| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 12:43:18 AM | | There may be an actual reason for such. Don't just automatically jump to the negative judgments about the guy. It might be very possible that your friend also contributed to the break up as the old saying goes "it takes two to tango..." so your friend may not be as innocent of the situation as she claims. Though I don't know his reasons, I can think of one or two reasons to do something like that. For instance, being in the military, if I'm leaving overseas which I may be called to do with only a moment's notice, I will pretend to be a jerk and break it off so I don't have her waiting constantly through sleepless nights by the tv/radion/internet/phone/newspaper... wondering if I'm going to be alright and if she is ever going to see me again. So in essence I'm willing to take the fall and be labeled as the "bad guy" with all sorts of negative judgements from her, her friends, family, etc... so she won't have to go through something like that. So it may not be what it appears to be at first glance in cases like that. He may have some legit reason or he may be the "coward" as you would call him. Yet wouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions with the negative judgements, as both she or he isn't really here to say anything about it... | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 1:09:52 AM | Re the Opost
1. I agree that an SMS is harsh. An email or a video message would be more OK. There has to be some analogy between the way a relationship starts (eg with an email) and the way it ends.
2. I have been "dumped" face to face, via phone and via email. SMS, never.
3. Women and men tend to do these things.
4. What does the age have to do with it?
5. I do not quite grasp the concept of "closure". Is it a cultural specific thing in some countries? Is it related to the term "foreclosure"? Ending a rel is usually a messy and not so pleasant thing for both, the one who breaks it and the one who has it broken. Calling the one who breaks a rel via a non confrontational way/mode a "coward" assumes that the one who breaks it has no feelings. It may be the other way around, that is why women do it too.
6. Some people, women and men, do not know how to take "rejection", they consider it "rejection" or "dumping". Thus the other side may resort to tele means in order to minimise the drama.
7. The best thing is for a couple to agree, while they are together, how they would ever break the a rel if it comes to it (and 50% at least of the time, it does). That is IMO the "adult" thing to do. Or there needs to be a law passed on it.
8. IMO the best way to terminate a rel is via a farewell love making act (face to face, not via telephone or webcam). That is some closure! But how many are up to it, women and men?
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 1:26:27 AM | | my g/f told me I was one in a million,and it turned out she was right...one has to wonder if OP and others were saved a lifetime of dodgy SOs who would have never faced the music when the chips were down. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 2:55:28 AM | ah the old post it note routine ... I've had that happen to me!
some people have great difficulty communicating unpleasant news, so this is how they choose to relay the message. it's not polite, but nevertheless, it lets you move on.
instead of spending energy licking wounds focus on having a great day without him and see what can happen. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 3:43:05 AM |
Yet another example of somebody being crass,rude and insensitive with a cell phone,once again the question arises;
Ya. So I wonder why she picked him in the first place?
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:30:29 AM |
You should be about helping your friend move on, not throwing a hissy fit and calling names
That's how women help each other move on...........we throw hissy fits and call you guys bad names. lol | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:42:57 AM | OP - Unfortunately, it's not uncommon behavior from both men and women and it shows a lack of good relationship skills. People who are good at relationships try hard to work things out face to face, or they end it face to face. Perhaps they have to resort to distancing the actual breakup because they're dealing with a Drama King / Queen, but they don't go there unless they have to, and never without trying to do the right thing.
Your friend thought she had a relationship and had the expectation that problems would be worked out. He treated her like she was disposeable entertainment. Better she learn that in four months rather than four years.
.....and it's probably an age thing, but I find it very juvenile for a man to text message me anyway. I get a text message from a man ...........I feel like I'm dating a 15 year old...... | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:24:44 AM |
They met texting..so it's a fitting end? Cyber-luv.. I agree that if the relationship consisted of this form of communication . . then it's not surprising that it ended this way. Though - it doesn't make it any less ridiculous.
If you run a relationship "in person" - then communication "in person" will be the only natural thing to do.
The night I met my beau and gave him my phone number, I told him: "Do NOT text message me, because I will not respond." He listened, and so we have an "in-person" relationship. We have never emailed each other either. I don't even know if he has an email address. Call me old-fashioned, but - we really don't need to be communicating all day long, and when we do communicate - I prefer it to be in-person. If that's the way you run your relationship - then that will likely be the way you end it, should that happen. | |
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| WT.H Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:13:47 AM | I'm not a fan of texting myself. It's ok during the day at work to say "hi thinking of you."
After many hours talking with her last night. Seems texting was just about the only way he did communicate with her period. Weird I think. Apparently he didn't like talking on the phone at all. She's not really one to "bad mouth" people. So last night I heard an entire story, somewhat one sided I'm sure. But I had to question her as to WHY she kept dating this guy. Seems as though he did the "text" a few times before, 3 weeks in texted saying "going to fast" gone. Several weeks later he popped back into her life, with a text saying "hi". They date again, he texts again bye. Weeks later text hi, and now again yep text... BYE. This is just one of a few things that were wrong with her relationship with him IMHO. Most importantly she allowed all this behavior. So I do feel bad for her, BUT....................
