| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:13:49 PM | I think you are a jackass
Why should people with any disease or disability NOT be on POF. They still have hearts.. they still need to find love. They still DESERVE to be loved. The wording of the OP sounds like you think somehow you are above people with HIV.. superior somehow.
I hate prejudice, in ALL it's forms. If you have EVER had unprotected sex (and even if you have, accidents happen) you have risked HIV infection... so for all those out there.. YOU too could be in her shoes, and if you haven't been tested lately, you might be now.
I applaud her for her courage in being honest. Must be awfully painful for her to put herself out for rejection like that, and no doubt she is aware of how many are going to reject her, yet here she is still reaching out. Brave lady.
Did you consider that? Not only does she have to deal with a potentially fatal and painful disease, but all the social rejection and misinformation. She might have to face dying alone and untouched, like so many others have, because of prejudice and fear.
No one said you have to date her, but at least show some common human compassion and decency. YOU are no better tha she is... don't fool yourself. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:24:46 PM | Ok so it's 1 hell of a shock. It was very brave of her to tell you but look at wat u done to her, ok u didnt name her but u put up a post about it, how is she gonna feel?
You ever heard of strapping up, that's one way of not getting ''caught out'' as you so disgustingly put it.
Why should this be the end of dating for anyone?
It's up to you if you can handle it or not, and personally no i couldn't but that's not to say she couldn't lead a perfectly normal and healthy life with someone.
You are lucky that she was woman enough to tell you before anything happened, so big respect to her.
It could happen to anyone through carlessness, stupidity, rape, attack, even through a dodgy blood transfusion dating years ago.
It doesn't change who she is and you should still have respected her enough NOT to have posted this.
Shame on you! | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:37:18 PM | Oh and last time I looked AIDS was not only sexually transmitted so why people are reffering to it as an STI I don't know!
Have a little read this might educate you
HIV/AIDS is transmitted through direct contact of a mucous membrane or the bloodstream with a bodily fluid containing HIV, such as blood, semen, vaginal fluid, preseminal fluid, and breast milk.[2][3] This transmission can come in the form of anal, vaginal or oral sex, blood transfusion, contaminated hypodermic needles, exchange between mother and baby during pregnancy, childbirth, or breastfeeding, or other exposure to one of the above bodily fluids.
Wow aint that something! | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:38:55 PM | | That poor woman. Really she could be any of us. I mean how many virgins are on this thread alone? I am willing to bet none. Not only do i hope she has lots of friends and family around her but i wish that she finds a wonderful man to love her and stand by her. People with HIV are living longer and longer now. She may have many years left. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:47:57 PM | rjb888, I am with you. Friends, but NO intimate relationship....and you're right...most of the people on online dating sites have so much drama going on that when you find a "normal" person, you wonder why they're here...... | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:59:32 PM | people with HIV or AIDS have just as much right and desire to date as anyone else, would you put this post up if she told you she had cancer or was blind etc.
There is just a stigma attatched to her condition.
And if you are completely honest could you say that you have never been in the "possition" to have caught this awful killer????
She is VERY unlucky to have this, but its not her you need to be afraid of.........its the people who have got it and have not got the concience to inform a potential date/partner. So I take my hat off to her and hope that in some way it has educated you | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:22:32 PM | Interesting thread
To the OP, Magic Johnson, an American basketball player, contracted HIV in the late 80's, early 90s (I can't remember the date). He's married and I recall him being on TV and the interviewer asking if he still "did his thing". To which he laughed and replied that he did. He's still having sex and his wife is still negative.
Your concerns about dating are justifiable. And whatever decision you make is your choice. I don't think most of us would be interested in dating someone HIV+ unless we were HIV +
But, consider the stigma this woman lives under. The secret she must hide from society lest she be a modern day leper. For her to come forth and TELL you this is the ultimate sign of trust & admiration. Most people have trouble admitting to a college 3some for fear of their partner reacting angrily, this woman steps forth with the ultimate 'bomb' knowing that you'll likely leave.
I do hope you recognize that, and you offer the support & empathy & understanding this woman needs. Think carefully what you say & recognize how powerful your words & actions will be to this woman. Offer her your friendship...offer her your compassion & most importantly, offer to LISTEN to her. Try to imagine the trauma that woman suffers on a daily basis.
And keep in mind that there is nothing to stop you from having a relationship with her. You can fall in love with someone HIV+, you can be intimate...you can even have sex, provided it's safe. And if you can't deal with the sex, then consider the other options. She's probably starving for physical & emotional attention so something as simple as just holding her will likely be a huge deal to her. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:48:37 PM | OP I can sympathize with what you're saying; you're gun shy now; at least she told you and was up front. There are others who have had bad experiences online, you aren't the first, or the last. You are probably not even alone in this situation (finding someone has a life threatening disease).
You live, you learn.
