| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:58:51 PM | The OP started this thread with a simple question. At what point should she allow someone she is dating to meet her son? That's it. Now the rules of engagement are simple enough. Stick to the topic and that's it.
Personally, as a single parent I am getting incredibly sick of seeing people beat up on single moms who are trying to make something out of their lives. The OP in this situation is going to college and working her ass off to better herself. Further she appears to have her situation covered as far as child care, income and local family available to help out.
Yet, you choose to judge her and tell her when she can date. Exactly when did you become her boss? When did it become your place to control her life and tell her what to do, when to do, and who to do? Get over it. The OP has made her choice and she is happy with it. Now it's our turn to let her live her life... | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:00:04 PM |
its not right to judge a person you dont even know. this girl is just stating her thoughts as are you
He should have stepped a little more carefully around the subject...but in his defense the "shut up" comment was a little harsh. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:01:10 PM |
its not right to judge a person you dont even know. this girl is just stating her thoughts as are you
Telling someone that it's a mistake to do something isn't necessarily judging them. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:03:44 PM |
The OP started this thread with a simple question. At what point should she allow someone she is dating to meet her son?
And a few people gave the simple answer of "not at all right now." She and a few others didn't like that answer and that's what started the butthurt fever around here.
Yet, you choose to judge her and tell her when she can date. Exactly when did you become her boss? When did it become your place to control her life and tell her what to do, when to do, and who to do? Get over it.
This is real easy.
If someone doesn't want to hear people's opinions, they shouldn't start a thread asking for them.
Or, if they only want to hear opinions they agree with, they should state that right up front. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:08:22 PM | The OP on this thread was more than happy to hear opinions on the subject it was requested on. However, many people choose to elaborate further than was requested. Yes, I agree that if you start a thread you must deal with the opinions as they are and not whine about them.
However, in this instance, individuals are going beyond the original question to vocalize an opinion on a related subject. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:23:57 PM | I think ultimately, the OP will make the right choice, cause, well, she knows whats best for her and her baby. The fact she asked on the forums for opinions demonstrates she is mature enough to make the right choice.
Opinions are only opinions until they are forced on to others, at which point they become...I'm not sure...propaganda maybe?  | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:34:21 AM |
responded by telling you that you probably shouldn't even be dating
that's just it. NOBODY asked your opinon on what you thought of me dating. So stick to the original topic. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:41:31 AM | | Let the person know you have a child but I wouldn't bring them around your child until you know if you are going to date this person for a long period of time. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:35:18 PM | NOBODY asked your opinon on what you thought of me dating. So stick to the original topic.
You did NOT ask us to tell you which choice, of the two you were considering, that you should make. You asked for opinions in general (ie, "any opinions?"), because you stated you didn't know what to do with your baby dilemma. I thought both choices you were considering stunk and gave you a third (and so did a few other people in this thread), which was that the obvious solution to your problem was to not date for a few more months at least. Baby dilemma solved.
Again, I'm sorry that our opinions got you all butthurt, but it was not even remotely off-topic.
Word your posts a little more specifically next time if you want more specific opinions, because yours wasn't. You got what you asked for. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:14:37 PM | I thought both choices you were considering stunk and gave you a third (and so did a few other people in this thread), which was that the obvious solution to your problem was to not date for a few more months at least. Baby dilemma solved.
hm...Baby dilemma solved until she started dating again, and still didn't have a clear answer on her original post.
Again, I'm sorry that our opinions got you all butthurt, but it was not even remotely off-topic.
Word your posts a little more specifically next time if you want more specific opinions, because yours wasn't. You got what you asked for.
Did you read the same OP as I did...here let me bring you back to page 1
Okay, so I haven't really dated since I had my son, but i'm just curious on wether or not I should bring him into a new relationship or if I should wait to see if me and the other person could actually work out before bringing him around the baby. I feel that I shouldn't be bringing my son around a bunch of different men, however I don't want to be with someone and then after I bring the baby around they realize they can't handle it... any opinions?
Now how exactly is that not specific. She was simply asking that when she did start dating, what would your opinion be on bringing the baby around - not when she should start dating again. So it was completely off topic, and an unwanted opinion as it didn't relate to the thread.
