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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older      Home login  
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 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 126
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get olderPage 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

In any relationship, the one who loves the least, recovers the fastest!



Mmmm...this isn't true in all cases....
 LdyofIndy
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 127
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:52:41 AM
I think heartbreak is easier when you're the one who walks away. I loved so deeply and completely in my last LTR, I didn't think it was possible to ever get over it. I was the one who broke it off because after 5 years, I finally could see clearly enough to know he really wasn't good for me. Love truly is blind, so it sometimes takes a while to see.

But if I could go back and do it over, I'd still fall in love with him. There's something quite remarkable about being capable of loving so completely. Wouldn't trade that experience for anything! Being older and wiser is probably what made it possible to walk away, knowing the heartbreak that would follow. So, I guess it's easier when we're older. And guess what?? I survived. I'm happy. Would I ever let him back into my life? No way!

Or it could just depend on the circumstances of the breakup, the degree of heartache involved, more so than age.
 NorthbySouth
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 128
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:19:07 AM
It never gets any easier. And what's more, you will go through exactly the same stages of recovery. The duration and severity of the process is dependent on some key factors:
1. The depth of your love and commitment to/for your partner.
2. The length of time the relationship lasted.
3. How many times you broke up and reconnected before the absolute finale.
3. How well you learned your lessons from this and previous relationships.

The stages will always be the same. However, there may be different titles for them:

1. Shock and denial - I can't believe what has just happened to me/to us!
2. The ripping apart angst - I must call her/him. I cannot, must not call him/her.
3. Reality and depression set in - Have a good supply of facial tissues, towels, pillows etc. on hand and let it out.
4. Continued healing and growth - Wow, I've had another day without breaking down in tears. Fairly soon, this will be come weeks,,,, and then months of calm. I'm even beginning to feel happy again (most days).
5. Acceptance and understanding - I realize what happened and I am coming to terms with it all. I know that I have moved on. I can talk with and about my "ex" without pangs of guilt, remorse, or insufferable need.
6. Full revovery - I'm ME again. I am great whether I am in solo or dual mode.
7. Ready, willing and able to relate and commit to a love relationship whether one presents itself or not.

Hope this helps some of you struggling with your recovery.
Cheers,
Jimmy
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 129
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/5/2009 11:43:46 AM

It never gets any easier. And what's more, you will go through exactly the same stages of recovery. The duration and severity of the process is dependent on some key factors:


Jimmy great post and love that you even went through the stages of grief one experiences at the end of a relationship.. Indeed very similar to a death.

thecatsmeoww
 NorthbySouth
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 130
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/5/2009 12:11:35 PM
Thanks, Karen.
You're right. I should have also made reference to recovering from the death of a loved one. Those of us who dare to love profoundly and lose it through separation, divorce, or death, know all too well the pain we must endure before we get better. I can't remember where the following paraphrased quote came from, but we need to remind ourselves that all is not forsaken:

Though we may lose many loves in our lifetime, the capacity to love is never lost.

Cheers,
Jimmy
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 131
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/6/2009 1:16:20 PM
I recover much faster now than before ~ yay me

practice!

 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 132
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/6/2009 2:45:06 PM
Some really good posts on this forum...


But if I could go back and do it over, I'd still fall in love with him. There's something quite remarkable about being capable of loving so completely. Wouldn't trade that experience for anything! Being older and wiser is probably what made it possible to walk away, knowing the heartbreak that would follow. So, I guess it's easier when we're older.


The bolded quote above is so true... I don't think it was easy, purely survival...

A major heartbreak leaves scars, that eventually you learn from.

I hope that remarkable complete love happens again, as while it was happening it certainly was worth it.

 el lagarto
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 133
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/7/2009 8:43:11 AM
It's never easy at any age - especially when you're going through it . But over time my philosophy has changed . I've had my heart totally ripped up - more than once. I'm also grateful to have experienced the depth of love that I did - the kind of stuff songs, poems and books are written about !

And yes - there were times I wanted to die - truly. But I didn't ! I came out the other side , with valuable things learned .

