a hotel is exclusive to high wage earners. Guys went to hotels every other weekend when in high school. It was very simple to them. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:58:16 PM | Geez there's so many off topic things in this thread that are more interesting to comment on than the topic of first date dinner/hotel sex.
First, don't get in your date's car on first meets. Then you won't need to worry about being whisked off to a hotel to be shagged.
Assuming you know a person well enough to share transportation, that doesn't give implicit approval to get to shagging.
Somebody mentioned that 99% of internet guys look for or expect 1st date sex. This person also stated men interested in 1st date sex are "only interested in their own agenda". I'm not sure if that's true, and it gets me to wonder 1st-date-sex women have similar agendas, since they consensually engage in 1st date sex as well (takes two to tango).
Getting back to the thread topic, I don't really have an opinion one way or the other about first date sex. Whatever floats your boat. I have no idea if this dinner/hotel/sex scenario happens often. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:20:51 PM |
I disagree with this. First off, the OP doesn't suggest that enough time was not spent between the two before they went to the hotel. The OP seems to have had more of an issue with the guy not following prearrangement script rather than the idea of sex. If the two really knew each other I don't believe there would be any discussion of him taking her to the hotel.
It's not the time you spend together, but the quality of the communication that counts. I wonder what the communication was between the OP and her date about their mutual expectations for the date?
If the guy knows up front that the woman doesn't want sex, he can plan the date accordingly. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:30:54 PM | Hello there!
It has never occurred to me to try something like that. However, understand that some guys are all about sex - anything such as dinner, cinema, theatre - anything is seen as money invested and they want a return - the return of course is sex. Sometimes I'm embarrassed for my gender.
Your first issue is your profile name "CurvyPrincess" - guaranteed to attract predators. Any name that remotely indicates anything physical or sexual will attract guys interested in sex. Ask yourself, why did you pick "CurvyPrincess"? It may sound innocent and cute to you and your girlfriends, but guys don't think like that. If you mention curves in your name they will assume you intend to use them. Not nice - but reality.
Photos - any photo that emphasizes your bust or chest area will attract predators. If you look soft or vulnerable you are a target. Shots that look down on you from above are not good - they emphasize your chest and symbolically put you underneath. You are now an object. These kind of guys don't really read the words - they look at the photos, read your body language and your headline.
Language - "knows how to treat a woman".... hmmm... sounds like you're willing to surrender all your power - do you really want to do that? You can't be totally looked after and have respect - at best you're an expensive pet. Decide what you want and what terms you want your relationship - an equal partnership or the "little woman" - you decide.
Remember Bill married Hilary not Monica... who was tougher and smarter? It wasn't Monica.
You want the right type of guy? Appear strong and confident. Nice hair and power clothes - the kind that show you know who you are. Week sheep attract wolves. Strong women attract quality guys. If you want a good guy, you better look like you can take care of yourself because they're aren't too many saints out there.
Good luck.
Shaun | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:37:11 PM | I wonder what the communication was between the OP and her date about their mutual expectations for the date?
The OP seems to suggest that there had been communication between the two about what was to take place on the date without assumption. And that the conversations did not involve sex. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:01:12 PM | I also looked at your profile and don't see anything in it that would make a man think you're looking for sex on a first date. Just make sure you tell anyone you are planning to meet that it is a date date, not a sex date, and you want to be sure they understand that. Also, maybe you should meet your date at the restaurant...don't get in his car with him on a first date unless you're sure he isn't going to take that they wrong way.
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:07:13 PM | I just think it's a freakin' crying shame that a woman should have to announce on a first meeting with someone " Oh, by the way, I'm not having sex with you right away."
I can see it now. You're getting to know each other, having a nice conversation, then the woman announces her sex rules ...and that there ain't gon' be no knockin' of de boots on that first date. Can't the guy figure it it out by the nature of the conversation, the body language etc etc..Or does he say to himself, " oh..she seems to be enjoying that glass of wine. This is a sure sign that she wants to go have sex with me after this. It's a good thing I reserved the room at the Motel 6 just in case."
I have never outright felt like I had to announce to my date that I wasn't going to have sex with him. Was I being naive to think that was just understood? Because I just assumed it was understood that MOST people don't have sex on the first date.
Wait. Let me make sure I have these dating rules right:
Meet and greet for a quick coffee = Meet and greet for a quick coffee
Meet and have dinner at his invitation = Meet and have dinner and a quick fiznuk afterwards.
This is pretty much giving the creeps about dating. Will some of you guys tell me if it has become the norm now for men to expect sex on the first date? If that is the norm, I am off these dating websites, because I'm not nor will I ever be someone's whore just because he buys me dinner. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:27:36 PM | Honey,
It happens all the time, and more so with wealthy men. They are used to being able to buy anything they want. It is sooooo scarey, and so common. You didn`t do a thing wrong.
If you were quite a bit younger and they are quite well off, they will think they can force you out of guilt whatever to give in. And some women go for it. The guys are used to this and this is a normal date for them.
You have to meet a man somewhere. You can`t let him pick you up or invite him in for coffee. It`s a clear opening for date rape. Wish it wasn`t that way but it is.
Suggest something more casual. They think if they do the fine dining, wine and candles thing, it gives them the right to force you into sex. If a guy suggests some big romanitc deal early on, there is a good chance he is going to pull this. Keep it at the sports pub or a mom and pop ethnic place. Don`t put yourself in a position that they can pull this, and never trust them. Men can be monsters when they demand sex.
The only thing you did wrong is trust---which is so sad. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:29:01 PM |
This is pretty much giving the creeps about dating. Will some of you guys tell me if it has become the norm now for men to expect sex on the first date? If that is the norm, I am off these dating websites, because I'm not nor will I ever be someone's whore just because he buys me dinner.
No, it has not become the norm to expect sex on the first date. However; there are some (I said SOME) guys that do think they can get sex immediately.
I do think that it's important for the woman to communicate her expectations to the man so that he knows what to expect. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling a guy that you don't want to have a physical relationship right away.
You don't need to give up dating websites but I suggest that you do need to become more direct and honest in your communication. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:31:02 PM | I didn't say she wanted to have sex on the first date at all. I said that men may make that interpretation based upon being in close proximity so soon. They read something into the situation that isn't even there. At least, not for the woman, who's just being friendly.
It make seem strange to you, but unfortunately, it is not entirely fiction. | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:54:15 PM | its so stupid to wait for sex. its better to know from the start if theres good chemistry/sex. Waiting and getting close to the guy mentally and then the sex is no good later, does that make sense? UM NO! lol
you women are a joke! lol | |
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| Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot?
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:16:58 PM | Dont feel bad its players ville out there, some of even sprinkle rose petals in the bath and bed.........
Leave, its the only way, talking doesnt work, it has nothign to do with you or anything about you..........
I know a few guys who do this, they actually plan it and everything little detail is about breaking the womans guard down and scroring........ and they do compare notes and laugh about how easy some women are.......
I have listened to them go on about it, and its lame, but thats some men.........
Saying nothing, leaving , jsut call a cab or a friend and dont talk to him again, its not worth thinking about............
If a man wants a woman he will move a mountain after he has climbed it and wait ..............
I think its the dates that set the mood, I think people need to date differently, do an activity that allows you to get see each other as people,leave romantic dates untill the romance is flowing both ways.............
I am not bothering on here any more, I think it will be better to pay an agency where a man is paying to find the same type of relationship as I am, the whole thing is screened and monitored, you have a mediator , contracts are signed , and guide lines of behaviour are set down ........ It may not succeed but it will avoid alot of crap....... | |
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