| Poll: How do you want your rejection guys? A.Just delete me B.Lie to me C.Be blunt D.Kill me softly?
Posted: 10/10/2006 1:20:27 PM | | When our feelings match with our reality this is healthy---it isn't reasonable to expect someone who has in fact been turned down to be happy about it; however, the way in which it's done can make a difference. I think in general it depends on the circumstances. On first contact a polite "thanks but no thanks" without getting into the reasons is better than silence---because it gives closure. After one has corresponded a few times and finds out something that is a deal breaker about the person I think telling them why (if it's something they can help and they are oblivious) is good way of holding them up to the social mirror so they can take a look at themselves. EG. "Joe I feel that every opinion I express is attacked and my thoughts and Ideas are valueless to you so now you need to go away and reflect on what it is that want out of a relationship so hopefully you can have better luck with the next woman you meet". Note I said joe's oblivious and overbearing---if joe is actually abusive then delete and block is the best way of dealing with him. If the guy can't help what's wrong with him then I think is best to deduct one point for shallowness and tell him that you just don't feel that good old vague "chemistry"---you also might like to point out his good qualities and that if he clicks with the right woman you don't doubt that he could make her happy. Eg. instead of saying "joe after seeing you without a shirt I realize your too hairy" you say "joe you work very hard and everything you have said makes me believe your ready to commit to being in a warm and loving relationship with a woman you click with but I don't feel any 'chemistry' and I don't believe in dating men when the 'magic' isn't there. Joe please don't message me again as you and I both need to move on." The last part is imperative as some men interpret kindness as interest---If Joe messages you back with much more than "thanks for the nice let down I won't bother you again"; THEN you block him---pretty hard to misinterpret being blocked and why should you because you've tried to be kind have to endure joe's relentless hounding to the tune of "if you'd only give me a chance". Joe has allready been treated much better than most women would have treated him. Sounds like alot of work? It is. Treating people kindly allways is; that is why so many people treat people so shabbily so often. PS. I know that shabby things women do to men on the whole don't compare with those that men do to women; but please don't punish the whole species for the acts of one animal :-) | |
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| Poll: How do you want your rejection guys? A.Just delete me B.Lie to me C.Be blunt D.Kill me softly?
Posted: 10/12/2006 8:26:12 AM | This is how I like rejection handed to me.
When I email you, Email me back and tell me how awesome my profile is. Then we will continue to email each other for a while, all the time you putting fake "lol"'s at all of my jokes. Then ask me to meet. I'll say "ok". So then we meet and you continue to pretend having a great time with me. As the night gets later you invite me back to your place. So I go to your place and imediately you jump on me and start making out with me. You take me to your room and have sex with me. After we are done you tell me..."THAT WAS THE MOST AMAZING SEX I"VE EVER HAD!!" Then you continue to tell me...."In fact, it was so amazing, that I am afraid that I will fall too deeply in love with you and you will break my heart. It's probably best that we don't see each other anymore."
There, that is the perfect way to let someone down easy. | |
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| Poll: How do you want your rejection guys? A.Just delete me B.Lie to me C.Be blunt D.Kill me softly?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:54:41 PM | It seems the PC thing these days(at least according to what I read here) is people want an honest reply.
Not me. I'd go with A. On a dating site I'd rather a girl just never replied. It's not a big deal. In person it's completely different, you can't just ignore the guy as he's talking to you. But online... all everyone's going by is a couple photos and a profile. I'll survive. It's just so much simpler that way.
Bottom line... she's not interested, why go through the rigamarole of online etiquette? | |
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| Poll: How do you want your rejection guys? A.Just delete me B.Lie to me C.Be blunt D.Kill me softly?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:47:58 PM | 1st contact, just don't answer the email.
But don't be offended if you get another message from the same guy months later. It's sometimes hard to remember who I did or did not write, though not so much lately, as I've not been sending many messages... mainly just fielding those that get sent to me.
Likewise, don't be offended if a guy who you wrote a long time ago and didn't reply sends you a message. He could have just gotten involved with someone else but hadn't taken his profile down yet, had others in the mix who just "beat you to the punch." A million reasons.
One thing about online matchmaking is that people tend to overdo the forensics in a big way, and read way, way too much into things. | |
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