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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 5:11:24 PM | "It's easy to understand the confusion. If the idea is planted in a guys mind that there's even a remote chance something may 'happen', he's going to be optimistic about what it means. Because if you went out together and only had dinner or shot pool or saw a movie, technically nothing happened in man-terminology."
now see, this is a load of bull. no one is planting anything in the guys mind about sex, or even implying it. if he takes "whatever happens" to mean it could possibly be sex, then thats really about his comprehension of the statement, and not necessarily anything that was planted there by the women he is talking with.
I am so sick and tired about guys putting the blame for their miscomprehension on the women they talk to. while i agree the phrase "whatever happens, happens" is open ended and vague, it certainly doesnt imply any one thing, especially sex. I believe i can speak for the majority of women when i say, we are duely sick and tired of this presumption of sex from the men we "engage" with.
fear not ladies, there are gentlemen afoot, and they do preside in this site. men who are happy with the companionship of a nice woman for an evening of dinner and conversation. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 5:51:15 PM | What the heck is "it" that's "supposed" to happen?
Aww...geez...I still have a sex drive...yes even at my advanced age. And I know when I'm attracted and when I'm not.
Well maybe it just needs to be said (if it has been and I missed it...sorry) but if I meet someone and maybe I'm STRANGE..wouldn't be the first time..I can't be relaxed and have an interesting conversation that isn't about SEX...no matter how much "chemistry" emails, phone calls...that doesn't get it going on....(I know what lust is...nad pure sexual interest and chemistry...even 20 years ago....never acted on it and no regrets). I realize I have a brain and a groin...and know where the blood is flowing to and know what to do about it. Sheesh...I figured that out before I was 20.
Maybe that makes me uninteresting and boring...I haven't been on Springer. Yet...haha...naw...I like that about me that I can think and seperate my hormonal impulses (yes still have them) from my rational, logical, conscious thought.
Dang..I am BORING...ehh....there's this guy in IT at work.....woohoo!!
Wait, NO...aw shit, I have to get the printer jammed again!!  | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:01:40 PM |
we are duely sick and tired of this presumption of sex from the men we "engage" with.
It's fine to be upset about any presumptions on the part of men but no amount of outrage changes the wiring in a mans brain. Btw, I wasn't excusing the guy, I was only interpreting the phrase in the same way as the ops friends did. Ignore the info if you want but don't say no one ever explained it.
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:03:59 PM | | IF he was hoping and having high expectations, he my read that into what you said. Sounds a little overly confident though, on his part. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:08:39 PM | | It's simply a common phrase such as "que sera, sera" (remember that song)? It just means what's gonna be is what's gonna be....or "it is what it is". | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:16:21 PM | | I think it means we'll click or we won't click; we'll feel attracted to each other, or we won't feel attracted to each other; we'll cross each bridge when and if we come to it! That's what I think it means. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:23:14 PM |
while i agree the phrase "whatever happens, happens" is open ended and vague, it certainly doesnt imply any one thing, especially sex.
The phrase is open ended and vague and it does not preclude the possibility of sex. The ladies that are complaining about men wanting sex need to be better communicators and tell the men you date that they should not expect sex. This can be done in a tasteful way that the man will clearly understand. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:23:41 PM | I say it a lot but I didn't really think about the meaning behind it. I think it's kind of an easier way to show a care-less attitude as to if the circumstance does not turn out like I had wished ..that I had NO control over it and therefore I can try to convince myself that it didn't hurt me. Hmmmmm...OR, that I can accept whatever comes my way(whether that would be a negative or positive) and just leave it to the fact that I have no responsibility to the way it turned out....hmmmm as I am writing this I'm realizing that this saying is more of a cop-out at least in my personal life. I really thought for a time there that it was more of a spiritual saying ...to trust in God's work...that it has already been written for us and it doesn't matter what we do to change it, it's God that has the answer and he does the picking. Well, I no longer believe that...not all of it anyway. Yes, God is in charge and we should believe that nothing in our lives happen by mistake..there is always a reason for everything. God gives us free will. If we expect our results to come out positively, we have to do the footwork along side of having faith in God to guide us. I would love to SAY "Whatever happens happens" AND be able to be happy no matter what happens in that situation, but that does not always work for me. So, I think that it is a more honest approach to say "I would like if such and such would happen, however I understand if it doesn't ....and to know that I tried to make it happen the way I would have liked. I have to make sure that I know that I tried EVERYTHING I could to make it work, because we may not get another chance at it.
