| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 4:23:06 PM | You are a beautiful woman and so brave to share your story. You now deserve a wonderful, happy future, and now you are free from abuse I know from my heart you will find it. I believe that in life things happen to us for a reason, not because we are bad people, but to make us stronger and wiser.
Many people who abuse others are weak people in themselves, and feel the need to bring down others to make themselves feel better. My ex was a Director of a big American company and very successful, but at home he was the most insecure person ever. The abuse didn't happen all the time, and there were times when being together was an amazing, wonderful experience, and that was why it was so hard to understand what was going on. At the time I read books, searched the internet, to try to understand why this was happening, but at the end of the day you have to actually look at the person they are and not what you want them to be ... and run, very fast. Although I did love him and wanted to help him, even though he abused me, and this is why I probably stayed longer than I should have, I knew in the end that if I didn't leave he would eventually destroy me too.
I had some brilliant friends and family who helped me through this, but not having gone through the same didn't really understand what I was going through. Just walk away they would say ... but as you know it's not as easy as that. For anyone on here who wants to email me privately or just tell me their story, I am always here to listen and understand totally. Just want you to know that.
I have also recently met someone, for the first time since all this happened, and have been totally honest with him ... and he still likes me, for me, and not what has happened to me. He is a very kind and caring man, wonderful fun to be with, and totally sexy ... It's strange how you can feel embarrassed about telling someone what has happened to you, when it's not even your fault. I suppose you don't really know how others will judge you if you tell them, think your weak, etc.
Tina xx | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:13:14 PM | I have to disagree with your comment about that there is nothing wrong with a man defending himself, if a woman is hitting him.
I disagree with your disagreement. If a woman wants to act as a man, she must be ready to be deal with as if she were a man.
Too many women use the "never hit a woman" thing as a shield to abuse men. I've seen women kicking and punching men, while shouting "don't you dare to hit me, I'm a lady".
Yes, I was abused. Yes, she hit me. At the end, I hit her back. Her look of surprise and indignation (after months of being punched, kicked and slapped, I slapped her only that time) was something to behold. After that, she started to cry and call me a coward and abuser. I simply left after that. And the incredible thing, she told our friends that she couldn't understand why I left her.
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:15:46 PM | ^^^^^ Tangoperu.
No one deserves to be hit!!!! So, if a woman hits a man he should walk away and LEAVE. What is the point of "hitting back" ???? Unless you are kicking and screaming to get away..... if you have the ability to leave, LEAVE!!!! | |
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dino12
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Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 55 | |
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:17:11 PM | Yes I have, and no I would n't deal with the above scenario either. I won't hit her, but I won't let her beat the hell out of me either. I cna set her on her ass gently enough to get away with doing it.
I have been abused on many levels, but that is part of what makes me who I am now. I am what I am, and that is all that I am.
I love wifebeaters!
I think they make the best sound when you beat them with a baseball bat! Almost like a watermelon!
Doc | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:20:11 PM | No one deserves to be hit!!!! So, if a woman hits a man he should walk away and LEAVE.
Sorry, that excuse doesn't fly. If you are robbed, do you walk away and leave? If you are assaulted, do you walk away and leave? If you are raped, do you walk away and leave? Is the situation different only because the attacker IS A WOMAN?
Unless you are kicking and screaming to get away..... if you have the ability to leave, LEAVE!!!!
Dear Cristine, what if she's between you and the door, and punching you so you won't leave? Please leave your indignation for the one who hits first, not for the one who reacts to abuse. And don't tell that "she's a woman". It's the 21st century, and we're equal. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:20:26 PM | Dino: Yeah we should have big german women beat the living shit out of a man who beats his wife. ;) Just playing.
OT: I think anyone who has the need to make someone feel like sh*i*t with words or hands is a shit head.... regardless of gender!!!! | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:23:40 PM | Did you READ my remark at all ^^^^^^ ???
