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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:39:50 PM | This issue was recently brought to the fore and when I was reading a blog on Myspace I got a perspective that some might find disturbing but which brought some rather strong feelings out.
About two years ago I began dating a woman who worked for the same company although in a different city. We were about 4 hours apart. She fled, literally fled, her ex who was abusive, alchoholic etc with little more than the clothes on her back. We dated for about a year and although the logistics were tough, it was total love.
Then she went back to becoming a Jehovah's Witness...started studying etc....and that precluded her from dating...they cant date outside of the religion etc and I am Jewish.......(I could do another thread on that whole thing)....but we kept in touch, mostly thru texting and e mails and there was a strong attraction still.
About a year had passed and we would write often several times a day. One day at 6 am I got a call "this is Tim and Im back with my "wife" and you need to stop communicating with her and this better be the last time I call" . He made it sound as if they had moved back in, and were a couple and I wrote her and told her that if she wished not to communicate I would abide by her wishes but didnt appreciate being woken up and didnt know the story....she stated that Tim started some Bible classes and they had seen each other a little but she was mortified that he swiped her phone and violated her privacy. I told her that was the slippery slope of an abuser and she needed to be wary of his controlling tactics. We keep in touch for a few weeks......and I get a phone message that starts with "do you think I called you the last time for my health.....and ended with F-ing Jew"......I emailed her telling her that he would either wind up in court for making threats over the phone.....or he could pay me a visit to see whether he could cash the checks that his mouth was writing .....or he could contact my Krav Maga instructor (ironically what J Lo used to defend herself from an abuser in Enough) and after he signed an injury release we could settle this in a ring.......or he could not call anymore.....any of the first three options would not turn out well for him. I explained that someone can not both be humbled by G-d and turn their entire life around and then make bigoted threats in teh same sentance.....and I was skeptical.....
She apologized and assured me it wouldnt happen again. I said that I was not worried for my saftety but for hers.......we kept in touch but when I brought the calls up to her again she started with Tim wasnt raised like you were and once his Bible studies kick in etc he will make fewer mistakes like this and he will be a more loving person etc......it was like she was totally drinking the Kool Aid that her religion was going to transform him every time I was trying to tell her the warning signs were already there.....
I asked her what would happen if he talked to her son in the same tone.....(he had threatened her son and gotten physical with him)....she droned on about how when Tim is living "in the truth" it wouldnt happen and that both kids were OK coz they know the power of living as a Witness. I ask you what kid, after witnessing violence being visited on his mom is going to condone her going back with him.
She was excusing the whole thing and said he would be fine once he studied more. I can not help but fear for her safety , but even in some of our Krav classes on everything from being jumped at an ATM etc they say that if you witness domestic violence dont get in the middle...stay a safe distance away, use your cell to call the cops because 9 times out of 10 the woman will intercede on behalf of the guy you were risking your neck to protect her from. Im not blaming women for domestic violence but this post said that like me he wouldnt do it , wasnt raised to do it, but has seen time and time again a woman say "at least I know he cares about me". Women who had been hit at a party where the guys were going to teach the dude a lesson were cautioned, leave my BF alone or I will call the cops on you and deny he hit me ......etc. This guy witnessed literally four instances where at the end of the day the woman was protecting her scum boyfriend from getting beat to a pulp for abusing her and begged not to get the cops involved and whenever he had a relationship with a formerly abused woman she broke it off because in his mind he never yelled or bullied or hit and that must have meant he was apathetic
My ex GF was three years removed from this and came back to it.....so my question is , perhaps there is something that on a subconscious level attracts her to it. I am just asking because I dont understand why go back........at some point isnt it a choice that you make in an instance like this .......and therefore something you need to take responsibility for . .....Again nothing would please me more than to teach this jerk a lesson but she picked him to begin dating again......its not my decision to decide who is right or wrong for her.....but you know as do I that if he is exerting control, swiping phone numbers etc at this point....leaving rambling drunk threatening messages at some point the anger will be directed at her.......I hate this dude for what he did to a very nice loving woman......and I fear for what he will do.......but a part of me feels a sense of loss that she chose to take him back......Im not acceptable coz my religion is different......he takes a few classes and is perfectly fine after smacking her around for years......what is that thought process...... | |
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kgrl08
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Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 203 | |
| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:24:42 PM | To IIlynass,Iam happy that I helped you,it was very tough for me,but I did it and all alone too,you can do this,Iam still healing in my heart too,but time does help,and we will be stronger women after all this is done,I wish you peace in your heart,from one who knows | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:28:45 PM |
we will be stronger women after all this is done
You already are, kgrl08. Now it's just as simple as believing you are stronger. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:42:13 PM | OP,
The attention you seek and get as a victim in itself can be addictive as well as the abuse even if negative, it is a form of attention.