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:26:13 PM | | To me wahtever happens happens... means. If we like eachother we'll ahve a realtionship. Or be freidns or friends with benefits. Or an open realtionship. It means the person is either uncertain of another person or unsure of what he or she wants for themself? So they are testing the waters not makign a commitment and it could end up turninmg into sex, freinds with benefits, seriosu relationship it is the mystery lollipop of the the dum dum's package. So it makes the date casual and more sexual and less commitment. its wherevert eh windblows and whatever the woman wants fromt eh man. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:31:08 PM | Okay so now the check list is a little longer of what a man thinks when a woman speaks.
Woman : “Hi”
Man-”She is open to sex.”
Woman-“How are you?”
Man- “She is open to sex.”
Woman- “Yes, I would like to meet.”
Man-”She is open to sex.”
Woman- “We’ll see, whatever happens, happens.”
Man-”She is very open to sex.”
Woman- “Thank you, I had a wonderful time”
Man-”She’s ready for sex.”
Woman-”Not on a first date.”
Man-”Maybe she will be open to sex if I keep pestering her.”
Woman-”NO!”
Man- “Not open now, but maybe in a few hours or tomorrow.”
Personally, I don’t think it matters what you say in most cases. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:34:35 PM | Interesting posts, thanks guys...
What is difficult about, "Just a couple drinks some pool and no pressure or expectations. Just fun and a chance to get better acquainted" ?
Nothing at all, in fact that's how it was originally planned - in those words, and then mentioned again at least once or twice in pre-meet conversation.
Most women can run circles around me language-wise. This would not be one of those women, and goes to show the trouble that comes with generalisations.
The purpose of this thread was to make sure I didn't generalize - either how men took it or how women mean it (or vice versa).
So far I can see that the majority take it the way I do, and a slight number of men think it's sexually promising...but so far it does seem to be based on each person, which is what I thought. Talking to three men in one week who stopped me and informed me I was sending this message was what made me want to open it for discussion. It's totally possible that just those guys thought that and that's the end of it.
Still, I found it interesting...
I don't remember ever saying it either, but with the exception of changing "VERY open to the idea of sex" to "QUITE open or RELATIVELY open to the idea of sex," that's basically how I live (including dating).
I agree with you Dawn...however the guys gotta be someone I've met and know I have attraction to, and vice versa...if I was at that point and it was an intentioned date to start getting to know each other (in that way) then to me that same phrase means something different. But its weird to me that before you've ever been in the same room that you would be...
It's sensible. It makes for good dates (with or without sex), good sex (with or without a relationship/commitment) and good relationships. For me, anyway.
Generally I agree with you there, too. No expectations, no boundaries is a phrase in my profile - the no expectations part is more relevant in this case.. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:34:50 PM | " Ignore the info if you want but don't say no one ever explained it.""
i seriously hope you are not implying that all men think this way. regardless of "wiring of their brains" as you called it, its basic bull$hit. LOL @ "explained it". you didnt explain anything, you simply blamed someone else for the lousy behavior. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:43:43 PM |
Personally, I don’t think it matters what you say in most cases.
