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 funky_phantom
Joined: 4/30/2009
Msg: 51
Non- Mormon Dating a MormonPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP...you really can't tell others HOW to comment on your posting.

Ifd your BF isn't very devout to the faith then you shouldn't have that many problems.
But if he is.....and you don't see yourself marrying him or converting....then you should just call it a day.
 directvfan
Joined: 11/20/2010
Msg: 52
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/30/2011 2:01:51 PM
Maybe you should look up the Definition of "CULT"...By the Dictionary Definition, Christ himself was a cult with his following. Every religion that breaks away or teaches something different is classified as a cult.

I also find some of your "opinions" of the LDS church pretty laughable. I am glad your a scholar on the church from your statements with no evidence..

Oh side note...What I love about the Mormon teachings...I love how my parents want the best for me to grow up have a family like they did....have a house like they did, have kids like they did. I find it awesome that the "MORMON GOD" would want all his children to be just like him and have the same opportunities just like him..

Peace
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 53
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/30/2011 2:03:46 PM
how do you get the "Temple Underwear " off? is it much harder to remove than regular undies?
 directvfan
Joined: 11/20/2010
Msg: 54
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/30/2011 2:11:18 PM
If you have a question on how to remove any underwear off let alone have a hard time removing regular undies...then you have some issues...and probably have some shit stains because of you troubles.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 55
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/30/2011 4:44:39 PM
There are two sides to the Mormon church.

But first, you may want to ask your boyfriend why did he leave the church. Why did he kept this information from you until now. Now, I ask those questions, not fishing for lies or some big negative stuff, but to define what is it that he struggled with.

My parents turned mormon when I was a teen. They tried vehemently to convert my older sister and me. My younger sister and brother, since they were just little kids, became mormom. Eventually as a teen my brother reveled and left the church. My sister was devout, but eventually became conflictive with the church and left in her mid twenties. She married a Catholic and converted. My brother cannot stand the site of organized religion. I became more of a Buddhist orientation.

I say this to give you context, that that there's no hate, or love here. Just observations. For many years, my house became a battle ground of conversion. I was automatically turned into "an investigator", I finally had to tell the missionaries that I did not wanted to befriend them, because they were always trying to convert me. My mother for many years was a perfect mormon. Drinking or having coke in the house was impermissible, so was coffee or any of the things that are not good for the temple of the body.

So, realize that your bf probably has some issues because he became less perfect in their eyes. But his parents more than likely love him, and will love the woman that he marries. They may try to convert you, but they may also realize that you are who you are and leave you alone in that area and then try to be a family.

Many mormons do not act like a cult, or like born again Zealots, but pleasant people. Also realize that there are those that go extreme. Just don't let the label "Mormon" be what stops you from pursuing this relationship, but the quality that his family is willing to bestow on you.

My advice is to continue to date this person. If you feel pushed, tell them to back off. And talk to the guy and find out what his take is. That is the most important thing.
 dogwood
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 56
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/30/2011 9:00:01 PM
There are a metric assload of Mormons here in the DC area (I married and then divorced one) and I can tell you that, when you get a bunch of them together, it's like Ozzie & Harriet meet The Stepford Wives.
 Morning_Face
Joined: 5/26/2010
Msg: 57
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/30/2011 11:05:31 PM
You came here for reassurance, and someone advised you to go to a website for reassurance. In fact, nobody can you give you any reassurance except yourself IF you decide to sit down with him and talk to him about what you are NOT willing to put up with, and what you want from a marriage or relationship. That will be for him to know that he can't change your little agreement years from now.
Without that talk, you are fooling yourself.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 58
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/31/2011 1:12:05 AM
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
I'll just put it simply, and based on knowing Mormons--people I worked closely with at a couple of different jobs. The ones I knew were nice people, but, if this relationship is going somewhere, is serious, then you would want to be prepared to covert to and embrace Mormonism, completely. I don't believe anyone who is a serious Mormon can mix well in a marriage with someone who is not Mormon. The doctrine is too strong, and too different, and the lifestyle too specific for much, if any, compromise. I wouldn't get involved with a Mormon as a partner. If you are only thinking of casual dating, I suppose that is fine.
 yorkslass
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 59
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/31/2011 4:39:23 AM
good god go no sex b4 marriage and then a million kids u would end up like the osmonds!!!
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 60
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/31/2011 6:05:20 AM
If you can respect each others religious beliefs than it is all good. I rarely date men that are the same religion as me, I'm ok with it, as long as we respect each other. My best friend is a mormon her husband is a rastifarian..not sure if I spelled that right.
I would never convert, and would never try to convert anyone to mine, its a personal choice.
Do try and learn a little about his beliefs you dont have to convert but you may be able to understand him better.
 mohoss
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 61
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/31/2011 5:11:17 PM
I recently joined the LDS church, and have read the comments on here. Just replying to a bunch of different people here; not meaning to sabotage the OP's original question. Sorry, I cannot offer any insight to the original question. This might be long - due to the various comments.


