| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/28/2008 1:49:35 PM |
Happiness is a choice. Any emotion is a choice. Choosing to feel hurt because your partner goes against your personal wishes is still a choice. What?
Emotions are not choices. I don't chose to feel sad when someone dies. I simply feel sad and it's not something I can control.
It could be a choice to let the emotions overwhelm you and control you. But, some are stronger than others. Some have stronger feelings that can control the feelings of despair or sadness or hurt.
I am a very sensitive person. I hurt when I or hear about cruelness. I don't choose to let the tears fall sometimes. It simply just happens because I'm wired to respond that way. It's not a choice at all. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/28/2008 1:52:41 PM | actually it is a choice. It's about one's level of enlightenment.
If someone dies, I can choose to feel sad and miss them...and focus on the negatives associated with them being gone. Or I can smile with tears streaming down my face remembering all the good times.
Happiness is a choice. To think anything else makes you a victim to your own emotions and those who'd use your emotions against you. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/28/2008 1:59:53 PM |
The argument also goes the other way. Men like it, so don't try to change us. By all means, if you think it's okay to disrespect someone, I don't want to change you.
Besides, I'm not talking about changing men. I'm talking about them stop and think for a while and understand that it IS disrespectful to a woman to go to a strip club, get a hard on, go home to wifey and do her while thinking of the hottie(s) he just watched.
Now, instead of simply saying that we should not be offended, tell us WHY it's okay to bang a woman while thinking of another if that first woman is someone you're supposed to love and respect?
I have a hard time to understand men who is trying to put women down when a woman don't think it's okay to disrespect her. I'm sorry but I cannot see how anyone can say that it's okay and NOT disrespectful to ogle other half naked women.
Strip clubs are getting more and more accepted but to defend going there just because of that, doesn't make it right. What if bordellos are all of a sudden legit? Will you argue that it's okay to go to a prostitute too?
And while I'm at it. In a strip club if you have a lap dance, do you really think a woman thinks it's okay for another half naked woman to wriggle herself all over you and touch you? Sorry but just because it's in a setting where other people are, does not make it okay. It's the act itself and is quite comparable to a private setting.
Would you consider it just as okay to take a woman to a hotel room and let her strip for you? Should your loved one at home think that's okay too?
No wonder more and more relationships are going to hell. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:18:06 PM |
By all means, if you think it's okay to disrespect someone, I don't want to change you.
First of all, there are a lot of women that do not see any disrespect on taking their clothes off in front of men. I know plenty of women that actually enjoy going to a strip club and don't see anything wrong with their man going to them. It's all a matter of choice.
The interesting thing is that I personally don't like strip joints. They don't do anything for me. To me they are places for male bonding, not places to pick up women or get your rocks off. But because I don't find them particularly enticing does not mean that other men don't have the right to go there and enjoy themselves.
So if you don't like them, that is your problem, deal with it. Or better yet talk to your legislature or city council in your area and have them band.
But guess what? You are not going to change the minds of one single man in this issue. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:19:36 PM | yes it's all the strippers fault. That's why I'm here looking for a date...because the strippers taught me to disrespect women in a way that hurts them. Hurts them to the point that develop trust issues and intimacy issues...which is then featured on Oprah...then Dr. Phil...which then leads them to girly magazines which teach great hair tips on top of how to lick my arse and cup my balls.
But it's all the strippers I tells ya...the strippers and disgusting men who just can't keep it in their pants. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:27:28 PM | Neither of you are presenting anything worth meeting. You keep defending it without saying WHY it's okay to disrespect your woman.
I have not said I think they are bad. That's not what this is about. In a relationship, if both are okay with it, it is okay. For single men it is okay but in a relationship, if one person finds it disrespectful it IS disrespectful. You cannot say a woman should simply choose to accept it. In that case you should be okay with her spending time with any man away from you as long as they don't have sex and I'm sure you wouldn't agree to that.
Just because it's a common place that quite a few people go to, doesn't make it okay to disregard your woman's feelings on the matter. It's not okay to demand she shut up and accept it. Don't you see that it's not about the stripping? It's about respecting your partner.
It's typical of people who simply cannot see that they do something wrong to argue that it's the other persons responsibility to accept it. And the "deal with it" comment is such a lame thing to say. Is that how you solve any controversy? Simply tell the person that he/she has to accept it?
Tell me....why should a woman who finds it disrespectful accept it? Why? That's called controlling....
