| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:02:58 AM | If your definition of "Decent" boils down to an idealistic list
of demands, and for many it often does, then you're probably just SOL!
And THEN, if you find a reasonable match, you will focus on the lacking
attributes or add things to your list, that you hadn't thought of previously!  | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:04:59 AM |
We are out there, But we scare all you ladies away, because you are not used to someone who is attentive, caring and thoughtful. You all run because you think that we are too good to be true ( I can't tell you just how many times I have heard this), leaving us feeling like its our fault that we are not the pushy, mean spirited ***holes that will cheat on you the second that your back is turned. Besides it it ingrained in today's ladies that bad boys are sexy and should be highly sought after because they are exciting..... but then you can't understand why the relationship doesn't work out. So if you really want a decent man try talking to the shy quiet guy at work that gets a little nervous whenever he's around you, or the guy in the restaurant that quickly looks away when your eyes meet, or some who opens the door for you as you enter the store (just make sure that he doesn't have a ring on his finger) we are everywhere
Great post. Unfortunately I don't think it is possible to change their collective mindset(s) (regarding women thinking that nicer guys are too boring, too good to be true, etc.,) nor do I think it is possible to break them of the cycle of preferring the "bad boys".....it is practically part of their genetics (as you stated it is ingrained in the women of today that bad boys are sexy, exciting, etc.) In other words, I think we're beating the proverbial "dead horse" here. I have finally decided to surrender here, and I've become convinced that maybe God doesn't want me to be in a relationship with anyone. If (or when) He does, then He will put that person in my life. I'll let Him decide........... | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:58:39 AM |
Unfortunately I don't think it is possible to change their collective mindset(s) (regarding women thinking that nicer guys are too boring, too good to be true, etc.,) nor do I think it is possible to break them of the cycle of preferring the "bad boys".....it is practically part of their genetics (as you stated it is ingrained in the women of today that bad boys are sexy, exciting, etc.)
You don't have to change my mind....I am 42 in a few weeks, and haven't dated a bad boy since I was 19.
Just because men are "nice guys" doesn't make them all suitable. Just as I am not suitable for certain men, even though I am a *gasp!* nice woman. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:03:40 AM |
So if you really want a decent man try talking to the shy quiet guy at work that gets a little nervous whenever he's around you, or the guy in the restaurant that quickly looks away when your eyes meet, or some who opens the door for you as you enter the store (just make sure that he doesn't have a ring on his finger) we are everywhere
If you replace all the male references to female references, I suppose we'd all get our answer soon enough.
I believe the ratio must be very, very close as to how often women pick the bad boy over the good boy, just as often as the men will pick the voluptuous blonde, or brunette, or redhead that's the life of the party, over the quiet, demure female pretty much invisible to the maneye.
If you had the option of say....I don't know...Ugly Betty (that's the Ugly Betty on TV, not our Ugly Betty...our Ugly Betty is beautiful... ) and Jennifer Aniston, don't tell me you'd pick Ugly Betty...
I agree with going to meet men on their own turf...but you would certainly have to condition yourself for the extremes; if it's a golf course, learn to golf...if it's sledding, learn to sled...if it's wine tasting, learn the art...but, I wouldn't advise venturing into one of these "caves" if you don't truly enjoy doing it; that's when it would become a problem in a relationship, and could possibly turn into something you want him to give up...
I would stick with somewhere that is typical in your life...grocery store, car wash, schools...wherever you usually go.
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:11:38 AM | | I would say the hood of my car--but that would mean I injured them and then what good would they be. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:13:16 AM |
If you had the option of say....I don't know...Ugly Betty (that's the Ugly Betty on TV, not our Ugly Betty...our Ugly Betty is beautiful...) and Jennifer Aniston, don't tell me you'd pick Ugly Betty...
I hope that wasn't about all guys now. Because I REALLY don't think Aniston is much at all. And I do believe that in a literal sense as well. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:21:11 AM | Get a new hobby/interest/passion that gets you out amongst people...widen your social circle with sports, religion, etc.
Decent men are everywhere, they just get overlooked for the "Exciting" guy that can't be got...b/c he's emotionally unavailible, or he's married, or.... | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:21:15 AM | Most women fail to do the things that would assure them of meeting more men.
Go to Home Depot on a Saturday morning. Wheel your cart around and bump into some guy's cart. Or when you see a man you would like to talk to why not ask his advice about the right color of tiles or whatever.
Oh, he's married. So what? Every time you develop a conversation with a man you are improving your skills. The encounter does NOT have to be step one towards bedding him. Just enjoy the interaction for what it is and in most cases then just move on. It's all good practice for you and it's all fun.