I realize that you are trying to be funny, but the way you communicate really does matter. I have a female friend who tells men up front that she has an "eight date rule". She doesn't have any trouble with men understanding what that means. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:50:23 PM | The ladies that are complaining about men wanting sex need to be better communicators and tell the men you date that they should not expect sex. This can be done in a tasteful way that the man will clearly understand.
firstly,,, no one is complaining about men "wanting" sex. we are glad you want it, what we arent tollerating is this arrogant entitlement to it from us that we are complaining to you about. actually its not even a complaint, its an EXPLANATION of your irrationality. what we are telling you that its a rediculous and irrational assumption that simply because we will go out with you, or that we say anything like "whatever happens happens", that sex even has to enter into the dynamic for the evening. the presumptions about sex that some men make are not based in anything other than their own warped ego's. if i have to "explain" to you, or state to you that you should not be "expecting" sex,, you arent getting the pleasure of my company ever in life. your presumptions about sex are juvenile. further supported by the statements that you need to have, what is obvious to the majority, explained to you. concluded with the reality that you are blaming us for your strange comprehension of a simple statement. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:10:25 PM |
Okay so now the check list is a little longer of what a man thinks when a woman speaks.
Woman : “Hi”
Man-”She is open to sex.”
Woman-“How are you?”
Man- “She is open to sex.”
Woman- “Yes, I would like to meet.”
Man-”She is open to sex.”
Woman- “We’ll see, whatever happens, happens.”
Man-”She is very open to sex.”
Woman- “Thank you, I had a wonderful time”
Man-”She’s ready for sex.”
Woman-”Not on a first date.”
Man-”Maybe she will be open to sex if I keep pestering her.”
Woman-”NO!”
Man- “Not open now, but maybe in a few hours or tomorrow.”
Personally, I don’t think it matters what you say in most cases.
I heard someone explain this... Women are like a broken light switch which isn't connected to any light bulb. First you're OFF. Then you're ON for a little while. Then you're OFF again. You stay that way for an indefinite amount of time, then you're ON for a bit before going OFF. Mostly you're OFF, but in any event no one can tell when you're ON so you might as well be OFF all the time. You don't even know when you're ON much of the time.
If men were the same way, it clearly wouldn't have worked and the species would have died out long, long ago. Men have to be ON all the time or the whole perpetuation thing breaks down very rapidly. Us guys are just trying to do our part. Possibly reading too much into what may or may not be a 'signal' is merely part of that, because we've all heard stories where the woman was "making it perfectly clear" but the CIA decoding team was busy, or couldn't crack her code. 
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:18:42 PM | Hi op.... well.... it is a vague statement that sets no boundaries..... so the 2 or more people involved will put their own agenda towards what it means.. imo.. you might mean ...hmm ive not met you im slightly interested ... whatever happens from there happens............ he might hear.. well she talks to me.. shes agreed to meet me... although she says no sex..... shes saying whatever happens .. happens... great that means sex isnt discounted.. cause i want sex to happen...
It is a go with the flow in life....... im opening my boundaries.. to what ever happens type statement as oppossed to clearly stating a persons desires and boundaries..
I think rather than a man or woman issue its an issue of familiarity used in context to that given situation...
eg... My gf knows me... my character.. my basic behaviours/ boundaries .. my predicatability... in what i will or wont usually do...
so if I say it to someone who knows me well with certain body language and depending on who or what im refferring too when i say it... makes it totally intepreted.. ....differently... to if i said the same statement to a virtual stranger......
he/she would be able to apply whatever it is ''''they expect or want to happen'''' to it b/c it is open invitation to whatever... im going with the flow..
Ive found.... as some people will see things totally about themselves and their agenda... that until i know someone and they know me extremely well...... to be as specific as i can.... (which still can be ..if they are self obsssed.. .. be ignored...) but at least i can refer them back to my .. blunt/factual statement.
eg....
Im at my local pub.... guy ive known for years.. .... says to me... have you ever tried kangeroo meat?.. ... i say no... i havent and i never have intentions of eating skippy.... and ive decided i want to eat less meat and not introduce any new meat species into my diet....
he says... ohhh its really nice... youd like it...... ill cook it for you sometime.....
I say...... noooooooooo. i donot want to try it.. but thank you for explaining the texture.. the taste etc...... i go back to another conversation im having...
he goes to butcher buys roo meat... i say darn... i better go to butcher also before it closes.....i leave... get meat come back.......