If a man meet a woman and falls in love and then he wants to go to a strip club and she objects, should he tell her to shut up and accept it or he'll break up with her? | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:35:37 PM |
You keep defending it without saying WHY it's okay to disrespect your woman.
Nordic, you keep misrepresenting your argument. In one sentence talk generalities, disrespect of women, thus meaning "All women" and in another one address a given relationship. Make up your mind which one you want to represent, and if you do put forth an argument that doesn't go all over the place.
If I was to mention that I was going to strip joint my girl would get pissed, but not because I am going, but because she would like to go herself. Perhaps you do not know, but women without being gay or anything also find the female anatomy to be fascinating, and even makes them feel more hot for their man. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:40:50 PM | Outmind, I'm not misrepresenting anything and I'm not talking about women who enjoys strip clubs. I could care less and that's not what I'm discussing. I'm simply trying to point out that men who think their women should just shut up and accept it should take a long hard look at what it is they are really doing.
And I'm still waiting for someone to give a good argument on why a woman should accept something she clearly feels hurt and disrespected over.
Actually it goes both ways and has nothing to do with strip clubs. In general....if a person feels disrespected, should it simply be ignored and he/she be told to "deal with it"? | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/29/2008 11:09:39 AM | | You make a good point Nordic...in that it's not about strip clubs per se, but about communication in a relationship. I can understand that aspect of it. That being said, I wouldn't date someone who didn't share my beliefs on this or other touchy relationship subjects...which avoids a whole lot of trouble in the first place. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/29/2008 11:40:24 AM |
You make a good point Nordic...in that it's not about strip clubs per se, but about communication in a relationship. I can understand that aspect of it. That being said, I wouldn't date someone who didn't share my beliefs on this or other touchy relationship subjects...which avoids a whole lot of trouble in the first place.
Agree completely here with Nordic and Shaketree. I for one, would not date a woman like that, but I guess that is part of the pre-screening that you do when going out on a date.
But that also applies to many other things as well, and the idea, even if you don't agree, is that you don't ram your morality or sexual code, or even your politics into the other person, but rather find the things to agree, the things to disagree and the deal breakers. To me this would be a deal breaker because it also indicates other areas where our views would be completely opposite. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/29/2008 1:58:34 PM | Someone please explain this to me, you're in an exclusive relationship, you've got a fantastic woman at home to make love with, tell me what is the big need to go off to a strippers club and watch some woman peel of her clothes, is you want to have your cake and eat it too?
Ya know sometimes I wonder about the women that claim they don't have a problem with it, that really maybe deep down inside it really does bother them but they don't dare voice their opinion in fear of their partner leaving them, they just kind of put up with that kind of behavior, or by agreeing with it, they might attract more men? | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/29/2008 2:34:02 PM |
Ya know sometimes I wonder about the women that claim they don't have a problem with it, that really maybe deep down inside it really does bother them but they don't dare voice their opinion in fear of their partner leaving them, they just kind of put up with that kind of behavior, or by agreeing with it, they might attract more men?
I've known women that find it very erotic to go with their partner and buy table dances for their man, then they go home and have wild sex. The reality is that even when you have a healthy relationship with someone you love, you will discover that there's more than missionary, and there are things to spice up things. Same reason, many healthy couples watch porn together and then get it on themselves.
So perhaps there are women that pretend to like it just to be nice to their man. But there are many that like it because it spices up their own sex life. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/29/2008 2:42:08 PM | I don't need outside stimuli to spice up a healthy relationship, I think my imagination works just fine!!
Still didn't answer my question, you're in an exclusive relationship with a fantastic woman, what is the need to go watch a stripper when you can get it at home? | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/29/2008 3:56:58 PM |
Ya know sometimes I wonder about the women that claim they don't have a problem with it, that really maybe deep down inside it really does bother them but they don't dare voice their opinion in fear of their partner leaving them, they just kind of put up with that kind of behavior, or by agreeing with it, they might attract more men?
I don't have a problem with it and I'm probably the last woman anybody would accuse of being afraid to express ANY opinion. A few reasons I don't mind a guy going to a bachelor party/strip joint:
1) I've been to strip clubs. It's not a bunch of guys having sex with the dancers or whacking off under the table. Most places won't tolerate a guy touching the dancer even during a lap dance. It's usually a bonding experience for guys to let loose and have some fun around a mutual interest. I'll take a bachelor party over a terminally boring bridal shower any day.