Many women have never been to Europe. Why? Mistake number one. Personal relations there are so much easier and more relaxed and open and honest.
Yet when they do go to Europe, they want security so they go in groups or stay in hotels - and get to meet unhappy couples and widows from Kansas instead of meeting the attractive single males that are all around. Males who will be staying in cheaper hotels, not in Hiltons, and they shun tour groups and tourist activities. If you don't have to go down the hallway to the bathroom you are in the wrong hotel.
Why eat at some fancy restaurant with American tourists? A counter lunch at the local pub in England or sitting at a table on the sidewalk in Paris will give you chances to meet people.
You have to make yourself visible. You have to look approachable. And you can do the approaching BTW, leave your sexist prejudices back home. European men react favorably to the self-confidence of secure American women, as they always have from Josephine Davis to Wallis Simpson. If you are stuck in the shrinking violet mode you may as well stay home in Des Moines.
The dumbest thing the woman visiting Europe can do is to travel by air. She will meet married insurance salesmen. Why isn't she on the train? Renting a car is dumb. On trains you have time to chat, you get up and walk around. You go to the dining car and meet people.
Worst thing a woman can do: take a cruise ship to the Bahamas. Oh, maybe it's even worse to stay home watching television and moaning about how hard it is to meet men. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:28:47 AM |
I hope that wasn't about all guys now.
Of course it wasn't about all guys...but the vast majority...present company excluded...
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:35:02 AM | Youve missed an extremely important point.
The more approachable and friendly a woman is,
the more she gets approached by men, she has no
interest in, or worse!
I find it hard to imagine a young single woman
travelling alone (on foot and train) through Europe!
Most women I know, just love to spend hours next to
some creep in a train compartment! | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:24:29 AM | "Youve missed an extremely important point.
The more approachable and friendly a woman is,
the more she gets approached by men, she has no
interest in, or worse!"
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You have to live your life in vulnerability unless you want to live forever sheltered and hidden away from challenges in which case you may as well go into a convent.
OF COURSE the friendly and approachable woman (and man) is going to encounter creeps and jerks. That's called real life. Welcome to the world, dude.
Women who filter out the jerks by blocking out all contact with strangers are going to miss the good guys too. If she hasn't learned to deal with reality, when is she going to start? Has she learned to say NO? Can she deal with rejection? Every male has to learn that rejection is part of life. Women who still need their momma holding their hand all their lives are totally boring. You are going to meet a lot of rejection - DEAL with it.
Mick Jagger says - you can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you get what you need. He's so right. The losers stay home weeping and wailing about how hard life is, sob sob, why isn't the person I want delivered to me like a pizza, then she watches American Idol and thinks she is living life while she is getting nothing but old and real life is passing her by.
The people who get on with life are out there being seen, and seeing, meeting, and being met, and that DOES mean that a woman CAN travel alone, in Europe. Switzerland is where I saw best that women and men are safe. However guaranteed safety is NOT the point, learning to take care of yourself is the point and NOBODY learned anything by staying indoors bemoaning the fact that the world isn't being delivered to your door by Federal Express ready to be reheated in your microwave. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:24:54 AM | you want to know where to find decent men? Stop looking. Start observing. The Decent men have been there all along, and you ignored them looking for something else.
Us "Decent" men always get overlooked. We aren't the ones out impressing everyone or being the star of the night. We are the guys who work hard, play hard, and just be ourselves, and wonder why we never get noticed for that. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:32:02 AM | "I find it hard to imagine a young single woman
travelling alone (on foot and train) through Europe!
Most women I know, just love to spend hours next to
some creep in a train compartment! '
...................................................
Jeezus H. Christ dude, haven't you ever been on a train?
On an airplane, that's where you are stuck in your seat with some creep pushing up against you, belted in like a package, immobilized and helpless.
On a train you get up, walk around, go to the lounge car, eat in the dining car, chat with people in the coffee shop. A whole different experience and you feel like a human being.
Which option do YOU think optimizes your prospects for meeting people you want to talk with? | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:43:39 AM | One of the biggest insults towards a whole gender is to say that most of that gender are not decent enough people. And not to mention, this is chauvinism. The most disturbing thing about it is that many many many women think this way. Not just some or a few.
Why is it always a social acceptance when women express this? But if a man thought some thing negative about the whole female gender (even to a lesser degree of bitterness) he would be seen as a misogynist.
The answer to the OP's question is that there are decent men everywhere. It's your expectations that are not decent. Being a chauvinist means you are not decent your self. Wake up to reality. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:44:43 AM | MSG 38
I think you really need to walk a mile in a woman's shoes
What you say is very idealistic, but sadly impractical!
Have I ever been on a train? No!
