| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/28/2008 12:40:23 AM | I would think by not having your ex any longer in your life, other than you both share a child, would be a weight off your shoulders. The fact he wasn't honest, didn't show you respect in the time you where together, do you think he really cares or thinks about you? I would let go of any resentment, bitterness, hate since it will eat you alive, and make a choice to be in charge of your life. Say to yourself today is the day I'M IN CONTROL. The man will repeat his patterns to this current woman, and you can be happy you don't have to dwell in his behaviour.
Move on, celebrate your new life, find a decent & honest boyfriend, find a good therapist, drink champagne and let all the stuff your holding on, is worth letting go. Its your choice to hang on or move on, but your ex has won the emotional battle, since you're allowing to feel bitterness as you hold on to negative emotions. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:11:52 AM |
chioneso wrote:
> I am glad to be rid of him. He was a lying, cheating, irresponsible, weak-charactered
> and unprincipled guy, it turned out but I feel really unhappy that he seems to have
> found happiness while my life is such a mess and because of him.
If he truly is as you say... then his happiness will only be short lived.
And in the meantime, the best revenge is to give gratitude he's gone, to take
good care of yourself, and to focus on what brings you happiness to your life.
Richard Milhouse Nixon onces said, "....those who hate you don’t win unless
you hate them. And then you destroy yourself."
So don't compound what he did by just wallowing in misery and only now
further victimizing yourself ! Purge your anger as soon as is reasonably
possible. Not at all for his benefit, but rather so that you yourself can
otherwise put your focus of thought on those things which will attract
more happiness into your own life.
And when you're happy, then you just won't much give a darn how this ex
from your past is doing any more. It just will no longer matter.
So truly, shift your focus.... not so much any more on how he's done you
wrong (which really does nothing to him and only now victimizes yourself by
just keeping you stuck), and to otherwise use those same energies to
repeatedly focus on what you want for yourself for your own happiness.
And that's really what we mean when we say "take care of yourself".
After all, when you're in a hole, who the heck cares how you got there?
What counts now is how you focus your thoughts for solution to get out --
focus on what will bring happiness into your own life now.
Hope that shift of perspective is of some help,
Apolinary | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:45:46 AM | The Danger Zone said, message 13:
Why does it matter what he is doing now? He has just as much right as you to be happy and you should be thrilled for him. Is he really this engrossed in your personal life still? To me it sounds as if he has moved on and you are jealous over everything that he has and you do not have.
IE: The big wedding, a new life and a new chance at happiness.
Maybe you should spend more time concentrating on yourself and less time concentrating on him.....
It matters what he is doing now because he hurt her terribly and at one time she loved him. She's still emotionally devastated. Why should she be thrilled for him? That's an absurd, irrational thing to expect her to be and I doubt a saint could be thrilled for him. That's unnatural and ridiculous to expect someone to feel little for someone else they once loved and to just "move on" as if they never mattered. Frankly, it's the antisocial, conscience-less, cold blooded individuals who can move on easily, as if their partner never mattered that are the mental cases to be avoided like the plague.
The one who is hurt, grieving, crying, whining, and having a little difficulty moving on after a serious, long term relationship or marriage is "normal." The one who is referred to as "needy" because they are showing their emotion and grieving normally is the more healthy individual.
It's popular these days to act as if one should simply "move on" without expressing much emotion, without feeling sorrow. Well, the truth is that this is hubris. I hope that no one buys this baloney.
And yes, the OP should spend more time focusing on herself because it does appear as if she is better off without the loser in question, but she will still need an appropriate amount of time to vent and grieve this thing in its entirety. It is good that she is doing so. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/28/2008 6:00:30 AM | The best thing for you is to forgive and move on.being bitter makes you no better than the animal he was.Let him see you happy and that will be for the best if he sees you.If he chooses to carry on the life he lived with another woman thats his choice.You are safe and happy and well rid.
I had a serious situation with my x husband many years ago...nearly lost my life..It took me a long time to forgive and move on. when I did I found myself and was happy than I ever thought poss.
good luck on your path through life. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/28/2008 6:19:12 AM | OP you are better off without him...I have been where you are. Get both the homewreckers off the street and remember water seeks its own level. I know its hard not to hear about all the details but do just that...stop anyone that wants to disclose any deep dark dirty details. You can take back your life and get a grip on the hurt they have caused. Ignore them both! The fact that he had no respect for you continuing these relationships while in the sanctity of marriage, sets the same precedence she will encounter. What goes around comes around. She will start to question any female relationships he has outside of her too. Hang in there and take some classes or a new hobby...it always helps to move on. That which doesn't kill us makes us grow stronger. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/28/2008 6:30:10 AM | OP read your profile and many of your post ~
This hurt and anger you feel is very normal and you must work thru it like we all do ~
regarding the man in question ~ sounds like he was not as deeply involved in the church scene as you were. ~ you need to lighten up there or find a man as deeply committed as you seem to be , ~
while I am a christian for lack of a better word ~ more spiritical then religous ~ matter of "church" bore me to tears and find little in common with the 100% attendance church goers.
You don't want someone like myself ~ it just would not work well. ~ Sounds like what you was involve with . ~
Your strong faith is there to get you through it ~ and the best of luck ~
Sorry to hear he's not paying support of showing interest in the child ~ thats sad ~
He's either not truly interested or he doesn't wish to deal with you ~ in either case is sad for the child. ~ dar | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/28/2008 6:30:22 AM | A happy person doesn't ever wish ill on another.
You need to find happiness, not in outside sources, but with yourself.
People really don't change.
Remember, if he found someone like himself, or that puts up with his bullsh*t, he WILL be happy.
Stop spending so much of your precious time on wondering about him and his happiness.
This sneaking around stuff is probably what makes him feel big and important. As soon as he settles in with this woman, he will again be bored and need to find what "charges" him and will be doing it under the radar yet again.
Move on and enjoy what time you have left in this world, life is too short for how you are spending it!!
hugs | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/28/2008 6:36:38 AM | | interested in the responses as much as the original diatribe.....we are getting one perspective of the situation and that is no basis to decide whether he is guilty of the crime he has committed..purortedly...need some balance here...tho he could be The Heartbreak kid..lol | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:44:41 PM | you say you have nothing , but you have your freedom from him ! your free to be who you should have been all along , free to live,love and enjoy life ,free to grieve the loss of your mum without being made to feel wrong for doing so , he wasn't bothered about your feelings when you were together so why be surprised that he isnt bothered now , if you need to feel anything feel sorry for the woman hes marrying -as you know what shes signing up for ,and be grateful its no longer you  it took a long time for you to get out of that situation and you ow it to yourself and your children to cut it loose and let it go ,whatever he does from now on is his business -you've got your own life to lead -so be strong , and go be the person you should always have been . | |
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