I had a roommate caught in the cycle of abuse (I moved in after he moved out) and I watched her go through withdrawls and depression as there was no excitement in her life. Yes, she took him back and I moved out immediately.
The withdrawls, depression and the empty feelings are the most dangerous emotions because it will draw you to repeat the past with the same person or with another in a cycle of abuse.
Working on yourself and your self esteem is soooo important. Including counselling, (take your antidepressant if they recommend them), kickboxing classes, martial arts classes, self defense classes, group meetings, etc. Keep busy, climb that hill and stick to the program even when you don't feel like it.
Work on having a full life to share rather than an empty life to fill, no matter how long it takes.
And stop seeking attention as a victim, turn it around and seek to be a caretaker (start with yourself first).
Good luck!
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:54:11 PM | llynass -
You are not alone in what you are feeling. As a past domestic violence investigator I tried to help many women who have been where you are. Most went back to the relationship because they truly beleive the abuser loved them. Others thought no one else would want them.
The abuser does not love you. It is about control for them. The best way to control you is to beat you down (literally and emotionally) til your self-confidence is broken. I cannot tell you it will be an easy road to recovery, because it will not. Keep with the counseling, the DV counselors I worked with were both compassionate and forceful.
There are many good, decent men out there. Before you can even think of trusting one, you have got to trust yourself, know you are a good person, and work to finding the independent woman you used to be. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:54:36 PM |
And stop seeking attention as a victim, turn it around and seek to be a caretaker (start with yourself first).
Good points and observations overall, val0214.
I personally prefer being a caregiver rather than a caretaker.  | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:49:53 PM | Have had the opportunity to revisit and explore the past three and a half years of nightmare and then withdrawn statements (denial). Can see the pattern and the increase in severity of attacks. Have also looked at two long prison stretches where there were lots of love expressed on paper infact undying love and the continuity maintained as in visits,tears, phone calls ,mail etc.promises to find work , promises there will be no repeats and the happy ever after ending to the much desired fairy tale. Only to begin all over again sometimes within days of release.
Now having read extensively (for the first time as have much time on my hands) about life inside prison was wondering if this may contribute to the increase in anger outbursts. Have endured the verbals of it's my fault , I grassed him up, I put him inside
and of course he put himself where he is by his own actions.. I know this. But would long term mental health therapy as an inpatient ( no choice in this) be more beneficial to an abuser given that they were probably victims themselves once. Prison dosn't seem to work despite running DV groups. No I am not going soft and I have no intention of ever setting eyes on him again but I do have a part to play in court. Or am I just kidding myself? | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:11:27 PM |
Or am I just kidding myself?
I think more likely a part of you still searches for that ray of hope, only there isn't one. Given the nature of your abuser's violence as you have disclosed thus far, he's a lost cause. Far beyond the scope that psychiatry and such would ever successfully reach him. For one thing, he should be the one looking for insights into his own behavior.
llynass, spending a little time reviewing all that "stuff" isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as you are doing it for the reasons that benefit you. Where it becomes less than beneficial for you is when that old habit kicks in whereby you are doing his "work" for him. It's a habit but one that needs to be parked in the salvage yard.
The "why" he is who he is and "why" he did what he did to you is of no relevance to you. The "why" doesn't matter. You don't own that. What is relevant to you is his behavior towards you and the pain his behavior towards you caused as a result. That is the piece you own. It hurts. It sucks, but avoiding feeling and experiencing that pain by falling into the habit of focusing on him as a distraction from it is not going to help you. It IS safe to cry now. It IS safe to even get angry. As a matter of fact, getting angry is a healthy emotion. Feel anger. Nothing wrong with that at all. Where anger becomes a problem is when it's projected out destructively - as you well know from being on the receiving end.
