| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:31:20 PM | Just remember this ....
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory!!   
Just needed to laugh... oops sorry wrong thread and topic... just breaking the ice  | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:46:23 PM | What you desire often doesn't come in the pkg. you want...................
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:01:23 PM | | Wow... there are quite a few good answers here... and a whole hell of alot of jaded responses. "Good" and "decent" and "suitable" can all be subjective. Not all men who approach can be jerks. Not all quiet men have remarkable personality problems. General statements like this are a bit shortsighted. Be observant to your surroundings and the people in them is a good start. Pay attention to solid non verbal cues of attraction. Approaching the men can also work. Being capable of giving what you want in return i think is the keystone. There are good men everywhere. There are suitable men everywhere. In the bar, at the laundrymat, in the grocery store...everywhere! See yourself with that person you want... draw them to you. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:19:17 PM | We have the same problem over here too so you're not the only one.
Someone told me church lol.
Dolphindreams | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:59:37 PM | Nice men are normally found everywhere. The key to finding nice people is by asking questions, paying attension to what they say and also knowing what you want.
It's not about where they culminate socially but more to the effect of you being solid as yourself, knowing what you want from another heart and seeing how they mesch in with what you do.
Also, if you seem to have a repeating pattern with meeting the wrong people reevaluate what you look for. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:17:28 PM |
We are out there, But we scare all you ladies away, because you are not used to someone who is attentive, caring and thoughtful. I could learn to love being treated that way if given a chance. Sadly, some men don't recognize a woman who knows how to treat a man, either. He is looking for the Hef gal.
I can get a date any day of the week Not a slam as I don't know you, but I am sure with your looks and money, you don't have a problem. But most guys are average working guys who don't fit the GQ mold. A lot of us are average gals waiting to be asked.
There are lots of 'looks good on paper' guys on here, sadly they live too far away or aren't looking for me. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:13:47 PM | C.C. Lapew, you sound like a real gem! Best of luck to you and the lucky lady!
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:53:29 PM | Finding a decent man is not all that difficult.
First you have to define what you mean by a decent man. Then define what the characteristics inherent in what you consider as decent. Then look for activities or behaviors that are representative of those characteristics. I.E. Is a decent man someone that takes care of his mother? Try volunteering at a senior center or hospital and see how some sons treat their mom and approach them. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:58:53 PM | The bookstore,
the library (sniff for hygene),
the grocery store (no ring, food for 1 and a dog...good clue),
take a mechanics class (if you don't meet the man you want, you may meet the one you need ...to fix your car)
Places where sober, intelligent men hang out...curling competitions | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:04:25 PM | Unfortunately for you, those "decent men" probably do not even show up on your radar. They tend not to be especially flashy, blinged out, or loud. Often they tend to be relatively unassuming and quiet to the casual observer. Perhaps even a little boring.
You probably pass them every day at work, school, the grocery store, the laundromat, and even church, just to name a few places.
You may have to change your perceptual filters if you are to meet one of those decent men. They aren't usually the type who tell you what you want to hear, but rather tell you the truth. They usually won't show off for you or put on a big act, but will be themselves. If those show-off braggart types are the ones you notice all the time, well, sorry but you will probably not notice the ones who will be straight with you.
Just my opinion. Good luck to you. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:10:52 PM | Contrary to what most bitter posters think, this site is crawling with incredible men.
I've had myself out of the dating pool for a long time now, and yet I've met some of the most
caring, generous of spirit, sexy, genuine guys here on PoF.
You get what you give. It's about allowing people into your circle, even if you're not sure
you would go further than just a hello.
Open the door.... you never know who's gonna walk in next.
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:13:04 PM | | Decent men are everywhere. The problem is the decent men are heavily rejected and just considered another "nice guy". | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:53:17 PM | First...: Avoid the West Coast..!!
Thank-You 'bullie'..!!
A Pity that you're not 'Available' . . I'd make a Sincere Offer..!! . . *Smile*
*Suprises Happen...!!!*
Ask 'Cuddly'...!! | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:03:57 PM | I don't get the obsession with saying that 'you can't find a decent person in a bar'. That's obviously absurd.
I occasionally go to bars and I am a decent person. I met my bf of 5 years in a bar. What difference does it make where you meet? What matters is what keeps you together after you meet. | |
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L.D.
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Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 116 | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/5/2008 1:41:33 AM | Decent is a different definition for everyone. Most decent guys are the guys you wouldn't notice at first. We're not the hot, muscular, etc. guys that you notice when walking in the door.
Not saying there aren't decent guys like this but most of the guys I've known are like this. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:24:45 PM |
I have a question ? where exactly are women supposed to meet decent men if not in
bars,clubs,internet,street or lounges......
