| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:18:05 PM | | just 2 say my last post was in reply 2 mthomjmark post | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:21:36 PM | caz1979.
I don't know what on earth you are talking about . I continue to have feelings .. I
continue to grieve. By speaking to me in such a derogative way you don't sound very nice. Have you actually read all of this thread? | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:23:38 PM | | caz1979.. I didn't see your previous thread..... Sorry. Lesley. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:22:56 PM | Msg. 151 & 151
caz1979 - you're going to have feelings for a while and in the context referenced by your counselor, it's a normal part of the healing process. I went back and read thomarks' (sorry about spelling there - not looking at the actual post) again. I didn't perceive any insensitivity in his post and what he said near the end of it is true with rare exception most of the time. It may or may not be true for you, but for many it is true statement. Nor did I perceive anything negative in what he posted.
JMHO | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:31:53 AM | | Do you o that anyone can hurt you body, but the can touch your soul!!!! Never, even though your body was abused you still have you soul which belongs to christ, he was beaten on the cross and still sayed he forgave, them for they didnt know whatb | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:23:44 AM | Please, don't speak to this man ever again, abusers are master manipulators, as I am sure you already know...Don't give him one inch, not ONE...NOT ONE>
Be strong, you've been weakened by the abuse and need to regain your strength, in mind body and Spirit..
cry alot, and cry for YOU, cry for YOU, not for his sorry A s s....
Best of luck, you have found yourself not alone in this I am sure, turn to a friend , even one of us, before you ever, ever, allow him to even speak to you...
Bst of luck healing.. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:26:16 AM | | Thank you Wullis for a perspective we forget about, good luck to you as well, | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:31:29 AM | | Well done to you, 12 weeks is a million miles when you are in that situation. I understand you totally and would suggest you read a book called women who love to much, i cant remember the author and have lent it to so many women that i forget where it is now, but please find it. I found so many answers in there as to why an intelligent career woman such as myself, made such lousy choices when it came to men. Good luck xx | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:50:36 AM | | Rachel I am going to get that book. (women who love too much) I recently broke up with someone who verbally and mentally abused me. I still have feelings for him and feel embarassed and mad at myself for having feelings for him. I had fallen in love with him. Now i have to kill that love and all I do is cry. Cry because he is an abuser and that I let myself get involved with someone like that and that I miss him and I hate feeling this way. I miss the him I fell in love with not the abuser. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:28:53 AM | llynass,
Happy to hear you moved on the CODA thing so quick..... developing healthy friends who have walked a similar path will strengthen you. I hope it works out for you. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:44:47 PM | You can be anything that you want to be...
You have to take the strength that God gave you as a woman to survive and do it. I know, I have been there.
You may feel like he has stold your soul, and that is understandable. But I promise you will get it back, when you least expect it...
Good Luck
A Former Domestic Violence Victim | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:40:00 PM | At least, on these pages, the guys are talking too.
Erin Pizzey was the founder of a women's shelter in Chiswick, England, the first modern battered women's shelter in the world. She found that of the first 100 women who came to her shelter, 62 were as or more violent than the partners they tried to escape from -- only to return to their partners time and again because of their addiction to pain and violence, violence that they persistently did their best to bring about. Over a period of ten years, Erin Pizzey became involved with about 5,000 women and their children who came through her shelter. She has written a number of books on domestic violence, one of which, Prone to Violence, addresses the issue of women's abuse and violence. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:44:33 PM | | What are you implying sir? M y ex partner has spent time in prison for acts of violence against others besides myself. I thought that I was the only person who could help him as he kept cutting himself and using emotional blackmail if I even considered to leave. Have you read my medical notes ? Have you ever seen my injuries? Have you ever been miscarrying and suffered a blow to the stomache only to hear the words 'HOW DARE YOU LOSE MY BABY'! Oh thats what you meant when you mentioned :[ violence that they persistently did their best to bring about] HOW DARE I LOSE HIS BABY!! I must have deserved it then .Shame on you. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:03:43 PM | | Hi , my name is Andrew and i was going out with someone from saint john in N.B. and she had not even been done with her ex boyfriend and he was always calling her up all the time AND threatining her. He actually caused me and her to break up because he would not give up bugging me and her. She has a kid and he caused her to lose her daughter over him. He used to beat her up all the time and he sent her to the hospital numerus times. I moved her up to moncton with me and we got a house together and i done everything for her. She ended up leaving me after 9 months and went back to him. I still cant get over it. All i can tell you is that there is always someone else out there for you and i am still looking myself right now.I wish you luck finding someone . | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:27:23 PM | llynass - you know the truth of your situation and at the end of the day, that's the truth that matters.
And NO - you did not deserve that at all. Not at all.
