| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:27:17 PM | I don't think they should divide the class. All kids need information about the other sex.
I would suspect that it's a combination of being slightly uncomfortable talking/hearing about things in front of the opposite sex AND from a "old man" this teacher is perhaps a bit more detailed or graphic than your son is used to. When I was in HS they pulled out a display case of contraceptives, told us why we bled, and why we had hair in places we shouldn't. Period.
I am a big supporter of no holds barred correct information sharing. I'd rather have my kid slightly uncomfortable and educated than finding out how the body works from friends.
My kids are 9,5 & 4 this year and I've always answered everything about their bodies or mine, or their brothers or sisters, that they wanted to know with the intention of being able to have honest and open conversations with them in the future about whatever they need to know.
Please be sure the teacher was being inappropriate before making any accusations. In this day and age.. it only takes an accusation to ruin a career.
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:21:52 PM | I've already promised my son that I won't say anything to the school about this. He was uncomfortable with the comments, but has decided that that's just this guy's style. It did cross my mind that he might be one of those people who is working with kids because he likes them a bit too much, but after listening to the circumstances, I've come to the conclusion that he's trying to get down to the kids' level. It wouldn't be my first choice of teaching styles for a topic like this, but it doesn't seem to be dangerous, which was my first concern.
I still don't think you should keep the sexes together for these discussions, out of respect for privacy, but I wouldn't advocate not teaching them the same things. The girls can learn about what the boys do, but without the boys being there. I can only imagine sitting with a mixed group of people (colleagues, let's say) and a health worker is brought in to describe how women masturbate. I would be uncomfortable having my male colleagues sitting in for that lecture, so why would I think that that would be okay for a group of children? | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:13:07 PM | | Surely we should be teaching children the ability to openly communicate with the opposite sex when it comes to sex. Segregation will not help this. | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:16:37 AM | I'm actually a little concerned that this teacher/parent would be cleaning this up after their son.
I mean... where is the son doing this that they would have to clean it up?
I know my son does most of his own laundry, and I don't exactly go into his room looking for this kind of thing.
I'm thinking if the teacher/parent is finding evidence of this activity elsewhere, then explaining masterbation to the class isn't the biggest problem!!! | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:26:48 AM |
Surely we should be teaching children the ability to openly communicate with the opposite sex when it comes to sex. Segregation will not help this.
Maybe, but have we been teaching in this open an atmosphere long enough to make an assessment? Young girls are far more promiscuous now than they've ever been in the past, and they are having sex with random boys who aren't boyfriends. Is there a correlation? Perhaps there have been studies done on this matter and that you're right but I don't really know.
Again, I wouldn't want this imposed on me as an adult with a group of men that I happen to be with out of circumstance, like work or school. How many people would want that?
Yes, it is weird that someone is cleaning up after their son...It should be a private thing that the son knows to keep private out of respect for the dad and himself. Again, things are changing. | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:59:31 AM | that's a tough one. I tease my eldest boy about talking about sex, my favorite line is simply "if you can't talk to your partner about it, without blushing, you shouldn't be doing it." Now is that right or wrong, in my house it works,  | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:27:48 AM | I agree with you. Children get embarassed by adults when they talk about sexual topics. Yes, children need to know about what happens to their bodies and they need to know about sex. However, come on people 14 is a child ! You do not have to be public about everything we do not have to accept everything. Maybe that is why so many children are having children. The school and a christian school is over stepping. I am a mother that cares and loves my three children we as parents need to stand up and tell our children what is apporiate not the schools. I know you are not going to agree with me and hey that is fine. I like being old fashioned there is nothing wrong with it. | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:47:35 AM | Maybe youth are both sexually more promiscuous - But highly unlikely!
More likely things are more openly talked about.... Girls aren't sent away when they get pregnant, maybe there isn't the horrific amount of shame that befell women in previous generations. Maybe it also has stopped the deadly back alley coat hanger abortions?
Maybe openly discussing masturbation allows young people to realize that it is natural for both men and women to do. Masturbation isn't something for people to be ashamed of.
Just because things aren't the way they were when you were a kid, doesn't mean things are wrong. Just different. Guess what your parents were likely convinced that things were wrong when you were in school because they were different than what they learned.
If you are that convinced the education system is wrong.......... take your kid out of school and do the home school thing. Otherwise allow the education system to do their job as they see fit in the current age of society.
I know when I was your son's age, there was maybe 2-3 girls who were sexually active in the public school........ however it was really easy for the boys to get the catholic girls into bed. That was the biggest joke around......... how easy the catholics are! All this rhetoric about how prim and proper the catholic students were, yet their behaviours showed otherwise. As I recall there were more pregnant catholic school girls than public school girls..........
