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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:53:13 AM | | I must agree with happy-rebel "that in love feeling" is the best , I am happy to report I have had that in my life a couple of times. My opinion ....you can only "settle" for a brief time (tried it) then the day comes when you realise "I need more " to be truley happy. Love can be a 'spark "or" wildfire"......give me" wildfire" any day ! lol | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:09:53 PM | so i look into ones eyes
is it true from a picture
from the words that they write
lies and deception are everywhere
does not fear run our lifes
being who we are not
to impress the elite
to the books that we read
we begin to dream of it
of great authors
of what love should be
and what it is not ! | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:58:57 AM | Romance is an illusion. It's physical attraction. It's a game we've been taught to play to justify our sexual attraction to each other. It's Rosemary Rogers, Wuthering Heights, Cinderella, and hundreds of Hollywood fantasies that we've come to accept as real. It's an intoxicating feeling, the release of chemicals in the brain.
Love is NOT that butterfly feeling you get in your stomach, or warm fuzzies you get when you cuddle with someone, it's not the weak knees you get when you kiss...that's not love. That's chemistry.
Falling in love, is not love. Love grows when two people recognize in each other the traits that define love...compassion, forgiveness, caring for others, a giving spirit, the joy and sometimes heartache of shared experiences, good and bad, the desire to please each other in every way. Love is the feeling you get when you give her flowers without a reason and you get joy from seeing the look on her face. Love is trying to bake a cake for her birthday that comes out looking like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the two of you laugh about it till you cry. Love is giving because you know in giving you receive. Love is friendship carried to the nth degree. Love is like a new pair of shoes that you really like, and even though they pinch a little now and then, eventually they stretch and become the most comfortable shoes you own. And no matter how many soles or heels you have to replace, you're not giving up those shoes.
I can confidently say these things because I was married for 9 years to a caring, loving, giving, intelligent, funny, sassy, wisecracking, friend, lover, playmate, and partner in crime. And I held her hand and kissed her goodbye and closed her eyes forever as she died of breast cancer in my living room 2 years ago.
Can you learn to love someone you like? Yes, if that person has the qualities of someone who knows how to love. But if you're looking for that Cinderella, swept of your feet emotional high in order to love someone, you're prime fodder for men who know how to push those buttons.
Life is a series of tradeoffs, compromises. It would be really great if we could find that one person that lights our fire sexually and yet embodies all the other loving traits that are necessary for a successful relationship. But lets face it, most of us don't have bodies that are going to make a woman go "Wow" or vice versa. At this age, maybe it's time we stop living the Hollywood fantasy and realize that finding a person who will love us, be our best friend, companion, playmate, and comfortable pair of shoes is worth the tradeoff of not getting those butterflies, weak knees, and wild chemical reactions.
Prior to meeting Nikki, my late wife, I had a number of unsuccessful relationships. I was looking for the wrong things. I convinced myself I was in love because the sex was good, because she made me feel good, but I knew nothing about the inner woman...and eventually that came back to bite me in the rear. And to be honest, I wasn't a good partner. I was a slob, inconsiderate, not deliberately, but from not having to care about anyone but myself.
Was Nikki the girl of my dreams? No. And I wasn't her dream man either. Not in a physical sense. But we both understood that life doesn't always give you what you want, but what you need.
As a man who has read hundreds of profiles I can tell you this. If you want to avoid the players, con artists, users...get romance OUT of your profile. Delete references to cuddling, kissing, hugging, candlelight dinners, flowers, etc. Those are things you do with someone you already have a relationship with.
Look for a man that will go shopping with you, share the cooking chores, clean up after himself, listen to you, respect your opinions, be willing to work to make a relationship succeed. Those are the men that are looking for a partner, not a playtoy. And you'll find that he might know a thing or two about romance too. | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:19:15 PM | Look for a man that will go shopping with you, share the cooking chores, clean up after himself, listen to you, respect your opinions, be willing to work to make a relationship succeed. Those are the men that are looking for a partner, not a playtoy. And you'll find that he might know a thing or two about romance too.
