| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:48:42 PM | | I've asked myself the same question. Dated someone who clearly was in love but not sure i was. We were great friends, we enjoyed the same things doing things together. And i knew i could trust her. I really liked her but wondered if i could grow to love her deeply enough to commit to her. I also found myself not wanting to go to bed, and avoiding romantic situations. And now i'm here looking again. Not even sure i want to. what does a person do? lol! | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:58:34 PM | OP asks.. "If you met someone you really liked, but didn't love, could you learn to love them, or is this just "settling"?"
I would have to say you answered your own question right there. "Learning" to love someone IS settling for them. Falling in love with someone comes from "liking" them first. You have to be friends with someone you claim actual "love" for.. or it's just lust. JMO | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:02:59 AM | Awesome question? And here I've been reading all your flirtations with the ladies.. 
Read the post and this is a real good topic.
From my past experience, more often than not I have been tongue tied when approached by or drawn to that initial draw "must meet this woman, must say hello, must make eye contact". Perhaps to have missed out on something wonderful or escaped the dreaded guillotine of rejection. Until this most recent decade I have found myself more open and willing to relax and follow-thru with eye contact and conversation, in the hopes of starting at friendship. To the point of "only liking"... that word "only" is the qualifier, that answers your question. I would have to say, that has never been my situation. I can like a woman, and respect her without feeling the need to send cards, (giving you credit, that you must be some charmer to have women more interested in you) and that would be an understanding not missed by her. Also, to learn of someone is a journey that I would not want to take shortcuts with. The journey can be quick/slow depending on how open the person is.
Thank you for the question and insights into hindsight.
I found this quote, while contemplating my feelings, and doing the mental inventory of my past.
“You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry.” | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:20:26 AM | | I'm not sure I could "learn" to love someone..........if i'm liking someone as a person,that's all it is..........I enjoy their company and I care about them but not in a romantic sort of way........besides at my age I don't want to "learn" to love someone,that in my book would be settling for someone I would probably not ordinarily be in a relationship with.But I suppose its possible to work for some. | |
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b2f
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Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:09:59 PM | | HERES MY THOUGHT ON THE TOPIC---I FELL IN LOVE W/MY EX-HUSBAND AT FIRST SITE (BOTH17) WE WERE TOGETHER 22 YEARS. HE LEFT ME 6 YEARS AGO AND I STILL LOVE HIM (FOREVER I GUESS!) I MET SOMEONE WHEN I MOVED TO FLORIDA AND FELL IN LIKE W/HIM HE KNEW AND I KNEW I WOULD NEVER LOVE HIM BUT I SURE LIKED HIM A LOT!!! SOME PEOPLE WONT UNDERSTAND THIS. BUT I WAS WILLING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE W/HIM AND IT WOULD OF NEVER TURNED TO LOVE. SO, FOR, (AND I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE) ME I CANT FALL IN LOVE WHERES THERE IS ONLY LIKE | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:31:52 PM | I would be so good at picking the right man if my brain was all there was to it!
UNfortunately, this isn't the case. My heart falls in love, and it's a karmic lesson - juicy bait on a big, huge old HOOK. 
My optimistic take on my karma-listic outlook is that I've paid some doozy's, thank you very much, and now I deserve the gift of a companion soul to travel beside me. How will I know? I'll fall in love/like with him in equal measures. Lots of joy, laughter, and friendship. And intimacy!
If I only 'like' him, than his rightful role in my life is as a friend.
If I'm wrong....
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:12:24 PM | esad..
I just.. well.. read your profile. 
You have one great sense of humor. Spining tales? Spinning tails? Spinning Tales!
Awww.. being you'd be coming to Pa from Ohio.. I'd offer you a "whole" ham sandwich! | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:17:02 AM | If you think love is a choice you make, then probably.
Ms Wooby another astute observation. I am of the belief system that "love is a decision" your heart makes. | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/26/2008 8:44:17 AM | ....Hey I just came back from a business trip and I met a man I really liked, I know I could have learned to love him  ....unfortunately for me he was already happily married
...maeflowers | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/26/2008 8:57:21 AM | | First off I hate the word "settling" I mean I have found the physical attributes on one woman sexy and alluring, while on a different woman they were unattractive. I have twice found that instant "falling" in love in my life, and other times found someone I really liked, spent time with them, and found myself missing them when they weren't around as deeply as the ones where it (seemed it) was instant. Like others have said you have to LIKE someone first before you can REALLY love them. A little off topic but so similar.... what about finding them physically/sexually attractive? I mean you enjoy EVERYTHING about them, but physically/sexually they just fall short. would you marry them? granted eventually everyones beauty fails as we age, but isn't that how you are first attracted to someone? You don't know their personality from looking at them across the room.... put into this line of discussion... if you don't like someone how can you love them.... if you are not physically attracted to them, you're not going to try to get to know them (in a dating/LTR way). just my humble view. | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:19:39 AM | I know exactly what your talking about....I've asked myself that same question. I have gone out with men for a period of time, liked them, but never really "fell in love" with them.