So now I know I can survive the worst - absolutely. Thus it's made me fearless to fall again - because I know that though I may not WANT my heart broken again -
I can handle it !
 msmitzi
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 134
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/7/2009 6:01:06 PM
It's definitely harder to deal with heartbreak as I get older. Maybe because I thought I would be older and wiser now that this could not possibly happen to me again! It is extremely difficult to pick myself up, put on a happy face and pretend that it doesn't matter anymore. I will never understand how someone can tell you that they love you very much one day, then turn around and say or do something that they know would utterly destroy you the next.
No, it doesn't ever get any easier to have your heart ripped out.
 serenityCW
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 135
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/7/2009 6:34:37 PM
KnotUrFuturex, now that i like! practicing "safe love". the visual is even better.

OP, the experience, each an individual one, is never easier. i believe pain is like a gas. it expands to fill the space. however, some of us try very hard to learn "the lessons". others? they get emotional constipation.

for me, i needed to get past feeling totally unloveable to everyone and at all times, after my last relationship. i will never forget the words: "you are right, i don't love you and i never will." i ended that relationship. oddly, now we are friends. it took a while. what i learned is that "i" am loveable and many people do not know "how" to love, fear love, will not risk love. also many do not understand the difference between falling and loving. nor do they get they you can love someone, but living with him/her is another issue. it takes maturity, saavy and wanting it bad enough. not needing it, but wanting it. again, wanting it badly.

i am now dating a widower. i don't think it matters totally if you are that or a divorcee or for that matter, a man or a woman. we each experience what we experience. if heterosexual, we experience with the opposite sex. to conclude that all members of the opposite sex, all divorcees and all widows and widowers are the same--means that one is looking for an excuse to "give up" or not take any more risk. when some people start "blaming", i do my best to keep a distance. they clearly are not willing to accept responsibility and that they are the one common denominator in all their experiences.

for me, i ride the waves. i was an educated risk taker in business and successful at it. i made a lot of mistakes to earn the right to succeed. i think this applies to love and all aspects of life. i believe life is about serving, learning and loving. i also believe that my man will walk the talk. not many men or women are willing to do that. i never was a good "employee". so, i guess i am looking for a "partner". did i find him? not sure. one day at a time. at least he is also willing to find out. plus, i "feel" loveable with him. oddly, we have more struggles and less in common. so, that says a lot about the "willingness" to love. however, let's see what happens after the "falling" chapter.
 ScotiaGoldenGirl
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 136
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 5:47:08 AM
My thought is that it would depend upon how much we learned as we have gotten 'older'. Did I learn a bit more about myself through this? Did I see the positives of the relationship and not beat myself up? I hope that I remember my life lessons and that as bad as a situation can seem, as much hurt as I might feel, I will survive.
Back in the day---I was sure it meant the end of the world--and of me!
In talking with a young friend who had just gone through one more break-up I hope I was able to help her heal; but in truth, it was advice we all can use. I told her relationships aren't always meant to last forever but are sometimes a gift to help us grow into a better person.
From one special man I learned that in the right man's eyes, I am beautiful and who I am is good enough. I hope to always remember to love who a partner is--not who I hope to help him 'become'. That honesty and truth is a gift of loving and yes, of taking a risk and sometimes loosing.
Heard a song the other day "sometimes good-bye is a second chance". I sure didn't know that way back then. Wisdom does come with age. And courage too--to grow, change and take a chance--even on love.
 outdoorgirlsunshine
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 137
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 8:45:29 AM
Pain is pain, mine is no worse or easier than yours. It simply is just pain. The good news is, it will go away, kinda like giving birth. Ladies, if you know what I mean. We won't die

outdoorgirl
 carminaburina
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 138
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 8:58:09 AM
God I know exactly what you mean, similar happened to me, 12 years together one minute 'lets get married', next week its over, Im still reeling, questioning was I a total fool, believed it was forever ??????
 carminaburina
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 139
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:01:22 AM
thanks for that, Im in stage one after a week, what a lot Ive got to look forward to! Destroyed.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 140
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:33:12 AM
The first time it happened...I woke up.
Before that I had honestly never accepted the possibility.

There's a quote from a movie that I like that sort of explains it for
me.
"It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but its all out of your control, you cant trust anything anymore, no one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again. "

Interestingly enough, my biggest heartbreak of my life came from the second
love of my life. I was married 29 years and he didn't hurt me as much as this
guy did.

But you do survive and the pain does go away and you live to love another day.
or some people do.
I know no one will ever break my heart like that again...so I guess it IS a good thing.

Edit: I didn't really like the movie...I just liked the quote...ahahahahaha!
The movie was The Women I think.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 141
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:57:42 AM

But you do survive and the pain does go away and you live to love another day. or some people do.
I know no one will ever break my heart like that again...so I guess it IS a good thing.


