| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 1:40:14 AM | I was emotionally and mentally abused by my husband. Little by little I accepted treatment and forgave things I never should have. When it happens very slowly, very subltly, you tell yourself that it's not abuse, that you are just overreacting.
Eventually, your whole personality gets erased. I'm working to recover mine, but it's hard to work through your past whilc trying to build a present and look for a future. Even after you get them out of your life, the issues they created inside you can come up and grab you or cloud your thinking just when you get a great opportunity for the present or for the future. It's such a part of your history that when you're getting to know someone, it will inevitibly come out. I see that a lot of people do not want to deal with anyone with any kind of history. | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 2:04:47 AM | It takes great courage to stay within an abusive marriage
and
tremendous strength to leave.
The relief and weight lifted from your shoulders when you become "you" again is priceless.
Remember: ALWAYS BE KIND TO YOURSELF...........YOU ARE WORTH IT. | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:32:24 AM | It takes great courage to stay within an abusive marriage
and
tremendous strength to leave.
The relief and weight lifted from your shoulders when you become "you" again is priceless.
Remember: ALWAYS BE KIND TO YOURSELF...........YOU ARE WORTH IT.
FROM POLOR111...
BEAUTIFUL... | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:53:38 AM | I have been mentally, emotionally and physically abused by three of my husbands. One mentally and emotionally, the second mentally and emotionally and the third all three....Wow!
My children suffered from my indescretions and still struggle in relationship issues. I've felt deep guilt and shame as a result of it, even though I, myself was a victim.
I love who I am now...a much stronger woman deep in wisdom and much, much more aware of the possibility for that to happen again.
I've received counseling and have read several books on the topic, have come to an understanding of the way people think and behave and am much happier now than I have ever been.
Each man was charming, intelligent, but in street ways, not in true deep wisdom. None of them had a love for God or followed any tenet other than their own manmade one from their own imagination.
I'm now hoping some day to meet a man who is deep and caring, who is aware each and every day of his temporal existance and his need for guidance from an Eternal God. I want a tender man with morals and respect for women. I want a man who respected his parents and his mother and sisters in particular, who loves children and is a provider and protector.
I can and do make it quite well on my own and am a very strong woman, I could physically take a man down now because of the self defense classes I've taken, I am financially stable and surprise myself daily at how many issues in life I handle so very well and God has truly blessed me with an exceptional body.
My best wishes to you and my truest sympathy. Life can and will get better and you will survive, not just survive, but take the past by the horns and make it work for you. Don't remain a victim, be a winner in every respect. | |
|
| |
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:28:35 AM | | To add more to my postMy 15 yr old daughter went to his home after the split His son 23 had flirted heavy with her. He already had a girlfreind 16 with a baby16 months old from another guy. They always told new people she was 23. She drank a great deal with them. She was a bad mother . The baby was a burdon when I met the girl.The guys always her offered her pot, drinks . She said all three were so creepy.They If I phoned there to check on her theyd lie that she wasnt there when she was. They took her places I`D NEVER APPROVE OF! Insisted they buy my 14 yr old a prostitute for his birthday. Sick! Always shot at the Canadian geese , beaver, neighbors dog. On Kal lake. Fire cracker thrown into schools of fish. Always threatened with guns.Have many threatening texts saved fro the nephew.In the summer the ex attacked my daughter 15 at the time. She asked him to be polite to us he was fighting with his son oiver a ski boat his son bought. He claimed it was his boat. He always claimed he bought !he owned every! He always wanted power and control! His attack on my daughter was witnessed by a off duty cop and his retired probation wife. they got us to safety. He had huge issues of erectile disfunction and no matter how supportive I was he raged it was my fault.The ex had a huge issue with the sons girlfreind always spoke he had to get rid of the ****!He wanted his son back . The three guys always belittle the girl for weight gain said shes going to look like shit in the summer.The son tried to control her! Like the father did to me .wE AS FEMALES WERE ALL TWO TIMED ON! Neither of us were letting