Park this guy in the salvage yard. He is not worth it. When you go into court, remember that you are not only testifying as a witness to your experience, but also on behalf of his future victims should he win at trial. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:18:50 PM | I really relate to almost exactly what you are saying..Except we had a child together. I believe that you have done the right thing and that everything will unfold as it should. I am still going through court with my ex as it has only been almost 7 months since the last incident. I know it is hard but you are strong and do not need to rely on him anymore. Of course you miss him. I think it is really helpful that you are dealing with this in your own way. I feel like I am now independent but only when I am alone. I still feel scared even driving when a male is in the car, and have major trust issues. I still even wonder myself if maybe he will change. But it is the total fact of i do not believe i deserve better and need to realise that no, he will never change. You will find the court and statements hard, I find I would have many panick ataacks and black out remembering what happend. I guess, when reading the statement before signing also makes you realise that you never thought it was as bas as it ACTUALLY was. I found the letters that my ex wrote to me when he was also in prison, which talked about how much he loved me and how he swears to be a different man. I felt that he was the man I first fell in love with. Until he came home of course. It took me a long time to realise it wasnt my fault. No man or woman deserves to be hurt..And that is definately not love. You deserve so much more and will realise that one day..The fact is.."A leopard cant change his spots"
One day, you will feel like you are your own person once again. It will most probably take a long time to trust someone but someday you will. Work on yourself for now and surround yourself with your family and friends. Take as much time as you need to mend and you will feel so much better with yourself
I really hope things do work out for you. Just remember, dont give up...Things will actually get better even though it is hard to believe
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:30:46 PM | some woman feels like when a man beats'em, they (man) actually care about them.. and thats exactly what i take from your post...
its sad and ashame you'd even missed him..
hes nothing but a drunk and a whimp..
work on yourself..
open to new things..
enjoy the life you have right now..
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/7/2008 3:25:30 AM | This is in reply to AlienwareAdam who wrote on the abusive men thread!!!
HE QUOTES '' It's easy to distinguish between the nice guy and the one who is going to beat you and abuse you'', '' Go for the one with the college education and dosn't have a criminal record''!!!!!
I would like to hear what all the messagers on this thread think about this because I was swamped with love and affection and yes he came accross very very nice and most definitely had a college education with a high IQ.
He didn't have a criminal record either as his previous two partners that I know of had not pressed charges and I was always dropping the charges myself until the laws changed and the police could go ahead and prosecute without you. I only know about the previous history of his relationships now as he was always secretive and telling me that they all cheated on him.. POOR OLD ME ( AS IN HIM)!! | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:08:17 AM | Over the last 15-20 years 95% of women I have met
in my travels were either victims in past relationships,
currently living in one, desperately trying to leave one
or just recently left one. Shocking indictment on the
world we live in. Without rambling further on a topic
that already fills countless books, here is my take on
abusive males:
This wee story sums up abusive males!!!
Many years ago in deepest Africa lived a mighty hunter with his young son.
One day out in the jungle he shot a leopard and found her young cub nearby.
He took it home where his young son made it a pet. (Cubs are like kittens).
The hunter wanted to destroy the cub but his son implored him not to. Many times
he told his son: “little leopards grow into big leopards – and big leopards kill!!” … but
the boy was determined to keep his pet.
One day whilst the hunter was away the boy was playing with his pet. He tripped
and grazed his knee. The baby leopard licked the wound getting his first taste of
blood and promptly devoured the boy.
Abusive males are the same. Regardless of anything they might say they
never change on the inside. Over the years I’ve seen too many women come unstuck
by taking the abusive partner back and living to regret it. Those are painful stories
from the “reality” files!!! Two I know didn’t live long after having those regrets.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
In its simplest terms abuse is the product of insecurity leading to the need to control,
dominate and subjugate another person. Physical violence is obvious since the damage
is there for all to see. It is the insidious forms of abuse that are often more difficult for
those on the outside to see [or believe] leaving the victim stranded and alone. Classic
example of this is when a woman complains to friends or family that her partner can't
let her out of his sight or needs to know every minute of the day where she is, what she
is doing and who with ... and those friends or family blissfully tell her "grow up girl, be
grateful you have someone who cares for you and has your welfare at heart" ...
