| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:13:56 AM | | Online dating is not for everyone. I am actually more casual about it, and don't have any expectations of meeting my soulmate here. The one guy I recently dated who really really thought had potential was someone I met through common interests and not through here. I think a dating site can expand your opportunities to meet people. But you should not put all of your hopes and dreams into it, or you are setting yourself up to get disappointed. You are probably one of those guys who is just better to meet in person. Please don't be bitter. The cards are stacked against men here because there are so many men contacting each woman. It's not for the feint-hearted. You tried something different and learned something. I wish you the best of luck. And BTW, thanks for the good grammar and spelling. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:13:10 AM | Hey fouthempire. Well written piece for what it's worth. Glad to hear you met someone who you can share your time with. Wonderful!
I am a big fan of POF actually. I met my best friend on here and now I've met someone else who is proving to be a great benefit to my life (as I am to hers). I am using POF as a way to make friends. By removing the pressure of seeking out a significant other I'm able to just be relaxed and hang out with new people, thus expanding my group of friends and therefore expanding my chances of meeting new people outside of my usual social circles. The more people you know and the more social support you have, the more you go out in social situations thereby increasing the number of new people you are introduced to. POF is not always a means to an end, it's just a small part of a more elaborate social networking strategy.
POF is great. It's free and there are many many MANY amazing people on here who can benefit your life just as richly in a platonic relationship.
Have fun and once again fouthempire, congratulations on meeting someone special. Oh and great user name by the way. Take care. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:35:15 PM | W H A T !???
Scratch and Dent?? Well, Im sorry you look at yourself that way, I sure dont see myself that way! Like being on the Island of No Return or In Rudolphs Land of Misfit Toys..right??
What makes you say such a rotten thing , just because you dont have to pay a fee? WOW! what an attitude!
Some people dont have all the money in the world, not always in their ballpark, and yet they make the best of it....You would never know how much some people make because of all the giving they do.
ANYHOW, maybe you just need an attitude adjustment. :) take care | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:34:30 PM | Congrats fouthempire. I hope that everything works out for you.
You hit the nail on the head when you described this place. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/6/2008 4:04:11 PM | Interesting thread indeed. Firstly fouthempire, I was sorry to hear that your experience here was less than you expected.
I think any on-line dating forum holds some uncertainties. Meeting people on-line is such an unsure thing, and as you've mentioned "until you meet face to face, none of this really counts". This couldn't be truer.
On the other hand, I think there are varying levels of participation on this or any site, as is the case in real life. It might be an idea to have a tick-box area, denoting..."I'm here to: a) chat on the phone or e-mail, b) make new friends and get acquainted, c) find someone like-minded, that I could possibly spend some time with d) find Mr/Ms right and spend the rest of our lives together. After all, some people likely do spend their time here, really to pass the time. Other's seriously think they will find their soulmate? Maybe it's just a crapshoot.
I read somewhere in the thread that we are scratched and dented, and quite honestly, that is also true. No one is perfect. I felt a little awkward, for in fact, I put that line in my profile, but quickly added, that with tlc and a little rubbing, the scratches would disappear. I'm not sure anyone can go through life, without a little abrasion here and there. Again, life is just a problem-solving journey. There is no doubt we will reach the final destination, but more importantly, it's really about what you did along the way.
I also referenced the automobile analogy in my profile, not to be smart or uppety, but rather I was hoping to demonstrate, that I have an automotive bent and have used that to demonstrate levity. I recall a teacher of creative writing once telling me: "show don't tell". I could have said, "I like cars" or "I have a sense of humour". I think the right person would pick up on both of my intentions. If I have to explain it...I suspect we'd not get along. It's like the line "I am honest". Well the truth will validate that, quite soon enough.
There are some who've made it their goal to find "someone" and get off here. Cudos to them. There are other's who've been here for EVER...and are still complaining. Isn't that just life? and a reflection of the spectrum of people that occupy the earth????
And my last comment is simply this: You cannot be all things to all people. There are some who would appreciate you/me/or a funny profile. And there are others who would not. Oh, well, don't lose any sleep over that. It's uniqueness and individuality that makes us all special to someone.
I'm happy you found yours, whether on here on the real world really isn't significant.
