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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX      Home login  
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 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 101
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MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEXPage 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
So what I've gathered through all of this.....aside from the fingerpointing and excuse making.....is that there are two possibilities to help avoid the situation that OP poses to us. 1. No pre-marital sex. Afterall, there wouldn't be anything to compare to once married....the norm for sex after marriage would be the 'standard'. 2. Never marry. Whether sex remains the same, increases or decreases.....a piece of paper and a ring will never be the cause. Hmmmm.....interesting.


~ds~
 Feminine Muse
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 102
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:12:48 PM
I'm willing to bet that the men complaining about not having enough sex are also men who have young children. Mom may have a few rug rats at home and the full time job of keeping the house, groceries, cooking etc. She is tired out. Having children puts a whole new dynamic in the mix of marriage. So, if men don't get married in order to not have sex, what do they get married for?
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 103
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:45:28 PM
Eazk, I completely agree with you with what you said about honestly. He should tell her straight up. If she's not going to fulfill those needs, she's going to be replaced. If people are witholding sex, especially marriage, then something is definitely wrong. And he needs to get things straighten out with wife before *hit hits the roof.
 kawi-rider
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 104
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:54:56 PM
With all due respect, Muse, what do you say to the guys who learned shortly after marriage and long before children entered the picture that the sex was going to be far less than the pre-marriage levels?

Perhaps all these men are telling the same lie. I don't know. But I've heard the same thing consistently over such a period of years from men from different walks of life who've never met each other not to believe that there isn't some kernel of truth in their anecdotes. That truly scares me from ever wanting to pursue marriage.

Sure, some years down the road with kids and work and all, sex getting put on the back burner for a while is somewhat understandable. It's when the newlywed wife begins turning down sex with her husband for no apparent reason weeks, perhaps months after the honeymoon that is bothersome.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 105
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MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:57:47 PM
Re. msg #106: I'm only going on the original posters scenario....everything else suggested or offered is/are other's situations, opinions or observations. Based on what the OP said, it sounded pretty immediate after the marriage and no children were mentioned. But again,even if there were children, that's an excuse.

These threads in all categories of forums, are laden with women who state with pride how independent they are, none of them are 'gold diggers', strong women, women with goals and direction for their lives. Profiles laden with phrases such as....I don't need a man, I'm doing fine on my own, I just want a man.....I don't need a man to complete me, I just miss that companionship....I've been on my own for a while now, and am ready for a man to go the distance with. If they could handle all of the domestic work before the man entered the picture, were soooo independent and did it all on their own, then why would they suddenly say, "Hey, I can no longer do this on my own. If you don't take out the trash, or say 'excuse me' after you burp, or help with the laundry, dishes, cooking, shopping, dusting, vacuuming, etc., then NO sex." Even though she did it on her own for all those years. So it does seem to be some sort of manipulation as it's very apparent, she can handle it....always has. Just doesn't want to or think she should anymore. Hey,,,,I don't blame her. It's a partnership afterall. She didn't just marry him cuz' she likes his cologne (hopefully). And in all partnerships, if someone is CONSISTENTLY putting in less than the other, there's going to be repercussions. Only explanation I can think of, is sex, or the withholding thereof, is the biggest eye-opener they can think of. Lack of communication on one or both parts.

But, that's JMO.


~ds~
 DarLite
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 106
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MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:27:49 AM
The OP does not reveal if a baby has been born recently.........in which case, there would be a lot of reasons why a woman's libido decreases. There are many books on the subject and she may not understand why there is a decrease in libido herself............an unselfish husband would share the responsibility of helping her understand why. A husband who impregnates a woman has borrowed his wife's body to bring forward his offspring and should be appreciative enough to emotionally support her during this time.

If a newborn baby is not the reason, many posters offered the best advice by suggesting he openly discuss the subject with her. Sometimes other health problems such as depression are at the root of the cause. Part of the marriage vow is that you will love each other in sickness and in health. So if your friend didn't marry her for love and he only married her for regular sex..................then please do her a huge favor by getting out the marriage as soon as possible.