RE: unhelpful, clueless missionaries

This sounds like a problem with the missionaries in question. They shouldn't be unable to answer your questions, or have difficulty explaining things. Likewise for the members of the church. Everyone I've talked to has been immensely helpful in answering any and all questions, concerns, criticisms, etc. They weren't just blindly following the faith - they studied, and lived it. They had great answers for even the most complex questions, and always used the scriptures for knowledge. Then, they explained that knowledge in detail; using real life examples and analogies that anyone can relate to and understand.

Admittedly, I asked some of these questions to see how "real" these people were. I was quite cynical and pessimistic; assuming they were brain-washed, and didn't know anything. So, I threw them a lot of left curves; thinking they couldn't answer, and were full of it. Or, had ulterior motives. Not true at all. They are very intelligent, had a lot of knowledge, answered everything with grace, and still retained their individuality. They were still "themselves".

This, like many things, sounds like the church and its members in particular - not the faith as a whole. Maybe they don't care, don't study, and don't know. This is common in any church - as is hypocrisy in what you read, and what you actually do. That's why its important to find one that is genuine. Just like finding a therapist that's right for you.


RE: annoying, pesterring missionaries

This one is hard to justify if you don't understand the faith. If you read The Book of Mormon, it makes a lot more sense. The prophets didn't give up because someone (or a whole tribe) pushed them away. They kept trying, by the will of God, to spread the gospel to as many people as possible, and bring them closer to Him.

Many of these prophets were once unbelievers themselves. Some of them even tried to bring down the Church, and were very bad people who slaughtered thousands. But, after realizing the blessings they received after converting - they wanted to spread that knowledge to as many people as possible. Even if the opposers tried killing them - they still wanted to do the right thing, and not see their enemies suffer in guilt, shame, and hate as they have. They didn't want them to lead the same life as they have - and suffer the same consequences from God. (Much like how a parent teaches their child.) As well, to not be cast out into hell at the end.

So, its not so much trying to ram their faith down your throats, although I can see it being perceived that way. They just want the same joy and happiness to be onto other people. Spreading it after they realize what it has done for them - without giving up.

And, these guys deserve a lot of credit. One time, they rode their bikes 12 miles just to meet up with me - in the blistering heat. They sacrifice a lot just to see people. Never once missed a deadline. They get shunned down by outsiders all the time - so its not just them annoying others. People play pranks on them, laugh at them, ridicule them, insult them - just for wearing suits and riding bikes. And, knowing that they're members of a Church. They don't even view them as real people - even though they're amazing. Can't thank them enough. They are never angry, critical, or any of that.

RE: Tithing, or paying 10% of your income to the Church.

I was skeptical about this, as well. But, nobody would get paid if it wasn't for this. No money = no church. The missionaries have to pay for the place they are living in, since they're never at home. They live together in apartments wherever they are assigned to in the world. You also have everything the church provides - even down to the electricity and cool/heat. They do a lot for us. Spend hours outside of Church teaching us, give us movies, books, pamphlets, magazines, etc for free. They have get-togethers for dinners that are provided for by the Church (which, in turn, is provided by us). Then you have the actual Church itself, and all the things they provide. So, definitely, this is the least of my worries. They are very gracious and selfless, and the churches they provide are very welcoming. Anyone can go.