But I drove them as a kid in Germany! lol | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:47:45 AM | Lois (msg 19) says
Asking a question of clarification can't be qualified as an attack. Look it up, if you are unsure I bed to differ, and I apologize in advance for going off topic.
Asking all sorts of questions, especially those where you challenge someone's qualifications, (as lois did) is a very common tactic in emotional and/or verbal abuse. It is a way of putting someone down and lowering their status, all while seemingly asking a neutral question. But the question is anything but neutral. Those of us who have been through an abusive relationship can attest to this. Please do not perpetrate the myth that asking questions cannot also be an attack. This is also a form of obfuscation.
G | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:50:13 AM | Well I'm not YOUNG but I am British and single and I did the reverse - spent 5 months travelling by plane, Amtrak and car through Texas, Florida, Georgia and California a couple of years ago after I finished working in California. Then went to Australia for a month. Travelling can be a great way to meet people.
Had a great time,and even though I'm a bit shy and find it quite hard to strike up a conversation with people I don't know I met lots of nice people. Outside of the Amtrak the place I met most people was either Starbucks or one of the bookstores in the evenings.
Ironic though that I met a very nice man from San Diego when we were both on our way to New Orleans - would have been nice to have met him when I lived in San Diego! But we did have a nice time exploring New Orleans together. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:51:30 AM | The men most likely to approach you are the men you should avoid(Adverse Selection). Or in other words Men (players) that find it easy to seduce women will more likely move from women to women, since their opportunity cost are much lower then a non player. A non player must exert a more significant amount of effort and resources in attracting a woman and thus has a higher opportunity cost.
Men focused on their careers have very little time, and aren't constantly trying to improve their gaming skills. Men who are great Players spend their time improving their game instead of their careers. So basically decent men are usually working much of the time, you won't find them at bars and clubs, the men you will find constantly at bars and clubs are the ones with plenty of time on their hands.
I recent guide on how to land a billionaire/millionaire husband suggest getting a job at a company likely to have millionaire/billionaire men so you will be in close proximity as these men will have little time to actually visit bars and clubs.
I think finding a decent man for women is going to soon become a rarity, with the explosion of PUA community and PUA books and bootcamps, the man that Cosmo has trained women to want will become a reality, and since it will be so easy for men to pick up women, why stay with just one? | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:58:45 AM | I think Tollhouse has it right. It's has a lot to do with perspective and being realistic. The guy who drives up in a Bentley and smiles at every woman in the club is not the settle down type. The truth is everyone has something great about them and something that you won't like. Find someone you have fun with, that has some faults you can deal with and you have yourself a good person.
Good luck. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 12:14:02 PM | | Hi Lois. The ne thing that surprises me in your statement is the word "foolproof". I'll make a deal with you. I'll come up with a foolproof way to meet a decent guy if you can come up with one to meet a woman. Everyone takes chances in today's life. I will say that it is not just the place where you meet people, it is the people themselves that matter. Like you stated before, church has "not so nice" people in it. So pick out a person that reflects the type of attitude you desire on a daily basis. If you like a flirt, take the chance he/she will flirt with others. If that's not cool wih you, stay away. Besides, meeting people is not the problem. It is dealing with them contiuously is gonna be the challenge. I meet alot of women who call themselves ladies but don't act like it. So i leave them alone. But I have to applaud you for having a nice personality through this thread. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:07:04 PM | girls like bad guys and then wonder why they keep getting bad guys. go for the shy guys, they are nice.
i doubt any woman will ever learn this though  | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:09:04 PM | | Libraries, church, concerts, comic book/anime`/role-playing stores, conventions, professional organizations, outdoors clubs, the gun range, need I go on? | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:17:57 PM | | I chat with some really cool guys on here, and also I meet quite a few on the snake forum I belong to. A few of them live in Colorado, and we have become friends. But the best way is to remodel your home. Having to make 12 trips to the hardware store in 7 days (typical remodel story) is a sure-fire way to meet guys. Anywhere you go--restaurants, stores--you can talk to people. The more social you are, the more more people you will meet (nothing like stating the obvious, huh?). | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:22:22 PM | I find decent guys playing music at jam sessions and community bands, and dancing at folk/contra dances.
HTH | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:27:35 PM | there all you . but there not the type you really want , they work hard all there lifes .. they go to school and study to get ahead in life and stay there ... most girls now go for the cancer carriars types because they have all the funny things to say and cool things they do . and they go out all the time and party . while the good guys study and work to pay for the schooling they get . even the jocks if they are going to be pro. have to work harder than your regular people because thats what it takes to be really seccessful .. so lool at the schools and your work place to find the riseing stars and try to chaught a flying star ..
and while your looking why don,t you come over to my place for a while.....
RICHARD  | |
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