I have 1 more beer with friends.... then go home....
next day i get a call from mutual friend... who tells me the guy had bought enough meat to cook for me that night and id left and he was upset........ he had assumed .... he was cooking for me at his place.......... i said .. well he should learn to actually ask someone..(especially as my statements made it quite clear i would not try roo meat.. which he chose not to hear) if they were coming over to dinner before they buy enough meat for 2... not tell them...... or assume....(manipulation or projecting their own desires . isnt my problem as im blunt)
So there are people who live in their own head.... who hear theyre own desires and mirror it back to themselves ''''''as you saying or agreeing to them..'''...
or donot hear other parts you say only what they want to intepret/hear..
being as direct... in communication.. is important...... until you know someone really well and they know you really well....
making statements to refer them back too....... as a fact'"i said that"... i found is important..
Ive also found people who donot know themselves or tell truth very well..... or change their mind on mood change........ tend not to believe or accept as fact what others say as ...... this is who i am and what i believe and those certain things wont change....
b/c they think your like them and will change your mind/opinion/words....b/c they do..
smiles/peace | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:30:23 PM |
I realize that you are trying to be funny, but the way you communicate really does matter.
I always try to find the humor in most situations, especially when it comes to dating and relationships, if I didn’t I probably would have given up a long time ago.
However, the reality is that even times when you have been stone cold blunt like “sex isn’t going to happen on the first date” it is taken as somehow you were vague. It is mind blowing how many times an attempt was made to “talk” me into it and how angry they get when the answer after the date is the same as before the date, which was no. I have even asked point blank, what part of “no” did you not understand? The answers have been along the lines of “I thought I could change your mind” or “I thought it meant if you didn’t like me”, even “I didn’t think you really meant it”. So, it has been my experience that in many cases it really doesn’t matter. There have been some of these instances that didn’t involve sex, but just interest period. I have told men, I have no interest in continuing to see you, please don’t call me and I think some people would be surprised at how many times it is not accepted. I am sure this happens a lot on the other side, but of course I don’t date women.
the presumptions about sex that some men make are not based in anything other than their own warped ego's
This has certainly been my experience quite a few times.
The OP is an extremely attractive lady and I am sure if it has happened to me it has likely happened to her more than just this once. I still think it wouldn't have mattered what she said. The fact that this pretty woman accepted to meet in my opinion was enough for the guy to work himself up to the idea he was going to get even luckier. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:34:04 PM | OP: I have heard this statement used in reference to sex, however, IMO it renders us so primitive to do this sort of thing....interpret such vague statements as such.
Reference to the post about women being on and off post 66:
Switched on, switched off.... no lightbulb 
As far as women being off and on and off and on, it depends on the guy.
Some view women on: slut
women off: frigid, stuck up, prude
women with no lightbulb: stupid
Women also suffer from the discomfort of the initial embracings "do I hug him or not?" "Do I hold his hand or not?" "Is he on or is he off?"
Ok, the mention of some decoding device ( possibly a scanner) for men to interpret women's signals is hilarious and interesting. Investigating it mentally. Something to chew on. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:45:46 PM | | If a man says this, my mind shifts to thinking this meaning: "and, if we end up in bed, then all the better" | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:18:14 PM | When I say " Whatever happens, happens", I mean, lets meet and if things go well perhaps we will expand the time of the date, take in a movie... play putt putt, have dinner, dance or attend a local event.
If I am going out on a date, it means the same thing. If we try one venue and she is not enjoying what I've suggested, I'm flexible and will take her somewhere she would enjoy more.
I say exactly what is on my mind, no hinden agenda. I may be good but I ain't cheap or easy!   | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:58:38 PM | Blondblueyed Msg #61: 'Okay so now the check list is a little longer of what a man thinks when a woman speaks.
Woman : “Hi”
Man-”She is open to sex.”
Woman-“How are you?”
Man- “She is open to sex.”
Woman- “Yes, I would like to meet.”
Man-”She is open to sex.”
Woman- “We’ll see, whatever happens, happens.”
Man-”She is very open to sex.”
Woman- “Thank you, I had a wonderful time”
Man-”She’s ready for sex.”
Woman-”Not on a first date.”
Man-”Maybe she will be open to sex if I keep pestering her.”
Woman-”NO!”
