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 808 syndicate
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 226
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a PartnerPage 10 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
^^^Nah, actually people like you that get offended by such comments are weakminded. BTW your spelling is terrible. Go back to school before you decide to post again...chump

Oh and sharing a story like this does not make you stronger. Nor will it get you any sympathy. You dig?

p.s. you are offended by it chump, or you wouldn't have replied. And at least I can spell.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 227
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 10/19/2009 1:32:14 AM
^^^Nah, actually people like you that get offended by such comments are weakminded. BTW your spelling is terrible. Go back to school before you decide to post again...chump



I'm not offended by what you posted.


it's your stupidy that you display so well and lack of empathy that offends me.
 FineAndCuriouslyTrue
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 228
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 10/19/2009 3:51:55 AM
"You may ask why I didn't leave sooner, but believe me when you're in that kind of relationship it's not that simple. These kind of people, since I've learnt, are very clever, and it is a gradual process of manipulation they weave over you. It's not something that happens straightaway. It is a mind control game to them."


That's what abuse is all about. Manipulation, control and power games. Yes I've also been in abusive relationships - not so much beating up abuse, but mental abuse, emotional abuse and sexual abuse. The men I had relationships with sensed vulnerability and neediness in those days (now I am happily single and celibate). They also tapped into my low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence, which stemmed from being sexually assaulted and abused and called a 'whore' at the age of 9. I was sexually abused by more than one male in childhood, which I recently had to come to terms with. Add to that a father who didn't seem to like me at all as I grew up and put me down frequently and I basically spent my adult life looking for a man to play the role of 'father figure' and also obviously beyond. A knight in shining armour to love, honour and protect me. Having never had that my desperation to love and be loved shone out of me like a beacon. My need for a man to give me a sense of self-worth was ultimately my undoing in relationships - men who wanted sex on any terms and would say anything to get it ("I love you" being the common lie).

I blamed myself for many years for not only the childhood abuse but the abusive relationships. Then I realised that it wasn't my fault; it wasn't because it was something about me 'asking for it'. It was because those kinds of men (and yes there must be good men out there too) pick up on vulnerability and fragility, and they are predators. My ex 'lovers' all got off literally on my vulnerability and my lack of self-worth. They used it to their own ends (pardon the pun). Where they knew they wouldn't get sex from me if they were honest - just using me and no respect - they lied and conned.

It sounds like the man who abused you also is similar to this. They pick up on low confidence and self-esteem, and it makes them target such women. Easy prey; deceive and worm their way into your affections. Use your weaknesses to gain power. I knew another woman once who was loud, mouthy and aggressive but underneath the brash exterior was a badly abused and insecure woman. A woman who - despite sounding tough on the surface - had apparently been dragged around a house by a partner by her hair, and locked and imprisoned in her own home by him. She also had been mistreated by her family, she said.

Abusers rarely take responsibility for their actions - they will always lie and always make you feel it's somehow your fault. They will twist things and make out you 'made' them hit you, you put them in a bad mood. Or in the case of sexual abuse they may say "well you're cheap" but again it's a lie. The ones who abuse are the cheap ones - they have to resort to lies, tricks and power games to get their kicks; sexual or otherwise.

Personally I've recovered now - I know I'm not a whore, as that rapist said when I was 9 years old. I never was; never will be. I have self-respect and spent my adult life looking for true love, but in the absence of it did eventually lose hope, and settled for less than I genuinely wished for. I sold myself short. I regret that but having been violated and stripped of my self-worth in childhood I no longer blame myself for this. Nor should you blame yourself for what this man has done to you - he had a choice. A real man does not need to abuse. A real man may have the power but will not use it to your detriment. You need to believe you're worth more before you can break free - making excuses for him "I know I should've left him but...." only allows him to continue to abuse you. You don't deserve it - that's a lesson I've learnt, a valuable one. You deserve better - seek better.
 Chrishallett
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 229
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:10:36 AM
Yes
I was asked sex questions before infront of my friends and I was made fun of by my girl friend at the time I was only in my early 20'2 at the time.

I meet her at a Bar from the down town part of dartmouth.

In 3 weeks of our relation she started coming up to me and was telling me that pretty soon I was going to have me preety good in away that I will never forget.

It did happen she had too much to drink this one night when she came over to my place
I put my daughter to bed for the night.

When she came over to my place she started to beat me up and was draging me across my living room floor and she wrestle me to the ground and she started to striping me naked and she did and was forcing masturbation on me alot and use to have me on my hands and knees alot for her for her own pleasure.

Over time I just got the will power to get a court order that ended it all.

I just got tired of being her sex slave none the less
 sunkissedlotus
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 230
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 10/19/2009 7:25:53 AM
Mentally and verbally abused throughout my four year marriage. My family wasn't supportive because their line was at least he doesnt hit you. Not the crying at work, nor the coworkers pleas for me to leave him did it, not the wanting to work 12-14 hr shifts so I didn't have to deal with him did it. Not the plummeting self esteem and 60 lb gain did it. It was the fact that my daughter didn't know how to talk, but could emulate his screams at me, did it. What kind of example was I giving her to stay in an abusive loveless marriage. No way. I had to plan my escape carefully. And three years of separation and six months of divorce I am barely coming out fully of the grasp of him and my family's, to be the woman I knew I could be.

Sorry for the women and men that have gone through all of that. Chris that was rape. And she probably was acting out some of her own anger issues unto you, but you didn't need that, and I hope you can get a healthy loving partner that can help you consolidate those emotions tied to that experience.

All my blessings and healing thoughts to you all.
 808 syndicate
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 231
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:26:54 PM
I'm not offended by what you posted.


^^^Yeah sure. But yet you took the time to quote and reply to what was said.

It amazes me how one single comment can easily get a person worked up..wouldn't you agree?
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 232
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Good that you put this out there
Posted: 12/11/2013 8:00:24 PM
People search the forums for information like this. You identified the course of things very well--you were deeply in love, then things changed over time, he became more controlling and you tried to over look this.

Hope you are doing well today. Lucky you did research and had good family support.
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