| Sexual Predicament
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:18:55 AM | hey april
my thoughts are that he is nervous about something or.....just isnt into it. it happens. Ive had partners where the sex was just phenominal, constant and fun - and still others that were just boring -- try and stay away from those because if the sex is lacking, chances are the rest of the relationship will have its issues.
that and well, you're pretty hot, so I know it can't be an issue of attraction.
C | |
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| Sexual Predicament
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:21:49 AM | | Just because YOU think she's hot doesn't mean the BF is still attracted to her. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2008 11:25:27 AM | | oooooooook.....then whose problem is that? the bfs. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2008 11:31:55 AM | Just my 2 cents .... his age tells me alot ... he's bored and doesn't want to keep the fires burning so to speak ... too much work. I would recommend one last try to rock his world, if he does not respond then ... move on!
Sorry
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Posted: 5/1/2008 11:34:18 AM | | i nkow you dont belivev that when there is a will there is a way.check up on him look for signs because hes never had this problem befor watch your back and dont be nieve. | |
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Posted: 5/1/2008 12:09:15 PM | "run for the hills" I mean what is that teaching her? The lesson here is how to weed out what is unacceptable. | |
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Posted: 5/1/2008 12:15:30 PM | aprilrain.......do yourself a favour, and ditch the guy.........especially if hes stating that 'many women control men with sex' OMG get a life....ffs.........not unless of course it doesnt bother you his actions, however it seems that this posting says it all...you need a partner who wants the same as you, otherwise it will never work....... | |
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Posted: 5/1/2008 3:50:45 PM | | sounds like he is using you, must be doing a number on you self image , 4-6 minutes is lame | |
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Posted: 5/1/2008 7:50:38 PM | | Quit asking. Generally if you turn around and walk the other way they will come running after you. | |
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| Sexual Predicament
Posted: 5/1/2008 10:05:34 PM | Three minutes isn't all that strange obviously from what I've read and heard. Scientists did a study and interviewed a large cross section of women to find out what the best time for "good sex" was. Here is a quote from one article on the findings.:
"When it comes to time and vaginal penetration and ejaculation, the average for "too short" was rated as 1 to 2 minutes. "Adequate" was 3 to 7 minutes. "Desirable" was 7 to 13 minutes. And "too long" was 10 minutes to 30 minutes. What we concluded is that intercourse that lasts from about 3 to 13 minutes is considered the norm."
I think it varies depending on the situation you're in when you have sex as well as other factors. People must be watching too many adult movies if they think actual intercourse should last for hours. Remember they loop parts of the scenes to make people think that it lasts 30 minutes, not to mention they eat Viagra like smarties. Any woman I've talked to hates how uncomfortable sex is after it lasts too long and too long isn't hours or even an close to one hour for that matter. | |
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Posted: 5/1/2008 10:48:06 PM | So ... do you love him enough to live with a crappy sex life forever? I mean ... people try to make it seem like sex isn' t that important in a relationship but lets get down to the nitty gritty here folks.
sex is important.
and if you're not gettin what you need and he's only doin it to get it over with then its just a matter of how long you two are going to waste each other's time.
oh.. and don't think just because he's got no time for you doesn't mean he's got no time for others. either he's gettin it on the side or his junk's fallen off.
you figure it out. you know the answer. | |
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Posted: 5/1/2008 11:39:22 PM | My bf of a yr. doesn't last very long in bed (we're talking probably like 4-6 minutes usually… Is 4-6 minutes acceptable? … It seems that sex is more like a chore to him. I don't understand it, and he says he doesn't think it's right that men let women control them with sex. (Seducing, etc) … Don't you make sure the woman is satisfied often before yourself?
Ms. Aprilrain: Yes, for a man to last four to six minutes in bed is not only acceptable, it’s quite commendable! Perhaps it JUST SEEMS like a chore for him, but bear in mind, he is putting in the effort to go beyond the standard male 2 or 3 minute barrier. And he is doing so despite his resentment toward women because he thinks they are in control of the sexual dynamics of a relationship. Agreed, he is only twentysomething and in top shape, but he has to overcome a deep-rooted psychological fear he hides from you of not getting too emotionally close to anyone, and he has to do it when he's naked in front of you.
So actually, he is doing the work of two men, so you might as well schedule a threesome involving one of your hottest girlfriends. And since you are looking for more satisfaction, I suggest that after the lovin’, you immediately cook him a nice hot meal and hand him the television remote. You will feel so much better knowing that you are repaying his efforts at doing double duty. (And with your girlfriend being there, you two can yak-yak-yak as you do the dinner dishes so he can gather his strength for yet another 5 minute marathon by relaxing in front of the ball game in blessed silence. I mean, ... without any distractions.) It’s a win-win situation for both of you! Um, I mean, all three of you… a win-win-win situation…
Now, be thinking of which of your girlfriends he’s always asking about, then learn a new exciting way to prepare filet mignon, then go buy some really shameful lingerie. Remember, there's no need to thank me for helping bring a fresh perspective on your love life with Mr. Wonderful. He will be thanking your girlfriend enough for everyone.
(That is, if he isn't already doing that behind your back, and now in his mind YOU are less-interesting and secondary and not worth much effort. Translated: He's young and healthy, you say he enjoys sex but that he only needs a few minutes of it. True--if he's getting an hour of it somewhere else...)
