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| | Whatever Happens HappensPage 8 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) |
Well excuse us for being male.
OK, maybe just this once.
As I have always understood it - it means "If we have sex sometime in the future and I disappear, don't hold it against me - I never promised you a rose garden."
Meaning -- No harm, no foul, or "Get Out of Jail FREE" card, or any other way you want to say that the people who utter this phrase want to be pre-excused for any stress they dish out.
I still think sex having anything to do with it when it wasn't mentioned is odd - but then again I'm pretty straightforward so when sex is part of the deal, I don't leave it out of the conversation, either. If it's not mentioned, that's usually because it's not relevant...again, I may be totally unique in that sense, and I don't expect people who don't know me to realize that.
However, rather than it being an excuse for any stress I might deliver, I might instead be saying (again in my case) there's nothing about dealing with me that SHOULD bring stress - especially if you don't know me that well. How can someone you know less than a month honestly have the power to cause you any stress? If any occurs it's probably safe to say you're bringing it on yourself. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/30/2011 4:42:29 PM | Obviously it has everything to do with the context and how exactly something is said.
I've had women ask my overall impression on how this stuff works, and I've said something similar to... "whatever happens, happens". In my mind I was trying to convey that I basically have no expectations at this point. lol If somebody is cool, then I would probably want to be friends with them anyway. So if that's how it works out, that's fine. If more, then great. However, I think where things get screwed up sometimes, is just a sort of 'all or nothing' attitude that some people have. If I go out with somebody... Dig them a lot or not, I will still be focused on them the whole time. And if they ARE cool, but maybe just not quite what I hoped, I would probably still like to spend time with them and remain in communication with them... maybe be friends. Who knows, maybe I'll feel differently someday.
But some people who have the 'all or nothing' attitude, will often make up there minds in 5 seconds, and then after that, it's like you don't exist... They want to have absolutely nothing to do with you. Which I personally think is weird, not to mention, rude. I talked with this one girl numerous times on the phone and we got along great. We touched on how some people can be very selfish, and she mentioned that she thought it was really rude when you go out with a person, and then never hear a word from them again. I agreed, that if you get along fairly well otherwise, then there's no reason why you can't be friends on some level. So I go and meet this girl... Everything seems fine. The next day I see she's deleted me out of her 'friends' list. I'm like... Uhh... OK. Emailed to ask what the problem was... No reply. Which blew me away, seeing as she was just complaining about people doing this very thing to her. Only thing I can think of is that she had this obsession with Chris Cornell, and it was one of those things where I didn't look enough like him or something? Who knows... People are weird. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/30/2011 4:55:07 PM | I have used that phrase before, and when I did use whatever happens, happens, I meant that I would be cool either way if it didn't happen or if it did.
No sweat off of my back. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/30/2011 6:04:46 PM | Whenever I've heard it uttered I've took it to mean that the person is easy-going and willing to just go with the flow, whatever that may be.
It didn't necessarily mean that sex was on the table. But it also didn't mean that it was off it either! | |
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Posted: 1/30/2011 9:25:53 PM | Yes I think this could be read as: the person is not committed to a certain type or behavior so it is up for grabs.
In otherwords if a child asks you: can I have a new bike when we go to the store tommorrow, and you say we will see what happens -the child will read this not receiving a no, means yes or at least I have a chance of winning them over.
If I said this I would mean no expectations, let's get to know each other and take it from there. In my mind this is not an invitation, it is a thought about what I may feel or do in the future. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/31/2011 5:54:06 AM | Positive thought.........
They are open to having something with you.
Maybe something long term and/or meaningful.
Negative thought..
Doesn't really matter to them.
They can take it or leave it........
It's all up to YOUR interpretation as to where you let it go.....IMO. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/31/2011 7:36:23 AM | I would never say whatever happens happens to someone I was really excited about.
I'd also not say, I want to take things slow, I'm not in a hurry, I'm not looking to settle
and all those other catch phrases that translate to me: You seem okei, I could be interested, but I'm not sure so I'll let you know later.
I honestly don't think these things need to be said with someone you really like.
I think they only need to be said when you think you might need an out or you're
honestly not sure how you feel about someone.
I'm not sure how I feel about convincing someone I'm worthy of their attention.
I'd rather someone know right away they'd like to know me and maybe find out
later they don't like me, rather than vice versa.
But that's just me maybe. I'm also like that when I meet people. I either like you or
I don't and I'm interested in pursing something or I'm not. I don't mind if things don't
work out, but I'd like to be excited about trying. | |
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Posted: 1/31/2011 9:59:36 AM | ^^^I totally agree with that, Browneyesboo. I won't say that to someone I really like either, but before I meet someone I simply can't gauge what my interest will be until I get there, so I literally meant it could go a number of ways based on our interest upon actually meeting.
I just can't be excited to meet someone I haven't yet met, I guess. The excitement for me comes from meeting them, being attracted and being curious to know more. I've met enough people from online to have that type of reaction before a face to face meeting. I remember the guy telling me he figured I was meeting him because I was interested in him romantically - which I can't wrap my head around, since I'd never actually met him TO be interested in him in that way. I'd only be able to be interested in what I hope he'd be, at most.