Absolute BS ... that guy is so insecure and scared of losing his 'property' that he is
setting up a self-fulfilling prediction for himself. You strong ladies in these threads
know all this and this world needs strong women to stamp out this blight on society.
... here in poetic form how it is and how it should be:
Random thoughts
when enmeshed, create images.
To what direction is of importance,
the human condition, flashes
sometimes in brilliance,
sometimes in darkness.
Is there a twilight for two souls
where balance exists?
Or is it a struggle?
Who wins?
It is not a contest.
It is rather, what wins?
Harmony, love, respect,
compassion exist
in the twilight of
common mind sets
without contest.
JR | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/9/2008 8:05:38 AM | | Have just read a message fom AEL75 who wrote on the why we forgive abusive men forum. Speaking for myself only and each day i feel differently but at present i feel unable to feel., unable to care about anything other than my hurt and betrayal. I feel worthless, empty, unworthy of being loved and incapable of trusting someone with my deepest self ever again. I don't seem in this world at the present time and am deeply unhappy. Am having psychotherapy ,have a lot of support , But I continue to feel like this. It's such an awful feeling. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/9/2008 8:58:43 AM | llynass - the unable to feel part is sort of like a natural anethestic to extreme emotional pain. Please call your doctor if this persists. It's not uncommon for a period of time that there is a need for medication to help with depression and anxiety. All of the stress and such you have been under does alter the brain chemicals which compounds how you are presently feeling. Meds help to bring them back into balance. Your doctor is the best person for you to consult with, okay?
You're going to have bad days and sometimes it's going to feel like you are having more bad days than good days. Don't be discouraged by that process. As time goes on, you'll have progressively more good days than bad days.
Here's some "Homework" that you might find helpful. Read the statements below each day until they become part of your thinking:
1. I am a unique and precious human being, always doing the best I can, growing in wisdom and love.
2. I am in charge of my own life.
3. My #1 responsibility is my own growth and well-being. The better I am to me, the better I will be to others.
4. I refuse to be put down by the attitudes or opinions of others.
5. I make my own decisions and assume responsibility for my mistakes. However, I refuse to feel shame or guilt about them.
6. I am not my actions. I am the actor. My actions may be good or bad. That doesn't make me good or bad.
7. I am not free as to the things that will happen to me. But I am 100% free as to the attitude I have towards these things. My personal well-being or my suffering depends on my attitudes.
8. I do not have to prove myself to anyone. I need only to express myself as honestly and effectively as I am capable.
9. I am free of animosity and resentment.
10. My emotional well-being is dependent primarily on how I love me.
11. I am gentle and kind toward me.
12. I live a day at a time, do first things first.
13. I am patient and serene for I have the rest of my life in which to grow.
14. Every experience I have in life (even the unpleasant ones) contributes to my learning and growth.
15. No one in the world is more important that I as a person.
16. My mistakes and non-successes do not make me a louse, a crum, or whatever. They only prove that I am imperfect, that is, human. And there is nothing wrong with being human.
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:46:18 AM | | Bless you Angelheart3. You are the salt of the earth.. I hope that you know this. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/9/2008 11:25:21 AM | Every one of us is a bit o' salt of the earth in our own way. Every human has seasons of learning and seasons of teaching - comparable to high tides and low tides of the oceans and such.
At this moment, you're going through some huge growing pains. It won't always be that way. We were never promised that life would be fair or that we'd be spared appalling events. We were promised that when everything fell apart, we'd be held. That doesn't mean necessarily that another human is going to be there to hold us. Sometimes it means it's time to learn to hold yourself again.
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/9/2008 11:43:24 AM | HELLO? Well, we girls stick together and for the sake of maybe not getting dates if l comment on this, l could care less. There are women who abuse out there too, trust me. This is more of an issue than anyone realizes. lt's called abuse. lt can come in the form of mental, physical, and emotional. If a woman is not physically abused, it is very difficult for her to see that the inappropriate comments from her husband, control issues if there are any, and mental anguish that comes over the years, a reason to leave the relationship. l am after twenty six years of marriage, just recently starting a support group for abused women. You have constantly adjusted your behaviour to suit his needs. You are on the right track, never go back, and this is a significant sign that you need to hook up with the right supports. The alternative is to again end up in an abusive relationship without seeing the red flags right from the beginning. For some people it is hard to understand, but what they don't know is how the manipulation starts from the beginning......kind of like a romantic predator, they are smooth, have a plan, and it's all about THEM. No one says they are bad people, as anything it goes back to childhood, what was modelled for them by their mothers/fathers, and their own journey. l lost my self-esteem, self-worth, and l am proud to say l am on my way to a better life. l will post this, not for me, but for all of those who might be suffering and don't know it. l always thought that taking care of "ME" was selfish. You are worth it, and need to be in a healthy relationship, where you love and cherish each other.