As for the topic of AIDS / HIV, there by the grace of God go any one of us who have had un-protected sex, blood transfusions or ...
Best Wishes ~ | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:05:51 PM | op I think you are a sham !
I think that you put this post up to try and get attention to yourself ! hopeing that some women would contact you and try in order to say poor guy ! how about chatting with me ?
Your bit !
"My confidance in dateing has gone completely out of the window. I am thinking now it is time to give up on sex before I seriously get caught out.
What do you think ? "
As most of the people who have replyed to your post seem to see past your post. The woman told you a truth in confidance and you have betrayed her trust ? If this is the truth then she has been more than honest with you ! you have a choice to see her or move on ..this is something that you deal with yourself and not on a forum.
I think this post is a scam by you to get women to contact you.shame on you. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:42:17 AM | Well think this just a way of u getting more attention or maybe u actually talking about urself having HIV but tell wot...U are the nastiest creature on earth i ever come across cause why would anyony tell u something that personal and private but u choose to put it online as a blog to meet more seek more attention from peeps on here.BIG LOSER TAG FOR YOU...And i hope this lady finds out how u betrayed her trust and give a some bit fat line cross ur face to remember something thing a called secret.So tell tales,leave the brothers alone and get tested:) | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:05:25 AM | | I think your immature and ignorant. The woman has one of the most feared diseases on earth. Wheres your compassion? You are talking about her like she is a mass murderer or a paedophile! Just being on a dating site doesnt mean she is going to infect people, and from what you have said she is being very upfront about it. Why dont you ask her to wear a bell round her neck while your at it? | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:15:55 AM | She has aids. How did she get it? Probably because she was trusting in someone who wasn't honest enough to tell her, as she has you. Why did she tell you ? Probably because she thought maybe something might jel for the two of you and cared enough to tell you, so you could make a decision on going farther.
You posting was a breach of her security and trust in you. You should be ashamed of yourself, instead of looking for sympothy.
I wouldn't want to date someone with aids, but wouldn't tell everyone if someone told me they had aids.
Oh poor me . fell sorry for me.
You are an idiot | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:33:43 AM | I just sat here and read this entire thread and I have to say I'm simply amazed. OP, what made you post this to begin with? Are you not man enough to handle the situation and make your own choice about the matter? She told you this in all honesty, then you made the statement I have no faith in dating anymore. Do you want to be with someone that is a liar?
The saddest part of all, is how she is feeling reading this. She should be the one to lose faith in dating and trusting someone on this site. She was more than women enough to tell you the truth.
OP, my advice to you....
1. Educate yourself! Whether you believe it or not, there is millions of HIV+/Aids patients living life and being in a healthy relationship
2. Learn the meaning of TRUST!
3. Decide if your man enough to handle a real relationship. I'm sure you have had unprotected sex at least once in your life. Who knows? You could find out that you have it yourself. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:50:41 AM | | hi im a support worker for people with hiv she obviosly does not have aids . aids is the symotom that can develope from hiv she must be taking medication for this end these are good noe so long as she looks after her helth and takes her meds regualary she coud live indefinatly allso there is now danger provided protection is used i hope iv been of help telling some one is the hardest thing for anyone with this has to go thru she must care about you very much and have tremendous courage ... | |
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| She has AIDS and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:05:27 AM | OP,
If you like her, continue to like her. If you're developing feelings for her, continue to do so. It's perfectly ok to love somebody with AIDS. You might want to have a non-sexual relationship, but that doesn't rule out a romantic relationship.
PeterC,
Often, when ive felt suicidal, ive wished to meet someone with aids and catch it from them, to stop the endless grind, in a slow and knowing manor.
I can relate to suicidal feelings, but having watched somebody close to me die from AIDS, I can assure you that it is not the way to go. Instead, go for something less painful and messy, like being eaten by pirhanas or something. Not only is it hard for the person going through it, it's hard on everyone around them. Imagine spending weeks on an artificial breathing machine, sedated almost constantly, with your family and friends visiting and you lost in a drug-induced stupor to keep you from yanking the breathing tube out of your throat. Not a pleasant situation. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:06:37 AM | I seriously doubt she's the only one on an internet dating site with AIDS or other STD. She's just the only one you've run across who has been honest about it. The time to start worrying about that isn't "now," you should have started worrying about it a long time ago, because I can guarantee you she's not the first person on one of these sites who has had a disease.
You just have to be as safe as you can, and if that means (for you) giving up sex then do what you have to do. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:17:18 AM | So this woman has AIDS, least she was honest with u. She could have been the type of person who didnt admit to it, slept with u, then disappeared. I bet it took a lot of guts for her to tell u that anyway. I hope u respected that and was honest with her, but diplomatic at the same time. For the grace of god and all that!!!!