...Hey, thats exactly the kind of man I want.... especially since I hate cooking, chores, & shopping...but I've had no luck . Soooo... I'm thinking...in order to get the kind of man that does that sort of stuff....I need my profile to read....Lady looking for romance...I want a man I can cuddle with, hug, kiss & share candlelight dinners. Sounded perfectly logical to me 
...maeflowers | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:28:42 PM | | I wish I could learn to love someone I only like and only as a friend. Their is a man who has been in love with me for a long time. We talk well together, when we go out we enjoy each other's company and he has told me on numerous occassions that he loves me. I have tried so hard to make those three words part of my vocabulary toward him but their is no spark there at all. Something is missing! I enjoy being with him but don't miss him when a lot of time before we see each other again passes. Am I looking for the impossible, I hope not. I truly believe if the initial attraction is not there when first you meet then no matter what you do it just doesn't happen, or in my case it hasn't. This year he will be gone six months on various vacations, he has already left on a two month one and I have yet to miss him. I truly believe that love doesn't develop with someone you only like if the feelings aren't there at the beginning. Maybe I am wrong but in my case it never has happened! | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:40:53 PM | | Many years ago, I had a very good friend whose wife had died, and after I was divorced, we hung out together at lot--even took a vacation together with our kids. (strictly platonic) For several years, I really tried to conjure up romantic feelings for him because I thought we would be a great match. But it just wasn't the kind of romantic love I wanted. We remained friends for a number of years, but we each ended up finding other love interests. | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:19:08 AM | | Branes, that was one of the best posts I ever read. I wish everyone would read and absorb such wisdom. Creating 'romance' with candlelit dinners, etc. is bogus. I totally agree that 'romance' occurs once you've fallen in love and that takes time. | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:28:21 AM | Succinct post Branes....
...You are describing the "Daily Journey" portion of life and relationship.
...Living a full life also includes "Knowledge", "personal growth"...giving back...a career...a cause.
...Makes life complete and worthwhile.
jmo
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:07:44 AM | Ahh but this debate is the old:- I love you but am not in love with you, debate?
This could be, I like you and could love you, but then I dont love you in that sort of love way, but could be in love with you without loving you, the type of in love that allows me to sod off with your best mate kind of love. 
So when is like, like? and love, love? and when does it turn into the love that is not love?
OMG I think I fell over
Do what my lodger does, gets dumped one day dating by the weekend and in bed by sunday and in love by monday. Wahooooooooooooo its like riding a bike you like, love, like to love, or not love as the case may be
I am off for a lie down in a dark room | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:48:10 PM | I think pretty much the same as cdn*guy. I tried for 15 years and there was always something missing. I loved my ex but it wasn't (in my opinion) the "right" kind of love. I too, tried and kept thinking I can do this, it will be ok and this love will keep growing, but it didn't.
Hmmm, I'm not expressing myself very well, but I think most of you know what I mean | |
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ddsk
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Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 88 | |
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:14:13 AM | So ladies, tell me ...
Were you lovers with these men who weren't sure about? Or did you make the decision independent of a sexual relationship. Because that would be a different side of the debate.
If you allowed yourself to be totally intimate with this man, and came away with like/not love feelings, then you took step to make sure. The problem, of course, is that this will cement the love in some men's heart and can make the situation worse.
If you didn't try, then you probably were safe, but didn't allow yourself to open up, or allow the fella to open up another side of him.
Just therapizing here ... love the input.
thx | |
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| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 6/9/2008 8:37:57 PM | It may be a cultural thing. I come from Celtic/Germanic ancestry, so no such tradition. I don't think I could live with just like alone, I think you need like *and* love these days for a relationship to survive....Just IMHO, but that's what I seem to see in successful relationships these days....And yes, its what I hope to find too-not an easy thing, but necessary just the same....And with that thought, I'll step down from my soap box, and leave it for the next poster... | |
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