it happen! THE THREE WERE CLUNG TO EACH OTHERS HIP! NO! FEMALE CAME FIRST NO MATTER WHAT !. THEY WOULD DROP FEMALES LIKE A HOT POTATOE IF ONE OF THEM WANTED TO DO SOMETHING ELSE.i NSURANCE SCAMS THEY TRUMPED UP! TO PAY RENT. THE NEPHEWS MOTOR BIKE SCAM.TO SUPPORT A COCAINE DRINKING HABIT. THERE ARE STILL KIDS AROUND THESE GUYS AND ITS A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE ONE KILLS SOME ONE! | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 10:27:57 AM | | I AM A STRONG INDEPENDANT WOMEN! THERE IS NO MAN OR WOMEN WHO WILL EVER BREAK ME DOWN! I VALUE MYSELF AND OTHERS TOO MUCH! I POST PARTS! THERES ALOT MORE! OF MY ABUSE EXPERIENCE TO SUPPORT PEOPLE WHO ARE CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP OR COMMEND THE ONES THAT GOT OUT ALIVE! THIS IS A MESSAGE OF YOU CAN GET OUT SAFELY! I`M AFRAID FOR THEIR NEXT VICTIMS! I WAS NEVER AFRAID!!!!! I WILL NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE IN ORDER TO SAVE ANOTHER. THERE ARE STILL KIDS INVOLVED! THEY ARE NOT SAFE. YES!!!! MINISTRY IS NOTIFIED AS WELL AS RCMP. | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 12:43:27 PM | Its a long road back to becoming" you" again.Most of the puzzel pieces have been rounded ,parts missing,picture roughed up.
I went through a spell where I played this game of testing your love. "hes mad now , is he gonna hit me or love me his time"sick game ,I know butI did this sabatoging my relationships for years .Not knowing I was doing it.Sometimes the guys would pass the test for a while but eventualy many tierd of the game quick.I did counceling and had to learn to trust in love all over again.
I occasionaly run into a person being abused and believe it or not you can sense the abuse radiating off them.You cant hide it from a fellow former abusee you see the hurt ,pain,shame. You want to grab them and run .Become a hero and save them all.You cant. Them leaving is their choice .They have to make that decission on their own. when your outside lookin in ,it looks like the obvious choice . But inside looking out ,its a scary big step.
You have many calling abuse , crying wolf when they are unfaithful themselves and causing extra tenssion in the relationship. Claiming abuse is the reason. You make the ones realy abused live worse .The athorities have delt with so many women with false claims they dont believe the abusee unless they see blood. or witness it. | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 2:26:12 PM | Yes, and thankfully he was the only one. And I learned from that horrible mistake.
I can see the signs much clearer and quicker now.
I have been single for as long as I have now in part due to the abuse I suffered from the person who was supposed to love, cherish and protect me.
I am very cautious about who I allow into my life. | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 2:54:15 PM | Hey I stayed with a woman who cheated multiple times and even married her. I still consider what she did to be mentally abusive, however I do know that I was just stupid too. The other emotional abuse came from her after we were married. Why did I stay in it ? Because I had to *make* this relationship *work*. DUH!!
I'm willing to bet many believe they can make things work that they can't and that's why they stay in such crappy situations regardless of gender.
Many think that men don't get victimized by abuse either and that's just not true. It happens, we just don't hear about it all that much. Society (and threads like this - sorry for saying so, but it's true) would have all women fearful of ALL men due to the acts of a few real jerks. It's the old "one bad banana ruins the bunch" attitude. Hopefully many of you realize how unreasonable and unrealistic that way of thinking is.
I wish all of you who were victims the best and hope you learn that not ALL of us are like that.
Mike | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/14/2009 9:12:45 PM | | my ex wife would constantly accuse me of looking at women and lusting after them. i didn't like walking on eggshells. but she would imagine all these scenarios with women and belittle me. nothing could be further from the truth. i adored her. it took years for me to stop loving her after the divorce. of course she found a lover from work and was cheating on me. she married him 10 days after our divorce was final. i didn't date for years after ward. | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 12:57:08 AM | Yes, I was. I stayed because of my child, I preferred to be her target myself instead of him. When I looked for help, I was told that it was my fault because I wasn't being good enough. That I should have strived in doing things her way to keep her happy. That I should understand her frustration and anger. That if I proved her that I was worthy (mostly by being an obedient slave and ATM), she would open her heart again.
I thanked God the day she decided to pursue her dreams of happiness. To her current (?) boyfriend: Better you than me, pal.