My husband was impotent at 32 years of age..............but I loved him enough to not "humiliate him" or "disrespect our marriage" by cheating on him.
According to the ORIGINAL POST.............I should have divorced him immediately and/or had an affair because WOMEN DON'T GET MARRIED SO THEY CAN NOT HAVE SEX ANYMORE EITHER.

I know that young men want to be very sexually active..............but let me assure you, 70% of you will suffer from erectile dysfunction at some point in your lifetime. Is it o.k. then for your wives to immediately divorce you or have an affair?

OP.............tell your friend, when and if he suffers from erectile dysfunction
............think back about the woman he divorced because she was having a slow year.

WHAT GOES AROUND..........EVENTUALLY COMES AROUND
 Loz Hunter
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 107
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:10:15 AM
Making love - sha**ing - having sex - whatever way its said, it is supposed to be a two way thing - still think there is something the man is not saying to us?

And here here to the women who said: of course he is helping round the house, he always gets to the laundry before she can, he brings flowers for the home, he cooks every other night and is always first to the supermarket to fill the cupboards up.

And Grrrrrrrrrrr if you that desperate for sex - Mrs Palmer and her five daughters till you work out why YOU GOT MARRIED, if it was just for sex!!! LOSER

Maybe she beat him to it and already has a lover and doesn't need him anymore. Laughing out loud.
 Evenor
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 108
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:01:14 AM
No offense but it sounds like she was just working her way into a marriage for material gain than any actual love. Then after she got the papers signed, legally bound. Was there a prenup? And are they in a state where she automatically gets half after she divorces when the "time is right"....
 Evenor
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 109
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:12:31 AM


It's a fact that married women do more housework than women of any other marital status.


I grew up doing all the housework for years in a house of 6 and it doesn't take no 8 hours to do all that housework, take care of young ones, etc. It doesn't even take half that time much less 8 hours a day which is about average what a guy may work during the week. Would like to see some people showing a little more appreciation for what a guy contributes to the household in such cases. All I've seen such exaggerations used for is a cunning attempt by those women who don't want true 50/50 equality and want to manipulate the guy into putting more into the relationship than they are willing to...
 kittenshere41
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 110
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:45:33 AM
no if he is unhappy in his marriage then cheating is NOT the answer. what he needs to do is get a divorce then he can lay with whatever he wants. ya know i never could understand the concept of the man can cheat and its ok but the woman cant. men dont have the rigth to cheat neither does the woman. if u cant be with jsut ur wife or ur hubby then its quite simple.......divorce. no since in gving ur spouse a disease becuase u had to play outside of hte marriage. and there is no love when one cheats. GET A DIVORCE AND QUIT WHINNING.
 Feminine Muse
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 111
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:38:19 AM
Very well put Darrr. Many men past a certain age would be alone once ED kicks in. Should their wives leave them then for a younger model?
 sireel
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 112
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:08:48 AM
expecting sexual exclusivity of women is only for men whom want to know who their children are. But that's no guarantee. So why bother?

there is no practical reason for women to demand such exclusivity. Thats not much more than a recent fad in context of long term history.

up with cave men ;-) lol

funny thread
 a bit nomadic
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 113
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:41:34 AM
OP doesn't say what his friend has tried to do to resolve the situation, how long they have been married....ANYTHING except that his friends is thinking of cheating.

(And OP says RIGHT ON!)

If his friend has tried to work on this problem and been rebuffed--like she refuses to talk about it or go to a doctor or therapy or take any kind of action....then she's the problem because she won't address the issue. But if he's the kind of guy who's just pissed and so he's going to cheat....then I'm thinking maybe it's not surprising that she doesn't want to have sex with him.

In these situations....the question isn't always, "Why doesn't she want to have sex?"

Sometimes the question SHOULD be, "Why doesn't she want to have sex with ME?"