When I miscarried my second pregnancy, it paled in comparison to your experience. I got to listen to my husband at the time prattle on to my doctor about his ex-wife during the whole miscarriage. My doctor looked up at him once, then tended to me but while my doctor was tending to me his eyes told me everything I needed to know about what he thought of my husband's conduct in that ER. I remember thinking how cold it was that here I am in the process of losing our child and the only thing on his mind is bragging about how his ex-wife saw the same doctor? I suppose I should have felt grateful that he actually missed a couple of beers to transport me there in the first place. He more than made up for lost time when his inconvenience was over.
Still, it was very hard for me to be around infants for a long while. At the end of the day, although it didn't feel like it at the time, miscarrying that pregnancy was a blessing in its own way. I don't know how I made it out with one child. I can't even imagine how I could have with two - the latter would have been substantially disabled had I not miscarried. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:52:15 PM | Lynass
Before you accuse me of "implying" anything I'd suggest that you get a copy of Pizzeys book and read it.
But there's a problem here. Because the book covered battered husbands, and because it was so honest, and so controversial , it has been banned for the last 25 years and has only come onto the market again recently.
And even now most bookshops havent got the integrity to stock it. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:27:46 PM | crayonzz - timing of your post, ok? Just wasn't good timing and objectively speaking, the way your post was phrased, even if it were in essence a quote from the book directly, it just wasn't the right timing and even a bit off topic for the thread as it's been running. Not anyone's "bad" as the subject title appears to be quite general yet it's not general at all from the original post. If you haven't had an opportunity to read the entire thread here, please do so with an open mind from start to finish.
No one is at all diminishing the fact that there are women that abuse men. My own father is one such example. While I personally have not read the referenced book in the post under dispute, it does behoove us to be mindful that abuse is not gender specific first and foremost. Furthermore, part of the victim impact is anger and sometimes even rage relevant to the severity of the abuse and how long it persisted. Most of the emotions have been repressed while still with the partner so it takes time to rebalance those emotions as one becomes more aware that they are in fact safer than they were and it's an overwhelming process at that. Some victims show the rage sooner than later, others express it later. The worst thing, IMO, that anyone can do to a victim is minimize or diminish the abuse the victim knows happened because they were there living it, even if that wasn't the intended implication.
There's another thread running that your book reference would be good to post in, also on abuse where some of the men have posted their experiences. Do a thread search on my user name and you'll find it easier that way.
Meanwhile - this is a very emotionally laden topic with strong feelings on all sides. So it behooves us all to be mindful of that while keeping our reactions reigned in. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:49:38 AM |
My doctor looked up at him once, then tended to me but while my doctor was tending to me his eyes told me everything I needed to know
So sad angelheart ... I do know how you feel. I have never told anyone this, not even my kids.
I was very very sick from medication and had to go to the hospital in an ambulance. My daughter called my husband and told him he should come home. He did, and the ambulance drivers were there. My husband came in looked at me and he was truly sad ...
Sad that I was not dead.
In the ambulance, alone, one of the men said to me ... "hey beautiful woman, it is none of my business, but your husband ... he doesn't care about you. His disappointment that you would be OK was obvious." ...
It fully broke my heart. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:06:56 AM |
It fully broke my heart.
I'm sure it did.
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:18:43 PM | | wow! so many wise and wonderful women (and some men) on this thread! i've just gained many insights and validations of my past experiences. thank you. the dynamics of an abusive relationship are so insidious--you doubt your own indignation at being treated so badly--you make excuses for your aggressor. you live in fear: of him, of losing him, of what he will do if you try to lose him. you lose yourself. it's a long road back, but YOU are there at the end of it. best wishes to us all. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:37:20 PM | "Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."
May we all remember this !!! | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:43:07 PM | Wow! Coolbrowneyes...that was a beautiful phrase! Where does that come from? | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:43:51 PM | | please do get it, it opened my eyes to why i attracted that type of person in my life, put me in therapy but since then i have been recovering. Good luck, i hope you feel better soon xxxxx | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:24:58 PM | "Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."
May we all remember this !!!
* Wonderfully Said.....love it!!!! | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:03:45 PM | Decided today .. that I didn't want to go through with going to court..decided that i didn't care what happened to him as long as he left me alone.. cried a .bucket load of tears .Made all the excuses going.. can't face it.. will crumble.. he'll be laughing right at me etc etc. Had a cup of tea .. wiped my tears and then I rememembered what he did to me and will try do to me again. I remembered all of you caring people and what you had also been through and the support and encouragement that you had shown and given to me. I thought about all the people who continue to be abused. Then I felt ashamed.
Thanks to all of you I am no longer a victim but a survivor and aim to stay that way!
Bless you all. | |
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