(Am I being hypocritical? Slightly because I have stated my views on the other discussions in the thread, but I also didn't go on about how my posts were completely on-topic when they weren't) | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:51:49 PM | The point was that the solution to the BABY dilemma was to wait until the BABY isn't a BABY anymore. You don't have to worry about freaking some guy out with a baby if your frickin' baby isn't a frickin' baby any more. Yeah, you'll still have to worry about guys getting freaked by having a kid--but not even close to as much. In other words, she wouldn't have to worry about this problem (or not nearly as much) if she waited an appropriate amount of time. Is that any clearer? That couldn't be any more on-topic and related to her issue. Everyone's just having a cow about it because part of giving that answer is admitting that we--GASP--don't agree with her behavior.
But whatever. I'm done. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:58:29 PM | | Where does this logic come from? If a person has a problem with kids, they will have the problem no matter what the age... According to that statement adam, she will be able to date when this child is raised, through college, has a job, marries and begins to raise his own children. Brilliant.... | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:38:25 PM | | the danger zone. i couldnt agree with you more. there is no reason why a person should put their life on hold just because the have a child. to expect a person to do that is irrational. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:01:00 PM | *flashes the ManCard to bouncers at the entrance to AskDoodes*
Now how exactly is that not specific. She was simply asking that when she did start dating, what would your opinion be on bringing the baby around - not when she should start dating again.
Precisely!
OP never even said that she is about to start dating... her question was rather specific, and she got lots of angry moralizing.
Hey, life must look good from the soapbox...
*hides the ManCard as she walks away*
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:49:51 AM | Kids are a huge responsibility, and I have made a lifestyle decision that if I never have my own kids, I won't bother with kids at all. Id rather travel or persue new hobbies than waste my time with kids that aren't in my genetic downline.
I am just not interested in being involved with kids that aren't mine, unless I was a single father, im not hyprocrittical about it.
Just a peronal lifestyle decision, and I know some single mums are great people who acheive a lot, my hat goes off to them. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:56:54 PM |
Okay, so I haven't really dated since I had my son, but i'm just curious on wether or not I should bring him into a new relationship
I personally would not mind if I was dating someone who already had children of their own. If the guy you're dating can't handle that, then let him find something that his ego CAN handle. I think the guys that do run away from this scenario is:
1.) They think you're damaged goods since THEY weren't the ones who fathered the child/children. <---Selfish
2.) Just the fact that THEY aren't going to be the first to have a child with you(should you decide to have another child) <---Selfish
3.)They feel jealous that most of your attention will, in fact, go towards the baby(naturally) and not towards them. <--aaaand Selfish!
If a man is not able to handle 'just' the fact that you've already had a child and it did not originally involve him, then it's better to know that up front rather than you already investing time and emotion into the relationship, and he turns out to be a d ick about it.
To answer your question hun, It's better to let them know up front that you have a child. That way if it's too much to bear for them, they obviously proved that they weren't the type you're looking for. That's just it though, simply let him know this fact and only when you feel comfortable with him in your life and even more-so, in your child's life, should you literally introduce him to your child(ren).
-Christian | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:44:43 PM |
1.) They think you're damaged goods since THEY weren't the ones who fathered the child/children. <---Selfish
2.) Just the fact that THEY aren't going to be the first to have a child with you(should you decide to have another child) <---Selfish
3.)They feel jealous that most of your attention will, in fact, go towards the baby(naturally) and not towards them. <--aaaand Selfish!
letsgetlost - I do not understand your logic at all.
1.) They have a right to think of her in a certain way. Since they did not father the child, why would they have an obligation, need or want to be with her. It is not their responsibility nor their obligatioin to feel sympathy for her in that way.
2.) Why would a man not have a desire or want to start his own family and not create or be a part of a family that has different fathers or other complications that may come with a blended family. Raising your owns kids are tough enough as it is.
3.) A single mom has to pay most of her attention to her children since they are her #1 priority. A single man has the right to want to be in a relationship where he is totally devoted to the woman he loves, and she in return, can be totally devoted to him until they jointly decide to have children together.