RE: Becoming a God, and ruling your own planet.

This is false. There is only one God; always will be. But, we were made in God's image; to become like him. In the end of days, if we are worthy, we will become like unto him (as he wants). I can see how this can be taken the wrong way. You don't become a God. You don't own your own planet. You dont control anybody.

This is something many of us don't have full knowledge of, either way. We don't really know fully what happens when you go to heaven. We just believe that there is more to our existence than on the mortal plane; our lives continue on eternally; and understand what happens when we die. Anything other than that is just guessing.


RE: God lives on a star called Kolob.

No. There's never a mention of this anywhere. This verse is metaphorical for saying that God is beyond time. Or, the distance between a star and earth. Way out there in the universe, but high up in the sky. We believe He is in heaven.


RE: Crazy families not accepting outsiders.

This has more to do with the members in question than anything else. We aren't taught to shun anybody - believer or non. I have many friends who don't belong to the Church. You can date and marry outside of the Church. You can still go to heaven by marrying a non-member. It also doesn't state that, if your families are non-members, that they're going to hell (see below). I don't judge anyone for having outside beliefs.

I think that also - and this is why having insightful missionaries is so important - is misunderstanding the words in the scriptures. It says there is the Church of God, and the Church of the devil. The Church of the devil is all other churches. This is NOT saying that these people are bad, evil, against God, and are going to hell. Many of them are very good people with like-minded intentions. It's NOT saying this is house of Satan and his followers. It's just saying that its not the true church of God - as per our beliefs.

In fact, one of our beliefs is that EVERYONE will get a chance to learn the true gospel when they die - if they didn't believe already. They won't just be judged on their beliefs - but also on their works. If they were good-hearted people, and didn't believe - they will still get a chance to learn, and decide.

There are many mentions of this in the scriptures. Because, its not always the persons fault for not believing. They might not even know that what they're being taught isn't true. That's why the missionaries are so "annoying" and relentless - to spread that truth, and bring them closer to God.

On the other hand, someone who KNOWS and doesn't believe is cast out. Because, they're rebelling against God. So no, outsiders aren't evil devil worshippers who are going to hell. They will still be given a chance, and are likely good people.

I will also say this: these people are hypocrites. There is a chapter about this in this scriptures. Literally, this very topic. It says, you are shunning these people for not believing - which makes you even worse than them. Because, you KNOW the teachings, and are acting like this towards them - when you should be kind, generous, and understanding towards everyone - as per God's will. This makes YOU the one going against God - not them.

We don't just support people in our faith, either. In fact, we are suggested to do the opposite - help those outside of the faith. A lot of the humanitarian and volunteer services we provide are in areas outside of the Church.

This isn't a guild or clan - where non-members are considered enemies, or unimportant. Again, most of the prophets taught, and provided aid to non-members - including their enemies. They over-came evil by being good - instead of becoming like unto them.


RE: Jesus is not God.

Of course not. He is the SON of God. We believe that God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost are separate beings, but come together to make a Godhead, or Holy Trinity. You can't have one without the other. But they are all individuals, and Christ is the Son of God.


RE: the Bible is the true word of God.

Absolutely. We believe, study, and teach the Bible. But we also believe that the Book of Mormon is also the word of God. It states in the scriptures that you should obtain the full knowledge of the gospel - which we believe the Bible AND BoM provides. It's not an "expansion" to the Bible. It's, as per our beliefs, the story as it happened in the Americas - whereas the Bible centers on the Middle East. Similar stories, prophecies, miracles, etc. But there are differences, as well. We read them both. No one is more important than the other.

We also believe that the Bible is not the full story - because, the churches back then included only what went with in-line with what they wanted to teach. So, we sort of view it as the parts that were left out, as well. It all comes together to make the full gospel - to the best of our knowledge.