An aggrieved sense of entitlement is never, IMO, going to be the answer.
 kittenshere41
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 114
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:44:55 AM
its not a demand . when two peple love each other.. u marry..if u are not ready to settle down with someone u claim to love... then dont marry. with ur attitude i dont see how u can possibly expect a woman to jsut date u and only you. since u cant do it urself it would be an unfair request for u to ask a woman to be exclusive iwth you. and being sexually exclusive with someone u love is for the real man who is tired of playing the field...not someone like u. so whats really funny is ur post.
 K-lo
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 115
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:18:35 AM
So it appears that when two people marry they both turn into two entirely different people.

One person suddenly doesn't want to have sex and has developed chronic fatigue syndrome - as the things they used to do now completely exhaust them.

And the other immediately stops doing things around the house, stops cooking, expects to be waited on hand and foot, stops picking up after themselves, starts watching TV, is no longer attracted to their spouse, never goes out of the house anymore, stops doing laundry, and stops romancing the other (and most definitely the "romancing" continued just as it did at the beginning of the relationship all the way up until the very day they married. It never waned pre-marriage).

Oh - and I suppose both people stop taking care of themselves and become physically undesirable. Because one is now a fat slob, and the other must have let something go - because they aren't receiving compliments anymore.

My sarcasm should be obvious at this point. Though - I will grant that parenthood is probably the major contributor to a night and day difference, only because, until you actually have a child - you can't be exactly sure or predict who will contribute what.

But as for the other stuff - I'm not buying it. I do not believe that any person who is already in the pattern of cleaning up after themselves, who cooks, and who contributes their fair share to getting things done just stops doing all of that overnight. I just don't.

My beau loves to cook, he is more OCD than me and has to have an area clean, tidy, and organized before he can even begin to work around it, his laundry is softer than mine, and we watch TV together - while we drink beer. Those characteristics are not just going to change overnight. Because he isn't doing those things to impress me - it's who he is. He gets his own satisfaction from cooking. He is a neat freak. He will always want a beer when he gets home from work. And, actually, over time - he probably will become more exhausted after work - because I imagine as he gets older, his body will hurt more.

It would be a pretty good farce for a guy to keep up - - to do all of these things that are not even inherently a part of their character. You would know if they really knew a damn thing about cleaning, cooking, working, yardwork, or fixing stuff around the house - or if they were just faking it.

On the other hand - if they never did these things pre-marriage, what did you expect?
 Reddwine
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 116
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MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:01:50 AM
We definately have a problem.

Women are from Venus, and men are from Mars.
So, what do we do about it? Try to work it out? or go have sex with someone else?

Men like sex more than women. Its a scientific fact. So, Im going to quote some of you men and have the same attitude about it that you have..

"Deal with it".

How did that feel?
 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 117
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MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:17:55 AM

Men like sex more than women. Its a scientific fact. So, Im going to quote some of you men and have the same attitude about it that you have..

That is a patently false statement. I don't know what you are doing wrong but I'd have to say women enjoy it just asmuch as men. Men just think about it more often, a result of normally being the persuer. And women tend to want lots of sex when they want it as opposed to probaly about the same amount but more regularly.


"Deal with it".


Hmmm multiple girlfriends ..... dealt with. So, Check! And it felt pretty good, thank you for asking.
 9035768
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 118
marriage contracts and divorce
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:48:44 AM
Withholding marital favors? Does that apply or is he just not getting it as MUCH as he wants it?

Children involved are a big possibility, women tend to get VERY tired when they are the only ones caring for the baby. And a tad bit resentful. She's spent all night and all day taking care of the kid and the guy won't even watch it while she takes a bath.

"talk to her about it"? Seriously? You really think a guy runing to his friends to complain is the kind of guy who is asking or getting the answer? If he challenges her "headache" he's likily not to get it for the next couple weeks, too.

Having said that, from the op it sounds like she felt their relationship changed after marriage. It happens.

This is WHY I believe in divorce: I believe in marriage.

You TRY to work it out, but as long as spouses will physically attack their spouse I will continue to believe in divorce. And, since divorce is available, why not have it after you've made a mistake.