2) I know enough about men to realize that most will not give up their desire to view the female form just because they found the love of their life. One way or another, guys are looking at naked chicks, either at strip clubs, in magazines or in porn. You can try to fight it all you want but they'll just get better at hiding it from you. And since I don't see the harm in a guy *looking* at a naked woman, it just doesn't bother me.
3) I have enough self-confidence to realize that I have so much more to offer my guy than those temporary fantasy objects do and if I'm in a serious relationship with someone, he knows that as well. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/29/2008 4:09:14 PM | I have to agree with aloooohaha on this one. Im not in a relationship now, but, when i was married my husband went to the strip bars sometimes,and i went to the male strippers sometimes.
We were a bit backward i guess, cause for my "shower" i was treated to some very fine male strippers. His bachelor party consisted of drinking and cards with the guys. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/29/2008 4:09:22 PM | I'm still curious to hear a man's point of view, you're in a healthy relationship you're getting it at home, what's the big need to go elsewhere and and see it?
I had a friend quite a few yrs back (absolutely beautiful and fit) whose husband was going to strip bars quite frequently and the message she got from his actions was she wasn't good enough for him that's why he was going there. Pretty sad! | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/29/2008 5:04:50 PM |
I'm still curious to hear a man's point of view, you're in a healthy relationship you're getting it at home, what's the big need to go elsewhere and and see it?
Quite a few men in this thread have explained why they go to strip clubs or bachelor parties so I don't know what more you expect to hear. Just consider this... most guys will never understand why women need yet another pair of shoes. Or they don't understand why a woman insists on wearing makeup even though he tells her he thinks she's more beautiful without makeup. There are certain aspects to men and women that the opposite gender may not fully comprehend. It appears that this is one of those areas for you. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:06:51 AM |
Quite a few men in this thread have explained why they go to strip clubs or bachelor parties so I don't know what more you expect to hear. Just consider this... most guys will never understand why women need yet another pair of shoes. Or they don't understand why a woman insists on wearing makeup even though he tells her he thinks she's more beautiful without makeup. There are certain aspects to men and women that the opposite gender may not fully comprehend. It appears that this is one of those areas for you.
Well said and very true. I'd put a flame suit on now if I were you. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:46:37 AM |
I'm still curious to hear a man's point of view, you're in a healthy relationship you're getting it at home, what's the big need to go elsewhere and and see it?
This was answered with:
Quite a few men in this thread have explained why they go to strip clubs or bachelor parties so I don't know what more you expect to hear I have looked through the thread and I have not seen one single post from a man who IS in a healthy relationship explaining the first statement. So for the second statement, could you quote the one's who has? I must have missed it.
Mostly what I've seen is (with the exception of a few and you know who you are) people saying that it's no big deal and that the other party should simply accept it. What single men do and why is not the topic.
Just consider this... most guys will never understand why women need yet another pair of shoes. Or they don't understand why a woman insists on wearing makeup even though he tells her he thinks she's more beautiful without makeup. Although this statement is correct it's not really comparable to a man wanting to ogle naked women. It's more comparable to a woman not understanding why a man insist on upgrading his powertoys all the time. Comparing a woman using makeup to a man ogling women is like comparing apples and oranges.
This thread is supposed to be about an action from a man that hurt a woman and whether it's right or not.
Arguments about traditions and such has been brought up and some people are okay with a bachelors party being about ogling strippers and some are not. Some vehemently defend it and others think there are better ways to have a party, it doesn't always have to include strippers and clubs.
The question really is if it's okay for a person to expect another person to simply accept something because it's tradition? I don't think so. It used to be very innocent but these days with the sex industry pushing and pushing and more and more women are using their body to make good money, it's becoming increasingly more common to overstep the boundaries and go to far.
I see nothing wrong with admiring a naked body, I enjoy watching a beautiful naked man as well as a beautiful naked woman but just like you abstain from certain things once you have a proper relationship with someone, it is considered a no-no among most women for their man to keep going to a place like a strip club. If he wanted to see a naked woman, why not watch the one he's in the relationship with? If that's not enough, isn't it something wrong with the relationship?
But back to the bachelor party. It might just be a one time thing for some men and not all are actually thrilled about it. Myself I've heard enough stories about what may happen to not wanting a man of mine attend one. And the old "if he's faithful he won't do anything" doesn't cut it with me. It's not about that, it's about the fact that he will be in the company of other naked women and possibly be touched by them and even watch them "play" with each other and masturbate.