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Posted: 5/2/2008 2:58:54 AM | If you were in NY I'd think you were dating my ex. Honestly? After a year I don't think it will get better. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if the two people involved are not on the same page the resentment will escalade - my opinion, based on my experience.
Good luck to you, whatever choice you make. | |
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Posted: 5/2/2008 7:10:08 AM | If I were you, I'd be less concerned about how long he lasts (4-5 min is in the normal range according to everything I've read and experienced) and more concerned about his lack of concern to make things better for you. The best sex comes from lovers who put their partner first! He sounds selfish.
I've been with men like that and I can assure you, they normally don't change. | |
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Posted: 5/2/2008 8:24:34 AM | | There's a lot of talk about what hoops the man has to jump through to please a woman in bed but what about the effort the woman should be putting into it? Selfishness in bed works both ways. | |
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Posted: 5/3/2008 2:50:18 PM | He has power issues...
1)Either dump his controlling butt and save yourself some grief, or 2) tell him you aren't satisfied in bed and need him to cooperate to enhance the experience for you.
2a)You two can try a start-and stop-method where when he gets close he pulls out and you have no contact with it for a few minutes... get him going again and then stop again. The key here is for him to realize that his orgasm will be much bigger with this kind of build up --TRUTH!!!!
Get good at it, you both may be in for an all day tease then BLAST-OFF!!!
He may be open to that if you tell him that you will be starting up again.
2b)You two figure out how to get you off before he even gets started. If he can't even manage to be open to that, definitely dump his boring, sorry, selfish butt!
edit: He knows women can get off several times before we have to call it quits, doesn't he?
Some young guys believe that a woman's body works just like his. Make sure he knows.
Ah..Fu(k it! Dump his sorry ass! | |
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Posted: 5/15/2008 7:19:57 AM | | To sinesthesia... have you ever recieved anal sex yourself? Guys can change positions and last longer. There are alternatives to" wam bam thank u mam". I would be clock watching too if I knew I was only gonna get a few minutes . The couple just needs to communicate and if there can't be a happy compromise in the bedroom then the relationship may have to be ended. A good relationship has many facets and if sex is very important to you then it is your decision to make. | |
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Posted: 5/15/2008 7:28:53 AM | | Sounds like it's more of a case that he's not taking care of your needs than how long he lasts. Personally, as long as I'm 'satisfied' I couldn't care less how long my man lasts...lol! Try talking to him about your needs and if he doesn't care enough to try and improve and make sure you're happy then move on. Sex isn't everything but it is a big part! | |
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Posted: 5/15/2008 8:26:55 AM | My advice to you is that if he does not care whether you are satisfied or not, dump him,and for a man and not a selfish boy. Any guy that puts his pleasure before the womans is not only missing the best experiences in the world, he is a selfish loser. Any man you get with should make damm sure ALL of your needs are taken care of before he even THINKS of satisfying himself, we all know most guys either want to roll over and go to sleep or go work on the truck as soon as they are done. Even tho I am from the US, in my travels around the world both in the Marines and with the govt. our men just either do not get it or don't care. Good luck dear, just think that if you stay with this guy it will get LESS, not more. Thats no life,  | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 11:14:02 AM | | Just tell him he's not half as good as your old boyfriend or even close to your next one | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 11:19:51 AM | | IMO, if he isn't giving you what you need & refuses to do so, then you should find someone who will (i.e. break up with him). No one should be forced to endure a loveless, or in this case a somewhat sexless relationship. | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 11:32:26 AM | If your BF isn't prepared to discuss or work on the sex issue...then say goodbye.
I've been through something similiar. My ex husband made every excuse in the book not to have sex, which resulted in a sexless marriage for several years. Turns out the old fellar was doing his girlfriend.
If it isn't a medical issue, then there is probably something going on behind your back. If he's not willing to resolve the matter, then he's just not that into you. | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 11:41:04 AM | The fact is that you and this young man could learn together how to make love in a way that satisfies you both. That will only happen if you get more information, blame is banished to the basement, and you have fun trying different things until you find something that works. It is only possible if both of you care about each other and are willing to try.
The fact is that a man of twenty cannot easily control how long he lasts. He can change this with practice and a willing partner, but it takes a while. If you get focussed on, "you don't last long enough" he will feel blamed and you will not get what you want. That can start a downward spiral that will not take you where you want to go. It is much better for you to take responsibility for finding out what different things get you off and asking him to do them once you do. Oral, hand, toys are all good, so I hear. As a previous poster mentioned, being grateful for what he does do is a lot better than being angry about what he does not, if you want the relationship to last.
If you take the pressure off and keep it off, then either it is working for you or it is not. If he is uncooperative, continues comments that indicate he is angry, or does not get on board with your program, kick him to the curb and get a man that sees your needs and wants as a pleasure, not a burden. | |
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Posted: 6/27/2008 11:46:43 AM | He has stated that he doesn't think men should let women control them using sex. Perhaps this is his way of maintaining control. If he is the one to limit sex (where usually it is the female that dictates the frequency), then he is the one in power.
If this assessment is accurate, it would suggest some underlying issues. A feeling of powerlessness resulting in behaviors to recapture and maintain control and power. He might also be or become controlling in other ways.
Anyway, a lot of other people have said this already, but I agree with them. If he is unable or unwilling to compromise, and you are not satisfied in your relationship, it's time to get out. Good luck. Be safe and take care. | |
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