| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:06:31 AM | Don't you think, Dirtyoldbassturd, that you should have a pic and be a good example? Also to God mn says Goodbye, much success. Good point well taken.
From, krae777, one good woman. The best. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:11:43 AM | | maybe that was your problem...this IS REAL LIFE...NOT A GAME | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:55:40 PM | | WE hate to admit it, but its really about the chemistry. Either its there or it isnt. I have met several men from here and all were very vey nice, but only had chemistry with a few. One lived too far away and had privacy issues, four were local ~~ one of them was a patholocial liar and I still date/talk to the other three. The others, I just had no chemistry with them. Its not POF's fault and with the exception of the guy who lied all the time, we were all very truthful about what we wanted and were looking for and all had current photos. I have found that the other two paid sites I was on, no one wanted to put a current photo and just wanted to email and chat on the phone. They very rarely offered to meet. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:09:54 PM | | Would it be safe to say that none of us want to be member of a club that would have us? | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:42:53 PM |
I started hanging out at the boards here, listening to advice about what women want. And it honestly scared me. Looks, money, security are the order of the day. In fact, no one really talks much about love.
Ya. Well, if you'd stayed away from the "nice guys" threads, you might actually have noticed that that is what the losermen are *saying* women want (any excuse for not succeeding is a *good* excuse. . . . ). From a woman's POV, it's boring and sucky to be told all the time what you're after by doods who canNOT seem to get a klew.
#3 ~~ might be true if there weren't so many new vibrant sane and ready peeps joining daily. . . .
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:38:41 AM | One of biggest compaints with men posting on these sites is please, please get a good picture of yourself. I would only date a blue collar guy if he read the business section of the paper and didn't consider a trip to an art museum as a threat to his masculinity.
Young folks always take good picures. Those us with white hair have a lighting problem with our whole, cotton-pickin head. Don't seek out women who are above you in education and intellect.
I have met several men over the years by on line dating. The last one I was in love with lost his job and moved back to CA. He wanted me to come but I own a business, home, real estate that needs to be developed. I'm not "liquid" and I'm not 25 years old. And, he wasn't drop dead handsome. The important issue in our relationship was I COULD TALK TO HIM . . . . .. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:12:02 AM | I've been on the PAID sites ........... they don't offer anymore than POF and it's free! There are just as many losers on the paid as here. I've personally caught 4 fraudulent men off the Paid sites ........... live and learn ......... I live in a small community and the "fish" just aren't here. This site gives me the opportunity to meet different people ........if it works great ... if not its not the end of the world ...... The Key is our own Expectations....... 
Oh and By the Way ........ I'm very Out Going and have no trouble meeting people ..... I just need more people to meet  | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:52:43 PM | "POF is to dating websites as the bargain bin at the Dollar General store is to department stores. We're all a bunch of scratch and dents, sometimes with parts of us missing in mind, heart, or body. We've tossed ourselves in here in hopes that ultimately, we won't be written off and dumped as trash. Maybe, someone clever and thoughtful, while rummaging around in here, will see the value and beauty in one of us, inherent in all of us, that only a little attention and TLC will reveal to its potential for living a loving life."
OMG, I love this post.
You took the thoughts right out of my mind.
Thank you.
and I hate calling you this....dirtyoldbassturd!
You Rock!
:~() | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:10:02 AM | If people on this site see themselves as "bargain bin" people with "scratches and dents", no wonder they have had no success.
I don't see myself that way at all, and I've spoken with plenty others on this site who don't, either.
The fact is, attraction isn't a choice, it just happens. I can't comment on the reasons the OP didn't succeed because there is no profile to read, but there had to be something in what he said, or how he presented himself that might have scared away potential matches. Having said that, you can modify things so your chances of an uncontrollable attraction happen. Like for instance, a nice pic of your BMW. Just kidding...ha ha.
What people say - women OR men - they want are always different things, even if you think you know. I know tons of guys who say they want the girl next door, (the "nice" girl) but what turns their heads? What profiles on this site get the most hits?
Besides - nice. Nice is what people are when behind the mask they really want to say or be something else. There's a difference between nice and kind. Nice doesn't seem genuine to me, it seems more like a socially-acceptable system of etiquette some people follow to be seen in the right light. I know plenty of "nice" people who never reveal aggression who are miserable, embittered people inside.