BE STRONG GIRLFRIEND !! | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/9/2008 12:43:28 PM |
You are worth it, and need to be in a healthy relationship, where you love and cherish each other.
Forgive me in advance, poster, for suggesting a different phrasing. Before one can enjoy a healthy relationship with another human, one must first build a healthy relationship with one's self.
As for need - not everyone "needs" to be in a romantic relationship and not everyone is ready for a healthy relationship at certain times in their lives although they want one.
Actually, IMO anyway, if the only reason to be seeking a relationship is one's own needs - the greater the risk of finding oneself in an unhealthy relationship. Relationships are not an entitlement to fulfill "my needs and my dreams" exclusively at all, any more than they are about relinquishing one's own identity to meet their partner's needs. A healthy relationship is a privilege - not a right or entitlement.
When we come into this world, we begin totally reliant on another human being for the essentials of life, including nurturing. As we grow and learn, in the best of childhoods, we become increasingly able to self-regulate, provide for our own essentials which includes nurturing ourselves (not talking about self-gratification there as that is not the same thing), and become successful adults in our interpersonal skills, yet still being the individuals we are.
No one says they are bad people, as anything it goes back to childhood, what was modelled for them by their mothers/fathers, and their own journey.
It doesn't take a whole lot to tip the scales as no parent is perfect and as each child is a unique individual, there is no "reference manual" to cover every aspect pertinent to the individual child - even if the parents are the best of parents and the child is the best a parent could hope for. Children are like sponges, they soak up and learn the darndest things - even when the parent(s) are not aware that they are teaching them. Some of those lessons are good ones yet some are not. Yet all of these lessons carry on into adulthood and to varying degrees impact on one's overall ability to make sound choices as well as to interact effectively with other humans in a variety of situations and environments.
l lost my self-esteem, self-worth... *Used only to add food for thought.**
Do we really lose our sense of self-worth and self-esteem? Or was it ever really there in the first place? Only food for thought.
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/9/2008 12:52:48 PM | There is some fascinating responses, from those that call you a victim without any compassion or comprehension of you in your shoes, and those that want to help you heal by solutions ... they are pretty cool, they guide without beating you up with more name-calling and therefore further abuse... I mean kick a dog when it is down why don't you, remind me never call them when I am hurting!
Then I think there are those that are so beloved to us all, and are so like the friends I have been so fortunate to find in my life, they do with words what only angels can do with inner strength... Softly take your hand, offer you their email address for a one-to-one conforter... or take a long time giving up their own precious time to address each line of yours with some reasoned thinking.
It is as if they want to lead you out of the dark places you found yourself and when you are so fragile and trying to find your way through loneliness and sadness, and the feelings of realising that you invested so much time forgiving another broken soul because you had the capacity to forgive, but that it ate into your self confidence and self-esteem and that is part of your moral dilemma now to rebuild your psyche.
My best advice would be to keep talking about it, make new friends here, and have the emotional support through those of us that are happy to be here for you, and to back your own commitment to your purpose and cause by self-hypnosis: ANGELHEARTS affirmations that remind you to stand straight, and not stoop or cower in the face of confusion, such that you can move in a new direction free of any latent or residual feelings that reach out to HIM the abuser. Her list for you could be printed off and stuck on every single door, and mirror so that you rehearse your new life from the script up.
Free him too, let him find his own way and choose to be released from any responsibility towards him, either through misguided longing, habitual yearning, or obsession.
"Somewhere over the rainbow" is a beautiful song that may be your signature... or perhaps Moon River... either one has a simple sentiment of hope and adventure. Just think, Huckleberry Finn is such a wonderful friend to Tom Sawyer and vice verse... I feel that you too can find a partner again, it may be sometime in the future, but it should hopefully be someone with a wonderful nature that treats you as you should be:- precious, beloved, sacred love is effortless and kind and it can be discovered at any time in Life, whatever your circumstances.