No one deserves to be hit!!!! So, if a woman hits a man he should walk away and LEAVE. What is the point of "hitting back" ???? Unless you are kicking and screaming to get away..... if you have the ability to leave, LEAVE!!!!
I said NO ONE deserves to be hit, man or woman and no one has a right to hit, man or woman, unless it is in defense to GET AWAY [aka. Ability to leave - just like I said in my response]
So if she is in the doorway punching you not to leave pick her ass up and move her.... generally speaking men are stronger than woman, however, if that doesn't work kick her so she falls on her ass and leave. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:33:42 PM | Yes, i read your remark, and you added "man or woman" only after my answer.
And no, I don't think that "only to get away" is the answer. And yes, I think there is people who deserves to be hit, like those guys who abused of some women in this thread. But being a woman is not an excuse nor a license to be violent.
And the relative size of attacker and victim are not important. The important thing is that one of them is attacking the other.
Now, perhaps I'm talking through a wound, but I think that if an abuser knew that his/her abuse will be answered in kind (after all, somebody who abuses of a defenseless -whether because the person can't or won't defend him/herself- person is by definition a coward), it would be a better deterrent than just "If I hit him/her he/she will leave". | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:35:46 PM | ^^^TANGO:
Okay sweetie, you are taking your anger out on me!!! I said "no one deserves to be hit" in my original post and then I clarified "man or woman" in my next post responding to you!
Gee wiz!!!!!!
And I still think NO ONE deserves to be hit... even if they have hit.... its just hypocritical... and yes, I don't believe in spankings either but thats a different subject!!!! | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:40:16 PM | Thanks by calling me sweetie! 
Anyway, it's not anger, and I apologize if it sounded like that. It's only that I think your position is unrealistic. I think the best solution is never hit anybody in the first place, to avoid the risk of being hit back. And yes, it applies both to men and women.
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:43:50 PM | ^^^^ How is only hitting in defense to escaping unrealistic? What should I do??? Like when my friends dad beat the shit out of his wife, mother in law and children in front of me... what should I/they have done?
I just got the hell out of there after the police was called! Should I have hit the guy???
OT: Hitting someone isn't necessary to "get back" even if you were just hit... maybe its something you "want" to do... but its not necessary..
ie: This guy I was dating tried to rape me... I threw him off of me and left.... should I have beat the shit out of him to "get even" ? Naw, I am too good for that. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 7:55:13 PM | How is only hitting in defense to escaping unrealistic?
Until now, you hadn't say "hitting in defense". You said "just leave" and "nobody deserves to be hit". That's what I found unrealistic. Hitting in self-defense was my original position. (To clarify things, the slap I gave her was in self-defense, in the middle of a violent situation. I'd never hit anybody in cold)
OT: Hitting someone isn't necessary to "get back" even if you were just hit... maybe its something you "want" to do... but its not necessary..
To be hit and not to answer would take a lot of restraint, and some people are not equipped for it. And yes, sometimes you want to hit back. But to hit back "to get even" and hit back "in self-defense" are two different things. One of them is planned and cold, the other arises from you being in physical danger. They can't be compared.
ie: This guy I was dating tried to rape me... I threw him off of me and left.... should I have beat the shit out of him to "get even" ? Naw, I am too good for that.
And perhaps he will try to rape the next girl he dates... because he knows there won't be physical consequences nor danger to him for his actions.
Now, I'm not saying you should have beat the shit out of him. But, if the situation had justified a violent response, to do it would be well within your rights. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 8:02:09 PM | I am not even gonna get in this with you, you are too narrow minded! And what are you saying, because I didn't hit the **stard he will rape again??? ooooh thats just nice..