A lot of this stuff is mentioned in the scriptures. Maybe these people you guys and gals associating with don't put any heart into it, just read and take everything literally (metaphors are abundant), are hypocrites, and assume too many things without actually knowing. They're also taking it to the extreme, and sound like religious zealots.

It also sounds like the specific churches in question. I've read elsewhere that certain Bishops are controlling, demanding, invasive, and so forth. Like, they TELL you not to do this, or you HAVE to tell them when you do that. They also pester on about your personal life. That's not the work of God, and shouldn't be associated with the church. We're all mortals with flaws and weaknesses, so its bound to happen with certain members. Some people are ignorant, power-hungry, etc. At least in the NC area, its nothing like that. It actually sounds like a non-Mormon Church altogether.
 phd4socialchange
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 62
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/31/2011 5:54:21 PM
Deni,

I am in the same situation, but it works for us. I am LDS and my guy is Hindu. The last guy I dated we got along on this issue really well too and he was Muslim (not crazy muslim, but he studied the religion not just following because he what he is told).

I do have to say though, I would never date someone from another branch of Christianity. And maybe not a Jewish person. It would be an issue for me. Because the differences in our beliefs would irritate me.

When I first started dating my guy we went to an LDS visitors's center at the Temple to look at christmas trees and the lights with my daughter. He was attacked by the missionaries, which was not so good. But recently he lived with an LDS couple and liked them and his LDS roommate (boarding house). They talked a lot about family with him, and he went to church a bunch of times with them. He also translated for the Missionaries, as the area he was living was a huge Nepali refuge area, and he likes to help and meet people. This was actually quite entertaining to me. He knew nothing anything about christianity. So they had to explain to him, he had to translate to a lady who knew more than him, then he had to try and explain what she said back.

Now he moved back here and wants to keep comming to church, I doubt he will convert, and that 100% his decision. But we have always agreed that we believe what we believe, and we are not going to change our beliefs. I respect his traditions, he respects mine, and the kids will be raised knowing both. There choice what they want to do when they are older.

I think it works for us because me and my guy feel very similarly about spirituality. And while I may not pray to a statue, or have different gods, we really have the same views.

But I would be cautious of him saying he does not care that you are not LDS. Not saying it is a lie, but if he is able to go to the temple and you are not, it will be hard for him. My first husband left the church after we were married and I left him because he did not go back after a year. And the second one got ex-communicated, and I left him more because of why, but would have stayed if he wanted to come back to the church (would have solved the issues).

He is making the difference between being married to you forever, and just being married to you while he is alive. The level of commitment may not seem like an issue to you, as your not LDS, but to him and his family it a huge difference in the level of commitment.

With my guy, I told him early on that I would never consider dating a guy who was not LDS or willing to convert (the Muslim guy was already considering converting before we dated). But my guy has 150% of the personality traits I want in a man, but happens to not be LDS, so for him, I am o-kay with it. Not just thinking it will not be a problem, I know it will not.

As for his family accepting your marriage, really depends on them. My second husbands family is the type that if your not married in the temple your not married, and you are just a horrible person. But I know other people who would council you to think long and hard before having a civil marriage, but would be o-kay with what ever you choose.

Hope this helps. Really you just have to decide if this works for both of ya. I would suggest going to church activities, as getting to know the culture will help you the most in deciding.


EDIT: Wow I just looked to see how old this thread is, they are either married or have broken up by now.
 alishass
Joined: 12/7/2007
Msg: 63
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/31/2011 6:17:37 PM
Yes it does indeed say that men and their wives will rule and populate planets.....unless they have changed it I believe its in Doctrine and Covenants.
 mohoss
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 64
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/31/2011 6:56:12 PM
No, its still in there - but its not being taken in the right context. When they say you become gods - it means you are given ever-lasting life. It says it both on the verse, and in the index. This is the definition provided for "gods" - as they keep referring to what you become. It's not saying you BECOME an actual God. You are given ever-lasting life with your own kingdom, etc. Nothing far-fetched about that.