All the best to you both in your relationship and your future endeavours, and to everyone on this site. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/6/2008 4:22:52 PM | | amen...to you and also you sound wonderful to me and the qualityou possess should be enough for any woman who is serious about wanting a good man lilke you...so may GOD be wiht you take care and above all GOD BLESS...AND P.S. i COULD NOT HAVE SIAD THE SAME THING ANY BETTER AND YOU DID A GREAT JOB...YOU GO GUY...FOREVER ALWAYS | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/6/2008 4:39:41 PM | | OP, you make a lot of points, but remember, you can't catch any fish if you ain't got your bait in the water. I've been on here a long time and have only met a couple of women that I actually wanted to go out with, but I am a picky little fish myself. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/9/2008 4:33:22 PM | | dude, this place is totally retarded........none of the women here actually do anything more than talk about themselves, see how many men will come after them to stroke their ego i guess, and then respond with a quick short Hi bye or not at all..... i thought i was doing something wrong....changed my profile a hundred times....but it's not me.....women really do say they want one thing, but yearn for another.......the proof is in the pudding....women are out of their freaking minds and it's best to just love em and leave em.........or make them think that's what's you're going to do....then they can't get enough of ya..........Idiots.....!!!!all of em....!!!! | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:08:11 PM | | Oh my gosh, you are a disgrutled man aren't you, women have the same complaints about men, you have to find the right one and work with each other, stop and think about what the other person is thinking and feeling. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:40:17 PM | I am sorry. Some of what you is true, but you got to look at the type of people your looking at. My man was on here forever and after a few weeks away he got back on saw i checked him out he went to mine checked me out and dropped a line we meet and well the rest is history! He is my forever and ever! Now he says he is the happiest he been in a long time b/c he has his girl. And I am b/c I found a man who could look past all the pain and BS I had and used as a wall (which b/c of him my family and friends says im not longer a B**ch lol) and he tore it down!! So I guess I am saying you never know who is out there on the big world of POF. Just dont give the hope!
Tatts  | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:25:06 PM | | Dude, if it was that simple to find a mate we wouldn't have all these dating site and match makers, and so on..... I have been doing the on-line dating for three years now. It takes time. Where else are you going to meet people? I work full time. That leaves very little free time. Get real. Be patient. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:25:26 PM | ..In the right context, this place can be great!.......If you only look at it as a venue to meet people ,then its work is done! what happens after that ,is, openseason....if your profile is attracting people you aren't interested in ....then get a friend to help ....a different perspective is good!............. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/20/2008 9:16:37 PM | @fouthempire" wish you the best. I cant say i wasted my time in here but i have learnt alot. I didnt have any luck in the last few years and i pretty much threw in the towel myself..just dont have the energy for games. I also, just recently, met someone outside of this site with an interest both ways. we are getting to know one another and as we do....we are finding we have alot in common and very much alike. its nice knowing, theres no pressure or expectations and we are just being ourselves....bonus.
It takes all kinds to make a world. in here, menus to big to choose from, its superficial world for many, their expectations are to great to be met, seems most cant keep it real or simple now a days. I'm not the perfect 10 most want but hey, I'm not for everyone either, least I have alot more then just my looks. I am a good woman who deserves a good man also...I wont settle for anything less. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:17:02 PM | It's funny dating advice in general:
Don't date within your circle of friends, it could get ugly.
Don't date anyone at work, you'll get sued.
Don't date anyone you meet in a bar, it's shallow and venal.
Don't date anyone from church, Jesus will know.
Don't go online, it's "retarded"
I guess that leaves the grocery store and nice women my Mom knows. No wonder I'm single. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/25/2008 6:45:14 PM | | Idiots...!!!! all of em....!!!!, hmmm, you must get around a lot to know every woman in the world. Men ask women not to compare them with their last or not to expect them to act like every other man acts, well women don't like to be generalized either, as in "all women on here..." You don't know all women on here, and if you say all women on here, then you are talking about me and I don't appreciate it, and I bet a lot of other women don't appreciate it either!!! Good man? Why don't you leave that decision to a real woman to decide. And if you just get a hi or a bye have you ever considered someone wanted to make contact with you but she is very busy at the moment? I work in customer service and sometimes people can be so rude and short in their conversation. I get aggrivated and mad, but I have to remind myself, you never know what someone is going through in their life, their mother may have just died, they may have just been through physical violence and are looking for a friend, they may have just lost their job and come home and see your message and want to make contact but do not feel like talking about getting it on, see what I mean? I am not being mean or a smartmouth, just letting you know where the other side is coming from sometimes. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:11:20 PM | "... the gist is that eventually the only people who are left on dating sites are social introverts and "the unwanted." "
You could have something there, Savannah.