Man- “Not open now, but maybe in a few hours or tomorrow.
Personally, I don’t think it matters what you say in most cases."
So essentially what you've described, is The Chase that we've read and heard about, right? Take it a couple of steps further and we can come full circle, i.e. she finally says "yes"....date....relationship....marriage....sex wanes....end of relationship? Is this the cycle...or, just what the forums discuss?
Simply another classic example of where and what COMMUNICATION (or lack of) can get you. But, that's JMO.
~ds~ | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/26/2008 12:34:39 AM | I take it as meaning there's some guess work there and not really fond of it. Thanks for 'investing'.
If I really want 'whatever happens happens' then I'll stick to meeting people in the real world, because, so far, that's been whatever happens happens. Or you could even say 'whatever doesn't happen doesn't happen'. Not like you have to guarantee anything will come of it, but it seems to me to have a bit of a negative connotation to it. Kind of another way to say 'I just might not like you at all' which, gee, really doesn't need to be specifically stated.
I don't take it sexually, if that's the main question at hand. I'm just a bit put off by the statement being there for the reason I've already stated. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:47:15 AM | The phrase itself is generally hollow, there should be absolutely no differentiation in meaning between genders. The context of the phrase is specific to the instance, conversation, or question it is used in/for.
"Is my dog gonna die momma?" - Well Timmy, whatever happens...happens, just know Lassie loved your little ass.
"How about we do some naked scuba diving in my pool and seek out some slippery eels after a couple of cases of champagne ?" (said with a leer and a thousand dollar bill passed) - Gee mister, I'm not that type of girl, and so much booze! But I guess whatever happens happens! Tee hee!
If the conversation was, basically, "want to meet at a bar tomorrow night? Maybe play some pool, if we hit it off maybe we can go do something else fun like dance or bad karaoke, or beat up a homeless man and take his shoes..."
"Sure, I like pool, I can meet you at the bar. I don't know about after, but whatever happens happens." This denotes you will meet him at the bar, and play pool, but further activities are dependent upon more specific information as that which you were provided is unclear or indecisive.
If the conversation was, basically, "want to meet at a bar tomorrow night? Get messed up then go back to my place for some Vaseline wrestling?"
"Sure, lets get together, I will meet you at the bar, and whatever happens happens."
This is specific and allows for flirtation and to show you are interested.
It is all dependent upon the specifics of the conversation , not the gender.
Most importantly is delivery with body language for if each of the responses is punctuated with extremely cold, sarcastic, or argumentative posture, bearing, and voice, then it is a flat refusal meant for the other person to understand it is your choice, but the desired (by the questioner) outcome seems unlikely. In some instances it can be construed as an I don't know, in others as a maybe, in even others it can be construed as a yes; but I want to be flirtatious and fun without taking responsibility for a decision others may deem as stupid and I judge myself by.
So if I hear this, or say this, the meaning is only relevant to the specific conversation or question and it's delivery. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:09:37 AM | The phrase is open ended and vague and it does not preclude the possibility of sex. The ladies that are complaining about men wanting sex need to be better communicators and tell the men you date that they should not expect sex. This can be done in a tasteful way that the man will clearly understand.
I entirely disagree with you! Under dating there should NOT BE a pre-disposed expectation of sex. And the woman SHOULD NOT have to explain that to a man. If he wants to ask her, "Hey, if we go out for supper, will you have sex with me afterward?" that's his prerogative; but unless they are meeing for an intimate encounter NO WAY does she have to communicate that the date is just a date and NOT an invitation to her bed!!
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:47:31 AM | I tend to be very literal minded and a "say what you mean and mean what you say" type of person. So if I hear someone say "Whatever happens, happens" I'm not going to rule out anything and yes, I'm going to hope for some sex if all goes well. If I'm with a lady that used such a phrase and then got insulted if I thought she'd be interested in being sexually intimate when we were both enjoying each other's company I would think she was sending mixed signals.
If she truly didn't want sex to be a consideration she should make that plain or not use that phrase.
If I use that phrase then it means exactly that: Whatever happens, happens, whether it leads to sex or not. | |
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