I have no luck when it come to these places so im just wondering where is next place i should try. lol
Bigger question...how clear are the signals you send to guys? Do you send clear signals?
Most of the time, the playas are the ones who will just approach any hot female with any means he can think of. More decent guys have manners and play by tradition...that ideal of making eye contact, smile, and then he approaches.
Maybe there is an illogic nowadays in men looking for eye contact and a smile, but it's funny how many women who complain that men don't approach them, or they can't meet anyone decent, never put out clear signals for guys to approach. These are the women who walk down the street with an iPod on; bury their face in a magazine on the train, cafe, or bookstore; yack on their cell phone when in the grocery store or look at the floor when a guy is checking them out.
Decent guys are all over, but too many women (not saying you're like this) will have walls of ice around them and a big "STAY AWAY" sign. Not saying women should approach, but maybe take a chance as opposed to sitting there closed up, hoping he might just come over and save you the worry of trying.  | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:08:28 PM | You see this old line in far too many profile headings;)
Location does matter for sure. I think busy working men or busy professional men essentially never (or rarely) go to bars in general looking for someone to date. Pretty much all such pickup places generally have a more constant stream of players we might have to wade through anyways.
"Decent", "Good", "Suitable", etc. are all just euphemisms from whatever you happen to have on your list. Part of the Op's list is easy to figure out from the related post here:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9840114.aspx
Some of the women making an equal complaint may need to look at studies like this:
http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/04/09/how-dont-i-love-thee/
I've seen similar ones in greater detail and my general impression is that too many women are looking for a demographically unlikely group of men that are probably attached or may not even exist. The other thing I think might be true is that you are looking for contradictory attributes. Men who have a regular or decent job, can't spend all their time honing their pickup skills at a club or working out constantly at the gym. And many men who spend lots of time at either location may be more into themselves than into you to begin with or they might not like Poetry, Shakespeare, Politics, whatever...they are too busy working out or picking up for that.
I will pick on family for a minute (I'm allowed...it's family). My older sister (+2-yrs) used to not only have the tightest list of what an acceptable guy was, but she pretty much started exactly with the looks and body...and was to no surprise (to at least me) later unable to find that personality she was looking for in body man#n. The very first real "decent" guy she went out with, where "decent" to me meant he had more of a personality than those Quest for Fire dudes...was a guy she met through friends and got to know him and thus didn't pre-weed him out based on him being a shorter guy, losing a bit of his hair and was the first on I was sure I could beat up;) That was at 34 or 35 years old. She still asks about loosening some of her demographics constraints...and I pretty much always say yes.
Try as we might...it is very hard for anyone's personality to jump off the profile...and if a coffee date is too much, then you may miss the one that actually gets and clicks with you. I partially blame Hollywood and popular culture for promoting the body first selection process that didn't used to be women's prime focus.(you're supposed to be more evolved than us;)
Using my sister as an example...I think there are many women still dating the "jock-equivalents" like in High School and never grew out of that or did so much later anyways. (Call it "Sex in the City" syndrome.) Many men that are near perfect on the outside...are far too often messed up on the inside in some way.(well more than typ. anyways;)
So if you have been making a list...and checking it twice...maybe go back and reassess you priorities and actively seek a new definition of "decent man" (ironically it should be closer to what was once the original definition) and be willing to take chances, look foolish and go on a bunch of bad dates, that will at least give you stories for later when you find him. Or keep being very, very picky, and keep selecting only from the exact same pile and keep being surprised when you keep getting the same type of men.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That goes for all of us! Adieu! | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:33:37 PM | here is my 2 cents.
If you looking for a man with depth, culture, responsibility and honesty then stay away from places where people go to have “good time” usually involve alcohol. You will get better chance to find decent men in place where alcohol is not involved.
Decent men don't go to clubs at 12 am in the mid night! or have nothing better to do except hang out at the bars getting drunk.
I use myself as am example, I enjoy reading in various topics such as philosophy, economy, culture, cooking, mixology.
I also enjoy watching news (at home), trying new restaurants (I go to classy), decorate my garden (I go to hardware store), read some new books(I go to book store), rent some highly recommended movies(block buster), fishing(in the park), jogging. As you can see, decent have a good life style and they usually go out during day time. unlike people who go out at night and sleep during the day.
Finally, if you have decent guy friends, you can find out where they usual go.
thanks poster Jamescnd, you made some excellent points. It makes me wonder, this is nature's doing: women reproduce with the alpha males. It has nothing to do with being nice or decent. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:51:54 PM | | Listen to all the decent men tell you where to find them...Geez....They are everywhere...So are the decent woman...Everywhere... Jus beware of the many wolves hiding in the sheep's clothing... | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:25:05 PM |
Listen to all the decent men tell you where to find them...Geez....They are everywhere That's even overcomplicating things - they're here. Actually, forget that - we're here.