I will say it again. No one deserves to be hit and hitting in defense to ESCAPE, in my opinion, is the only reason. | |
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bobos
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Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 66 | |
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 8:24:01 PM | to some point this is serious.coz that ***hole i used to like made me hate men.
its like abbusing was one of his best hobbies.he almost killed me when he poured petro
at my appartment burning everthing,prio to that he raped ma friend kate.i sometimes feel he did something to my younger bro stan.this man has made me charge not normal.but i do feel im abnomal,i would love to share wit you my xperience,but its too long if i start from the scrach.all the same i thank lord that im a live. i think i was too preety for him you know the ethiopian woman,i think this person realy hated himself more than anyone and his self esteem was at the basement | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/6/2005 2:38:04 AM | its tough. luckily you are rid of this person. i put up with a man for 4 years who did this to me. he beat me, called me names and cheated on me, then turned it around to make me feel like it was my fault. he evn slept with my best friend. pushed me through a door, slammed my head into a window. but theres only so much a person can take before you say enough. i wish it didnt take me 4 years. but a bit after him, i was dating another guy, and the pattern started to fall the same. but i learned from the previous guy. i became strong. and i stood up to him, and did NOT let him do that to me. so learn from your experience. it makes you so much stronger.  | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/7/2005 6:47:05 AM | I had constant mental abuse by my ex fiance. I am usually quite a strong person. For some reason he had the ability to break me down and make me one of those weak females that wouldn't stand up for herself. Which I said I would never happen to me. Now that we are not together I am now my strong person again, and I promised myself that I will never let that happen again.
  Julya | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 11/30/2005 1:16:09 PM | I have also sufferd at the hands of an abuser. I started daiting him right out of high school.. and everything was wonderful in the begining, then he talked me out of going to university. then I got pregnant.. then everything really started changing.. name calling, shoves..it stedaly got worse. after my son was born then the s**t really hit the fan... later on i got pregnant 2 more times with my girls. Not only did he abuse my in front of the kids.. he also hit them as well when he wanted me to hurt more. he tryed killing me, and finally the last straw was when I read a book about an abused woman called "Whispers".. That book helped me.. its been 4 years since i left and other than issues ..lol...i havent been happier...
Happy you are out of the situation  | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 12/27/2005 3:54:28 AM | | Back when I was married( I am now divorced, THANK GOD), I was mentally/verbally abused. Also he was VERY controlling with the money. My now ex, he was also abusive towards our son, by manipulation and threats and would always pick a fight with our son ON purpose. He also sexually abused our daughter when she was 10, yes that is her real father. The sexual abuse was MUCH harder to deal with though. To this very day, both my daughter(who is now 16) and I have trust issues. I know that I NEVER want to get involved with an abusive man and if I meet someone on here and he shows signs of abuse, I will run the other way. | |
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Wulfie
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Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 71 | |
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 12/27/2005 4:48:56 AM | Yes my 1st husband was very violent, he nearly blinded me and is the reason I use a guide cane now.......... and my last husband was mentally abusive, totally destroyed my self-esteem and made me feel less then human.........
Took a long time to work through the damage and find myself again........... 13 years later I can say I am stronger and better in every way, then I was in those days........... Yes, I bear the scars, and my life would have been very different if it had not happened. However I have no wish to change the past. All I went through has served to make me the person I am today and I LIKE who I am today. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 12/27/2005 6:52:36 AM | Im sorry to all you women who went thru' all the abuse.. I did too, but can't talk about it now. I'm wondering how many of these situations involved alcohol? Also, its been 2 years, how long does it take to trust, and get your self-esteem back?
Happy New Year and Peace to you all.. | |
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a_vamp
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Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 73 | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:52:07 PM | What I don't understand, is why is there such wonderful women lining up to date men that treat them so bad?
The minute one smartens up and leaves someone who is mentally abusing them, there is another gal just waiting to jump in and take her place... | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 8/30/2008 1:52:51 PM | hi ya tina,
i was abused physically and mentally for 3yrs,i walked away stripped of everything,but ten yrs down the line,im a stronger person,who has found her feet,regained my personality,and i came to relise that there was nothing wrong with me.men who abuse are very insecure,and have usually been abused themselves,there very clever at manipulating people.
so you keep going,there is light at the end of the tunel. | |
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