The world of a single mom may be difficult and complicated, but society in no way is obligated to be part of her world. Please tell me where you get this logic? | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:55:41 AM | 1.) They think you're damaged goods since THEY weren't the ones who fathered the child/children. <---Selfish
2.) Just the fact that THEY aren't going to be the first to have a child with you(should you decide to have another child) <---Selfish
3.)They feel jealous that most of your attention will, in fact, go towards the baby(naturally) and not towards them. <--aaaand Selfish!
WoW, you are the ultimate nice guy who women will walk all over, you'll see, you are only young and have no idea.
It's not selfish at all not to take interest in someone elses kid, it goes against my lifestyle choices. Plus I don't look at single mums as 'damaged goods' I know a few and they are great people.
There is nothing wrong with me not wanting to put a large chunk of my resources into a kid who isn't mine. Im honest about what I want. When I tell a single mum im not interested in being involved with her kids, she actually appreciates my honesty. I am not going to use them like some guys might.
Everyone has to have some degree of selfishness, otherwise, why would people bother persuing their goals and interests in life? Just be a doormat instead and give up your time, goals etc to try to look 'nice' | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:36:42 AM |
I thought these forums were for giving advice? I'm fully aware of my age and don't need everyone telling me, "Oh you're 19 and have a kid" and bla bla bla. But if it makes you feel better to critisize others.. than have at it.
People are not being mean; your age is a huge factor. Many young girls are having unprotected sex and having kids. You are now an adult whether you want to admit it, and because you've had a child, you've given up some of your young adult hood. Girls your age are dating different guys, shopping with friends and doing the college life. You've given that up.
Many women your age have a child, then they just act like nothing has changed and they try to keep their same lifestyle.
Again, stabilize your life, create a future for your child, and then worry about dating. Having a kid at your age, has now put dating far down the totem pole. Your needs dont' matter as much anymore, but your childs does.
As far as when you are ready for dating, be honest and don't bring those around your child until it's a relationship. I wish you well. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:10:45 AM | ^^^Who's to say she has given up college, shopping and dating? Nowhere is it written that just because a woman has a child she can't go to college. She can't spend time with friends. She can't date.
People on here are treating the OP as if she is a Leper just because she has a child. Maybe people should take a long hard look in the mirror before they judge someone else... | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:07:05 PM | Who's to say she has given up college, shopping and dating? Nowhere is it written that just because a woman has a child she can't go to college. She can't spend time with friends. She can't date.
Dangerzone that is what Mthomjmark meant when he said:
Many women her age have a child then they just act like nothing has changed and they try to keep their same lifesyle.
If she does go to college she will not be able to experience the whole college life style, there is a reason why babies can't live in the dorm, all her shopping has to be done with her child in mind and dating well....I have no idea how a single mom with an infant has time to date. I hardly do and I am single with no children. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:26:48 PM | There is a lot of time to date as a single parent or not...you just have to make it. There is a lot of time for a lot of stuff, if you make the time for it which, apparently, you don't pride-of-la. That's a "you" problem, not anyone elses. If the OP (or any single parent) wants to make time to date, so be it. I know a lot of single parents who are going to college, working, shopping when they want, and dating, all while not neglecting their child at all. It's all about time/money management and making the best of the time you have. Yes it's not as easy as if they didn't have a child, but they still do it, and enjoy life. Yes I agree it's not the same experiance as dorm life, but not everyone is into that kind of life, seen it, I don't think I'd be able to handle it myself, even when I was 19/20. I'm a single parent of two children (which is a lot more difficult than one infant/baby), but I make the time and money to go out at least once a week, baby sitters are a wonderful thing.
On a side note : I've always loved how people without kids think they know what is right and wrong. I especially love advice on how to raise children from people with no experiance as parents. Some of it is helpful, and some of it is just complete bullsh!t. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:03:31 PM | Going to college, working, shopping when they want, all those things takes time away from a child. And being a single parent you have to work harder to be both mom and dad to your child. You are away from your child when you go to school. You are away from your child when you are working, you are away from your child when you go shopping, and the little time you have left after all that, you choose to date?
I am very busy with classes I like to take, my job, volunteer work, paying bills, organizing my house etc.......and I hardly have time to date. But I guess if dating is all you're concerned about....then you would have plenty of time to date. | |
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