I am not sure how you can stop someone from breaking your heart again...unless you are going to try and limit how much you love them and then isnt that being rather unfair to whoever you are going to be come involved with?

These limits people put of themselves is the reason most wont find what they are looking for....
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 142
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 10:01:16 AM

I know no one will ever break my heart like that again...


emphasis on LIKE THAT again.
 msmitzi
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 143
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 10:43:58 AM
One thing I recently learned from dealing with the pain of loss and heartbreak is that I now have to step up and take responsibility for my own happiness.
Happiness, much like sadness, comes from within. There is a choice to be made. Do I want to be sad? No. Would I rather be happy? Absolutely!
Now I need to find the way out of the darkness and forgive. Forgive myself first of all for using such poor judgement. Then hopefully I can find a way to forgive the man who treated me so badly. That will be the hard part :(
Carrying around anger and hate is not healthy. It consumes everything it touches much like a cancer. It needs to be let go so I can make room for more positive things to come into my life.
Getting over the heartbreak is like a 12 step recovery plan. Some days are better than others. One day at a time...
 peek~a~booo
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 144
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 10:57:14 AM
excellent words...i do believe we evolve and learn that pain means we know how to feel..(bit by bit you will make it better yet)

for me discovering pain meant i learned to feel feelings again....(small win but truely the crack in the darkness)

when i realized i had not had any feelings for a real long time. i made a choice that is the biggist win of them all...the realization that i was not completely dead!!!!....make the choice to see pain as progress...gotta start somewhere right!!!beginning /the start the awwwwwwwwhawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...call it what ever ya want!


i realize that seems baked but to be void of feelings was elastic away from trama ....now years later that same pattern of accepting the lesson is still in the tool pack and can be retooled when ever i find my old azz on the bottom end of the rut.

looking into the full glass requires spectacular practice and the choice to evolve onto a higher plane of existance..so no matter how black the world seems i choose toplace stars and follow away from it...goodluck~
did not happen over night... took many dark moons to find...but the good news is i painted the bread crumbs with special paint for others to find....look deep and you find a silver lining in everything. even the lesson of loss.
your not alone in learning it

yup one dang day at a time.....choose higher ground for yourself in your mind and me thinks good patterns grow in your head first and become your life ...lil bits eventually make a big pile don't they........they sure as chit do.....believe!

so my answer is an overwelming EASIER.....cuz my tool pouch is full of tools to pull my butt off the line and kick my sorry azz out of darkness.yupp! postive on the easier....solid .
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 145
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/10/2009 5:08:43 PM
I don't think anything is easier. I have been doing h3ll the last couple days because of things my bf...yes, not calling him my fiance said. The only thing is I know I will live and get over it. (Not saying I will marry him and have happily ever after.) I just know death and break ups I have lived through. Lots of kleenx, lack of sleep, more wrinkles and gray hairs...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 146
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/14/2009 8:08:38 AM
aaamm??? Is this you? Are you okei?
 Ron429
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 147
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/17/2009 9:57:56 AM
It's a tough question. I was married once, but I finally fell in love again much later in life. Beyond 55. And, did I fall hard. I thought I had met the love of my life and then I fell in love with a woman who turned out to be an emotional abuser, frigid, and a manipulator. I wasn't looking but it happened, and once I caught on, (less than 60 days) I ran for the exit door. But I can't seem to get over her. She's in my mind all the time and even though it was suicide for me emotionally, I still find I love her. It was and is definitely a heartbreaker, and I probably will get over her. I come to the conclusion that yeah, it does get a little harder to experience when we get older. The twilight of life is very precious so that such a loss runs a bayonet a little deeper.
 Ron429
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 148
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Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:01:55 AM
Yeah definitely. The underdog in the relationship, the giver and the truer one will always take much longer to get over it than the one who loved least.
 blackman4you
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 149
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/17/2009 12:23:32 PM
Your broken heart is not a phyical thing. It''s emotional. Thus, the pain would be the same no matter what the age.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 150
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 12/17/2009 1:34:24 PM

Im still reeling, questioning was I a total fool, believed it was forever ??????


One thing is for certain if you did not believe it was forever then there would be no doubt about it.. you would be a fool.

So after you finish processing it all through learn to forgive yourself for what happened..

thecatsmeoww
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