Dont give up hope on dating sites, just make sure u use protection till u get to know someone. But in fairness, we never really know someones past. They may have been in one relationship and never slept around, but their ex may have been a player. Nothing is certain or definate in this world. Life is all a gamble, what ever we do!!!! If we spend our lifes consantly being cautious and thinking about the consequenses of all our actions, we wouldnt be living. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:19:42 AM |
I am thinking now it is time to give up on sex before I seriously get caught out.
I am thinking if anyone you talk to reads your posting history you won't need to worry about it, it'll be taken care of for you. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:46:07 AM | I worked with a guy and he has been HIV positive for over 20 years now.He has found his life partner and is pretty happy with him.
He told us that every now and then he goes to a gay bar just for a hook up where most of the men there were married guys who are curious.He is very honest about being HIV positive and non of them cares.Sex is always without protection.Theses guys satisfy their cravings and then go home and have sex with their wifes......a scary thought.
Why wouldn`t she be on POF ??
She has every right to be where ever she wants to be. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:25:53 AM | ^^^^mogrl42,
What you described is a commonly known phenomenon called The Down-Low and is the main reason African-American women between the ages of 18-34 are contracting the disease at an amazing clip. That demographic is the fastest-growing group contracting the disease in America, according to the Center of Disease Control and Prevention.
OP,
I have followed this thread from the beginning. I must say, it doesn't bode well for you at all. At least, I have witnessed and hopefully the woman to which you are referring to, a great deal of human compassion, something you appear to lack.
No, it's no one's first choice to elect to date someone HIV+. Hoewver, you have a choice and she respected you and it. How terribly cruel of you to announce to all of POF what she shared with you. Do us all a favor, jump out of this pond. Please?  | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:26:56 PM | in my day, women were accused of putting a hole in the condom to get pregnant and get the "boys" to marry them. today teen boys, if not interrupted by knowledgeable parents to talk some sense into them, are putting holes in the condoms to get the girls pregnant because they think it's a "funny" way to get even with them for something or another. they know they don't have to marry them and no one has money for child support to glean--let alone there are so many partners, no one knows who the father really is. thus, another avenue to catch aids...
it only takes one naive party to catch aids. it could be any one of us and if you are not regularly checked, it could also be someone right now, who doesn't even know s/he is HIV+ !!!! 
i guess the question, aside from how terrible OP is, is what one would do if they fell in love with an HIV + person? so many are looking to hook up or get whatever from a relationhip. when i say love here, i am talking about something way past sex. what if your two souls clicked on all aspects of life? if that were possible, what would you do? there are ways, i am told, to deal with the sexuality. but could you deal with the pain as well?
the woman in question, must be happy we all ZONKED op, but most say they would be her friend and perhaps that may not be what she is looking for. so are we hypocritical? i am not sure what i would do. having lymes, i am way more immune susceptible than most. but to meet the love of your life? and then turn him/ her down? that is an interesting question that is beyond practicality. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:41:40 PM | serenity......I get your point. I dont know if I would date someone that was honest enough to tell me they were HIV positive. I would have to decide that if confronted with it. I do know however, that I would NOT start a forum on it in the manner that the OP did.
Starting a thread and asking if you would date someone if you found out they were HIV positive is a different matter. Actually I think there was a thread on the topic.
The OP started a thread that was disrespectful to ONE person that was honest with him. | |
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| She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:46:27 PM | Scorpio, we live in a world where people have all kinds of diseases. 1:5 adults have genital herpes, and it is estimated that more than 50% will at some point have HPV or chlamydia or other curable STDs.
AIDs has a terrible, terrible stigma because as of today, it is incurable. In Africa, it's very commonplace. It is, by all means, a horrible disease. I am assuming, however, she has HIV- not aids. Many people with HIV go on to live normal, happy lives, if they medicate well and keep themselves healthy.
If a partner told me they were HIV positive, I can honestly say that no, I wouldn't want to persue a romantic relationship with that person. What you have to understand here is that a really good portion of the people on here probably have 'something'. It's just fact.
Unfortunately, HIV and AIDS are probably the lowest of the low when it comes to disease in most people's eyes. While lots of other diseases are incurable, it's the only disease that can actually kill someone.
What is important here is that we don't treat HIV positive individuals as if they are lepors. HIV is actually very hard to transmit.
I wouldn't recommend having sex with one, but then again, I wouldn't recommend having sex with anyone unprotected. There are millions upon millions of individuals walking around harboring all kinds of disease.
Just think- you never know- this poor woman could have very well gotten it from a partner that didn't bother to tell her. At least she was brave and honest enough to tell you. Remember- you can't get HIV from kissing, holding hands, cuddling,- or any of the normal things we do.
Disease is an unfortunate part of dating in this world.
While I understand if you don't want to date this woman, please be man enough to know the facts about her condition before you treat her wrongly. She's human just like you- and she didn't want this anymore than you do. | |
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