Also, in the same vein, don't forget the walking wounded who become mind readers and know what someone is thinking, that may never have occurred to them, because of some blog on here or somewhere. Obviously the best research.
Then the reaction is to dump them before they have a chance to hurt you. Never mind that you are dumping them for no valid reason, you won. But you are still here. What have you won?
"I think a dating site can expand your opportunities to meet people."
There is no such thing as a dating site. Has anyone seriously put in the first date field that they would like to exchange emails or chat on the internet? C'mon, people. This is an INTRODUCTION site. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 11:50:28 AM | RE: message 58 - with that attitude I'm not surprised you haven't met anyone on here! who would every respond to you after reading that rant? I don't appreciate being called an idiot. I don't man-bash or call people names but I can think of a couple for you.
As for meeting in person - from experience on other sites, I've found a lot of men are very reluctant to meet, especially men in my age group. The younger guys will actually shut off the computer, drive to a meeting place and spring for a cup of coffee. This isn't to say an older guy won't, but boy o boy - the numbers I've met elsewhere who talk a very good game but never walk the walk!
If you think this site is "totally retarded," cancel and look elsewhere. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 1:13:44 PM | | Couldn't agree more. Apart from which, why do people write off dating sites as being somehow sleazy? Are nightclubs not also seedy, with people groping each other in a drunken stupor? At least there is some substance on this site, people list their interests and are (apparently) honest about what they want, without having to shout to hear themselves speak or make themselves heard. And the IM gives them the chance to have a conversation, bliss if anyone on here is a single parent and can't get out of the house. I have also made some great friends on here, who knows, one of them could become something more one day? Better in some ways to start as friends. People use this site for different reasons, but if they are honest as to why, why not? | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 2:45:40 PM | This is in reply to hwy40bluz...Yes, it's true this gets monotonous at times but, it does have it's good points.I have been visiting with someone I met through here so it does happen. You are cute as a speckled pup and sweet as Tupelo Honey, I am amazed that nobody has tried to land you,maybe you should be more forceful,,lol | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 3:00:00 PM | | I am trying to delete my profile off this side and my software won't take. I have had it with dating sites. I agree with the person who wrote good man says goodbye. I have given up on women. I have meet some nice women on these sites but that is usually as far as it goes. They say they want a nice guy and money doesen't matter but they want a Donald Trump to pull up in a limousine with a bag full of money and take them out on the town. The worse date I had and I hope she sees this write up was with a banker that lived about forty minutes away from my house. We spoke off an on for a year and than started calling each other more. I thought we were getting along good. Finally we agreed to meet. It was a Saturday night and when we meet she said she had a long day and was tired and acted like she was doing me a favor by meeting me. It was a nice bar restaurant and we ordered drinks. From the moment we ordered drinks it was one cut down after another. I didn't know enough about mixed drinks she said. I should have been paying for the drinks and dinner with a bank card and not cash. I hadn't traveled enough like she did. Her EXHUSBAND was a swell guy. When I asked her why her hubby and her were divorced she basically told me to mind my own business. One cut down after another all night long. Of course no thanks that I paid for the expensive dinner and drinks. I followed her to some hunkey tong bar and when we walked in she hugged every male in the bar and basically ignored me. She had cut me down the whole evening and some of these guys she was hugging looked like escapees from a federal prison. What taste. We parted ways and the next day she send me an email telling me to go four letter word myself blaming me because it was a rotten evening. I told her lucks of luck finding a male she needed it. Another women I meet on internet dating I thought we were getting along good and she wrote to me telling me she had just gone out with me to make her current boyfriend jealous and not to take it personally. She was real religious and would pray for me even though she lived with alot of different guys. Other women I meet have had kids but the kids kept them like a puppet on a string. Mommy can't you get back with dad. Mommy I need this mommy I need that and these were grown kids. Please POF delete my profile. I can always masturbate. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 3:20:29 PM | I can't agree more.... I have belonged to both free and pay-sites and POF is what it is, a free site.....
To my surprise the best site still seems to be M**TCH.C*M - I have met so many great people on that site with eHar****.C*M being a close second. Yahoo Personals was a total waiste of time.
