| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:28:32 AM | I can see where your coming from i am 34 an not crazy abt sex think you shld have a semblance of friendship an before things go that way an that u shld be atracted to each other an enjoy being around each other than just being intimate before sex shld happens cause i do believe someone can have sex to soon an i believe people who give it to soon are just easy an not to interested in a relationship an have been told that its a indicator that a gaal is not going be faithful if they put out to soon.That i think friendship is best way start am enjoy doing stuff that dont include sex . Wish ya the best . Wish there were more men like you out there that dont put sex as the most imp thing out theres .  | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:58:04 PM | I'm with you. My main reasons are that I have no intention of becoming a "babydaddy" or any other sick thing like that. I'm tired of being abused yet accused of being an abuser, mistreated and having other people tell me that "m,iss perfect" is teling everyone Im mistreat her becuase I didn't buy her that car she wnated, ignored for weeks on end until SHE wants something.
Nope, not even the tiniest interest in sex anymore. The cost is too great afterwards. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:49:59 PM | Yeah, sometimes just being a guy sucks.
Women seem to always want the "perfect" guy, even though there is no such thing. They want a guy to be the alpha male type; yet who is sensitive. They don't want the "nice" sensitive guys because they're sometimes too insecure. OR they say they're too nice. Even though that's not always the case. They want a guy with overtly male traits, but complain if a guy is too into sports, cars or video games.
If a guy works too much then he doesn't care about the relationship. If he doesn't work enough he's a bum. In my case, I was working two jobs when an ex-fiancee told me my life wasn't going anywhere. Does that make sense??
Some women complain about guys who aren't so well equipped (if you know what I mean), but don't want a guy to say anything about their saggy boobs, stretch marks or flappy lips. Why the double standard there>???
Just some more thoughts... | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:11:43 PM | | I am a woman that dont think the way your talking abts . I think there more to aa guy its the heart of someone i could care less abt the money he makes wld just like find someone thats happy in his own right with what ever he does an someone that can take me as i am an that i can be there for him when he needs a bit of cheer . Could care less about looks to cause after all u can lose your looks an lose your money but if you still have a good heart an soul an your still a good person theres . BUt i noticed lot people put to much store into materialistic things . | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:19:08 PM | OP I learned a long time ago that very few ladies want to be asked for sex, or even worse, pressured for it, and the opinions expressed here bear that out. On the other hand, when a lady makes up her mind that she does want to have sex, she would like the man involved to be at least a little bit interested. At my age I am not near as concerned with sex as I was at the age of 20 or 30, but when the lady expresses an interest I will probably be good to go in an hour or two (who hid my little blue pills?  ) It has happened that the lady was interested and I was not; the relationship did not last very long after that. That is just the way it is.
You young fellers need to learn that whether a lady decides to have sex with you is not something you have any control over; quit complaining and get over it! What you do control is whether you are attractive, interesting, and genuinely enjoy the company of women. OP has it partly right. Nothing is more unattractive to most ladies than a man who makes it evident that getting her clothes off is his main interest. Nothing is more attractive than a man who is passionate about other things, shows a genuine interest in the lady he is with, and lets her decide when the time is right. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:24:51 PM | I guess I would have to hear the clarification of sex. Yes I know what sex is and like it a lot myself. Now when I say that I mean in be and intercourse happening. Again as many of my posts have said, I like the intimacy of sitting on the couch holding eachother, walking and holding hands, little touches throughout the day, little flirtacious happenings that bring a big smile to the face. I love all of that, and with all of that, there is just a big boner(us) at the end. All of the forementioned makes the action in bed that much better. If there isn't that there isn't any action with me.
OP, I am also curious what it is that turned you off of it? | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:58:29 PM | | Pardon fellas, but when I date a guy and in some cases in relationship I would assume a quality sex journey.... | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:10:39 PM |
OP, I am also curious what it is that turned you off of it?