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:00:05 AM | ok here is my feeling on this......
your son is 14 and should have been taught all this already at home so that he wouldnt feel un-comfy with it being from a teacher. Yes kids are in sex ed in school but they should be taught about it at home along with at school and they should have been taught it before the age of 14 if you ask me. There are a lot of kids at 14 who are having sex, and wana know why???? because they were not taught from home about sex and so forth.
I also dont believe in waiting tell you are married to have sex, I mean dont get me wrong I would rather that for my daughter but if she is not married before she has sex I am not going to look down on her for it. I also dont want my daughter having sex at the age of 14 but that is her choice in life what she does with it. But I will damn well teach her all there is about sex and not hold anything back because I dont think it is appropraite (sp) for her to know. Kids now a days need to know about every std out there, all the diffrent birth controls, all the diffrent types of condom's. And everything else there is to know, and as long as your child knows about it all and you are truthful in it then you can later say "well my child didnt know" because you should have taught them.
It is like teaching your child life in general, the schools teach some things that they need in life but 90% of it comes from learning at home. And that is your job as a parent, and if you feel that you cant teach them about it then allow the school to teach them about it to protect themself.
Now dont get me wrong I am not saying that the way the teacher put it is the right way or anything, I mean the one remark about "having to clean up after his son" was wrong only because of the fact that he doesnt need to be shareing his childs sexual life you mise well say, but as for talking about materbation children need to know this, they need to know about everything that is going on with their body and if that is how the teacher felt was the best way to explaine it they hey let him be. If the child was taught right at home about this stuff then he/she would not have been uncomfrotable, they would have just blown it off. | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/30/2008 10:16:19 AM |
but have we been teaching in this open an atmosphere long enough to make an assessment?
Take a look at the teen pregnancy rates for Switzerland (4 per 1000 15-19) and Netherlands (5 per 1000 15-19) then look at the openess they have towards sex education. They don't consider it as something that is private and should be discussed separately, they are open and honest right from preschool. They are fostering a healthy attitude to sex and open communication and their levels of teen pregnancies and stds are the lowest.
In comparison the UK has 20 per 1000 and the US has 55 per 1000. African countries that promote early marriage and teen pregnancies only have a rate of 60-70 per 1000 15-19 year olds having babies. I've found data going back to 1998 on a quick google search... there may be more.
To be honest as an adult a lecture/discussion re sex and masturbation in a mixed group wouldn't phase me. | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:57:05 PM | ok. I basically had two messages with this post
1. This teacher was not respecting his son's privacy when he divulged to a classroom of children that he cleans up after his son masturbates. The kids in his class did not need to know that; it's not part of a normal curriculum and doesn't help towards their sexual development.
2. I feel that if the school is talking about how to masturbate or how to insert a tampon, then it would be more comfortable for the two sexes to receive that information separately. Kids are talking with each other about sex already. I don't think having them together talking about something that is the most private thing a human can do is necessary, but it is embarrassing.
I never once said that I was against teaching the kids about sex and self discovery and I never once said that I hadn't explained everything I know about sex to my kids. I have and they obviously talk to me about these things or else I would never have known what was said at school by the teacher.
As a clarification, when I said that girls are more promiscuous, I was referring to the practice where they wear bracelets to let the boys know that they are available to perform blow jobs. If a boy (any boy, not necessarily the one they like) breaks the bracelet, then the girl gives him a blow job. I was also talking about kids getting together just for sex, without any relationship being involved. Maybe they're not getting pregnant because they're using contaception, but my point was that our society's norms are changing. We are separating sex from love. It's not something I'm comfortable with, and that's simply how I feel.
Anyway, that's what this was about. | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:34:03 PM | | Those things aren't common actually. The bracelet thing, personally, I didn't know a girl in high school (only been out 3 years) who did it. Not one. And I don't know anyone who did. I heard about a couple of girls doing it at a school a few hours from here but it was a couple of girls trying to seem cool. It wasn't like a school wide thing. As for the hooking up thing, it happens certainly, but its not as common as some would believe, there are still MANY kids who date and don't have sex right away. | |
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| overstepping the sexual bounds at school
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:22:00 AM | Bing:
Good to hear from someone who has some insight into the culture. Thank you for participating. I'm glad to hear things aren't so dire as the media would have us believe.
Actually, I know a young girl (13 at the time) who was wearing the bracelet until the school found out about it and requested she and others not wear them anymore. She happens to be friends with my son. They talk about her ventures and I subsequently hear about them. My son, of course, is light years behind her and finds it all very intriguing and, to date, disturbing.
Also glad to hear that dating is not dead in young people. I think it's important to have that period during adolescence where you learn about relationships, and long-term dating provides that opportunity. | |
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