I believe in marriage, but I also KNOW people make mistake. MY believing in marriage does not MAKE people think before they get married.

In September, Texas will waive the license fee if you take approved pre-marital classes. This is because they would like people to THINK before getting married.

Someone staying in an abusive marriage just because they don't believe in divorce is an insult to marriage.

The op couple is not abusive, they should have communicated a bit before getting married. Talked to eachother, maybe thought about what was important. But, neither of them deserve to be bound to eachother for life, no one deserves that.
 Evenor
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 119
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:52:16 AM


Men like sex more than women. Its a scientific fact. So, Im going to quote some of you men and have the same attitude about it that you have..


Women think about it just as much if not more than men do. They just hide it better that most men do. Where are you getting these "scientific facts"? Sounds like you are just generalizing from personal past "failed" relationships. I personally have had numerous women get upset at me in relationships because I wanted more than just sex. I have a few friends who were in similar situations like my friend Joe. Took this nice woman to the beach, picnic dinner to watch the sunset and get to know her. She gets all mad and storms off because he won't have sex with her on the beach right then and there. I know plenty of females who talk about sex, think about sex, just as much as some men do, if not more. So you can keep on pretending to use the "men only focus on sex" excuse to blame us men for your past "failed" relationships. I mean it's so easy to lay the blame at someone else's feet like that so you won't actually have to admit that maybe you had a part, if you weren't the primary reason for those "bad" relationships, and take some responsibility for your own actions. After all it takes 2 to make and break a relationship. So you have 2 choices, you can either run from the truth that you may not be the "innocent" person you believe yourself to be, continue playing the victim drama, hiding behind your negative judgements and lies so you can hide from yourself. Then wait until the truth of the matter does catch up and knocks you flat on your a*$ because it always eventually catches up and hits harder the longer you ignore it. Or you can take some responsibility that you may have been in part the cause, if not the primary reason for the relationship to end as often times when a person is seen doing "bad" stuff in a relationship, it is usually an effect of something YOU said/done earlier, perhaps many times, before they finally reached their tolerance. And perhaps it could be you got into the "failed" relationships begin with for all the wrong reasons. So what's it going to be....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 120
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marriage contracts and divorce
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:57:40 AM

Men like sex more than women. Its a scientific fact.

Then my chromasomes must have gone horribly, horribly awry. I think I might need some testing...
 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 121
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MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:00:11 AM

I used to think that married men were fibbing with their stories of sex being turned off like a tap within a couple years of the marriage ceremony. Over the years the anecdotal evidence has become such a mountain that it's difficult not to assume that a too large percentage have as their aim, as one poster put it, legal access to the guy's wallet. Over the years more than one married guy has told me that they were informed in no uncertain terms that once consummated the sex would be strictly rationed. They of course admitted that prior to marriage the sex was great and perhaps this is the real trap--premarital sex. I also know some very happily married couples so it's not all one-sided, but one thing they often seem to have in common besides a religious devotion their Lord is the decision to abstain from sex until after marriage.


You've pretty well sum up my attitudes prior to marriage and yep sex became nearly nonexistent several years into marriage.
 kittenshere41
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 122
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:02:03 AM
that does not apply to all marriages. get real
 valla maldoran
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 123
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:11:59 AM

sex became nearly nonexistent several years into marriage.



This is actually due to both people in the marriage getting lazy about maintaining their relationship. Men don't court and woo the woman as the did before the marriage and women also don't try to woo her man anymore. Most people get married and fall into this rut of thinking "ok i don't have to try anymore" . The trick is not to fall into that trap. Always keep in mind that your spouse and your relationship with them now comes before everyone else.
 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 124
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MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:35:28 AM

Who else is tired of Valla and her, 'blame the victim' mentality?


If it was just her I'd post more often. More people here need to post about their own experiences than speculate about other people's experiences.
 valla maldoran
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 125
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:55:36 AM
Quietcowboy i was speaking generally about marriage not specifically about yours. The whole point of these forums is to speculate about other peoples experiences.
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