Not sure if I'd mentioned it before, but getting the brush off from women with both dating and sex (in my younger days) it kind of became a problem. Sure, as men or people in general, we want someone who finds us attractive enough or desirable enough to love or even to have sex with us. It's in our nature. But that didn't happen for me.
Once I'd reached my early 30's and sex didn't happen, I began to condition my mind to not wanting it. I lost the desire at that point. With that and women expressing their desire to NOT have sex with me for various reasons it became a non-issue.
My belief is: Why should I at my age have to now settle for women who are burdened with kids and broken marries after being told all my life I wasn't good enough?? Just so they could screw the bad boys or the guys who were no good for them.
Maybe I'm bitter now and that's why I made the decision to not have sex. Being the "nice" guy and best friend has crippled me. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:15:20 PM | OP you had years to work on the issue why gals do NOT want you. There is always room for improvement. I would be horrified by 20 if boys didn't want me. Pardon, but there are guys in your age group who are very desirable. I would suggest a good therapist at this point.
OP citatition:
""""""""""""""My belief is: Why should I at my age have to now settle for women who are burdened with kids and broken marries after being told all my life I wasn't good enough?? Just so they could screw the bad boys or the guys who were no good for them. """"""""""""""""""""
You see, I do not afraid of divorce and you do. You also afraid kids because you see them as burden. For me they are a gift from God. Just check your therapist and you will do much better. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:26:32 PM | I don't see kids as a burden. If they were mine or just kids in general. But once divorce happens, there's a lot of extra baggage to have to deal with. It gets back to, why should I deal with someone else's kids now?
The women in my past never gave me the opportunity to have kids of my own. Should I now be responsible for the kids produced from someone else's failed relationships? | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:57:59 PM | Why havent you tried find someone younger your not terribley old . Someone that aint so materialistic . Someone that wld be willing to give you a kid of your own . I bet you are a terrific guy . I am 34 i know if i found a guy that wanted me an if he wanted kids i wld be willing try give him one his own tghough i been told i cant get pregnant . You said stuff abt women that dont find you atractive i bet there is someone out that aint into looks that wld find you atractive . I dont put any store into people who are into someones looks or money i believe there other stuff that is more important in people than that stuff .  | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/26/2008 8:23:52 PM | | For me sex is not the most improatant thing in a relationship, but if after awhile he still wasnt interested i woudl start to think either he wasnt attracted to me or something. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:47:21 AM | The relationship should be good without sex, way before sex comes into the picture(pun intended) . But if there is no sex, well, what IS the point, if you know that you have a healthy sex drive? If neither of you are interested in sex, well, it would work fine. As for me, if he did not desire me, and I desired him, I would feel like I was abnormal, wanting him when he had no interest in me, physically. There has to be a balance, or a feasible equality in many different aspects of a relationship, and sexual appetite, or lack of it is a very important one.
I read something last night that made sense.
If a woman feels that she can trust her man, and that he has her best interest at heart; truly cares about her in all ways, shows her attention and concern for her welfare and feelings, she will find him more desirable physically. If a man feels that his woman really loves him, in such a way that he knows that she will not reject him, or wound him with words, does not nag, and essentially expresses her love to him unconditionally(not physically), and wholeheartedly accepts him, he will be more likely to open up to her physically.
Physical attraction is based on so much more than the physical aspect of it.
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:39:59 PM | I agree with you. But our world is so focused on sex that's it's become #1 over everything else. People are quick to say they love someone without ever getting to know them and then have sex and kids with them.
To respond to some of the other posters: I have my share of insecurities from the rejections of my past. I'm not perfect in any way. Everything that's happened in my life has shaped my decision to give up on relationships and sex. Some people in my life can't see that.
The blame falls partially on me for allowing the feelings to overtake me, but that doesn't negate the things that females have told me or done to me. Just as women on these boards want people to understand the abuse they've dealt with; so do I. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:53:45 PM | Like in an asexual kind of way?