That's why I can't accept man-bashing, nor to me nor towards my fellow men. | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 1:04:54 AM | It boggles my mind when I hear of men/women who stayed in abusive relationships. It's like staying where one isn't wanted. And it makes me wonder if they got into the relationship because they didn't think anyone else would want them so they settled for less.
~Beth~ | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 5:40:01 AM | "You may ask why I didn't leave sooner, but believe me when you're in that kind of relationship it's not that simple. These kind of people, since I've learnt, are very clever, and it is a gradual process of manipulation they weave over you. It's not something that happens straightaway. It is a mind control game to them."
Sweetina, Congratulations on your escape. i understand how hard it is to pull oneself togehter to pull away.
"It is due to the fact they wear you down so bad mentally that you start beleiving it ...
oskyangel, You also have gained a lot of insight from your experiences.
I applaud all women who have survived abusive relationships and not allowe dit to crush them.
My story was similer. My ex exploited my insecurities and beat me down mentally until I felt no selfworth. I suspect he was mentally unbalanced himself.
His motivation was financial. I had a greater income and perks like free air travel. He quit his job the day we married and when I did break away, threatened to sue me for alimony. Women aren't the only gold diggers out there.
I ended up giving up two houses, three antique cars, and all the monet I had to get him out of my life; it was either that or shoot him, and I wasn't about to give him my future.
Good luck sweetie, better days are coming. Be strong and try hard not to let your experiences keep you from finding a loving man who will treat you as you deserve.
 | |
|
| |
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 12:05:15 PM | Abuse comes in many forms.. Beware of sheep in wolfes clothing. Oh I care about you, don't want to hurt you. One time talking about the word and God and the next few min, talking about sex, all his sexual experiences with his ex.. What he was looking for..all about him. I got out of that one fast.
Mental abuse is sometimes harder to get over than physical, some one hits you, don't give them the chance to do it again. But the pain does go away, the other lingers on., so watch for the tell tale signs, and get out of the relationship. | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 2:39:00 PM | Hi
well about 4yrs ago i was with my ex, he was the first person i ever loved. i was only with him a year and half but i couldnt leave him, whilst growing up i vowed never to be physically abused by a lad since my dad used to beat my mam when i was younger.
so the first time he hit me we'd been together about 2 moths and i just thought that it was a one off then he did it again and again, i also ended up gettin into drugs with him which just made him worse when he didnt have any. but i still couldnt leave him the worst thing is he'd been broke up from his ex only a month when we got together and half way through our relationship i found out that she had an injunction against him, thats when i should have left him. anyway we had an argument one night and he blacked my eye so i went to me mams but icouldnt involve the police, i ended up going back to him after 5 days, stupid yeah i know but i did really believe him that he would never do it again. so the best thing that couldve happened to me was when he went out with mates and slept with someone else, but even after we'd been broke up about 3 or 4 months we used to sleep together until he got some new lass. it was the hardest thing in my life ive ever had to get over, but all i can say now is that im 100% better than he ever will be i dont take drugs, ive gotta great job and amazing friends who stood by me throughout..he is still takin drugs, has no job and basically leads a sad life so girls please dont take any crap from any lad, their simply not worth it us women might not seem strong but believe me deep down we are and we can rise above low lifes..
sorry to be harsh, but had to get it out
Lou x | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 3:22:07 PM | | hmmm that could be misconstrued as a mean thing but perhaps url etting ur insecurity and the fact that u, by ur own admission are heavy, add more sting to the statement..my best friend is heavy..i lovem like a brother, we crack jokes and sumtimes who knows..maybe we go to far but we all know its just bs talk....no one is perfect, and we all have our faults and flaws...enjoy life more and if the weight thing bothers u, they try to do something about it..i am sure ur beautiful...especially to him | |
|
Zain.
|
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 194 | |
| |
Zain.
|
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 195 | |
| |
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 7:23:01 PM | Yes by an ex partner... for 6 yrs she did all she could to make me feel weak.
she brought men home, threw used condoms at me. telling me how good sex was with the other men. she once even stood on my hands and cut my wrists with an electric carving knife... screaming how she wanted me dead, and why? cause she had to have a C section to bring my son into this world ! and didnt like the scar ???
that was 19 yr ago. she still punches and spits on me if she see's me.
but you know what.. I have my dignity and she cant take that. thats mine.