I look for the connection, always. That genuine moment when I can just be myself, and when I've gone beyond the nice. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:38:22 AM | Op, Bashing all POF females who were not attracted isn't..... nice. And now we're going to take a lesson on how we missed out? You're W I T H somebody now. Maybe nice girls don't date guys who already have girlfriends. Point taken. Nice is a matter of opinion.  | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:57:04 AM | well what can i say that you haven't already said.
one woman put it best in her profile, more or less it said if you have the money you can get me, no money no me. i emailed her and thanked her for being honest, she didn't reply.
we all look for a storybook romance that will last a lifetime. some find it, some don't.
often the storybook romance we think we have found turns into a short story with a heart breaking end. but then thats life isn't it? we try we fail so we try again and again or we give up and grow old alone. we each have to make the choice to try or give up.
when i was in sales years ago i was directed to a book called "ACRES OF DIAMONDS".
more or less it was telling you while you were running all over the place to make a sale and wasting time and energy you should look in your own backyard. i tried that method the next week and made a lot of money.
i guess what i am getting at is you never know who you will run into at wal mart and there is one in almost everybody's backyard. spending a day shopping around at wal mart might give you the bargain you have been looking for, unless of course you just want to play, then stay on POF.
remember ladies and gentlemen this is a dangerous place to shop! | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:29:02 AM | That's just it. Attraction or chemistry isn't a choice. There is a lot of biology going on there. It is partially looks, but then again it isn't. Why else does one person believe someone looks good when another doesn't? There is much more going on to attraction/chemistry beneath the surface than most of us realize. When we meet IRL we know if that attraction or chemistry is there--almost instantly in most cases. If it is not we don't ask for a phone number or give one out--or avert our eyes so we don't even meet. We go on our way.
On-line we don't have a clue about that attraction or chemistry until we MEET! And way too many people limit WHO they want to meet to a ridiculously small percentage of what is actually available. And then they have expectations that they can override that biology of attraction/chemistry because the person seems 'right' in their profile. In the end most are disappointed. Most are not agreeing to meet with people who are right for them because they think the profile and/or picture doesn't quite meet their expectations in some way or other. Too many are bypassing good prospects because of false reasons. If they met by accident some of those POFers IRL that they by-passed by profile, they could well find that attraction/chemistry is there.
Once I learned this I very seldom by-passed anyone who contacted me--unless they had something I could not abide by--such as smoking. I eventually learned to say, in advance, that we should each pay our own way. I basically tried to down-play the on-line aspect of it and pretend we were meeting IRL by accident. No expectations at all--well that is not true--I EXPECTED there to be no attraction/chemistry in the vast majority of cases since that is the way it is IRL! When I would do my grocery shopping and look at every man in the store--there were VERY few (usually NONE!) men that I would feel I might have that attraction/chemistry with.
I ended up meeting a lot of men. And my bf met a lot of women. Both of us expected there to not be attraction/chemistry in most cases so we weren't disappointed. We just expected to have fun and we did. We met many who became friends. He has met some of mine and I have met some of his too! Once WE met though there was no doubt the attraction/chemistry was there. Within a couple of months we became exclusive and now 13 months later we are VERY happy together, definitely serious about each other and talk about the future often.
Think of POF like playing bingo. First you can't win unless you play. Some people get very lucky, they win the first or second game with just one card--they are rare though. The more cards one has the more likely one of them will be a winning card. And eventually almost everyone wins. You may as well do whatever you can to make it easier to win. Make sure you get lots of 'cards' (go on lots of meets, loosen up, take chances)--eventually you are almost certain to get a winner.
People think about that last SO they met IRL as the ONE they met and clicked with and expect this to happen on-line. They continously forget about all the others around they didn't look at twice that very same day they met their last SO. That person wasn't the ONLY one the saw that day.