That could prove to be somewhat upsetting to a woman. We like to feel desired by our men... man. whichever. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:46:48 PM | | We are NOT anti-sex...I, however, AM against someone wanting sex within 10 minutes of meeting me--I had one guy invite me to his bed in his first email. It should be brought up early on though....everyone needs to be on the same page...I just ended a marriage because he had NO interest in sex whatsoever. I was tired of crying myself to sleep and wondering what was wrong with me. It devastates a woman's self esteem. You can be sure I will be making sure my next partner will be wanting sex regularly -- when the time is right. I have LOTS of making up to do!! | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:22:01 PM | | I would have a problem with a 30 year old male not wanting sex, especially as I am in my thirties and it's peak time. I would do it everyday if I could and would be a very unhappy woman if my 'man' only wanted it once every two to three months. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:29:01 PM | I dont think its a turn off as in if a woman is not ready he should respect her for it, so in return a woman should respect him for it too....
Someone who doesnt care we all have the right to our desires and needs, as individuals we have our own personal ways of thinking about things ............
Respect them for it .............. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:30:50 PM | To the OP, you simply missed the trick of women. There has to be a balance of:
- interest
- not caring
- CONFIDENCE (but not conceit)
Women, from what seems like the beginning, love to SAY they want a nice guy. However, what they really do is bang and blow the ***hole and then cry to the "nice guy" the next day for being used. This happens without fail.
With the aforementioned balance qualities, you can be the nice guy, but only listen AFTER they have taken care of you. I know. I sound like an ass. But it works EVERY time. Afer I'm swallowed, THEN I'll listen.
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:32:40 PM |
I, however, AM against someone wanting sex within 10 minutes of meeting me--I had one guy invite me to his bed in his first email. It should be brought up early on though.
How early in the dating do you recommend bringing up the idea of sex? Some women seem to have the idea that when a guy brings up the subject he's a "pervert". | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:13:11 PM | OP, you've made your decision. Why are you posing this question? Your past and history with women jaded you and made you bitter (your word). Okay, so you've decided you're not looking for a relationship. No interest in sex. Why then, does any of our opinions matter to you? Why are you seeking our validation of your decision? Are you having second thoughts? Thinking you may have thrown the baby out with the bathwater?
Look, you made a life choice to not get involved with women. It's your life and it's your choice to make. If it works for you, great. If not, make some more decisions and choices. But the essence I take away from all of your posts on this thread, is a woe-is-me attitude....look at how the women degraded me and didn't value me as a person. Start owning YOUR choices rather than blaming the entire female gender for forcing you to be where you are. It's YOUR life.....they are YOUR choices.....live with them....or don't. But essentially what you are doing, is what is seen throughout these forums....generalizing how all women are based on your limited experience(s) with them.
I wish you the best life has to offer....whether single, or in a sharing/committed relationship....it's your choice.
~ds~ | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:31:38 PM | Thanks for all the responses.
I'd guess my main reason for bringing this topic up is I'm at a crossroads on my decision. I truthfully don't know which road to take. Either way it seems I'm not dating.
I'm getting too old for all the games. In the past I cared about sex, but I was never one to push for it, so I never got it. Now that I don't care about sex it seems that it's the wrong decision as well because women are saying they don't want someone who doesn't have sex.
Does it make sense? No. But it's a choice to not have sex. So what do I do>? Not ever date again? That seems like the only road to take.
It's just very confusing. | |
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| A guy over 30 who doesn't want sex
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:43:11 PM |
Does it make sense? No. But it's a choice to not have sex. So what do I do>? Not ever date again? That seems like the only road to take.
It's just very confusing.
I recommend that you not date with the idea of having an intimate relationship; but you should try developing some female friendships. There are a lot of women out there that are not very interested in sex. You need to find women that share some common interests and then do activities with them. Concerts, movies, hikes, bike rides, going to museums - that kind of stuff.
As you get more comfortable being with women, perhaps you will gradually, over time, develop a mutual attraction that could lead to sex. I'm not saying it will happen - I'm suggesting that it might if you are with the right person.
Good luck to you. | |
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