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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:07:12 PM | ^^^Yeah it was pretty interesting, and I agree at this point that it's got a different meaning for everyone...some guys will hear "dry wall" and think of sex...oh well.
I am QUITE sure he took basic friendliness and politeness for flirting...I know there was no way I gave him any indication I was interested, I tend to talk in disclaimer and I know I was doing that in phone conversations long before we actually met.
I now make sure to e-mail all information to friends before going out...that way if I am raped/killed at least the authorities have some info. But to be safe, I just won't schedule any more night meetings (outside of someone stopping somewhere where I am out with friends already).
I did two things wrong - the night thing and not going with my gut - I had a weird feeling, but thought I was just being too judgemental. Live and learn (even after 40 years)... | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:54:23 PM |
...some guys will hear "dry wall" and think of sex...oh well.
It does seem like there are a lot of guys out there that are pretty desperate for sex. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:24:30 PM | now make sure to e-mail all information to friends before going out...that way if I am raped/killed at least the authorities have some info. But to be safe, I just won't schedule any more night meetings (outside of someone stopping somewhere where I am out with friends already). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Or leave a note on your fridge or under the pillow, so when you get home, just toss it. Or, I suppose your way is fine too, a lot of people tell there friends "I'm going on a date tomorrow with a new person, etc". | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 11/15/2008 2:22:17 PM | Maybe I'm not like the typical guy? I don't EXPECT sex when going into a date.
Don't get me wrong. It's nice when it happens. And if I'm attracted to the other person, I hope that it happens.
But I don't push for it.
In fact, I think that I probably could have MORE sex if I were assertive about it.
However, I try to gauge the situation and signals. And I'm not always that good at reading smoke signals.
Very, very, very rarely have I used the subject phrase.
Most likely, it would be used if a lot of the pre-meet talks had repeatedly transitioned around sex-talk.
If a woman were to use that phrase, it would tell me that she is not necessarily against having sex, if everything happens right.
BTW, what happened to UglyBetty?? | |
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| Women Just As Guilty These Days
Posted: 11/15/2008 5:09:42 PM | That phrase means "open ended". If there's alcohol involved, then it could get .......
Men usually use it to proceed as far as you let them, and count on the alcohol and your loneliness to wear you down. SORRY BOYS, but you are hunters - u know some of u are like this.
Women use it as a vague answer so the men won't "automatically" think they're getting anything.
Solution: eliminate alcohol from 1st and possibly 2nd (GASP) meeting, and make them short, and IN PUBLIC. Honestly, we all enjoy sex, but that phrase is a dangerous one. | |
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| "Whatever Happens, Happens"
Posted: 11/18/2008 5:40:18 AM |
Maybe I'm not like the typical guy? I don't EXPECT sex when going into a date.
Nor should you, or she - in fact I believe no expectation of anything is best when going in to a "meet". It's not even a date to me unless/until I know and like the guy and have actual interest in wanting to know more.
Don't get me wrong. It's nice when it happens. And if I'm attracted to the other person, I hope that it happens.
But I don't push for it.
In fact, I think that I probably could have MORE sex if I were assertive about it.
I think hope mixed with shots/drinks can sometimes become an expectation...even the hope is misplaced with a total stranger...then again I'm not a guy. I suspect they 'd hope they end up having sex while riding alone in a taxi.
However, I try to gauge the situation and signals. And I'm not always that good at reading smoke signals.
I agree it's better to assume nothing's happening unless told otherwise.
Very, very, very rarely have I used the subject phrase.
Most likely, it would be used if a lot of the pre-meet talks had repeatedly transitioned around sex-talk.
If a woman were to use that phrase, it would tell me that she is not necessarily against having sex, if everything happens right.
I'm starting to think that anything said in a vague fashion, a man will interpret as sexual...which is fine and all, but may lead to a lot of dissapointment. *shrug*
BTW, what happened to UglyBetty??
She may yet make a comeback.
That phrase means "open ended". If there's alcohol involved, then it could get .......
Or not. Why does open ended HAVE to mean sex? It could mean basket weaving just as easily.
Men usually use it to proceed as far as you let them, and count on the alcohol and your loneliness to wear you down. SORRY BOYS, but you are hunters - u know some of u are like this.
And that's fine - they'll get nowhere, and get over it...if they feel they need to torture themselves, women can't do much about that.
Women use it as a vague answer so the men won't "automatically" think they're getting anything.
Yes, but I believe we're referring to basic initial interest, at that point sex isn't even a consideration for most of us.
Solution: eliminate alcohol from 1st and possibly 2nd (GASP) meeting, and make them short, and IN PUBLIC. Honestly, we all enjoy sex, but that phrase is a dangerous one.
I do agree that an afternoon coffee has less confusion to it for a guy then a drink at 8 pm. Until meeting a guy a couple times, I suppose a half hour to an hour between two other things I am doing during the day is better and sends a better message of time constraint. | |
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| Whatever Happens, Happens
Posted: 11/18/2008 6:34:34 AM | Well I had decided what the phrase "Whatever happens, happens" meant to me from the reading of the OP, but I hate to follow the flock so I read the posts. Its' amazing to me that only one other person actually got it almost exactly the way I was thinking. so many others turned it into something all about sex. Others called it a vague response. Others used it as a way to keep open minded.
Gnuru75 in Message #73/ Page 3 closed his post with this statement.
So if I hear this, or say this, the meaning is only relevant to the specific conversation or question and it's delivery.
Example: Guy says....So perhaps we can have a bite to eat and then maybe we could go back to my place and snuggle on the couch and watch a movie?
Girl says....Whatever happens, happens.
I'd say that this guy has reason to believe that sex is a possibility, however the girl may think she has left her options open. In this instance, I'd say the girl has answered dangerously unless she is prepared to deal with his disappointment later.