I don't think it's proper for a man in a relationship to attend such parties. And yes, I know a lot of them watch porns but it's not the same.
To compare that is like saying it's okay to have a crush on a live person because it's okay to have a crush on someone in the movies. It's a question about tangible or not. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:56:23 AM |
This thread is supposed to be about an action from a man that hurt a woman and whether it's right or not.
Careful...you run the risk of making this a gender issue which it isn't. The OP talks about an upcoming stag night that the female has expressed an opinion about which is basically "there better not be any strippers at your stag when it happens". Fair enough...she's said her peace...it's up to him to decide whether or not he's going to respect her opinion or not.
Nobody got hurt. In fact...it's an excellent test of the strength of their bond before they actually walk that aisle. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:52:31 PM | JMO~
How old were the couple that got recently married? If they were under 26 years of age..then I would not be surprised by the grooms actions...shows immaturity. If the couple was over 45 years of age? I'd say the groom has a problem.
Now don't bash me..this is my opinion. I am not into strippers and what have you...and if a 'guy' is, that is okay for him..that is NOT me and I will not engage in a relationship with a man who likes that sort of entertainment. Not saying I am right or wrong..I am saying that we are not compatible..so why argue about something that makes us non~compatible..just don't get hooked up in the first place.
Another point..if the groom's friends did this..I am sure that the bride to be realized that her groom had similar traits..other wise why would he be friends with these guys? | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:17:44 AM | I’ve been “Best Man” at a few weddings.
As such one of my primary responsibilities was to organize the bachelor parties.
My best friends (grooms) and I are not interested in the traditional “stag party” where the Stripper jumps out of the cake and all that. 
For one party I got a bunch of limousines to take the guys to a major league baseball game and we all got commemorative baseball jerseys with the bride and groom’s names on the back of the shirts and the wedding date as the numbers. I even got them to put a good luck message on the stadium scoreboard between one of the innings.
It was a total blast. 
For another “stag party” we had the limos take us to a “Dave & Busters” which is a gaming arcade that has a restaurant and serves alcohol. I passed out “gaming cards” which are the club’s credit card that you fill with cash or a credit card then swipe it to play a game.
My buddies and I found this battle robots game where you get into these pods and run through an imaginary city as you battle the other team. At one point I got scolded by my team for “blasting a team-mate” into oblivion – I mistook his robot for the enemy and let loose as he screamed at me over the intercom in my pod! 
We ended up playing that all night before the limos took us all home (door to door).
I guess my point here is that there are very creative things that guys can do for the “bachelor party” that is a total blast for the guys. 
Hopefully, someday my friends will throw a great bachelor party for me.
I’ll leave the stripping and wild sex up to my bride on the wedding night! 
Ceij | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:20:35 AM | | This is to celebrate getting married to a woman who you love and want to settle down and start a family with? If I was that woman, the wedding would never happen. Gone! | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:29:44 AM | I would hope that if I married again, that the bridegroom would have no friends or family that would see any reason to do this juvenile crap. Also, around 20 years ago, the minister admonished everyone at the rehearsal of a friend's wedding to behave because so many people have the bachelor and bachelorette things the night before the wedding and then people are hung over, look like shit for the wedding photos, may not even show up and then you have an uneven wedding party....
People are going to be stupid, particularly if they are still fairly young and this stuff is still considered normal. If you trust your partner, then there should be no problem because he will really not be interested. If he shags anyone, they shouldn't be getting married so while it would be uber traumatic, in the long run it would be a blessing to avoid marrying someone that is not going to be faithful to you. No amount of alochol "makes" you do anything. | |
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| bucks nights and strippers
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:13:52 AM |
...he failed miserably by demonstrating how weak their bond is by attending a stag party the night before his wedding.
You may want to read the original post again...the couple in question were discussing his upcoming stag after she got wind of the other guys stag. So your points are moot and my last post stands.
As for your belief that grown men don't frequent titty bars, how would you know??? Ever been in one any given day...anytime of day??? Have you ever had a conversation with a dancer inside a club in your life??? If not then you're just man bashing for the sake of arguing with me. What does that say about YOUR "mindset"?
I never ever said anything about forcing anyone to go along with anything. Why must you continue to put words in my mouth post after post...thead after thread??? Starting to feel like I'm being stalked here! | |
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