One relationship in particular was good in many ways...we were comfortable with one another, we enjoyed hanging out, good conversation, shared the same views, laughed at the same sitcoms...we spent many a pleasant evening together. But physically, we did not connect...I never felt that electricity, that chemical reaction when we were together. The first time he kissed me, I thought , "what a nice soft kiss"....that word again "nice" ...I don't want to settle for nice.....I don't want to just like somebody. It would not be fair to either of us. He deserves to have someone who is going to fall madly and passionately in love with him just as I do....I know how that sounds and maybe that will never happen for me... But am I going to be any happier settling for "nice"
...maeflowers
I may be here wishing for rainbows....
great comment...Mae..being 53 years old with lots of experience with men...I can truly say that in the big picture....that initial chemistry has to be there. I've had relationships with men where they had romantic intentions but I only viewed them as a friend, so in that respect, I could never see our relationship evolving into something more intimate. That has never happened to me. I don't go to bed with my friends...and I agree that I do deserve to have someone that I can fall head over heels in love with, instead of settling....for "nice". I've only been married once and I met my husband in a bar....and I did go to bed with him on the first date..and we were together for almost 20 years and he was also my best friend. So, once in a great moon..we do get it right. | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:06:39 AM | | I happened to be thinking about this very topic before falling asleep last night (and I hadn't read this thread either). I don't know whether thoughts you have while drifing off to sleep are the best, but I think I decided that it might work out better for me if I chose someone that I know is really crazy about me, rather than choosing someone I'm crazy about. Instant love is usually only lust and as many women have said, we find that we can become sexually attracted to and fall in love with men that we only liked a lot at first. The simple fact that someone thinks you're great makes their attractiveness grow in your eyes. There's a reason that men "chased" women before it became known as "stalking" (and men still do that regardless of what some forum posters say). It works. I'm not saying it works if you don't even like someone and you want to run when you see them coming, but if you genuinely like a guy and enjoy his company, the fact that he thinks you're nearly perfect, makes him more and more attractive to you assuming you don't find any major character flaws. I was thinking about all the guys I've dated since leaving my husband 6 years ago and the dynamics between us. The opportunity to rekindle many of those old romances is still open to me and so is the opportunity to meet others who really want to meet. I'm not sure that I ever want to get married again or live with a man, but if I do, maybe it would be smarter for me to choose one who cares about me the most and is consistent in their pursuit of me, rather than one of the guys who excites me the most who's interest in me seems to come and go (probably depending on who else is in their sights and what's happening there). I'm not sure that all men can separate lust and love, but most women can and do all the time. When we were younger, we probably chose our husbands based as much on who we thought would be the best father for our children as on who we felt an instant attraction for. We don't have the same considerations now, but as we age and realize that our health may decline at some point and our looks will definitely fade, if we want to live with a man, maybe it should be someone who thinks he's in love with us, usually meaning he's very sexually excited by us rather than the one who may be settling for us because we're nice, reasonably attractive to him, can carry on an intelligent conversation with him, and he trusts us. These are my real-life issues at the moment and ones I should probably make decisions on at some point unless I want to continue dating and meeting one person after another indefinitely. Maybe a man shouldn't "settle" if that's what he feels he would be doing, but I don't necessarily think a woman has to feel instant chemistry for a relationship to ultimately work out very well in the long run as long as the man remains "in love" and shows it. | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/26/2008 12:05:26 PM | | I don't think so. However; likeing is the first criteria for loving...and it is only fair to date, and think, and see. At some point you will realize that there will never be the step up to love....or there will be. | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/26/2008 11:39:33 PM | For me, "like" is "like" and "love" is "love".........two different things. Can "like" grow into love? I don't know about that.......I have a few male friends that I love as friends......being 'in love' with someone is so much more than being friends or liking someone.......whole different ballgame.......you can be a friend and should be with the one you love, but with the one you love the dynamics are very different.......and vive la difference!
I agree with Maeflowers, liking someone may be 'settling' and both parties deserve far more than that. You can't force love to happen, it just does when the stars are all aligned just right!
Ya, ya baby! 
Zip  | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:04:18 PM | | If the man is someone I initially like, and am not turned off by his appearance then maybe somewhere down the line I could fall in love... and I've met men that I fell in lust with and thought yes, he could be the one until I got to know him and then it faded... but if something about him goes completely against my appeal radar then come hell or high water I am not going to be able to... nor am I going to talk myself into it, because as soon as I settle Mr right will come waltzing into the room.... | |
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