Agreed also that I'm pretty sure in the first couple minutes of meeting someone for the first time whether or not I'm interested. But no matter how hot a guy may look online, my attraction to him can't be determined any other way than face to face.
It's still interesting to see how different people interpret it, though. | |
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Posted: 1/31/2011 10:27:20 AM | | The answer to the original question, given original situation, IMO, had more to do with the dating style of the guy than whether you were really proposing a direction for the date. You may have seen it as a miss-communication and he may have used it as such, but the reality is, I think in this case, he was aggressive and you where not into his aggressiveness. Basically, the guy wanted it and it didn't matter what you said he was going to try to get it. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/3/2011 2:23:04 PM |
He then mentioned that I had said "whatever happens, happens" to him several times before we met.
As I read msg 1 and 3 (which is as far as I read - because I have to dispense wisdom on so many threads) the que sera sera line was said (more than once) during a discussion about a date. As in “we’ll do dinner and then whatever happens, happens.” If that’s the case than I can understand why the man in question might have ordered oysters for dinner. | |
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Posted: 2/3/2011 8:46:21 PM | The history I personally have suffered with this phrase, and those similar to it, has been such that I tend to feel a bit hostile towards it. Too many people I've dealt with, meant that they weren't going to be responsible for their actions, or for anything that I experienced as a result of dealing with them. But I can certainly see where for others, it would be a positive, even gentle kind of encouragement to say that they are open to possibilities. But people accepting responsibility for their choices is VERY important to me, so I'd have to hear exactly HOW someone said this sort of thing, in a context, to decide what my response would be.
I have been in simple situations, such as when some friends and I were traveling to a new place, and weren't sure of how to get there, and someone said that as a light-hearted way to say that they accepted cheerfully the possibility that we might get lost, not get where we were headed, and that we'd make the best of what ever might result, and THAT'S a GREAT way to hear such a statement. In the context of an early date, as described as "we’ll do dinner and then whatever happens, happens,” where what was meant was (again) that the person was open and relaxed about what ever might occur, again, it could be nice. | |
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Posted: 2/3/2011 9:01:14 PM | This is OT...and forgive me, if I'm not using proper netiquette, just let me know. I'm new to the forums. Discussing my "whatever happens, happens" dilemma...
This was posted by
peppermint petunias on 1/31/2011 8 06 AM:
in regards to "whatever happens, happens"
Positive thought.........
They are open to having something with you.
Maybe something long term and/or meaningful.
Negative thought..
Doesn't really matter to them.
They can take it or leave it........
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, I had to go through and read this thread because I was recently told the same thing, "Whatever happens, happens." However, I've been seeing this guy off and on for approx. 4 months. Schedules and distance conflict. However, the chemistry, romance, and everything is off the map when we are together--He even concurs. NO exclusivity has been discussed. I asked him the other night, "OK, so what exactly do you want from me?"....His response, "I'd like to see you often as possible...whatever happens, happens, we'll take it from there. I am 'CRAZY' about you." He's sworn up and down that he's crazy about me.
I had peppermint petunias above positive thought.
But then I keep going to the negative thought..."it doesnt really matter."
And this is throwing me off...big time!! Like, should I even be seeing other people at all? I mean, I'm really really into him. At this point in time, I just feel weird. We've discussed trying to see each other but yet there's our schedules and distance. I've even told him to kick rocks in the past b/c I thought he was playing me but he's kept trying to initiate contact and try to rekindle something. I think he's just trying to play a power trip with me. Any thoughts? Or am I definately trying to read to much into this?
As of the moment, I havent had time with him in quite a few weeks!
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Posted: 2/3/2011 9:02:57 PM | | I also have no idea how that funky cigarette smoking emoticon got there on my above post. my fingers mustve slipped. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/5/2011 3:47:51 PM | I didn't even notice the smoking emoticon until you pointed it out. Shows how oblivious I am to non-word items when reading, I guess.
As to your conundrum about YOUR guy who's saying "whatever happens happens," I would be confused a mite from your perspective as well. My instant blind guess, is that he's not thinking anything more than dating (i.e. that he's going to STAY with a no-commitment policy with you), mainly because of the distance. This isn't to suggest anything bad about him as a person, mind you, just that in the context of a person dealing with a long-distance situation, it would make MOST people pause and hold themselves back.
I don't see from what you said here, how I could interpret his "trying to play a power trip with" you, since as far as you've said, he hasn't ASKED anything of you except for your time. If he called for commitment from you, while withholding his own, THAT might be a power play. It sounds more that he's as undecided as you are, because of the distance.
Are you reading too much into this? In some ways (the power play/manipulative thing), I'd say yes. From what you say, you are actually more manipulating YOURSELF, than anything else, because you are attracted enough to him that you want to talk yourself into being exclusive with someone too far away to see regularly. The trouble with long-distance romance, is that either both people have to LIKE a sporadic romantic existence, or one has to decide to move at some point.