I think that I would rather you long for that, then for someone who was so broken that he had to break others to feel whole. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:00:13 AM | | I received a message from an English lady living in Nevada, What she told me was very concerning. She is in DANGER. Like all of us she thinks that she can help him and that he broke her hip '' accidently'' No it wasn't accidently and next time you may end up dead. I know that you have read this thread all the way through and realise that we may have something in common. Please read all of my replies over and over and try and be strong enough to make the break. And keep in touch with all of us on here. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:30:59 AM | llynass, you know what? At the end of the day - you are going to be just fine.
Proud of you!
Here's a little secret I learned along the way - that the recognition that other's experiences are in many ways similar to yours enhances your ability to see the reality of your situation and act according.
Another little secret, every time that happens, you gain the ability to objectively see your situation through a different set of eyes and your perceptions of your circumstances are validated. You are validated - it's not your imagination after all.
Another secret: helping (not enabling) in some way someone else struggling with a comparable roller coaster ride, reaffirms your sense of self-worth and self-preservation.
Remember though, that no matter how much you might find yourself wanting to step in and rescue the victims you'll encounter, you can't rescue them. You can teach, you can validate, you can listen, you can love them where they are, and more. Yet at the end of the day, the victim has to rescue herself with actions that only she can take (for the sake of the male victims - the same is true there as well.
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:39:19 PM | Thanks Angelheart3 for your positive attitude towards me. I do keep trying to tell myself the same. It's easier when in different shoes though., while working in A+E I have seen women battered and bruised and then gone on home to the same and wondered what on earth was wrong with me. Now that I am out of the relationship I can see into it. You have made very interesting points and there are times even today I cannot lie that I miss the voice, the smell, the smile but then I wake up and shake myself . I long for the day when he is no longer the focus of my thoughts and I know in time it will come.
The lady who messaged me.. I just wish that you could of read her mail.. I encouraged her to draw strength from us and advised that only she could make the choice to stay or leave. I know that if my ex had not moved out I would of found it harder to make the break. It was only when he continued to abuse me on a daily basis and then leave .. laughing at me in my confusion as to what was going on that I suddenly gained the strength to report him and mean it this time.
By going to court I am giving him a message :
that whatever the outcome he will know without a doubt that he can never ever abuse me again! | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:46:49 PM |
there are times even today I cannot lie that I miss the voice, the smell, the smile
Is it the voice, the smell, the smile that you miss? Or is it the comfort they brought you when for a moment hell seemed like a nightmare and the voice, the smell and the smile made it easier to believe that the nightmare wasn't real?
I long for the day when he is no longer the focus of my thoughts and I know in time it will come.
It will come the moment you make the decision that when thoughts of him slip in like a thief in the night breaking into your home, he is no longer welcome there and you boot him to the emotional curb.
By going to court I am giving him a message :
that whatever the outcome he will know without a doubt that he can never ever abuse me again!
Strengthen that decision - to "I am going to court because I choose to go. I am going to court because I believe it is the right thing to do. I am going to court because I have made the decision that his outrageous behavior is not going to be a secret any longer."
Notice how the focus is shifted off of him? It takes practice. Part of the abuse impact is that every waking hour is focused on the abuser in the relationship. After leaving the abuser, it's a habit that persists long after it's necessary. Habits are learned behaviors. What is learned can be unlearned. | |
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| Domestic Violence
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:02:29 PM | Have really been trying hard to understand what it is I am actually feeling at present!
I feel betrayed.. I put my faith into this person so many times like putting up bail money.. . I wrote to courts .. to the probation people.. to anyone I thought might be able to help him.. I even obliged his family for their sakes as they too cared a great deal for him.. I stood by him.. I took care of his needs above all else.
He shat on me !!
He threw it all back in my face!!
He carried on as before but even more cleverly!!
He confused me.. hurt me.. and threw me aside!!
Where is his family's support for me now?
I feel mortally wounded.. but better for writing it down.
I feel that this thread has run its's course but am ever grateful to all who have replied and kept me going.
Angelheart3 should be nominated for the biggest bouquet ever.. she supports many on the entire site. | |
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