When it says you have power over the angels - that's referring to those who didn't abide by God's laws. So, you are above them in that way. This is also explained in the index.
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 65
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 7/31/2011 7:58:23 PM
I have no proof but also no trouble with the idea of "becoming gods" ... we are gods in embryo just like an apple seed may eventually become an apple tree, blossom and bear fruit (apples not something else).

Dogs have puppies, cats have kittens, etc.

If I am a "child of God" then...

My favorite saying: "You can count the seeds in an apple but not the apples in one seed".
Earth is replete with examples of truth and speaks of God everywhere we look. The above saying exemplifies the concept of eternity and generosity.

Raza (an ex lds)
 yorkslass
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 66
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 8/1/2011 2:21:22 AM
i dont even ask what religion someone is i dont care cos im not a religious person
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 67
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 8/1/2011 3:17:39 AM

i dont even ask what religion someone is i dont care cos im not a religious person .
I am not a religious person either, not at all. Which is why I would be exceedingly incompatible with someone for whom religion was important. I never ask someone what their religion is. However, if it is an important part of their life the topic comes up sooner than later.
 palmer f
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 8/1/2011 11:28:15 AM
I wonder if the OP followed through with her plans. It has been over 3 yrs since this was posted. You do have to wonder if she was one of those mindless women in those pioneer dresses that watched as their children were being carted off.

Does the name Warren Jeffs ring a bell with anyone on here. That guy's on trial for having sex with kids. I would never go out to Utah, the FDLS has more power there than the Catholic church or Christians in general have in the entire U.S. Putting yourself willingly in a situation where you are subject to one person's rule is about as foolish one can be.

Ultimately it's what the OP can live with and it does seem that her faith is not as solid as she wants us or her bf/guy she's dating to believe. All the best to you OP, where ever you are.
 FlyyinSolo87
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 69
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 8/4/2011 8:58:03 PM

I would never go out to Utah, the FDLS has more power there than the Catholic church or Christians in general have in the entire U.S.


Actually, you confuse the fundamentalist with the TRUE Mormons. Fundamentalists cannot hold office as they live in exile while breaking the law of both the Church and state for practicing polygamy.

And as a Mormon, I have never worn a pioneer dress. Though I do try to dress modestly.

And as for the people that think we are secretive about our teachings... UMMM NO. If we have missionaries, how are we secretive? If you are talking about what goes on in the temple, well that is something some Mormons haven't experienced either. It is a privilege that has to be earned. If we go to the temple we cannot discuss it because it is sacred. Much like a priest cannot speak of what is discussed in confession.
 mohoss
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 70
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 8/4/2011 9:47:19 PM
I wonder if all the people who bash the Book of Mormon for the "gods" claim, and cite the Bible as proof - have actually even read and studied the Bible. Or, if they're just following along with internet hersey.

PSALM 82:

Thus saith the Lord: Ye are gods and children of the Most High.
God standeth in the congregation of the mighty; he judgeth among the gods.
I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.
But ye shall die like men...

In both cases, "gods" is not capitalized. It's not saying - in either book - that you become an actual God. And, in fact, they make it clear in both books that there is only one God. It's simply a reference to what we are. Taken way out of context beyond that - mostly to bash Mormons and their "crazy" claims.

I'd also ask if anyone (ie, Joseph Smith) would actually be STUPID enough to go against God's will, and make up their own false religion - with claims that its God's word. That's like asking for a front row seat in hell, level 70. And, would God actually allow that to happen? He's been kicking ass all over the place...
 dogwood
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 71
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 8/5/2011 1:49:32 PM

I wonder if all the people who bash the Book of Mormon for the "gods" claim, and cite the Bible as proof - have actually even read and studied the Bible.


Use one fairy tale to discount another?
 mohoss
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 72
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 8/5/2011 2:53:21 PM
Ha ha. You could take it that way. I meant in the sense that Christians who claim the BoM is false - when the Bible says the same thing. If you're not religious at all, then yeah, it won't matter either way.
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