If I were a therapist, I'd suggest you put a stuffed animal, or a picture of yourself, in a chair, and sit down and argue things out. It's YOU who have to decide whether to stick with a long-distance limitation or not, before even broaching the subject of commitment with him. | |
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| Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/5/2011 6:01:04 PM | | Well in my experience, whenever a guy has said that phrase, to them it is code for "we're having sex". | |
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Posted: 2/6/2011 4:28:15 AM | Thought I'd pop back in after an extended period of absence for this one..
There was a time i would have said that phrase with the innocence of the naive.. But nowadays after almost 49 years on the planet i would never say it to a guy unless i wanted him to think that "WHATEVER happens, happens."
In my newly illuminated state of realising more of 'guyspeak" i would immediately expect them to think of the possibility that sex might happen. Or at least that "she" hadn't ruled it out...
In the past 'ive had guys think i "wanted" them simply because i was being friendly in a non sexual, general sort of way. So, knowing that kind of mindset, I wouldn't be meeting them and saying," whatever happens happens. It leaves too much open to interpretation.
As you said when this thread started WIP you told him in no uncertain terms that it was just a meet and he still interpreted wrongly. It doesn't matter what you say with some guys, they will hear what they want to hear, whereas others will hear the message that was intended.
It still bugs the hell out of me though that women now have to specify that they WON'T be putting out on the first meet otherwise many guys will presume that we will...
I'm sorry, but you're wrong, bike. No one, including women, is responsible for what someone else infers. Women (and men, too) can say whatever we like. If somebody reads into it, that's his problem.
Your advice is maddeningly impractical. How exactly would a woman evaluate something she wants to say? How would she make certain that the jerk-off in front of her won't misunderstand, willfully or otherwise? You are actually advising women to take responsibility for what somebody else thinks! Ahhhh... A refreshingly logical response.... Finally... Women are not responsible for how some horny man interprets her words... | |
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Posted: 2/6/2011 9:56:09 AM | I have uttered this statement several times... never once has someone thought I meant sex (at least not to my knowledge.)
When I say it, I mean if something more is meant to come out of it, then it will.. if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to. If I happen to like them enough that I have sex with them? Thats whatll happen.. if I happen to like them enough to pursue a relationship with them? Thats what'll happen. | |
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Posted: 2/6/2011 11:05:14 AM | "whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement. When stating such, you are leaving things "open". Could mean sex. Could mean your gonna get pissed. Could mean ANYTHING. That's what happens when you state an open statement.
If you meant "no expectations", you probably should have stated to this MALE, "no expectations". That IS a simple statement that is right to the point. Exactley what males are capapable of understanding. Speak in morse code,,,,and you will have interpertations. You "may" have meant "no expectations" but instead you said "whatever happens, happens." See the dif????? I'm sure you do now after almost three years in the dating pool.
Personally, "whatever happens,happens" is a statement that I file with "whatever" and "possibley". Doesn't mean squat and shouldn't even be said. Of course if you are selling posters with generic cliches on them, it would be a good seller,,,,,,to women. | |
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Posted: 2/6/2011 12:54:07 PM |
Well in my experience, whenever a guy has said that phrase, to them it is code for "we're having sex".
Yes, I've heard it said in that way too, but usually in Joey Tribiani fashion; with an eyebrow raise and followed by "yanno what I mean"?
When I say it, I mean if something more is meant to come out of it, then it will.. if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to. If I happen to like them enough that I have sex with them? Thats whatll happen.. if I happen to like them enough to pursue a relationship with them? Thats what'll happen.
Exactly. Same as death or finding a million dollars being possible on a date (or more accurately in this case, a "meet"), but not best expected initially.
Whatever Happens Happens = Keep Your Expectations In Check
Yes, exactly. And to be fair, before I know anyone real well, my expectations are in check as well (if there are any).
"whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement. When stating such, you are leaving things "open". Could mean sex. Could mean your gonna get pissed. Could mean ANYTHING. That's what happens when you state an open statement.
Exactly. Means anything from everything to nothing. Means "go with it".
If you meant "no expectations", you probably should have stated to this MALE, "no expectations". That IS a simple statement that is right to the point. Exactley what males are capapable of understanding. Speak in morse code,,,,and you will have interpertations. You "may" have meant "no expectations" but instead you said "whatever happens, happens." See the dif????? I'm sure you do now after almost three years in the dating pool.
I do say "no expectations" a lot, in talking, on meets, even on dates - I am a fan of saying that. I may have said it to this dude too, I don't remember. The phrase I asked about was what he caught, and interpreted it how he did, and it's the thing I remember saying at this point a couple years later.
P.S. You may mean three decades around the dating pool. I've been single and dating since I was in my early teens...
Personally, "whatever happens,happens" is a statement that I file with "whatever" and "possibley". Doesn't mean squat and shouldn't even be said. Of course if you are selling posters with generic cliches on them, it would be a good seller,,,,,,to women.
Agreed. It should go with saying that there are a million ways a first meet can go, and one should take it for what it is only - so there's no reason to point it out. I tend to say something like that as more of a conversational thing, not a warning. | |
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Posted: 2/6/2011 8:10:39 PM | | I never thought this statement implied that someone was looking for sex. I think one possible meaning is this person is okay or content with the all possible outcomes from a given situation. | |
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