Looking at a profile is not the same as meeting IRL. The same as looking at the website of an actor or actress will tell you little about who they really are. Open up and MEET!!! Have fun meeting new people--all types. Expect there to not be attraction/chemistry. And maybe, just maybe you will find someone who does 'do it' for you. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:57:01 AM | | To the OP...Good luck man...Thats it..My opinion isnt important.... | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:19:37 PM | in the real world the women find out who you are (funny, interesting, charasmatic) before they find out what you are (yearly salary, type of car etc etc)
"who you are" can make "what you are" look insignificant and it can override it, because you can fall in love with a pauper, you can fall in love with someone with a crappy car
But on here they find out what you are before who you are. So before theyve even been dazzled by your charisma, your jokes or your fantastic tales theyve dismissed you because you dont earn £40,000
If youre after anyone with a pulse then internet dating it probably easy, if however youre a bit picky and want to meet someone special then internet dating is as flawed (if not more flawed) than normal dating | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:35:40 PM | | What can I say ! but very well said! a man of superior insight! | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:02:28 PM | | I'd just like to say the photo is the killer here on this site or any for that matter. First half of them are'nt real and second some of us take bad pics no matter how hard we try the pic is not what you look like in real life, i've only met 3 males from this site and not one looked like the pic.As for me i have only been with pof for 6 months and was about to give up, when yesterday i went to have a coffee with a male i'd been chating to for a couple months as he to was over pof and guess what we like each and he thinks i look hot wow see and no he diddn't look anything like his pic either so all you men out there get past the pic and treat this site the way it was meant to be. Really its still a blind dating service, just like a lucky dip really, if i had more time i think now i would want to have coffee with all males in my area just so i get a honest pic on who is who. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:53:04 PM | | I actually find this post very patronizing. I have been contacted by several men and all them have been very nice, but I haven't yet felt the overwhelming chemistry that I deserve to find and that is a must in every relationship. Perhaps the women you contacted didn't feel that chemistry. It's not their fault. You are assuming that every female should leap at the chance to be with you, but it doesn't work that way. There is an implication in your post that we all should have thrown ourselves at you because you're a nice guy and that we are somehow lacking as a result. Did it ever occur to you that the women you wanted just didn't feel that attraction? Why do you assume they should? A wee bit arrogant don't you think? Anyway good luck to you, but don't blame the women here for how they FEEL. Chemistry is either there or it isn't...and it's nobody's fault. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:01:32 PM | It can work! I had a year plus relationship come out of it with a
great woman. And the odds were heavily against it, geographically
speaking! State your intentions to the Universe and let POF be the
vehicle that delivers your loved one! lol
What kills me is all the people that say, just don't let a dating site
be your primary dating venue. Well guess what? For a lot of people
it is. Because clearly the other areas of their dating life, arn't netting
satisfactory results, or there simply arn't any other alternatives.
Reminds me of the bumper stickers of old, on a shit box.
"My Other Car is a Whatever". Oh yeah, did I mention I was only
here for the forums? lol
It's true though! What ever issues you have in real life, will follow
you into cyberdating! The problem isn't with POF, or it's members.
The problem is with you! You get out of life what you put into it. It's
a very simple equation. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:02:06 PM | | I experienced all the same frustrations with internet dating, and with PoF, at one time or another. But, thankfully, i actually met someone, and can honestly say, it really had little to do with the effort i made in the intial process. She wanted to meet me, and went out of her way to do so. When the lady really likes what she see's and is talking to, it makes a world of difference (for both sides) the problems that you experience, the lack of communication, desire, motivation, once those items are covered because that other person really, really, likes you, then the disappointment goes with it. I think internet dating sites are pretty much like anything else, if a person really likes you, enough so to go for it, then all the reasons why these sites dont work go away, and all the satisfaction of being in a great relationship fills in. A year after meeting my fish it just gets better and better, and this site happens to be where we met through, but its all about chemistry, and desire, that can only be created between two people that are meant to be together or seem very compatible either way........ | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:34:40 PM | we've been left on the island of misfit toys.... LOL!!!! my, that was pitch perfect!!!