I have'nt hit back. and wont. Im better than that.
she's just one person not a reflection of all women. Its given me more hope of finding my princess . I know your out there somewhere ... and I will find you xxx | |
|
zas55
|
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 197 | |
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 7:57:57 PM | hi
sorry to hear about what u went thru, but it is all too common now, i cant see that it has to do with the way we were brought up, went thru, (bad or good) taught or taught to expect...it just happens, i was told i couldnt have children, then i had a child and knew her father was not 'the one for me'. we split when she was 18 months old and i focused on being a good mum and providing for my daughter, was single for 12 yrs, happy but lonely i will admit, but i then met a man that had sort of been thru the same, we dated became a couple and got married, my dream wedding, a beach in mombassa, only the nt before we wed we argued and he threatened to walk into the sea and kill himself, what could i do but obviously prevent this from happening??? which i did?? but then dreaded the wedding, had doubts for the first time ever with him? but went thru with it!!! my life then became a living nightmare...untill he eventually stabbed me...serious but not serious enough to injure me badly....i am now seeking a divorce??? i have no idea how this all went so wrong..but it did and 4 yrs of knowing someone just went out the window??? im lost, cant trust, and have been single for over 2 yrs.....how do i move on and trust again??? | |
|
zas55
|
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 198 | |
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 7:59:47 PM | hi
sorry to hear about what u went thru, but it is all too common now, i cant see that it has to do with the way we were brought up, went thru, (bad or good) taught or taught to expect...it just happens, i was told i couldnt have children, then i had a child and knew her father was not 'the one for me'. we split when she was 18 months old and i focused on being a good mum and providing for my daughter, was single for 12 yrs, happy but lonely i will admit, but i then met a man that had sort of been thru the same, we dated became a couple and got married, my dream wedding, a beach in mombassa, only the nt before we wed we argued and he threatened to walk into the sea and kill himself, what could i do but obviously prevent this from happening??? which i did?? but then dreaded the wedding, had doubts for the first time ever with him? but went thru with it!!! my life then became a living nightmare...untill he eventually stabbed me...serious but not serious enough to injure me badly....i am now seeking a divorce??? i have no idea how this all went so wrong..but it did and 4 yrs of knowing someone just went out the window??? im lost, cant trust, and have been single for over 2 yrs.....how do i move on and trust again??? | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/16/2009 6:52:46 PM | It's good to see a few blokes coming out with their experiences here too. I used to be a Domestic Violence counsellor myself many years ago and it didn't stop me becoming one of the statistics. Though it helped knowing the mechanics.
It's a horrendous, soul destroying experience for anyone to go through, male or female. For me as a man it felt disconcerting and hardest to me to be talking to a female "liaison" officer as part of the law side of things (macho bullsnott I know but there it is).
It's been well over 2 years now since she left (yes, she did. I stuck it out blaming "the worm", Implanon). The house and the damage has been fixed but the sting of the put downs still ring in the ears, albeit feintly now. | |
|
| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/16/2009 10:29:29 PM | Yes, Yes, Yes. I realize I am a jerk magnet. My counselor says they seek women out, like me. Kind, sympathetic, giving, nurturing. Then they test my love. How much will I put up with? I am ashamed to say, I have put up with a lot.
We lived on a private farm. Gates all locked at 5 p.m. I was locked in every evening.
He had the key to get out. When he came in the door, I had no idea what would happen. Is he in a good mood, was he mad about something at work? Was the house clean enough, the meal good enough? This was the 3rd chance he had. Yes, I actually went back for more. Bruises on my neck, my back, my arms, all covered up, so noone would see. The blows to my self esteem were the worst. Now I look for this, in every guy I date. That's why I dont date anymore. Too many show signs way too early of this type of controlling, manipulation. Fortunately, for those of us that know the true signs, we are able to distinquish the real, from the fake or unhealthy affections, and can cut it off in the early stages. We have learned bullsh**. And know it when we see it. If I have to be alone the rest of my life, at least I will know, I didnt allow another person to abuse me.
Sometimes, I think I will never put this behind me. There is just too much of it. Counselor after counselor have said, I am strong, independent. I wonder though. I think I am paranoid, scared to allow another person mean so much to me, to have that much "hold" over me, that I could accept that kind of treatment and actually forgive it. | |
|
Home
login 