I'm not a 10 but I am also not a 1 - I have money, run my own business, have all my own teeth and know which fork to use with the salad course. The fact remains, women want "bad boys" in their 20's - if you are not an 8, 9 or 10 forget it.... POF is not the place. Why else have the ability to rate profile pictures and view the top rated folks...
Kind of reminds me of highschool where all the cool kids elect themselves to the home coming court so they can pat themselves on the back and feel populor about thier fragile self image. If you have nothing to offer other than your body, maybe you have bigger issues than finding a date on-line.... I would rather have an intelligent, sweet, sensitive "5" than an empty, stupid, shallow "10".
Fouthempire is right and spells out the fundemental problem with all sites.... how do you skim off the junk and get to the real people out here????
Sorry about my soap-box but, he is right and I wanted to wish him luck. Failure on this site is not his problem and he deserved a better experience.
Good luck man!!!! | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 3:41:39 PM | A person that is your equal is very hard to find. All of us have our flaws----you can't make it to adulthood without them.
I am completely honest about myself to anyone that I communicate with. I weigh more than I should, have a hard time trusting, have a complicated work schedule that leaves me with less free time than I like, and it is hard to meet someone that is willing to overcome those things to get to know me. I'm not a prize by any means, but I don't need a man with money, and I tend to go for loyalty over looks anyday. BUT the guys that write me almost instantly start talking about sex. That's not the main reason I am here----if so, I would be posting on a sex site.
I'm fairly new to this and have talked with some nice guys, even met one and we seem to hit it off, but the sex talk just isn't going to make me want to meet a guy that writes me. When they write to you about sex almost immediately, it makes me think that I am just one of many. | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 6:30:37 PM | Congrats on your find(sorry you couldn't find her on POF)
I don't understand why you never met anyone face to face on here.I have had the chance to meet 90% of the guys I have talked to on here face to face,for the most part it's been all good(although,I haven't found a love connection I'm friends with most of them)Good luck in your future: | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:16:06 PM | OP, I am glad you have found someone, I have not been on the site long but reading the forums and what I have noticed is a lot of very negative attitudes. Personally I have not had anyone who was rude or unkind and have met several people who were all very nice and good human beings, they were not meant for me however and we parted communication with respect and dignity. I have dated a few people and haven't met my soulmate yet but had a very nice time, I still am seeing one person. I have not had a bad experience yet.... I guess I just don't understand all the folks out there that equate someone who does not mesh with perfection in their view to being a bad person, we are all different and just because someone isn't what you are looking for doesn't mean they are flawed in some way. I think part of the problem is that so many people are so critical of others that are just different in thinking. Just because someones personality does not mesh with yours does not mean they are a bad person and should be open for your opinion. Perhaps it is the lack of tolerance that keeps people on this site for a very long time or causes bitterness. It is the same attitude
that creates judgemental attitudes for all people who are different from us... I am not saying that you should date a person you don't think meshes with who you are, just don't be critical if they are not what you are looking for, it doesn't mean they are a bad person. To all of you out there, I will ask for kindness and respect for all ............. We are all only human and subject to the flaws of humanity........ | |
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| Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:54:05 PM | I honestly did not read this entire thread. Just the replies from the cute women and the disgruntled man, because everyone was pointing to him.
I agree that alot of people (men and women) enjoy the attention, but most are sincerely looking for whatever they are advertising for.
I get enough attention here and on several other sites. I'm not sure why. I certainly think I am average looking and a little above average intelligence-wise.
There is something artificial about the entire "online" dating process. I think alot of women (at least at my age) are looking for Mr. Perfect and the guys are looking for a beautiful woman who gives good **** and doesn't complain about much.
Anyway, somewhere between those two extremes is where man and woman meet.
I met someone on a web site (Yahoo). I stayed with her for 2.3 years. It was a good relationship in most respects, and I met her online.
What I have found mostly in my life is that the women who want to spend time with me are always just a notch below what I'm looking for (and I'm not talking just looks) and the one's I like, are looking for guys one notch above what they can get (or keep).
So, it's a matter of adjusting expectations. If I lowered my expectations one notch, I'd have 20 women just dying to be with me. But this time around, I'm holding out, taking my time, and learning to be comfortable being alone. I'd rather be alone than settle.
Maybe I'll end up alone, but I'm OK with that. It's not my preferred situation, but it is OK if that's how I end up. | |
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