And yes. fine. i cop to it. I do.... there are alot of us who are dysfunctional. so what? do you let the damn car run to rust, wrack and ruin 'cause the main gas line blew a leak? and so what if the CV joints are starting to rust??? and is the vehicle totally totaled because it's down a few quarts of oil????????? heavens to betsy, i sure hope not..... i am totally honest and admit to all my faults and failures but I still believe that """We're all a bunch of scratch and dents, sometimes with parts of us missing in mind, heart, or body. """
and a little love tune up WILL get me back in running order.... yes, a mechanic is needed - call me a wimp, a loser, go ahead. I've tried alone for 8 years and it is just too damn hard, but there is still magic under my hood... no, i may not be a Bugatti Veyron, not by a long shot and never will be, even with the best master mechanic...but ya know what? at the other end of the spectrum is a cute little vw bug, the convertible model, who will give ya great gas mileage, lots of wonderful sunshine and an exhilarating ride with the wind on life's journey....... | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:10:53 PM |
Chemistry is either there or it isn't...and it's nobody's fault.
I have to grant you credit for writing such an honest profile, because any man who contacts you certainly can't say he didn't know what he's getting into. Over-50 women with attitudes like yours are enough to send anyone screaming for the exits. Who are you to call someone else arrogant? | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:13:22 PM | That was very well written fouthempire and I'm glad you found someone, no where where it happened to be. I think everyones experience on here is there own, and we all take something different from the experience both negative and positive. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:04:48 PM | Women want nice guys, but it's almost always the bad boys who they find attractive. They fall for the smooth talk of the bad boy, and after they discovered he's lied to them, told them only what they wanted to hear, they wonder out loud if any men are honest or nice. There was a case recently where a nice guy got no response to his dating site ad until he re-wrote it to say that he was a criminal who had just been released from doing hard time in prison. The response was immediate and overwhelming. Sad, isn't it?
Men aren't much better -- we'll take the pretty face over the good person any day. And then we wonder why all women are ****es.
Of course what we all want is the gut attraction, "chemistry", plus a nice person. Unfortunately, that attraction usually blinds us to the glaring character issues. Ultimately those character issues come back to bite us, which is why so many of us are divorced. You'd think that we'd have learned our lesson after the first disaster. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:29:19 AM | With regards to Message 49....speak for yourself. Chemistry would never blind me to issues of character. Perhaps it did when I was younger, but that is how we learn - by making mistakes. I know I have. And it is not almost always the 'bad boys' that women are attracted to, and it is presumptuous to suggest that. And I certainly would not date a man who had a criminal past, no sir. I always screen potential partners very carefully, and am very specific in my profile about the kind of man I want. And being a 'bad boy' doesn't cut it. Whether we like it or not, chemistry (or as one psychologist put it - the 'vibrations' between people) is essential to a love relationship. I have dated men who were wonderful but I did not feel the 'spark' necessary for a romantic relationhip. Again, it's nobody's fault. Just because I don't feel the spark doesn't mean there is something wrong with the man. Sure you can date nice guys but if you don't want to have sex with them, then what is the point??? Because, if you don't, then they are just friends, not potential lovers. As I said earlier, I have been lucky to have been contacted by wonderful men here every day. But when I view their photos I haven't felt that 'vibration'. Don't you think I want to??? Unfortunately, it's not something that grows on you. It is present from the start, and that is what compels me to want to see them again and know more. I tried going out with one man who pursued me relentlessly and I ignored my lack of attraction to him and we met anyway. Sure enough, the chemistry wasn't there and it was very awkward. And I ended up feeling guilty, which is ridiculous. So when my intuition tells me after viewing photos and e mails that there is no spark, I trust my intuition and no one gets hurt. You refer to all women as ****es. If that is how you feel then why are you here? With that attitude you'd be better off with a dog.
As for the man who sent Message 47...I don't know what 'attitude' you are talking about. Because I acknowledge the importance of chemistry? As for my age, what has that got to do with anything? And as for men running for the exits, not one has yet. My only problem is the line up at the entrance. And once I feel attraction to one of them, that guy will go to the front of the line. I am glad my profile lets men know what they are 'getting into'. Thanks for reminding me that I have succeeded. And what they would get, as my profile has detailed, is a nice woman who is not interested in looks, money or their occupation. Only in the man's character. Keep your vicious comments to yourself.
I still maintain that being a 'nice guy' does not automatically make you win the romance lottery. Women have to have more. And yes, I think anyone who believes that being 'nice' = entitlement is arrogant. | |
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