We're not the hottest guys on the site, so we're easily ignored. Read the messages, read the profiles, search the profiles, and stop making decisions after limiting yourself only to a select group of guys who are tall/muscular/sexy.
Find good man, give him a shot (and realize he might be nervous initially), date, form relationship, be happy.
That's all it takes. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:13:46 PM | Posted By: bullielover62 on 5/4/2008 4 52 PM
Subject: where to find decent men
Message: Contrary to what most bitter posters think, this site is crawling with incredible men.
I've had myself out of the dating pool for a long time now, and yet I've met some of the most
caring, generous of spirit, sexy, genuine guys here on PoF.
You get what you give. It's about allowing people into your circle, even if you're not sure
you would go further than just a hello.
Open the door.... you never know who's gonna walk in next.
.............................................................
Exactly.
Suggestions:
Stay away from bars.
Join a political party and work at it.
If you are ever on any committee, speak out. Stand up when you speak, so you will be seen and noticed. Run for an office. Most American women are far too reticent and self-effacing in relating to males. Shrinking violets are boring.
Visit places where men are - Home Depot, bookstores, car shows, etc.
Stop categorizing men in boxes labeled "married" or "single" and just relate to every individual as worthy of your respect and friendship with no expectations or obligations or assumptions.
Travel in Europe alone. Be a traveler, not a tourist. Never stay in good hotels. If you don't have to go down the hall to the bathroom, you are paying too much and will only meet retired American couples, not young single travelers.
Be vulnerable. Most places in Europe are a lot safer than you expect. If you put security above everything and and take no chances at all, nothing happens in life.
Never travel by air in Europe. Use trains and buses, where people meet each other.
Lose the "dating" mindset and look for friendships - and be open to whatever develops.
Grow out of old-fashioned gender-specific behavior. Be his equal. If he is too insecure to accept that, dump him - he's not right for you. | |
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| where to find decent men
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:33:04 PM | jie_pie said:
thanks poster Jamescnd, you made some excellent points. It makes me wonder, this is nature's doing: women reproduce with the alpha males. It has nothing to do with being nice or decent.
No...I am saying that the women of today(along with society) have gone far past evolutionary norms (as in stuff like Desmond Morris' The Human Animal) Even in cave man times...women would usually couple with the better care provider for her children. Ironically they suggest she also slept around with the Alpha Male on the side, so beware.
Historically for 1000s of years women were normally pragmatic enough (or smart enough) to figure out that the best care provider (and by extension best husband), was not typically the same "alpha male" that they may have fooled around with when they were younger....as much because they could never find the personality attributes they wanted in that group. The care giving mate would be nice and decent by selection.
Some may call that "settling" OR "settling down", but there are huge swathes of women that can't find any acceptable men (I mostly speak for the 27 to 40 something group), but they don't examine their criteria and are not at all happy (not that we are, but let's focus on them).
There are a growing number of women themselves that are starting to (slowly perhaps) point the finger at at least part of Feminism as in Danielle Crittenden's "What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us". She makes the case that only the Gen-X's and after...were essentially told to not only deny biology on some level, but also the normal things that might lead to emotional happiness. In a more recent and possibly more inflammatory position was the following in a UK newspaper(Settle for less in love):
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article3883168.ece
Now personally I don't like the negative connotation that the UK article in the whole concept of "settling". If they could have found what they wanted in all the "alpha males" they dated...don't you think they would have sealed the deal some time before 40? If anyone actually reads her article it at least gets near if not nailing the point hard. What many are aiming or searching for either doesn't exist or won't make them happy anyways...or at least not in the long run.
Passion fades, looks fade for us all...and then you are left with someone for hopefully many decades and you better as well like hanging out and listening to that person or it won't last. I'm not saying you should pick someone you are completely not attracted to at all, but I do think that their exact physical form shouldn't be at the top of your list...and cool people are more attractive when you actually meet and talk to them.
So I guess from my standpoint...we should all be looking for someone that would be our best friend...that we also like making out with. But the idea that the person will be perfect or a magically soulmate may be a fools errand. Very compatible personality wise...definitely...to be Johnny Depp meets Chris Rock meets Donald Trump with telepathic powers(ever so slightly exaggerated)...good luck. Somewhere along the line...many women lost their pragmatism and realism and ironically most men did not. Contrary to some comments about Blond Playboy models, etc. most men are not looking for that, maybe those players at the clubs, but not the rest of us. | |
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