From the posts I've read most seem to agree that it's inmature and cowardly way to handle not wanting to see someone anymore. And nobody has said it has happened to them or they did it to another person. So this is NOT the common way in todays dating to end a relationship. Happy to hear that. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:31:37 AM | | I think her point BeerShack is that a four month relationship has had enough water under the bridge to warrant a face-to-face meeting. It is respect and when you care about another person and they break up with you by text or e-mail, you cannot help but feel the callousness of the gesture. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 3:48:04 PM | Re the OPost and post 35:
"....From the posts I've read most seem to agree that it's inmature and cowardly way to handle not wanting to see someone anymore. And nobody has said it has happened to them or they did it to another person. So this is NOT the common way in todays dating to end a relationship. Happy to hear that."
But since this particular relationships was BASED on text messaging, ending via a text message does not sound too weird per se. The fact that it was based on text is much more weird, IMO.
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:31:02 PM | I have been there. Sucks big time. Try having a relationship where all he will do is text you every couple of days but won't take your calls. Oh I forgot thats not a relationship! The whole time we were together I would ask him to stop with the pof because it bothered me. Now that we are no longer talking it has been awhile since he has logged on. I guess he found someone else that suited him better and gave him a reason to not log on.
So sorry is really the only thing you could tell her. She will find someone who will value her more than that! | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:36:45 PM | | I was recently broken up with via a text message myself after a relationship of one year. If someone, whether it be man or woman, doesn't have enough respect for you to do the deed in person or at least on the phone then your better off without that person. No matter how you break up with someone it will hurt, but to do it via text message seems so cold and callous to me. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:38:41 PM | | i share your pain but youre not to blame,you are an attractive articulate lady,and he probably was afraid he would lose the argument.move on and have no regrets,reply,`stll m8s` | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:40:32 PM | Well you know how it is with the Internet and all that. People have become accustomed to doing things using technology. Well after all they probably met over the net so why not break up over it too?
Remember the old way where the woman or man would just disappear or disguise their voice over the phone and say you had the wrong number?
The Eagle | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:50:11 PM | text him back and say thank goodness i couldn't fake one more orgasm. you were my first..."little guy" and it's just not for me. I was looking for a nice way to break it off anyway but you made it easy.
I think he is kind of cold hearted myself. you talk give the other person closure to help them get through as well then move on. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:54:53 PM | It's cowardly, but welcome to the modern age. I had someone end a relationship by IM once... | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:55:47 PM | To cut the story short...
Met this guy, great attraction, amazing chemistry, conversations until 4 in the morning, talking, sharing, laughing, crying together.
Incredible intimacy. He would say that he was coming, I would get in his favourite beer, wine, cook a nice meal, make a nice dessert, choose the music, and get croissants for breakfast. In the middle, all sorts of things would happen.
Finally, allowed him to meet my child. They loved each other. He played, took her to the park, even said he didn't mind being called daddy. I dreamt again.
Went to visit my family (on another country). The night before going he called me to say that he loved me. When I stayed quiet, he said "Hear what I just said? I say that I love you". Last evening before coming back he sent an email saying that he was missing us and looking forward to see us again. Four days later, I got a message "Sorry, I can't do relationships, please don't be angry with me". No calls or contact for over 5 months.
I was reduced to dust. After 5 months, I started to think about dating again. I started talking to men again, and joined this site. He reappeared in December. He was sorry, I didn't deserve that. I forgave him. He was back to being keen, and taking half an hour to say goodnight to me, full of kisses and romance. We made arrangements to meet for dinner. Two days before the date, he cancelled on me, he was going on holiday to China.
Wished happy new year. Came back and said the holiday was amazing and we would "talk soon". That was the 3rd of January. No more replies to messages, texts or anything. Vanished. He has changed mobile number and cannot get in touch with him.
What on Earth happened? And guys, a male perspective, please, what was so bad about what we had that he couldn't cope with it?
Never understood why or what. I would have never yelled at him if he would have talked to me. He knows that. But one thing is for sure, I'm going to have a very hard time trusting next time that a guy tells me that he loves me.
So it happens. Any ideas anyone, would be very relieving to get some perspective on this. Many thanks in advance. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:56:42 PM | I have one thing to add:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcidD2HFK8M
Watch the whole thing. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:58:17 PM | | Let your fingers do the walking young Grasshopper.......2.0 is here. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:59:35 PM | jimi77 -------she should have read your post first & then passed it to her friend -----now that is a great comeback to the txt~~~~~~~txt /phone/email -----no response at all ----none of it any fun ------some people just lack common courtesy-------all you can do for a friend is just be there -----try to do something to bring a smile back to her face | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:13:32 PM | | I have read this type of post before. It appears that this behavior is fairly common. Too bad that this happens. It makes you wonder? Was this guy married? Was this guy married? was this guy married? Whoops! | |
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