I don't believe that the phrase is vague. I would say that it is a non-committal way to leave the options open in regards to any question asked. | |
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| Whatever Happens, Happens
Posted: 11/18/2008 6:58:19 AM | ^^^Exactly - to me (unless someone hints at something sexual, or something similar) it means "expect nothing outside of x".
If I am planning on meeting a guy, it means "we're meeting, and nothing beyond that should be expected; i.e. - "the outcome of this even cannot be determined, so why project on it?".
How sex gets thrown in there is beyond me (unless a guy asks if there will be sex directly and I respond with that phrase).
Heh. You started this thread when you were Ugly Betty!
I know, I changed identities whilst it continued...lol | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 11/18/2008 7:38:50 AM | Based on my experience: when men say this, they usually mean "I will make a concerted effort to 'fall into bed' with you, but don't worry although I am trying my hardest...it's whatever happens happens"  . I find they usually say it as a means to set my mind at ease (or so they think) about us being intimate. They say it beforehand so that when they do try...I guess I'm supposed to feel subconsciously more relaxed about it, like oh this is no pressure...whatever happens happens.
I don't say this to guys...but if I am talking to my friends about a guy and me and him going out or the possibility of us doing something then for me it means....we'll see how I feel and what happens happens. I don't really plan on doing anything, but I think that thought alone makes you more okay about it happening if it should. Come to think of this...I rarely ever say this phrase in reference to situations like that. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 11/18/2008 10:08:25 PM | When you hear or say this in regards to meeting/getting to know someone, what does it mean to you or what do you mean by it? And be candid - it's not a trick question, I really want to know what goes thru your head when it's uttered.
It depends. If they say this about the first meeting before we actually meet, I only think it means they are in favor of an open-ended date with no fixed agenda. they wanna go with the flow. whatever happens, happens in terms of where we go throughout the evening. how are some guys confusing this with thinking the girl wants action is a bit silly. you don't even know her, lol.
But if I hear this after going out a couple times with someone and theres mutual chemistry between us, I can see how it can be taken as being open to sex. Actions speak louder then words tho...ladies have much better ways of letting you know :) | |
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| Whatever Happens, Happens
Posted: 11/19/2008 4:12:26 PM |
I don't believe that the phrase is vague. I would say that it is a non-committal way to leave the options open in regards to any question asked.
Shirley: In a man's mind, vague and non-committal are synonymous. You can easily substitute the words "non-committal", for the word "vague" in your sentence above.
I don't doubt that there may be a difference between the two, in a woman's mind. But remember, men perceive fewer colors in the spectrum than women. So, it's reasonable to assume that we would tend to miss subtle differences that may be blatantly apparent to women.
Besides, even specific statements are sometimes subject to interpretation. Guys can be talking about cars and understand female/sexual inferences!
So, why even risk coming across as being misleading?
In fact, I think that I probably could have MORE sex if I were assertive about it.
djchickie: I think that I may have been misunderstood here. When I'm, in the moment, I have a tendency to overlook some women's subtle nuances, body language, etc. It's only later on, when I'm reflecting, that it sometimes occurs to me that she'd been hinting around at more. So, if I'd "paid attention" more and responded to them cues, then the date may have transpired differently.
Funny thing is, though. When I'm not as interested in the date. Then I tend to see the subtleties like giant billboards. But when I am VERY interested in the date, then the subtleties are more those little 4" markers alongside of the highway, and you're doing 70 MPH.
:::shrugs::: I think that someone got my wiring backwards back at the manufacturer! | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 11/19/2008 5:31:57 PM | For me Whatever Happens Happens Is a statement you can use to say. Hey were both adults and we know what were getting into . I think mostly it is used to politely say I dont want to commit or I dont want to make any promises.. In reference to meeting I think It might be our way of trying to assure you we have good intentions. Hey whatever happens Happens If we fall in love great! If were friends great. If I just waste 5 dollars on a coffe and were not interested its okay! Whatever Happens Happens LOL! We dont always have the right things to say .We dont always think before we speak. Im sure you have heard it many times and Im sure you will hear it many more.I hope every one has a safe and happy Love filled holiday season | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 7/25/2009 6:36:34 PM | bump to the old post.
I used to date a dude for quite sometimes..he said that phrase to me he added.."take it as it comes, whatever happens happens just go with flow"..I dont know what the heck he was trying to convey...but all I know he wanted to sleep with me..but I stopped him.
He tried twice but no to avail...so he gone with the wind.
so it could be that what he was trying to say he wanted sex..it didnt happen?
because what I understand of the phrase is that...ok lets date and see where this goes...if we clicked then we are going to have a relationship,if we wont click then we will stop dating...I dont know if dating includes sex?
because to me..im not going to sleep with a man if he isnt my boyfriend.
dating is just dating.
but I want that both party agrees that we are in a relationship if he isnt telling me that we are in a relationship then no SEX will happen.
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:39:02 PM | To my mind, it's a question of what you're talking about - a first meeting or the view of a relationship.
If the question is, "What should we do on our first date?' and the response is something like, "Well, we'll go to a bar, get to know each other, and then whatever happens, happens." That's looking for sex. It's one meeting - apart from getting to know each other, what else could possibly happen?
If the question is, "Are you looking for a friend or a wife?" and the response is "Whatever happens, happens," then it's being simply a sensible non-committal response about the long term prospects about a currently non-existent relationship. It's polite shorthand for saying, "You don't even know my favorite color yet - and I don't know yours. It's creeping me out that you're sniffing around about a twenty-year plan at this point." | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:42:54 AM | | I think it means, go with the flow, take things as they are, it is what it is, and let it be, see were things go. | |
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